Fifteen-year-old kid: "Bears shit in woods"; City anaysts: ZOMG RLY?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/mediatechnologyandtelecoms/digital-media/5815406/London-teenager-becomes-City-sensation-with-his-thoughts-on-Twitter.html

Every teenager has some access to the internet, be it at school
or home. Home use is mainly used for fun (such as social
networking) whilst school (or library) use is for work.

:OOO

lol this was on the front of the FT today and i thought exactly the same thing

Obviously hasn't been to an FE college yet.

"anaysts" is tweet-speak for "analysts" obviously. saves on the character-count.

from the FT article - 'his peers...would rather listen to advert-free music on websites such as last.fm'; 'even online, teens find advertising "extremely annoying and pointless"'

wow

I hope those guys realise that some little shit doing work experience at a merchant bank is probly not gonna be well representative of British yoot as a whole.

Most teenagers watch television, but usually there are points in the year where they watch more than average. This is due to programs coming on in seasons, so they will watch a particular show at a certain time for a number of weeks (as long as it lasts) but then they may watch no television for weeks after the program has ended.

brain... struggling... to comprehend...

how much did they pay this kid to discover tv seasons?

Outside of social networking, the internet is used primarily as a
source of information for a variety of topics. For searching the
web, Google is the dominant figure, simply because it is well
known and easy to use.

"We've had dozens and dozens of fund managers, and several CEOs, e-mailing and calling all day." He said the note had generated five or six times more responses than the team's usual research.

His colleague, Julien Rossi, added: "It's an interesting starting point for debate."

10/10 A+++++++ work Morgan Stanley PR department for getting a happy feelgood story about investment banking splashed right across the national media in 2009. You've got to take your hat off to them.

disappointed the telegraph doesnt have a HYS section where i can learn the british publics reaction to these groundbreaking findings

Telegraph readers prefer to write-in by hand. In thick green biro with all caps.

disappointed the telegraph doesnt have a HYS section where i can learn the british publics reaction to these groundbreaking findings

― rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Monday, July 13, 2009 3:06 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

they do somewhere... my funemployed dad probably posts there :/

funemployed LOL

Teenagers never use real directories (hard copy catalogues such as yellow pages). This is because real directories contain listings for builders and florists, which are services that teenagers do not require. They also do not use services such as 118 118 because it is quite expensive and they can get the information for free on the internet, simply by typing it into Google.

You'd think City analysts would have got their heads round the concept of parents paying for things.

Whilst the stereotypical view of gamers is teenage boys, the emergence of the Wii onto the market has created a plethora of girl gamers and younger (6+) gamers. The most common console is the Wii, then the Xbox 360 followed by the PS3. Most teenagers with a games console tend to game not in short bursts, but in long stints (upwards of an hour).

As consoles are now able to connect to the internet, voice chat is possible between users, which has had an impact on phone usage; one can speak for free over the console and so a teenager would be unwilling to pay to use a phone.

PC gaming has little or no place in the teenage market. This may be because usually games are released across all platforms, and whilst one can be sure a game will play on a console PC games require expensive set ups to ensure a game will play smoothly. In addition, PC games are relatively easy to pirate and download for free, so many teenagers would do this rather than buy a game. In contrast, it is near impossible to obtain a console game for free.

Where to begin?

Someone needs to explain to him how to get his XBox flashed for a start.

You know, normally I'd say that grown men impersonating 15 year old kids on the internet was the most creepy and disturbing thing imaginable. But these are not normal times and surely there's at least one gullible financial institution we can punk with a fake jump-off from this report?

how do u flash an xbox, nv?

I dunno the details but I used to work with a young man who did this for peeps. There's info all over the place.

http://www.biline.ca/360_mod.htm

And a friend of mine's got his Wii chipped. I mean basically it is very very possible to obtain a console game for free.

http://ftalphaville.ft.com/blog/2009/07/13/61581/matthew-robson-the-teenage-scribbler/

FT readership unconvinced.

Little big man Jul 13 09:59
Um... what kind of kid is an intern at Morgan Stanley? That cool kid that everyone wants to hang out with? The kid on the cutting edge?

Ugh. I wish they'd got him to just write a self-report, instead of sticking it in that faux-scientific tone. Horrible, pompous, riddled with unsupported statements and weasel words. Which is why I think it *was* written by a teenager.

man kids sure are dumb!!!

What is Hot?
•Anything with a touch screen is desirable.
•Mobile phones with large capacities for music.
•Portable devices that can connect to the internet (iPhones)
•Really big tellies
What Is Not?
•Anything with wires
•Phones with black and white screens
•Clunky ‘brick’ phones
•Devices with less than ten-hour battery life
...

I hope the '...' was included to indicate incredulous silence.

lol at "Really big tellies"

imo this kid has got a future writing for the WSJ style section

Or the Guardian travel section during his gap year.

tomorrow's journalists today

he could probably be a reporter for CNN, his partners in "look what the internet can do!"

how do u flash an xbox, nv?

i don't know exactly how it's done but I do know that my friend can do it in about fifteen minutes.

