Is that all there is?

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Or in other words: how do you get out of a rut? My life recently has been dull. Very dull. Exceptionally dull. I know what my dear mother would say, ie. 'you can't just wait for stuff to happen, you have to make it happen yourself!' Or in other words 'only boring people are bored'. Firstly, is this true? Secondly, can anyone recommend something I can do to drag myself out of the home/library/pub cycle and make something interesting happen? What's worked for you in the past?

― kathryn, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

This is weird. It's like reading one of my own threads. Are you my sister?

― N., Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

(sorry if I have breached etiquette by not introducing myself. I am a persistent lurker. I like the colour orange and I don't like mushrooms. Hope that helps.)

― kathryn, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I put an advert in SELECT magazine! Thankfully this is no longer an option for the young folk of today.

― Tom, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Possible mini-step: look at a listings mag, choose play/exhibition/something you wouldn't normally get around to doing and force yourself to go along.

Or else try the trusted 'spring clean the house' route.

― N., Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Going along by yourself = feel self-conscious, out of place, leave early having spent money. Cleaning makes you feel even more boring. I feel the same as Kathryn with my life except I don't even have the bloody library. Perhaps I should turn to hard drugz (except I am so BORING I do not even know where to buy them).

― Sarah, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Take a class in something: Yoga, kickboxing, pottery - whatever. You'll pick up a new habit and might meet some new people.

― Ms. S., Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hi Kathryn. It all depends on how lazy you are, ie. for a congenital idler like me the rut becomes like that sofa in the Reebok advert, and I can NEVAH escape it. So, either Learn To Love The Rut (mm, soft and comfy) or do what Nick said.

― Archel, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

My grebt top tip is every day for about a week minimum do something different from your usual routine e.g. take a different route to work, go to a different shop for coffee, have a new thing for lunch, accept an invitation you might otherwise decline etc. This sounds very much like the advice of a crappy article in some dozy women's mag but might help.

― Emma, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

sarah - that's exactly how I feel. you go along, feel slightly self-conscious, possibly enjoy whatever it is, then go home. It's a bit of an anti-climax.

Evening classes are good but I don't really have time at the moment. I used to go to one in watercolour painting which was quite cool. The teacher looked like Bob Hoskins. I do a lot of music stuff anyway which is kind of interesting but not NEW AND EXCITING. If you see what I mean. I think my expectations are too high.

― kathryn, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

GO TO ICELAND! That is what I am planning on doing anyway. Steal a phone book while you're there - that will make you happy whenever you are down.

― Steve.n., Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

NB the country, not the shop before any of you clever dicks think of being funny.

― Steve.n., Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm making another attempt to sneak into university, I can't take dole boredom any longer.

― DG, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Iceland is lovely. But expensive. The thing is it's all very well sitting around wondering why BIG different things don't happen but if you start doing small different things you will realise that you DO have the power to change your own life in some way. Oh god now I really do sound like a shitty mag article. Can I have a job please Cosmo?

― Emma, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I am confident that any dullness in my life is all worthwhile to maintain the mental state necessary for excitement, such as nights out etc.

I do have alot of routine but I tend to just waste time until Saturday comes along.

― Ronan, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

No I honestly think that a holiday is a fantastic way out of a rut. When you come back, you sort of see things refreshed. I know it's a bit of a lame suggestion, but hey, it works for me. I think it might be because I went for something like 5 years without getting out of the country, so when I finally decided I was going to go to more places it seemed all the better.

― Steve.n., Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Sadly I am slightly idle. Maybe there is an proactive dynamic person inside me waiting to get out. I think they need to try a bit harder though. It would be quite exciting if all the dynamic parts of me burst out of my chest in an alien kind of way. Then I could just get on with watching tv and...watching more tv. Possibly breaking for refreshments now and then.

― kathryn, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Watch a different programme! Sit in a different chair! Eat /drink different refreshments!

