I have been an avid masturbator since I was 8 years old (that's 88 years for you non-mathematicians), and I have had sexual relations with many women during that time as well. Although nothing beats the real thing, I still enjoy the private time to myself that masturbation provides. A woman's vagina is warm, slippery, and very "tissuey" (feels kind of like the inside of your cheeks). The best way I have found to simulate this is to get a cantaloupe, cut a hole the appropriate size, and hollow it out the proper length and diameter. Hold it steady on a table, in front of you and as you do your thing. It will get softer and a little mushy and pulpy inside, which will also create the proper suction value. I have used this method for almost 50 years, and it works wonderfully well.- age 96, Texas
― paulhw, Sunday, 7 June 2009 03:26 (sixteen years ago)
great scott
― the England guy that throws the balls (country matters), Sunday, 7 June 2009 03:28 (sixteen years ago)
After 50 years I'll bet it's DAMN mushy!!!
― nickn, Sunday, 7 June 2009 03:31 (sixteen years ago)
"tissuey"
― the fantasy-life of nations has consequences in the real worl (fields of salmon), Sunday, 7 June 2009 04:47 (sixteen years ago)
wouldn't a cantaloupe be a little small?
― U2 raped goat (darraghmac), Sunday, 7 June 2009 05:26 (sixteen years ago)
http://barfblog.foodsafety.ksu.edu/032408cantaloupe.jpg
― U2 raped goat (darraghmac), Sunday, 7 June 2009 05:27 (sixteen years ago)
Hold it steady on a table, in front of you
Too late! :-(
― StanM, Sunday, 7 June 2009 07:08 (sixteen years ago)
(feels kind of like the inside of your cheeks)
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 7 June 2009 11:50 (sixteen years ago)
suction value
― leave true black metal to those who don't deserve to listen to it (DJ Mencap), Sunday, 7 June 2009 12:25 (sixteen years ago)
What's the weirdest thing about this?
You posting it on ILX?
― snoball, Sunday, 7 June 2009 12:30 (sixteen years ago)
I didn't know paulhw was so old.
― StanM, Sunday, 7 June 2009 12:34 (sixteen years ago)
proper suction value
― beatboxing for lou dobbs (how's life), Sunday, 21 October 2012 23:57 (twelve years ago)