STEALTH GAY DATE

back in 2002 or so i was in my first semester of grad school. i was involved with a small choir at my school, too. there was one other grad student in the choir, and we got to talking about our fields of study, where we did our undergrad work, stuff like that. when 'queen of the damned' came out, he asked if i wanted to go see it. i said okay. (the movie blew.) i thought we'd bonded because we were grad students and were older than the other people in the choir. after the movie, though, he said he'd like to do something else sometime. maybe he could make me dinner? it wasn't until then that i learned the truth.

it was a STEALTH GAY DATE.

has this happened to you too?

this is a scene in the popular film 'i love you man' and it ends in the flamboyant cop from reno 911 open mouth kissing paul rudd

I have instigated stealth straight dates in the past. Good tactic.

oh yes, i'm guilty of that as well

i was lured into a stealthy date once but as soon as i realized, i took action and remedied the situation as soon as possible.

stealth dates are bad espeically when the date tries to have stealth sex with you after

oh jeez

x-post ^ this.

ewwww how do you let it get that far?

that never happened to me it was just a general statement of what's bad in case u didn't know

Prediction: this thread will be more popular with the ILX gays than the ILX gay thread.

i was lured into a stealthy date once but as soon as i realized, i took action and remedied the situation as soon as possible.

was this done via a frank and honest conversation or by slipping out a bathroom window?

neither! my friend called to see if i wanted to go out while i was on the date, so i made the guy drop by her house and then take us out to the bar where we hung out with my friends. and then he had to drive us home. so we got to drink, him not so much.

this happened to me at lunch today in whole foods

ha ha ha haaa, nice!

xpost

Best thing about a stealth/ambiguous date is that if nothing happens you can pretend in your mind that it was never a date in the first place. Therefore it doesn't count as a failed date, it's just hanging out with a friend.

you can tell yourself that, yes

Love is tragic
Love is bold
You will always do what you are told

Love is hard
Love is strong
You will never say that you were wrong

I dont know when I got bitter
Love is sure better when it's gone
Because you wanted more
More than I could give
More than I could handle
And a life that I can't live

You wanted more
More than I could bare
More than I could offer
And a love that isn't there

Love is color
Love is love
Love is never saying you're too proud

Love is trusting
Love is honest
Love is not a hand that holds you down

I dont know when I got bitter
Love is surely better when it's gone
Because you wanted more
More than I could handle
And a life that I can't live

You wanted more
More than I could bare
More than I could offer
And a love that isn't there

I gotta pick me up when I am down
I gotta get my feet back on the ground
I gotta pick me up when I am down

[Solo]

I don't know when I got bitter
Love is surely better when it's gone
Because you wanted more
More than I could handle
And a life that I can't live

You wanted more
More than I could bare
More than I could offer
And love that isn't there

You wanted more
More than I could bare
More than I could offer

Because you wanted more
More than I could give
More than I could handle
And a life that I can't live

however stealth dates imply to me that the one being stealth is stuck in a no-man's land of nervousness

or the other person is practicing the art of pretending they didn't know it was a date

i have been stealth str8 dated fyi i just felt really bad when i realized and also like it was my fault? a little? for not being clear?

this happened to me at lunch today in whole foods

please elaborate!

I JUST SAW ILX USER "MAX" IN WHOLE FOODS

OK two things - yes, I have had a stealth gay date. A girl in a photography class I took a long time ago asked if I wanted to go dancing. I thought we were like, you know, just going dancing. I didn't realize that it was actually a stealth gay date until she kissed me. o_O Then all of a sudden a lot of things made sense. I should have probably realized it looking back.

Also:

stealth dates are bad espeically when the date tries to have stealth sex with you after

― fantazy land (harbl), Tuesday, May 19, 2009 3:56 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark

I used to bartend and once took a very very drunk customer/"friend" home in a cab because I was afraid he'd sleep on the street if I didn't. I was just being nice but I guess he thought otherwise because after I made sure he'd gotten in the door he turned to me and told me to take off my clothes and pretty much demanded we have sex. The cab left in the meantime and he refused to tell me the correct address leaving me to search the house for a piece of mail to find out where I was. It was one of the creepiest experiences of my life.

ugh Erica i'm sorry. :(

damn

gah that's awful

Thanks HS. Yeah, it was really shitty. I called my housemate crying because I didn't know where I was and he was being really horrible and verbally aggressive. By the time I finally figured it out and got home it was like 5:00 a.m. I told the owner of the bar what happened and they banned the kid from the upstairs where I worked so at least I didn't have to deal with him after that.

The worst part was that he was genuinely nice most of the time. I'd never seen him act aggressively towards anyone before otherwise I would have just left him to sleep it off on the street. In retrospect I put myself in a dangerous situation but I honestly thought he was an ok dude.

i've had to reassure dudes that i wasn't trying to stealth gay date them at times (often biting my tongue before saying "why the fuck would i want to stealth gay date you")

I attempted a stealth straight date once and felt really bad about it and never did it again, probably more because of the complete and utter failure of it than because of the shame.

Wait I might have just asked someone on one of these.

well, a straight one

but the girl in question is so difficult to get hold of that I doubt it'll even happen.

