The Weirdest Jobs Ever

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i am currently being paid to 'visualize what the world will be like in 2050'

??!?!

tell me about your weird work assignments!!

― geeta, Monday, 20 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

new mentalist answers

― geeta, Monday, 20 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

getta hook a brotha up with a job!

― chaki, Monday, 20 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Bailiff. That was weird.

― Matt, Monday, 20 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hmm, better qualify that. I wasn't one of the go round to your house and rip your newborn child out of your hand types. I did the clearances afterwards. In central Liverpool. Shit-filled nappies and hypodermics, mostly.

― Matt, Monday, 20 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I once saw an ad asking for a "Primate Nanny". I've yet to figure out if it means a babysitter for monkeys, or a babysitter who is a monkey. Either way, it'd make a fantastic movie, like "Ed". Or that one with Clint Eastwood and the chimp. Or "Dunston Checks In". All classics.

― Ally, Monday, 20 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Best movie monkeys as opposed to worst movie monkeys. Where does Project X stand in this debate?

― Matt, Monday, 20 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"Bailiff" in England means baby-handler?

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 20 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

the assignment:going into chemists and informing them my husband had hemmorroids that were external and bleeding. long live the secret shopper.

― jessica, Monday, 20 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i am currently being paid to 'visualize what the world will be like in 2050'

The odd thing is that I also know someone who is doing this.

― Nicole, Monday, 20 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

cool! maybe we can copy each other's ideas! i've got a number of good ones involving aliens!

― geeta, Monday, 20 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"carpet roadie" for Emerson Lake & Palmer

― haloist, Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

first + last post on this thread right now also fit JOBS I WANT TO & COULD DO [A VERY SMALL CATEGORY. PLEASE HELP].

I think the carpet roadie's job was to look after the persian rug the ELP singer stood on during gigs.

― haloist, Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Bailiff in england means Baby handler?

Not exactly. But it might as wellhave jdging from the reactions I got when telling people what I did.

― Matt, Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Umm...I reviewed porn videos and books/magazines, wrote articles, and proofread copy for a publication ostensibly meant for retailers. I wonder if this is not so different from being paid to visualize what the world will be like in 2050.

Another job I held years ago during the summer was a chatroom monitor and techie at a sex show website. It was alternately surreal and numbingly boring.

I was celibate during both of those jobs. I'm not sure why exactly, although one of them was so exhausting that I had neither time nor interest in participating.

― Melinda Mess-Injure, Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

the world in 2050 will be the same in some ways, but different in others. It will definetely be 48 years older! :)

I never get any weird job assignments! :(

― jel --, Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I will be 90 in 2050 = it will be much worse than the old days, and I'll remember when it was all fields round here. The young people will have no respect any more, and they won't be writing songs like they used to, back when they knew what a tune was - I bet the kids won't even have heard of Eminem! And I'll remember when you could have a good night out and still have change from a hundred.

Since I have no children, nobody will listen to this accumulated wisdom anyway. A tragic loss.

― Martin Skidmore, Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

We should have Fancy A Pint 23,876 in 2050!

― jel --, Tuesday, 21 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I know someone who was a coffee taster for the greggs instant coffee factory

― Menelaus Darcy, Wednesday, 22 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

in the future beer will be no more, we will drink space drinks.

― Jarl'rmai, Wednesday, 22 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

in the future beer will be no more, we will drink space drinks

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 22 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Stop whining, Dan. They could be good space drinks. Look what they did to Brian the other day. ;-)

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 22 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Why can't we have space beer to go with our space drinks? The future is so UNFAIR!

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 22 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Because the space bartenders will not be able to mix them correctly in the space glasses, you craven fool! *hits Dan upside the head with a Rayo-Zapit-Gun and adjust shiny jumpsuit*

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 22 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

If space drinks are anything like blue WKD, I'm all for it.

mmm Alcohol that tastesd like nummiest sweets.

― Graham, Wednesday, 22 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hey, I really would like to know who pays to visualize the 2050's, I really would! Is it an org like DARPA? Some art magazine? Sci-fi writing is one thing I'm good at, screw them diplomas in future studies! Chatting with my boss (an ISP ownner) about the cultural changes the matrix and the grid will bring in our society is great but a bit unpractical. I need a job cue now please!

