Keeping Jenson Button Employed: It's cut-price Formula One 2009!

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Ciao, frieeends! It is I, Flav, welcoming you to QPRs rise to glories to the ILX thread for ze Eff One in two thouzand nine! First of alls my friends, I weep for ze loss of my fatta friend Dominic Passantino. My friend, he flew like Icarus, no? Maybe he should worn Benetton scarf? I have many of ze thingz in my Kenya mansions!

But my ILX friends I hoppa you can enjoy ze new season, no? We have a black man from Inglishesland and a mullet man from the Poland, no? We hava slicks back and my friend Bernie, he say thatta no recession in Abu Dhabi! Maybe I moor my bella boat there? She is beautiful, like my model girlfriends, no? We hava fun in the sun even when the RBS they call and ask where an old Scottzi man in the tartan pants is? What do I know, all I see is babes in the bikinis, no? We have many bikini, I have from Benetton!

Ciao,
Flaaaaaaav

PS: my frienda Bernie says thatta Ross Brawn, he have the brain with the brawn. In the Brawn GP! But friends, I ask you, does the Brawn have ze bikini babes? Or a moody Spaniard man? Ha!

you forgot to mention the new ultra-exciting reduced-mobility let's-have-some-overtaking car specifications!

Nice title. I don't know why I watch this sport.

for the laugh-a-line KBP posts tbh

2009 is the year of Kubicamania (unless McLaren are sandbagging and I'm sure they are), which is the reason why you want to stay watching.

Also: because if nobody watches, RBS are going to look pretty stupid.

God forbid. I'm hoping for a threeway Massa/Kubica/Alonso battle myself

but what I really want to see is more of this

lolllllllllll

rear wings on these new cars look absolutely terrible, the racing better be a good sight better to justify making the cars so ugly!

I'm not too offended by them, I've seen the 1974 Ferrari 312 B3 prototype which really puts things into perspective.

But that new Renault is even uglier than Max Mosley's ladies of the night.

YO DAWG WE HERD U LIKE FRONT WINGS SO WE GOT YOU A FERRARI WITH A SNOWPLOUGH

http://www.ultimatecarpage.com/images/large/2922/Ferrari-312-B3--Spazzaneve-_2.jpg

http://www.kidsplaystore.co.uk/ekmps/shops/kidsplaystore/images/tough_tire_trike.jpg

Apparently you can get rather short odds on Eddie Jordan being sacked from the BBC team by Silverstone for swearing. This information is from James Allen's blog, which is a new definition of kinda lol but mostly sad.

"we still drive cars"

good to know.

OK, so the World Drivers Championship is no longer going to be decided by points but by race wins. But we're still going to have points just in case both drivers have the same amount of wins. And because points are still going to decide 2nd to 20th. Or will it be decided by wins too? Or wins and then points? Or are we going to forget about that and have a catwalk showdown in Abu Dhabi which will see the triumphant return of David Coulthard as The Face of TAG Heuer? And they haven't mentioned the Constructors Championship yet. Maybe they'll get Ron and Flav to captain a Tug-o-War contest in a muddy Silverstone paddock.

Or the fact that deciding it on race wins makes it less likely that the Championship goes to a final race showdown which apparently television and sponsors like. But Blackshirt Max knows best, doesn't he?

All they really needed to do was make the points difference between a win and second place a bit larger. Say, I don't know, 4 points.

^is correct. The old 9-6-4-3-2-1 always seemed about right, I don't know why they changed it - and then acted all surprised when drivers stopped taking risks to gain an extra seventh-place finish.

that said, at least this ought to work for the benefit of exciting but unreliable drivers

New scoring system axed. Nine days 'til lights off - by my reckoning still enough time for three more madcap schemes to be announced, then scrapped.

the air of total-wtf unpredictability surrounding this year's championship will probably see me watch more F1 in a season than ever before

lol at Max bending over and taking the cane from FOTA.

Teams threatened to boycott Australian GP

Flav, Ron and FOTA are threatening to boycott the Australian GP unless Bernie writes them a check. Bernie's response to this is...somewhat animated.