Happened to me once -- can't remember what I said, but I said something once I figured out what was going on to assert my heterosity, he said "oh", date continued as pleasant evening out (which it was) and ended without embarrassment or attempts at romance. I have had worse dates with people I actually ended up having sex with.

i know that feeling all too well.^

I have instigated stealth straight dates in the past. Good tactic.

― chap, Tuesday, May 19, 2009 3:53 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

uh, i've instigated stealth gay relationships

this is a totally awkward nightmare

Not a good idea. God forbid anyone do this to me, gay or otherwise.

but a totally flattering awkward nightmare, i should hope? xp

dude was trying to get me drunk on canned busch beer, not very flattering

did he take you to a toronto maple leafs game? /kith

no I might have been down with that. he wanted to play truth or dare :/

Was he secretly a nine-year-old girl?

If only a woman had stealth gay dated me in the past. We could've gotten tennis elbow together.

^_O

And I don't play tennis btw

tennis much information

would overhead smash?

dammit, broken string

Yeah I did laugh but you have to admit it was lame, like I didn't go out and emulate his style on a girl afterwards because I would look like a douche. Also she might not believe I mistook her for my boyfriend.

i don't think it would work on girl/guy very well just because the dynamics are different. i could see it working on guy/guy though

Does stalking count as "stealth dating"?

"Stealth stalking" is another issue entirely.

I have not bed Stealth Gay Dated, then.

I asked her to kick it/watch a movie or something thinking it was platonic cuz of the bf etc etc etc

― SQUIRREL WITH A PEOPLE FACE (╓abies), Wednesday, 20 May 2009 18:29 (17 minutes ago)

every time a guy asked me to hang out with him and 'watch a movie', I would automatically assume he wanted to bone.

^^^yeah, see? She wasn't being a bitch, I'm just kinda dense.

i was just kidding. i don't really think she's a bitch.
i'm her boyfriend actually.

ya.

SALTY DEATH GATE

TASTY HEATED GAL

:o

LADY GESTATE HAT

DEATHLY TEAT GAS

TATTED YEAH GALS

ATHLETE STAG DAY

TAT THY SAD EAGLE

DATE STATELY HAG

AY LETS GET A HAT D

YEAH LETS TAG DAT

anagrams are gay

grey naan arm gas

GAYS HATED LATTE

STEALTH JDATE

I guess the most uncomfortable thing must be being suspicious (but not sure) you are on a stealth date. I don't think I could go through that.

i'd imagine it's pretty easy to tell. or, i'd imagine the women i stealth dated could tell, since i'm so transparent. "oh, look, my hand just brused your arm. silly me! sorry 'bout that! oh, look, i just did it again..."

bruised?

http://nondatinglife.blogspot.com/2005/05/part-eighteen-nondate.html

bruised?

her arm or my ego?

uh

yes?

this just happened to me

TELL US

I am a victim.

I was walking out of the gym (Gold's- a pretty gay gym all things considered), and a guy held the door for me (no eye contact.) When I got to my car he saw my college's alumni sticker and started some conversation about going there for a semester and not liking it.

Then he said that he was "new in town" and that he was "meeting up" with some people later. He asked if I could suggest a bar for me to meet up with this group. I did. I showed up, and he was there. Alone.

So a stealth gay date, and a little bit of deception too.

TELL US

― Telephone thing, Monday, July 27, 2009 12:01 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

a pretty gay gym all things considered
no eye contact

good Pulp song titles

When this shit happens to you, you begin to understand how girls feel. Like when gay friends are like, great friends, but then immediately disappear when they find out they can't get some from you.

girls can do that too, you know

doubt its just gay dudes that disappear when they get to know u

xpost

haha except when done by women I think it's generally acknowledged as healthy and sensible

so confused

making eye contact while holding the door is an early indicator of gay intentions -- who could have known he was a stealth gay dater? he didn't make eye contact!

Actually Elmo one of the monthly straight-guy memos this summer did have a section about how we weren't taking any chances anymore, eye contact is out, urinal rules now apply across the board

Gyms, parties, job interviews, whatever, everyone is to focus on a fixed eye-level point on the wall and greet others via a slight nod and wordless "hmnnm" sound

i said "sup" to a guy the other day and he tried to put his tongue in my mouth it was terrible from now on i wont say anything at all

lol @ "urinal rules now apply across the board"

making eye contact while holding the door is an early indicator of gay intentions -- who could have known he was a stealth gay dater? he didn't make eye contact!

― there is no there there (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, July 28, 2009 1:56 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

come on, straight guys don't like to make eye contact when they hold the door for a guy. Usually they don't even turn around, they do the side-arm hold or even hold it with their foot.

When this shit happens to you, you begin to understand how girls feel. Like when gay friends are like, great friends, but then immediately disappear when they find out they can't get some from you.

― Spectrum, Tuesday, July 28, 2009 12:18 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

But don't straight guys generally hang on forever in the friend zone just in case?

well it WAS a pretty gay gym, all things considered -- maybe you should have taken that into account when you agreed to meet the dude for drinks. two guys, a gay gym, what did you think was gonna happen?