patently untrue words of wisdom

we are all familiar with the falsity of the old saw that "it's better to regret doing something you did than to regret something you didn't do." what if the thing you did was hack someone's arms off with a blunt axe?

list others here.

"if he's not interested in you, he's not worth your time" reasoning

"if you forgot what you were going to say, it couldn't have been that important to begin with"

i've forgotten some big shit in my time!

"time heals all wounds"

i don't fuckin know about this

"Why buy the cow if the milk's for free"

STEAK, MOTHERFUCKER!

ah you know what they say, sayings contradict each other

"Why buy the cow if the milk's for free"

STEAK, MOTHERFUCKER!

― Fox Force Five Punchline (sexyDancer), Friday, March 13, 2009 2:05 PM (24 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

bahahahaha

it's better to regret doing something you did than to regret something you didn't do

is that really an old saw? The Chili Peppers seem to think the Butthole Surfers invented it on Locust Abortion Technician...

Surmounter i think it's actually "time wounds all heels"

srsly

Jay: You know what they say. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Kay: Try it.

I'm not sure sayings are meant to be true -- they are just meant to be shorthand for the concept you're actually suggesting. They don't make an argument, they just summarize the thrust of it. Hence needing one for each of two opposite viewpoints.

"better safe than sorry"

eh. sometimes it's "better risky than bored out of your fucking mind"

"One man's trash is another man's treasure."

Unless it's trash.

"you know, when people get upset about something it's because they themselves are insecure about it." bullshit. i got upset at the driver of the number 106 bus this morning and it's not because i was insecure it's because he acted like a cock.

"it's not you, it's me"

uh, no. it's you.

that's what i said, it's me.

hehe

"There's no use crying over spilled milk"

TRY TELLING THAT TO A 6 MONTH-OLD MISTAH

"The sharper is the berry, the sweeter is the wine."

First of all, I think you mean "grape." Secondly, wine grapes are deliberately starved of water to concentrate the sugar in them.

"that which does not kill you will make you stronger"

riiight

i'll just keep telling myself that.

"You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs"

Ingredients:
• 3/4 cup Flour (whole wheat, white or a combination)
• 2 tbsp Nutritional Yeast
• 1 pinch Ground Turmeric
• 1/2 tsp Vegetable Oil
• 1 tsp Baking Powder
• 1/4 tsp Salt
• 1 cup Milk
How to make Eggless Omelette:
• Place flour, nutritional yeast flakes, baking powder, salt, and turmeric in a medium bowl, stir until well combined.
• Pour in the milk and oil, stir well to make a smooth batter.
• Let the batter rest for 5-10 minutes, and then stir again.
• Oil a 9" or 10" nonstick skillet and heat it over medium flame.
• Pour in 1/3 cup of batter. Immediately tilt and rotate the skillet to distribute the batter evenly and create a 5"-6" circle.
• Cook until the top is completely dry, and the bottom is deep golden.
• Carefully loosen the omelet with a spatula and gently turn it over. Cook the other side until it also is deep golden and flecked with brown.
• Eggless omelette is ready to be served.

"There's no use crying over spilled milk"

Yeah, the grieving process can be cathartic, psychologically healthy, and help us move on toward a positive future

To be fair, that eggless omelette sounds horrifying.

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

The tragedy was that Kipling's only son, Lieutenant John Kipling, was to die in World War I at the Battle of Loos in 1915, only a handful of years after his father's most famous poem first appeared. His body was never found.

It was a shock from which Kipling never fully recovered.

But... but... it didn't kill him! How could it not make him stronger?

To be fair, that eggless omelette sounds horrifying.

I'm sure you'll all understand my reluctance to GIS for silk purses made out of sows' ears.

"after a storm comes a calm" vs "out of the frying pan and into the fire"

"a person is known by the company he keeps" vs what about Jesus

"actions speak louder than words" and "a picture is worth a thousand words" vs y'all are pretty down on words, considering you're proverbs

Jay: You know what they say. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Kay: Try it.

This one is TOTALLY true. I'd rather be a lonely dude who was once in love than a bitter old man who had never experienced it.

it's a really clunky one

in terms of the actual words

I'd rather be a lonely dude who was once in love than a bitter old man who had never experienced it.

Whereas I've always sided with that dude who preferred being in The Matrix than living off worm spunk soup in a disused warehouse for the rest of his life.

"If life gives you lemons, make lemonade!"

what if the fucking recipe calls for just lemons? what if I don't like lemonade? What if I just want a little blonde in my hair? Don't tell me how to use my produce, bitch!

"Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me."

Fuck that. Fool me once, fuck you.

hahaha

that's a good attitude, i'm adopting that one.

"if he's not interested in you, he's not worth your time"

This one seems pretty sensible.

ok true, maybe i meant more "you're too good for him"

"a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"

a bird in my hand is only going to freak me out cos i'm squeamish about touching small creatures, and the bird itself is going to be greatly distressed. a pair of birds in the bush are at harmony with nature and themselves and are very likely to make pretty music for all to enjoy.

Yeah, that does seem true, because life is short and you can't change him. (Count the cliches in that sentence!) But I think what Surmounter was getting at is more like "You're too good for him!" Which is useful if you can convince yourself of that, but everyone knows it's bullshit.

xxpost

right thx kenan

the bird bush thing, i can't even wrap my mind around

It's like silver in the mine. Bird's doing nobody any good in the bush. At least, that's the idea.

Not sure where the 2:1 ratio comes from though.

If you put your whole self in the service of your dreams, they will come true.

This thread is, on the whole, one of the most willfully obtuse in ILX history.

"everything happens for a reason". Always disliked that one.

(not in reference to Aimless's post, which I agree is patently false)

a house divided against itself cannot stand -

actually, subdividing a building, and putting in internal walls that distribute force in different directions makes it stand up better in an earthquake.

"there's no hearth like your own hearth"

most households would not have the means to order a custom piece for their fire surround, so the economic realities will almost guarantee that there are many hearths exactly like yours (mass produced products are cheaper)

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself".

Also, what the hell does "a stitch in time saves nine" even mean? My kindergarten teacher would always say that and by the end of the year all of us children had perfected the WTF face.

i THINK it means like if you stitch that one stitch at the right time, then it'll save you a LOT of time in the future?

no maybe not

It's an advertisement for the necessity of commas:

A stitch, in time, saves nine.

I.e., if you sew up the little hole now, it won't become a great big gaping hole that requires ten times as much sewing.

See also bud-nipping

it's the same as "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure"

xposts yes

these particular bons mots have become especially pertinized lately vis a vis the whole "american society" thing

is bud-nipping what they do to young girls in fundamentalist cultures to prevent them from becoming women?

Some cultures add a bit of stitch-saving, actually

Haha Tracer I think further study is needed as to the different ratios involved in stitch-saving (1 to 10) versus preventative medicine (1 to 16)

what if the preventative medicine involves stitching? Do you then split the difference and say an ounce of prevention involving stitching saves 13 stitches of cure?

i don't think there's any preventative medicine that involves stitching.

you guys this is funny

"people don't change." yes they do. they get more uptight and bourgeois.

"It's the things you're most afraid of that are really worth doing."

"Honesty is the best policy" well now that wd depend what you're on trial for and in which State.

As a policy honesty frequently veers between self-destructive and straight rude tbh

Not an old saw, but Penn Gillette apparently says that you should try everything once, and if you're no good at it, give up. Bullshit! If I took that attitude I'd have given up everything I ever tried.

As a policy honesty frequently veers between self-destructive and straight rude tbh

truth bomb for sure

not exactly words of wisdom, but: "as easy as taking candy from a baby"

i mean..?? have YOU ever tried taking candy from a baby?

"as easy as taking the November issue of In These Times from a baby" perhaps.

come on, even you could probably overpower a baby

the lyrics to "When You Wish Upon a Star", ie The American Dream.

You're as young as you feel...

"A penny saved is a penny earned"

More like a penny saved becomes an investment bank's penny

once a cheater, always a cheater.
just be yourself and people will like you.
a watched pot never boils.

"There's good in everyone."

Meet my grandmother.

won't let you do a poo in her flange?

"It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission."

I'm sure it's true some of the time, but nowhere near all of the time. And its truth/falsity is a red herring anyway, because it's mainly used as a justification for being an asshole.

"absence makes the heart grow fonder" vs "out of sight, out of mind."

"everything happens for a reason" -- yep, God needed your three year old to die viciously as part of some elaborate plan.

I'm sure it's true some of the time, but nowhere near all of the time. And its truth/falsity is a red herring anyway, because it's mainly used as a justification for being an asshole.

This paragraph could be used for a lot of the sayings in this thread.

keep your head high and you can do anything

"Stay high and you can do anything."

'When you carry a hammer, everything looks like a nail'

"the pen is mightier than the sword" always said by a puny, 7 stone nerdling who leaves passive aggressive notes everywhere they go.

"Angostura bitters are lethal if you leave them in the glass"