― The Hegemon, Wednesday, 22 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

2050 might be like 2002 was supposed to be. I'm particularly disappointed that I am still not wearing a shiny silver jump suit and a personal jet-pack. And my kitchen doesn't ask me if I'd like a nice cup of tea now. The pavements ("sidewalks") don't move. I still have to eat rather than pop a pill once a month etc.

― Martin Skidmore, Wednesday, 22 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Space drinks=alcopops. Jimmy's just trying to convince us he's not drinking girl drinks. Like a girl.

― Matt, Wednesday, 22 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

martin - no-one's stopping you on the silver jump suit. be brave!

― michael, Wednesday, 22 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Have we met, Michael? I have met a Mike from this board, I believe, but I can only assume that it wasn't you, as people who have seen me would not be encouraging such notions.

Besides, I will only start wearing silver jumpsuits when I get a matching personal jetpack.

― Martin Skidmore, Wednesday, 22 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Why don't you just make your own personal jet pack?

― Ally, Thursday, 23 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Space drinks? Oh, please. If the Jetsons has taught us anything, it's that alcohol will come in bite-size capsules!

― Vinnie, Thursday, 23 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Why don't you just make your own personal jet pack?

Well, Ally, I was just looking at the Darwin Awards website and I don't fancy being featured there.

One man wanted explosives to make firecrackers. He tried to 'open' a hand grenade with a chainsaw.

― Martin Skidmore, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

martin - i've not been to any of the Fancy a Pints, and probably never will now, since after last night i'm NOT DRINKING EVER AGAIN, argh

― michael, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Alcohol seems not to be compulsory at the Fancy A Pints. At least, nobody attacked me or threw me out of the pub for drinking orange juice.

― Martin Skidmore, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

A friend had a civil service job which involved keeping records of people who were too old/sick/mental to handle their own affairs but who had property/land which was of interest to the government. (Bit vague about exactly how this worked, but most were old dowagers/earls etc). his duties consisted of reading a daily report which mentioned if any of them had died. If yes - pass papers on to another department. If no, do nothing. He also had to read the obits columns in all the papers to see if anyone had been missed out of the report. This took all of an hour, so the daily routine was : 9.00-10.00 do the job . 10.00-10.30 - read Racing Post. 10.30 - go to bookies. 11.00 in pub early doors. mid-afternoon - stagger back to work to check if anyone has popped their clogs during the day. thereafter - back in pub for the rest of the day/evening.

I once had a job selling double glazing where I had to cold call people from a page in the phone book. On my first day the office manager told me ' don't phone anyone with foreign sounding names and put the phone down on anyone who sounds like a coon' . In the three days i was there I systematically deleted as much information from the computer system as I could, as well as arranging literally hundreds of bogus 'appointments' with salesmen. Last time I checked the company had gone out of business.

― Dr. C, Friday, 31 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

his duties consisted of reading a daily report which mentioned if any of them had died.

I think Gogol's Dead Souls now has its modern equivalent.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 31 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

seven months pass...

thread revival!!

i wish that was still my job

― geeta, Sunday, 19 January 2003 11:26 (twenty-three years ago)

geeta what was the key issue in 2050?

(dr c haha, i missed that post b4: u r my god)

― mark s (mark s), Sunday, 19 January 2003 11:47 (twenty-three years ago)

I was once paid to do my jobbies into plastic bags for two weeks.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Sunday, 19 January 2003 17:21 (twenty-three years ago)

And the thread dies again.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 19 January 2003 17:24 (twenty-three years ago)

When you work where I do your job is kind of weird every single day. I suppose that counts

― Millar (Millar), Sunday, 19 January 2003 18:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Domestic turkeys have been bred to be so breast-heavy that the males cannot properly get atop the females to mate. Therefore, some number of people must masturbate the male turkeys so that the females can be inseminated. Think about that the next time you think that your job is weird or gross.

― j.lu (j.lu), Sunday, 19 January 2003 20:51 (twenty-three years ago)

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