what's the difference between egotism and healthy, normal self-esteem?

because i've never really been able to tell them apart very well. i hate egotism, but i never quite learned how to draw a firm line between that and basic self-esteem. even if i say i look good or i did a good job on something, it feels too egotistical to me, even though it may not necessarily be egotistical. i suppose one way to differentiate is to say whether i'm praising the job done/thing made/whatever, or whether i'm praising me. if i say something i've written is good, i'm likely talking about it in purely technical terms, or that it accomplishes what it sets out to do; i'm not saying that i'm a genius for having written something that good. of course, i'm not at all likely to say something i've written is good. i'm more likely to phrase it more subjectively, like i'm happy with how something came out. now that i think about it, i don't think i've ever said something i've written is good, in a categorical way like that. if if did, i would feel really dirty.

so where do you draw the line between egotism and self-esteem? when is it okay to praise yourself? apologies if that sounds like a stupid question, but i ask it in good faith, since i genuinely don't know. for me, i feel like it's hardly ever okay to praise myself, and really egotistical people annoy me. but i suspect/hope other people will have a more balanced view of this and will be able to offer some wisdom.

i've written lots of great stuff! and, yet, i often hate myself. there's my balance.

just remember, most of the time if YOU don't pat yourself on the back for stuff you did, probably nobody will ever know that you did anything. cuz people are busy and stuff.

it's okay to know that you're good but never okay to praise yourself for it

i'd agree with that, actually

the English are quite convinced that there's no difference between the two & have constructed an entire culture based on this belief

The standard view would be that egotism is the opposite of healthy, normal self-esteem.

Take a clue from the "ism" ending. Egotism has a strong whiff of self-worship, with the accompanying idea that others should fall into line and worship you as well.

A healthy self esteem is more along the line of recognizing your own value, but also the value of others. In measuring yourself against others, you do not automatically assume a posture of inferiority, except on specific grounds where another's accomplishments obviously outweigh your own. Otherwise, you believe that, in aggregate, you are the equal of almost everyone you meet.

The standard view would be that egotism is the opposite of healthy, normal self-esteem.

― moley, Saturday, July 11, 2009 8:03 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

how do you mean?

egotism results from insecurity

just remember, most of the time if YOU don't pat yourself on the back for stuff you did, probably nobody will ever know that you did anything. cuz people are busy and stuff.

― scott seward, Saturday, July 11, 2009 7:22 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

this is otm

egotism results from insecurity

― pcrunkboy (Curt1s Stephens), Sunday, 12 July 2009 13:11 (4 minutes ago)

i think that normal self esteem is always there (if you have it), but egotism only occurs when an insecure person finds something they can desperately cling to to like about themselves- it's temporary and that person will tend to drift back to self loathing pretty sharpish.

the English are quite convinced that there's no difference between the two & have constructed an entire culture based on this belief

― worm? lol (J0hn D.), Sunday, July 12, 2009 2:43 AM (12 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

nah... we're just very passive-aggresive.

but there is a difference between the two. crut is otm.

The opening question of this thread contains 26 I's.

because i'm trying to explain my perception of things. i realize many other people can separate egotism and self-esteem in ways that i can't. so here's where i'm coming from. i don't presume to speak for anyone else, though other people might feel similarly.

because, yes, i'm incredibly insecure, which is why i'm speaking so subjectively here

No problem, I just noticed accidentally and thought it was potentially funny. Sorry, carry on!

the difference between egotism and healthy, normal self-esteem is whether you're right.

whatever you are, err on the side of awesome.