in every internet restaurant review ever

1. I AM NEVER GOING BACK THERE AGAIN.

2. having read all the negative comments i decided to give this place a try. and i must say i have to disagree!

3. the owner reacting with a fake account & getting busted (need to read the whole thread though - http://forums.beyond.ca/st/207500/capo-restaurant-calgary-tacky/ )

ha - was just going to post:

4. review clearly written by owner/owner's spouse/other family members.

5. Outraged foodies giving huffy one star reviews to mediocre no-frills chain restaurants

5. Fake reviews for innuendo lols

e.g.
I took my friend Eleanor up the Oxo Tower last week and I must say it was lovely. In fact,she has recommended it to all her other friends. I’ll be taking my other girlfriend Kerrie up there too. It is a truly brilliant restaurant.

My Husband has always nagged me to try it up at the Oxo Tower but, to be honest I am too tight and thought I wouldn't enjoy it very much. Well he finally convinced me to splash out and go. What an experience! The place was fantastic, the service was smooth and I had a fabulous time. I am so glad I let him take me up the Oxo Tower we would certainly be doing it again with some friends I hope.

I have tried to talk to my girlfriend into letting me take her to the Oxo Tower for the last few years now, but for some reason she just did not let me. So, as I couldn’t wait any longer I took my friend Gordon up the Oxo Tower and it was a wonderful experience that has changed us forever.

7. "I'm Chinese* and I can tell you this is the most authentic Chinese food I've ever tasted!"

*actually 3rd-generation American, and grew up in a white suburb surrounded by Applebee's and Chili's

8. chef shout-outs (whether or not physically present)

9. Vegetarian complaining about lack of vegetarian options in review of obviously meat-focused restaurant/carnivore complaining about vegetarianism generally in review of vegetarian restaurant.

10. "Too many hipsters."

11. the waitress was so rude! (the waitress probably didn't laugh at lame jokes)

12. "service was slow!! portions were sooo tiny!" (at a french restaurant)

13. Food too spicy/not spicy enough

14. refilling of water glass used as metric of service quality

15. bitching about parking

16. Unfunny witticisms, probably also repeated ad nauseum to friends and family.

17. "i'm giving this restaurant one star because i never actually got to go there." (from an actual review where the woman stormed off because the place didn't have a high chair for her precious little angel)

18. entrees referred to as "mains"

eh, it's not like "entree" is so great.

this one is letting the ..........ever threads down

(mains are what Britishes call entrées)

"Needless to say..."

gratuitous mention of significant other

people who say "we" without ever spelling out who "we" refers to. (this is a pet peeve of mine in general. it sounds really smug. "look everyone, i have a 'we'!")

sounds like a proud 3-year old british boy

14. refilling of water glass used as metric of service quality

― nabisco, Wednesday, June 24, 2009 3:56 PM

I feel that this can be viable, if only in a symbolic way. I worked for many years in food service, and the best(/and worst) manager I ever had taught me two things:

1) if the restaurant doesn't give enough of a shit to clean the grime off the front door, you don't want to see the kitchen

2) if the service can't manage to keep your water full, without being obnoxious and visible, they're paying either too little or too much attention.

In Austin you see a lot of transplants from places like New York or LA criticizing local restaurants for not being like ones in New York or LA.

^^ this is how we learn

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1440/1251786474_4f88a7ad9b.jpg?v=0

"The _____ was no better than what I could cook at home for a fraction of the price."

complaints re: lack of vegetarian / vegan options

the word "yummy"

"a little bit expensive for what you get"

"We will definitely return!"

"Mmmmmmm"

"I used to love this place, but after my last visit..."

"cool vibe"

"hot bartender"

"The _____ was no better than what I could cook at home for a fraction of the price."

yeah, this isn't really helpful to the reader, unless we know how well the reviewer can cook. i think it's fair to complain about price, as long as you have some idea of what goes into running a restaurant and paying rent on a space and recouping all the costs of doing business. i.e., you're paying for a lot more than ingredients; if this is a problem, don't go to restaurants.

i tend to believe that with "cheap" restaurants, someone somewhere along the line is getting screwed.

^ unpopular opinion, but a truth bomb