"If they come in here with a gun and hold it to my head, they had better be sure they can f***ing pull the trigger," said the F1 supremo of Dennis and Briatore's threat. "And they should make sure it's got bullets in it because, if they miss, they better look out."

I should explain...you see, The Big E was the man behind the Great Train Robbery.

Allegedly.

In more important news, Robert Kubica has taken up ten-pin bowling.

Friday in Melbourne:

- Williams are quickest in practice; ROSBERG IS ON DIS TING NO HYPE
- Brawn were second and fourth fastest
- The stewards have declared those slight-dodgy diffusers legal, six of the top seven runners are using them, expect more bitching even if they are legal
- Lewis Hamilton kicks off the Championship defence with...the 18th quickest time in practice
- More FOA/FIA/FOTA bitching
- Apparently Beardo Branson is turning up today to sponsor Brawn

SEE YOU LATER TODAY FOR QUALIFYING

HEEEEERE'S BRANSON ON TELEVISION

"We've brought you The Rolling Stones, The Sex Pistols..."

In other words, it's now Virgin Brawn Mercedes or something.

OMG FLAAAV IS BEING INTERVIEWED ON TV

Australian television is so desperate for interview subjects before final practice that they're speaking to...Jenson Button's Dad.

Jenson Button is on pole, Barrichello is second. The world has officially come to an end. See you in the afterlife Paddock Club for champagne and canapes.

I love, it will be watching to see Ferrari and McClaren fanboys crying.

So...well, I still stand by the name of this thread.

Dumbarse Australian voiceover bloke: "Uh, that was the first Grand Prix won by a debut since 1954...which was by the March team...and they also had Mercedes power..."

I cannot even begin to tell you how wrong that statement is.

But OMG IT'S LEO SAYER

Nice synchronised juice-drinking from Barrichello and Button in the post-race interview.

Trulli gets a 25 second penalty for Safety Car antics, Hamilton is OMG THIRD!!11!1!!1!

have they won the anti-mclaren appeal yet?

so much for those sex points lolololololol: http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2009/apr/02/lewis-hamilton-disqualified-australian-grand-prix

so much for those six points lololololol: http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2009/apr/02/lewis-hamilton-disqualified-australian-grand-prix

Nelson laugh.

All manner of fucking lols in Malaysia.

getting out the paper towels!

Will be tuning in later for highlights of Kimi Raikkonen eating a Magnum.

What better way for the BBC to sum up all the excitement of F1 than with a mumbly indie cover of "Umbrella"? Maybe even outdoes acoustic foo Fighters last week, which is an achievement

Tune in next week as The Feeling tear thru "Three Wheels On My Wagon"

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/formula_1/article6037246.ece

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THE EXCITEMENT THAT IS A MAN EATING AN ICE CREAM

Tune in next week when Robert Kubica eats a Cornetto!

It was like Aesop's fable of the hare and the tortoise, except that instead of going to sleep, the hare just walked the second half the race and beat the tortoise easily.

Or you could say it was like Oasis releasing a comeback single and clocking up big fanbase sales on Monday, while Calvin Harris's single sells fairly steadily during the rest of the week but doesn't get anywhere near number one.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/chrischarles/philbrownsing595.jpg

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MUH FRENZ

I will go out and say that Jenson deserves his title even less than Mike Hawthorn did.

how did Hawthorn not deserve it? or Button?

Hawthorn didn't deserve it by not being Stirling Moss (but he wore a bow tie while racing, so all was forgiven).

Jenson Button doesn't deserve it because...he's Jenson Button but just lucky enough to have that Brawn diffuser stuck on the back of the car.

He's a perfectly worthwhile champion - he won twice as many races as anyone else - it's just that being a Formula One world champion isn't worth very much.

OK, well, I guess he's no Barrichello. He's a bit better than that.

Enough of the boring racing stuff, time for the real excitement: The FIA Presidental Election!!

Tremendous end to the season for the world champion, there.

can't get the phrase 'oobie doobie grand prix' out of my head

this track is hilariously excessive!

"The pit exit looks like your shopping centre car park" quickly got old.

