GIRLS, was your first steady boyfriend an asshole?

move poll to ILE?

No, my first steady boyfriend was actually a lovely, lovely, incredibly sweet and sensitive and kind young man.

But, basically, my "best friend" at the time coerced me and manipulated me into breaking up with him so she could go after him (with my "blessing") and I was too stupid and too naive and too insecure to actually not go along with it - I was more terrified of losing my best friend than the boyfriend.

If I could edit my past, I'd have told her to f*ck off. Thing is, he had a massive attack of guilt and dumped her and ran away and joined the army, and when he came back, basically begged me to get back with him. I really couldn't stomach life as an army wife at the age of 19, though. But he was an absolute gem. a sweetheart.

And I probably utterly destroyed him because I was too under the influence of that awful girl. :-(

my first boyfriend was an asshole

There are no girls on this forum, this is the problem. :-/

My first gf was bipolar, but her first bf was a total sociopathic dick so I voted yes on her behalf.

bummmmmp in order to find out what hole this fell into when i moved it

No, my first steady boyfriend was actually completely awesome. My college bf, on the other hand, was a complete dick.

i voted yes.

He was an emotionally abusive asshole who liked to tell me how stupid and codependent I was ("codependent" was the buzzword of the day). After he spent a lot of evenings making me cry, I realized he was a jerk and broke up with him. He was really surprised.

high five sara i love you and not only for breaking up

Nath, you are dear.

Honestly, of all the guys I have ever dated/kissed/whatever, this guy is the one I would not pee on if he were on fire. Everyone else was brilliant compared to him, even the guy who didn't know that women could have orgasms (actually, he was just hilariously clueless).

I am trying to remember who this was but all I keep thinking is T0m K

yes, if you consider dumping me because I didn't "put out" as soon as he thought "girls like me" did asshole behavior.

No, my first boyfriend was a lovely, lovely man who has made my entire adult life possible. I <3 him massively and I have never been prouder of him than I was when he married someone else.

first steady was also sensitive type, but then subsequent two were pretty assholish!

my first 3 went: asshole - sensitive - asshole.

he was an asshole insofar as he got jealous when I beat him at video games, to the point where he would grab my controller away and attempt to sabotage my success.

other than that, he was alright. second one was definitely an asshole, though.

i think its hilarious that lorax was so emphatic that we only gather this info from GIRLS

the trend that seems 2 b emerging is that u guys rebound from nice guys by dating assholes

dammit salsa, only having two boyfriends ever must be weird

the trend that seems 2 b emerging is that u guys rebound from nice guys by dating assholes

they wanted to find out what they were missing

in my case, I dumped the nice guy for an asshole.

there is not a choice for "emphatic yes" but i voted yes

My first BF was awesomely sweet and I thought he was thebees knees.

He's since turned into a complete football bogan VB tshirt wearing boring person and we've nothing in common whatsoever any more.

both the assholes I dated have phds now. It's weird thinking about it.

The asshole I dated (2nd long term bf I guess?) was and is a raging alcoholic, emotionally abused the hell out of me, has since been hospitalised at least once for cirrhotic complications and now, I am reliably informed "looks like a drunk Gollum". Which I could totally imagine. *shudder*. I dont even feel schadenfreude, I just feel ill when I think about him.

^^ ugh, I would, too! My assholes weren't that bad. Well, asshole #1 was more of a garden variety immature jerk.

http://www.serkis.com/images/0033.jpg

trayce's ex boyfriend, yesterday

Hah - make that a skinny freak and you're not far off.

xxxxpost to HI DERE: honestly, T0m K. would have been a much better choice. (And I never even kissed him, so get your mind off of him, would ya?)

my first boyfriend was very nice, all of them have been pretty much - only short term flings were douchebags

I voted no because I was thinking of my first long-term boyfriend. I had conviently forgotten about the one before him that only lasted a couple of months. Yes, he was an asshole, along the lines of what sarahel describes upthread.

And of course, HE dumped ME.

(xxxxxpost) Man, that dude from the White Stripes has really let himself go, hasn't he? :-(((

I am my girlfriend's first boyfriend, and I just bought her £150 Dior sunglasses, and sold her old ones on ebay for her (well, I'm keeping the money), so I'm gonna vote no, because I'm fucking ace.

Is she 14?

but you're very insensitive to be spending £150 on sunglasses in these tough economic times. gotta find a balance.

xpost

Why's it insensitive? I'm keeping the economy ticking over!

Asshole, but very loveable asshole. But asshole, yes.

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

bump...poll

I’m half glad none of the girls I’ve been out with seem to know of ilx, it'd be half horrible/pleasant knowing what they really thought of me.

i was my ex's first steady b/f...unsure which side I fall on...a month or two ago it was definitely "asshole" but we've actually started talking once more as friends so I dunno...I'll probably abstain

well this poll is for GIRLS anyway

I have never dated an asshole! Probably the reason I've been single for the last year is that my standards are so high, right?

I mean I have dated guys who were assholes at certain points but as they are people I am still on good terms with, I would ultimately say they are not.

erm last bum for more results ladies

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

loooooool

another victory, lads

47 - 13, landslide

wow, some people need to get their urges under control

yeah guys, nice job silencing our voices as usual

assholes

yeah guys, nice job silencing our voices as usual

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

loooooool

that didn't italicise very effectively

OK, are all the boys who posted/voted here saying "I was not anyone's first b/f a-hole"?

no, i definitely was, more than once probably too

LOL

there is not a choice for "emphatic yes" but i voted yes

― figgy pudding (La Lechera), Thursday, March 19, 2009 5:22 PM (eight years ago) Bookmark

just found out that he died :(
i have separated my feelings about the way he treated me (very poorly) with my genuine sadness for him dying
RIP man

That is sad. And must be strange to contemplate.

yeah i don't even know what to say. he stopped talking to me before we even graduated hs, then i had a brief and bland interaction with him at a reunion in the early 2000s and that's all i've heard of him. he had no social media presence at all.

I have one important ex circa 1996-2001 with zero social media/online presence (she was not an asshole, ftr) who I was happy to learn is fine and just doing her thing after my friend ran into her at an event in her town

I do not know if I was my first gf's first bf (we were 16 so maybe maybe not? I have never really been one to pry about priors) but my sober self assessment is that I was not an asshole while we were dating but broke up with her over the phone which was def assholeish. She has gotten to make fun of me on fb for that so hopefully it's all good

the drunk gollum ex i mention upthread also died! i felt ... nothing :/

I was an asshole to my first girlfriend but didn't realize it.

I'm still close friends with her and she'd never characterize me that way but still.

the drunk gollum ex i mention upthread also died! i felt ... nothing :/

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Wednesday, July 12, 2017 9:30 PM (two days ago) Bookmark

weird! coincidentally mine died from complications related to alcoholism :(

I did all kinds of things that seem clueless and mean in retrospect but it was a function of all these expectations of how I thought a good partner was supposed to be, and my unconscious railing against those things.

having a bad understanding of how to be with others kind of links back to not understanding how to be yourself, so I can understand you being a little sad, LL