Our Glorious Golden BRITISH Jubilee

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Is your bunting now already hung? If not, WHY NOT? You will NOT be in league with These People. I confidently tender a trilogy of HOORAYS for our Glorious Leader who shall have sat atop her throne for half a century hence next week. I am glad to say stalwartly that there shall be none of these dreadful punk "shockers" to deface this national event such as occurred in the dark year of AD 1977. There are, instead, clean, smartly-dressed, presentable entertainers who shall pay the appropriate tribute to "Ma'am" upon her glorious ascension commemoration.

For our Leader is a symbol of BRITAIN! And you shall all participate in the jubilee glee as of next week, commencing last week, lest you else be labelled as a troublesome RADICAL ANARCHIST who would rather waive our waves towards the oncoming hordes of THESE PEOPLE. We saw them off at Agincourt, we dusted their bones with Domestos at Port Stanley and BY GOD AND SIR EDMUND WE SHALL DO SO AGAIN IF STIRRED EVEN SLIGHTLY! WE BRITONS SHALL NEVER SHAKE BUT THESE PEOPLE DOTH QUAKE! For as long as Ma'am is long to reign o'er us, we shall stand athwart the coming wave of the 20th century which would otherwise submerge us like a "socialist" Atlantis. Fie upon thee "Ex" Pistols! You shall attend street parties and dust bunting with elan. You shall doff your UNION JACK caps skywards to mark the inevitable ascendance to God's own Heaven which awaits our Glorious Leaderene upon her passing from this world - which, Lord God forbid, shall ne'er be save a FURTHER 50 YEARS! HALLELUJAH! GOD BLESS THE SKY OF GEORGE! LAY MY SPEAR ASKANCE!

Roger Bristol, Monday, 27 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

trill for the troll?

Ed, Monday, 27 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

LONG LIVE AHR ROYALTY GAWD BLESS 'ER VER QUEEN only one left in'she 'cos them other gels snuffed it OH POOR QUEEN MUM 'E 'ART WENT AHT TO 'ER I COULDNT SEE ME TELLY FOR WEEPIN' never 'ad so many tears since Our Ron and Our Reg were laid to a well-deserved rest so she deserves gold for 'er jubilee an' don't any of you anarchy cunts try an' stop us either we read yer book "NO LOTTO" even though the bird wot wrote it ain't 'alf tasty so anyways i got everyfink for next week 200 crates of meat pies bargain they was only eaten once plus yer jelly and the Andrex and lots of coleslaw plus yer BRAHN SAUCE an' chas 'n' dave singlong records none of yer so soppy crew poofy rap shit 'cos this is a BRITISH celebration innit an' all the kids are comin' along they fuckin' well better or they'll be gettin' a SLAAAAP with my STRAAAAAP so as will Shorran if she don't get a move on and give them kids us pies when the great day come but she's a doozy floozy so you gotta give her lee way but if lee shoves his knob into 'er i'll be shovin' 'is knob into a fucking CREMATORUM right GOD BLESS HIS MAGESTY

Chingford Tor Ascender, Monday, 27 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

HAPPY GOLDEN JUBILEE MA'AM HE HE HE HE HE d'you know folks at time of last jubilee was previous one ergo silver it was in year 1977 and all the talk around Acton was of those punk shockers those Sexual Pistols my they were a right pair of scamps remember Sid Viscous used to come to DDU and claim £2.90 fare for Gunter Grove why you could have spat on Gunter Grove from my office and d'you know those punk parvenus frequently did heh heh heh not a laughing matter at the time alas ooh couldn't believe what they did to Mrs Fervent's cheese and pickle sandwiches but it certainly wasn't mayonnaise and anyway was not going to prevent our celebrating queen ergo ruler 25 years sitting on the throne ooh she must have eaten some rock cakes he he he he he but no that is not treasonous but is so could pay trip to London Tower and not have to pay entrance fee for one is escorted in via water and Gate of Traitor I said is that as handy as Gate of Notting some good lubricants can be gotten from the latter you see but was not treasonous so had splendid Silver Salver Jubilee Joy in Acton and shall do so again if League of Friends Tombola star prize arrives in time from Domino Pizza don't see the point personally if you eat them up you cannot play the game nevertheless GOD BREATH OUR ROYAL SPREE!

Wally Klemmer, Monday, 27 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

next tuesday i will be a died in the wool monarchist/royalist. all day. if they give us another holiday, i will be a monarchist for that day too. yay holidays!

gareth, Monday, 27 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

JADE MUST GO

Alan T, Monday, 27 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

and Pj loves Teenwolf, what more do we need to know?