Maybe it's me but I LIKE the older circuits that have interesting layouts rather than a grotty combination of Magny-Cours with a fancy pants hotel enveloping one of the corners.

Best new track this decade apart from Istanbul, but that isn't saying much.

Also: I was bored by the race despite the short dustoff between Australia's Mark Webber (TM) and World Champion Jenson Button (TM). And Killer Kamui Kobayashi!!

Post-season LOLz:

- Bridgestone is withdrawing at the end of next season! I doubt Michelin will step into the breach.
- Barrichello is joining Williams for reasons beyond me. Maybe being in a winning team was too much for Old Man Rubens.
- Still 18 seats to be confirmed!!

I suggets Bernie asks Kwik-Fit to supply tyres.

four hour pitstops featuring ten tea breaks and fifty fag breaks here we come.

(I'm not sure that Brawn were especially interested in keeping Rubens on, were they?)

Nah, I'm sure they wouldn't.

Expect Nico Rosberg to get that Brawn seat as part of the Mercedes deal.

BBC site's running a few retrospectives on this 'brilliant'/'incredible' season. Not the words I'd choose, it's been one of the dullest I can remember.

Heaven needed a Jarno Trulli.

Japanese automaker Toyota says it is pulling out of Formula One racing.

Toyota president Akio Toyoda said at a news conference Wednesday the company wants to focus on its core business.

Putting a bet on Timo Glock winning the 2010 championship for the Pepsi Raw Volkswagen Group China team.

Heaven needed a few billion wasted dollars.

Anyway, we're coming so much closer to the 1968-1980 la belle epoque it's not funny. Just with a few Mercedes engines mixed up un that sea of Cosworths.

German car giant Mercedes has bought the Brawn Formula 1 team in a move that is likely to see Jenson Button join McLaren as Lewis Hamilton's team-mate.

Mercedes will buy a controlling interest in Brawn, believed to be 75% but is expected to continue as McLaren's engine supplier.

Brawn, who won both world titles in their debut season in 2009, will be rebranded as the Mercedes GP team.

Nico Rosberg will be their lead driver, with Nick Heidfeld his likely partner.

Neither driver has yet been confirmed, but Rosberg, who drove for Williams in 2009 is widely known throughout F1 to have already signed for Brawn.

Button, who won the drivers' title this year, has been trying to secure a pay-rise from his £3.5m salary but it seems Mercedes is not interested in keeping him on.

lolololololll

Enjoy being Irvine to Hamilton's Schumacher, big man.

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Fangio, Moss...Heidfeld?

Wall-to-wall Brits v Krauts - next year's coverage is going to be insufferable.

Goodbye Ross Brawn, Hallo Ross Von Braun!

Eva Brawn

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looool

Jenson Button is in employment. Kimi is not. Guess who's earning more?

I'm gonna say "Kimi".

he'll have an entire year to devote solely to falling off boats

I am all about Kimi's attitude - "can't get a good enough drive? Fuck it, I'll go rallying."

Don't worry, McLaren will come crawling back to our favourite alcoholic from Helsinki once they realised that they've employed Jenson Button.

Fittipaldi, Lauda, Prost, Senna, Hakkinen...Button?

RIP Donington, heaven needed a constuction site.

btw I never thought I'd ever see this headline in my lifetime: "Lotus considering Jarno Trulli"

Trulli & Kovalainen to "Lotus" then. I forgot that Kovalainen was still in F1, tbqh.

So, Richard Branson is funding Nick Wirth to build a car using CFD only in quite possibly his worst investment since Tubular Bells.

http://cdn.virginracing.com/1260895830/galleries/launch/03_launch_timo.jpg

Timo Glock...Rockist?

Beardy's jacket is worryingly tight there

Sorry about the bad news, Nick Heidfeld.

Alonso will be loving it now he'll have a decent car again - him repeatedly going out of his way to slap Schumi down in 2005 and 2006 was top watching

Hoping that Massa comes back strong and smashes Senor Grumpy.

Worst Schumacher-Mercedes Headline: "Mind The Benz"

Guess who just won in Shanghai

Bidding war brewing for next year's KBP thread title zing

oops. Maybe this one should be locked :-/