What else could go wrong for John Major in the next six months?

1. Neil Kinnock makes an inspirational speech at the Labour Party Conference and begins inexorable sweep towards power.

2. Accused of shagging Edwina Currie.

3. Pictured tucking shirt into underpants on live TV

4. Michael Portillo comes out of the closet, foundations of the Conservative Party shaken to the fore at having a bummer in their midst.

5. forgets suit AND vest and pants on way to Party Conference but no-one notices

6. John Redwood's turn on Strictly crashes Youtube

7. Chelsea taken over by dodgy foreign gangster

8. Ann Widdecombe dyes hair blonde and appears on GMTV

9. Phil Collins promises to leave the country if he loses the election

10. Britain expelled from the ERM as a result of an economic crisis the likes of which Britain will not experience for the next 50 years.

11. Audibly farts then follows through whilst laughing at a Kenneth Clarke zing during PMQs

12. Death of John Smith leads to rise of charismatic, decisive, Scottish Labour leader, who wins the hearts of Middle England.

13. Edwina Currie rolls up pissed at the door of number 10 at half past midnight clutching a Clearblue pregnancy test.

14. Hotly-tipped future Conservative leader pictured at illegal rave, undermining the whole Criminal Justice Bill

15. Invites Happy Mondays and Flowered Up to Cool Britannia reception at No. 10

16. Virginia Bottomley resigns after accidentally claiming her husband's 3 night video rental of The Little Mermaid on her expenses.

fucking laserdisc as well

17. Environmentalists decry Government's failure to burn unsightly fossil fuel stockpiles.

18. Overheard calling Sir Anthony Steen and Derek Conway 'bastards' thanks to microphone he did not realise had been left on.

19. Badly beaten by Macho Man Randy Savage during cage match at Survivor Series 93.

20. Gets more votes than any other Prime Minister in history and still looks like a laughing stock.

21. Rory Bremner does an impression of him with a silly voice.

22. Regrets giving Stephen Milligan that bag of oranges.

23. Future daughter-in-law appears in lads mag photo shoot wearing not many clothes.

24. Supports gung-ho US war in Iraq with unforeseeable exit strategy.

25. Tory MP found hanged in bondage gear with an orange in his mouth.

26. Chart-topping Manic Street Preachers single 'Natwest Barclays Midlands Lloyds' sends shockwaves through the Square Mile.

27. Affair with an older woman when he was a young man revealed- all newspapers carry photo of woman as she is now (old granny), instead of as she was then (quite hot).

28. England race to commanding lead in second test against Australia before a middle order batting collapse after lunch.

29. Narrowly misses out on job as bus conductor.

30. Revelation that his Chancellor can do an excellent impression of an owl.

31. Badly injured in car accident in Nigeria.

32. Second division baggy shoegazing band Blur scores a chart hit or two

33. Norwich City don't finish the inaugural Premier League season on top

34. Leaves DNA evidence all over David Carradine's hotel room in his panic to leave.

35. Seen dining with up and coming lobbyist, Osama Bin Laden

This looks pretty bad for him - can't see him surviving an out-and-out challenge to his authority from a member of his own Cabinet.

It's the right-wingers on the party you've got to look out for.

Yes, Gordon Brown really tore into him when sitting in for Blair on PMQ's. I think Brown will make a great PM one day. if I was Balir I'd be very worried.

or Blair even

36. Public decides it does, after all, give a toss about the destruction of the coalmining industry, several years late.

37. Record speed SB after admission of voting Tory.

38. Basking in the reflected glory of Euro 96 and Britpop, and with Britain entering a sustained economic boom, he calls a snap election and romps home to a stunning victory. His off-the-cuff man-of-the-people speeches from soapboxes chime with the public far more than the verbless platitudes of Labour's inexperienced and 'too posh' leader, Blair. His new overall majority is greater than any government has enjoyed in the modern era and should keep Labour out of power for another generation. But within weeks it all unravels when the Telegraph reveals that he put in expenses claims for frozen peas from a supermarket he had never even visited. In the ensuing furore he is swept from power and replaced by Robert Kilroy Silk from the newly-formed British Values Party.

^ not that far from the truth