― Emma, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I was just about to say what Emma said. I've been trying to do this recently. Nothing major has changed, but good things have come out of it.

― Anna, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I've tried it and it makes me feel EVEN MORE BORING.

― Sarah, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Don't be such a downer Sarah! Anna & me are right.

― Emma, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Meh *sits and stares vacantly*

― Sarah, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

god i am so sick of this baiting bullshit. my life has not been dull - it's been exceptionally busy. stop fucking with me and provoking me and take a look at yourself. i'm not all that bored - it's that i've been too busy to do what really interests me. again, not your responsibility, not your business, and you certainly wouldn't know a damn thing if you hadn't done something you shouldn't have. which you wouldn't have done had you found me 'dull' in the first place. so fuck you.

regulars, please don't take anything here at face value.

― anti-troll, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Can I have a job please Cosmo?

BACK OF THE QUEUE.

After next week my life is [kind of] on hold until September. This seems hellish (I'll manage). Will my venture into, ulp, gainful employment help?

― Graham, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

STOP WATCHING TELLY!!

― Steve.n., Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Previous advice to a similar question, Kathyrn.

― N., Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

and i never watch tv, as you well know. in fact, before 9/11 i didn't spend all that much time on the internet, either. you dont' know me as well as you think you do.

― target, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

whatever it takes to make you feel as bad as i feel...i'm sorry that i'm so fucking weak that i can't make it stop hurting, ubermensch. at least one of us is human. far better to be human and 'dull'........

― dfakld;f, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't think the two questions are that similar Nick - if Kathryn is anything like how I feel it's being BORED and FRUSTRATED with yourself leading onto further feelings of self-dislike which aint much fun. And you look about for things that make you 'more interesting' and they're not there. I wouldn't put that under 'feeling depressed' which for me is a much more pervasive thing, but this is a kind of... undercurrent. Making sense? Probably not.

― Sarah, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

thanks nick. I have to stress that I'm not depressed or anything, just, well, a bit bored. I think the whole structure thing is good advice though (mentioned on the thread you linked to). I think I get bored easily because I never really have to do anything, except for the days before I have a deadline or the couple of times a week I have a seminar.

but you know, eating different snack foods is very good advice and is truly one of the few areas of variety in my life. thank god for the food industry and their many varieties of glucose and e numbers.

― kathryn, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

(PS - HEIN?!)

― where did i put my KAFTAN, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

For once Sarah I am entirely baffled.

― Tom, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

come to the next Fancy A Pint and meet all of us! (if you are London- based that is... um) being in a rut and bored is crap but what you need to do is work out WHY you are in a rut/bored. because it's fine to say, oh my life is boring or whatever, but to really get out of it you mst analyse your life and find the causes of boredom. then ELIMINATE THEM MERCILESSLY.

― katie, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

come to the next Fancy A Pint and meet all of us!

For the love of God, no - the girl is suffering enough.

― N., Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

no, what Sarah says makes perfect sense. becuase if you're in that situation you try "new!" "exciting!" things in the hope that they will fill some kind of gap in your life and provide answers and when they don't, you feel let down and even start to wonder what's wrong with you, that doing all this new stuff doesn't make you feel any better when frankly it SHOULD, and this is because doing superficial things like the odd change of routine can help but frankly isn't going to open up a whole new world of enlightenment for the most part. you have to take deeper action than this - if your job or course is getting you down, find a new one. go the the gym and get fit and buy some more clothes (this may sound superficial but my new clothes have cheered me up no end as it's a whole new image that i'm projecting, man). change your diet, fight for a cause that you've always thought worthy, become educated about something you've always found interesting. it's always what's going on INSIDE your head rather than where your body's at that needs examining.

― katie (the kaftan is MINE sarah!!), Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Joining the Cosmo queue ... once you've done one thing it gets easier to do the others. Go Katherine, go!