B, Monday, 27 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I do not care. Sinker should hang his head in shame. He has not only let himself down, but much, MUCH worse, he has let his country down. Is his debased debauchery supposed to set an example for Our Children to follow? NO player is greater than the team for which he plays. No, hang on, that is socialist talk - you are plotting to turn me into a socialist! Well it shall never happen, d'you hear? The so-called "Potters Bar Seven" died, not because the railways were justly privatised; oh no, it was because the railways themselves are still run and operated by SOCIALISTS - idle jackanapes who sniff their spliff all day and do not even bother to repair simple nuts and bolts. Well, they are MURDERERS and should HANG next to other subversives, e.g. Robbie Williams, Myra Hindley, Slip the Knot. You shall not dispute my moot and pertinent point.

Roger Bristol, Monday, 27 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

.... we'll keep the red flag flying here.

Ed, Monday, 27 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

'hwessel.com' = horst wessel i assume

stevo, Monday, 27 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You are a presumptuous popinjay, sir, daring to assume the mantle of the royal "we" which was scarcely worthy even of Wyndham Lewis (whose heart was on the right side). I stand for BRITAIN, sir, whereas you, who are doubtless a "long-haired" "hippie," are, I would reasonably reckon, barely able to stand at all, having ingested your thrice- daily ration of "turn-oners" as the lingo would have it. Your flag is red only by virtue of the blood smeared upon it by the millions of innocent victims of your Stalinist peccadillo. Observe you not the progress of this world? There are red flags no more. The world is turning as blue as the royal blue sky. And long may it stay as such. Your inglorious footnote to our story will long be disregarded, and rightly so.

Roger Bristol, Monday, 27 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

my red flag gas a black star on it.

Ed, Monday, 27 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Really? Which black star did you gas?

Knowing you it would probably be Patti Boulaye.

Roger Bristol, Monday, 27 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I heart Marcello.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 27 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I actually met Her Maj Queen 2 last year. Her face was caked in make- up ending in a thick line running along her jawline. She was doing a walkabout round my place of work. She looked bored fucking shitless.

I do hope Jubilee nuts will Google this thread.

DavidM, Monday, 27 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I saw the Queen Mother once. My dad took me to a race meeting at Sandown Park (the same one where I once recalled being chased across the course by John McCririck) and she was there to present some trophy - I lined her route as she was walking to perform said duty and then watched myself back on video. Now, from afar, it seems to resemble a strange composition in oil, of an old lady, some horses and an innocent little boy.

The World Cup coinciding with the jubilee is the best thing about it, in that at least something else will be all over the TV. And I have digital telly now so it's not as if I have to live by the terrestrial agendas. FWIW, the England football team commemorated the last jubilee 25 years back by losing at Wembley to both Wales and Scotland within four days - maybe the horribly anglocentric vision of the whole thing inspired the Celtic nations to play above themselves?

Robin Carmody, Monday, 27 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

How I agree with Mr Bristol. I have just been reading some back copies of Radio Times which I saved for posterity 25 years ago, because I feared that the traitorous socialist government of James Callaghan was about to destroy civilised British culture forever. They did not succeed, but those who did succeed in that aim have proven themselves to be far, far worse.

The Radio Times of 1977, and the radio and television programmes listed therein, reveal a nation of loyal subjects, intensely connected to their past through the mystic ties of blood and tradition. The people were kind, quiet, gentle, friendly and, above all else, loyal. I cannot believe the kind of broadcasting we have now, and the values it conveys, except that it is all around us, and we have to work out, somehow, how to get ourselves out of it. Now that the great Sir Richard Body has retired as an MP we have virtually no connection left with our former independence. If I do not survive this depressing "Jubilee Year" - actually a pale shadow of 1977 in all meaningful senses - I have asked for the phrase "He Died For England" to appear on my gravestone.

Yours etc., Lt-Col Anthony Sanderson (retd.), 31-33, Oundle Road, FOTHERINGHAY, Northamptonshire.

Anthony Sanderson, Monday, 27 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

five years pass...

^^^Could have sworn I was the only person on ILX to ever mention Oundle.

Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 11:58 (eighteen years ago)

Maybe I'm thinking about Olney or Little Doddington.

Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 11:58 (eighteen years ago)

Has this never been discussed on ILM:

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31790ZE886L._SS500_.jpg

Tom D., Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:01 (eighteen years ago)

Oundle's an odd place.

Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:04 (eighteen years ago)

Us inner city N'pton lads never really got the chance to see it.

Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:05 (eighteen years ago)

I mean, fucking Round Spinney was exotic to us Cotton kids.

Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:06 (eighteen years ago)

I went to see Northampton Town once when they still played on the cricket pitch.

Noodle Vague, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:06 (eighteen years ago)

At the County Ground, yeah. Used to get a bus to work down that road, when I was selling magazines to the blind over at Moulton Park.

Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:09 (eighteen years ago)

I had to catch a bus to Northampton recently! It's one of those places that I have no idea where it is, or what the people there sound like, or anything

Tom D., Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:10 (eighteen years ago)

The Northampton accent is pretty easy to obtain, just refuse to pronounce half of the letters in the alphabet, especially "g", "n", "h", and "t". "Eighteen" is pronounced, in Northamptonian, as "ay-ee"

Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:11 (eighteen years ago)

I've been to Corby a few times, the people sound like they're from Govan.

Noodle Vague, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:12 (eighteen years ago)

Indeed. Northampton accent is Midlands-ish, isn't it? I only found that out recently, I thought it was Southern.

Tom D., Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:13 (eighteen years ago)

Southerners think I sound like I'm from the Midlands, Northern's think I sound like I'm from London, so, I dunno.

Corby has the biggest percentage Scottish community outside of Scotland. Completely coincidentally, it also has some of Britain's highest unemployment and heroin addiction figures.

Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:15 (eighteen years ago)

From what I've seen if I lived there I'd try and be permanently high too.

Noodle Vague, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:16 (eighteen years ago)

They all went down to work in the steelworks, didn't they?

Tom D., Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:17 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah. I grew up in a little South Staffs pit town and we had a fair-sized Scottish population too.

Noodle Vague, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:18 (eighteen years ago)

I've been to Corby a few times, the people sound like they're from Govan.

Aye Corby's kind of mental - like a little pocket of Scotland in the middle of nowhere.

onimo, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:18 (eighteen years ago)

I've got (very) distant relatives in Corby!

Tom D., Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:19 (eighteen years ago)

Which were then closed down about 30 years later, yeah.

They're trying to sell Corby as the next big urban regeneration spot in the UK. Which considering it's by far the biggest town without a train station in England, and is about two hours from London, will be a bit of an achievement.
xxxp

Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:19 (eighteen years ago)

Corby smells of dry vinegar as well. I have no idea why.

Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:19 (eighteen years ago)

Sure it's not non-brewed condiment?

Tom D., Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:20 (eighteen years ago)

I too have relatives in Corby. My cousin's husband was born and raised in Northamptonshire and sounds more Scottish than me.

onimo, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:21 (eighteen years ago)

Scottish kids I went to school with would all talk in the same West Midlands accent as me until they were speaking to each other, then it was pure Glasgow.

Noodle Vague, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:23 (eighteen years ago)

I went to see Northampton Town once when they still played on the cricket pitch.

I think I did too. Was it when it only had three sides (the forth being open)? Or something like that.

Ned Trifle II, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:25 (eighteen years ago)

^^^Correct. I believe this question pops up in the occasional pub quiz.

Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:26 (eighteen years ago)

The ground had 3 sides, the fourth was on the cricket pitch and it was roped off, I think you could pay to stand there? Dom would know better than me. This was after Bradford, so due to restrictions I think there were about 400 seats in the whole ground.

Noodle Vague, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:26 (eighteen years ago)

xpost Yeah they were the last football league side to play on a cricket pitch but I think Sheff Utd did until the 60s maybe?

Noodle Vague, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:27 (eighteen years ago)

Oh, apparently Bramall Lane was used as a cricket ground until 1973.

Noodle Vague, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:29 (eighteen years ago)

I only ever saw two games at the County Ground, on account of only being 12 when Sixfields opened, and having a father from Palermo meant that a love of the Cobblers wasn't exactly instilled in me at birth (Giuseppe Furino, on the other hand...), so I can't exactly remember. I think you're right, though.

Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:32 (eighteen years ago)

A friend of my Dad's was a League linesman in the late 80s/early 90s so we used to go to all sorts of comedy grounds for free.

Noodle Vague, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 12:35 (eighteen years ago)

I mentioned Oundle public school in a laboured C4rmody gag once, I'm sure.

Matt DC, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 17:46 (eighteen years ago)

missed my chance to buy that TG DVD set :(

DG, Tuesday, 19 February 2008 17:47 (eighteen years ago)


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