― Anna, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

In my case, it was writing the novel back in November -- got me out of both a general writing rut (or perception of what I could do with my writing) and, because it was for the NaNoWriMo project, had to be specifically structured so I could both pace myself and finish it on time. There's no one right answer, as this thread shows, but I think you have to let yourself get surprised at what you can do -- and then follow through on it!

And hello to Kathryn. :-)

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I think this is the kind of thing you could live with for years. I mean, I ended up having a long conversation with one of my best mates last night about his going out habits. Obviously I was a bit reluctant to lecture but basically the guy has been doing too much of everything yadda yadda.

But I mean it came down to this subject, he is in a sort of college routine and has no interest in anything really. So he works the same 3 nights a week and goes out the other few.

I mean I really really hate sounding like an amateur advisor to my own friend but I'm pretty sure I'd be doing as much naughtiness as he is if I hadn't got music and talking/writing about music as some sort of side interest.

I bring that up just because I wanted to suggest that this type of feeling is perhaps inevitable?

I also think the problem with people just saying "oh take up something new" is that basically you may not want to. I mean it's obviously no use to you unless you take up something which you develop a genuine enthusiasm for. I suppose you have to just find something which really motivates you, I mean that in a non condescending self help group way aswell.

I don't want to say that everyone must have something they could become passionate about or some hobby they've not tried waiting for them, but at least I'll ask you all if you think that's true?

Welcome Kathryn by the way.

― Ronan, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

....because this record, which i picked up in a thrift and never listen to, by the way, happens to be sitting near my turntable as we speak.

― Hotmail, Friday, 24 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, I have the feeling that I could go on like this for years, because there's nothing really wrong, I'm just in a bit of a rut. Which is a depressing thought. But anyway, thanks for all the advice. I am in awe of your collective wisdom and stuff.

― kathryn, Saturday, 25 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Home? Library? PUB? Sounds like a giddying whirl of pleasure to me! Seriously, I am trying to drag myself into that cycle, leaving behind the slightly less exciting 'home, supermarket' crowd.

― maryann, Saturday, 25 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Kathryn, the holiday advice is good, if you can afford it. I mean my life had just started changing for the better when I left England two and a half weeks ago, now I'm in a different country and after teething troubles I'm loving it, have had some fantastic experiences and, well, I wouldn't say I'm looking at things differently or thinking differently but I am starting to appreciate things, plus when I get ghome in a couple of weeks, I'll appreciate what I before thought was normal and roiutine as something cool and exciting. I'm even looking forward to the next fancy a pint, god help me.

― chris, Saturday, 25 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't know, I mean hopefully I'll have a bit more money at the end of the summer if i manage not to spend it all on chocolate and shoes (although I guess it might help if I actually get a job first...hmmm) but I don't really know where to go. or when to go. or who to go with. or what to do when i get there.

i mean I like where I live (Brighton), and I suppose people come on holiday here, but it would be nice to have a change of scene. It's all getting a bit samey...and all the men are unbearably PRETENTIOUS. And there's no proper beach.

― kathryn, Saturday, 25 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Brighton = peasy for Fancy a Pint

― Graham, Saturday, 25 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

hi kathryn.

i'm sad to hear that sarah feels bored and boring and such, i picture you having exciting adventures battling the atommick brane and biting peoples' nex0r num num blud blud, with occasional break for sossidge sangwiches??

― Ron, Saturday, 25 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Fancy a Pint = hmmm..quite scared at prospect of meeting so many ILE peope at once. Also whole train issue. But suppose it might be good for rut-getting out of.

― kathryn, Saturday, 25 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

start an all-girl rock band. (must be girls because girls know how to have fun)

― di, Saturday, 25 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It's all they really want.

― Graham, Saturday, 25 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

one year passes...

i like the last exchange in this thread here.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 18 August 2003 19:28 (twenty-two years ago)

I like the cut of Kathryn's jib, do you still lurk or are you non-existent round these parts (he asks enmeshing himself in a hopeless paradox)?

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 18 August 2003 23:25 (twenty-two years ago)

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