I'm not down with the kids any more - do today's really big tellies not have wires then?

i'm still shaking my head at the revelation "OMG KIDS DON'T READ THE PAPER!"

•Really big tellies

are tellies a euphemism for boobs? cause WHERE THE HELL IS THE SEX?

This just seems like a particularly hilarious case of what happens constantly and I'll admit sort of baffles me -- people put insane amounts of money and effort into figuring out things about consumer groups that just about any member of that actual group could tell you offhand for free. And this despite the whole rise of focus-group type things allegedly trying to ask them! (I think the disconnect is possibly that they always do group studies of consumers in really broad swathes, and are somehow distrustful of, like, "if we are trying to sell a sci-fi product maybe there is a way we can actually ask people who like sci-fi questions about it.")

The corollary to this that really gets me is the cart-before-horse thing of a company developing a product and then spending huge amounts of money trying to figure out how to effectively push the product on a particular cultural demographic, instead of, I dunno, actually developing a product that might be of interest to that demographic. (Honestly I have heard this sort of logic going on with albums, where it's like "we have these records, how do we get them good press from X, Y, and Z" -- oh, never mind that they are not remotely the kind of product that X, Y, Z, or their audiences actually enjoy.)

lol

“The first day was quite scary,” said Matthew, “but it was really interesting. By the second week I felt I understood what a bank did.”

http://i.thisislondon.co.uk/i/pix/2009/07/mathew-robson-415x275.jpg

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/article-23719253-details/Teen+who+doesn%27t+tweet+reveals+how+he+became+top+dog+in+the+City/article.do

http://www.popcritics.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/mclovin-2.jpg

haha!

jim can u ask ur friend if it gets round the region locking and if it does can he do it for me?

Or the Guardian travel section during his gap year.

― Matt DC, Monday, July 13, 2009 3:27 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

oh my! haha what ever happened to tht kid?

This is exactly like Tom Hanks in 'Big'. I wonder if he dances on a giant piano with the sentimental old CE.

Or the Guardian travel section during his gap year.

― Matt DC, Monday, July 13, 2009 3:27 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

oh my! haha what ever happened to tht kid?

― touch fuzzy, get dizzy (cozwn), Tuesday, 14 July 2009 10:31 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark

http://maxgogarty.co.uk/

looks like someone is doing a spoof gogarty twitter... or it could be real?

Just kicking back with a Magners and listening to the new Diplo remix album. MIA reminds me of my days backpacking around Africa.9:19 AM Mar 22nd from web

http://twitter.com/max_gogarty

Funnier that this Gogarty spoof.

http://twitter.com/MaximumGogarty

Maybe the hilarious Twitter dudes will do one for that 'I KISS YOU!!!' guy as well.

Don't all 15-year-olds have to do two weeks of work experience at some point before GCSEs? There must be thousands of the fuckers in Canary Wharf if so.

Creating a Twitter feed to clown someone else ought to be a sign that your life needs some oomph.

http://www.lib.monash.edu.au/assets/images/exhibitions/swift-defoe/swift053.jpg

Some teenagers choose to download the films off the internet, but this is not favourable as the films are usually bad quality,have to be watched on a small computer screen and there is a chance that they will be malicious files and install a virus.

Get one DVD burner. In fact i might be crazy but i'm pretty sure some TV's even have USB connections now.

DVD players and Xboxes definitely do.

And for the record, to get an internship at Morgan Stanley aged 15 you need to have a parent who works there. Probably the big boss. Analysts obv went a bit mad trying to impress the fat cat!

This likely? Would have thought it would have been picked up on.

jim can u ask ur friend if it gets round the region locking and if it does can he do it for me?

― touch fuzzy, get dizzy (cozwn)

doesn't get round region locking :(

I did google in search of business Ronsons but alas no joy.

^^apart from Gerald but is not the daddy here obv.

This likely? Would have thought it would have been picked up on.

The kid isn't actually doing an internship, he is just there on a couple of week's unpaid work experience. There aren't generally formal mechanisms for obtaining work experience placements at places like Morgan Stanley in the UK as far as I am aware: you just need to know someone who works there. I guess the papers are saying it is an internship because it sounds more impressive. Deeply weird story. I guess a) it's silly season for the newspapers b) it's a PR stunt on Morgan Stanley's part.

unless they have an outreach programme to the disadvantaged or whatever, i'd have thought ANY big/prestigious org of that kind would only let in people with a connection. i did work experience at a publishing house, a local paper, and a national paper: pretty sure all of them were through friendship or family connects. (this sort of demonstrates how insanely bad i am at milking contacts, on reflection.)

Getting a bit of love from hipster message board "I Love X" right now... good to see real heads checking out for me.
about 2 hours ago from web

hi esteban

IRL painful hysterics

"hipster"? :(

own it!

unless they have an outreach programme to the disadvantaged or whatever

Morgan Stanley totally do this, fwiw.

Mr Hill-Wood added that "we've had dozens and dozens of fund managers, and several CEOs, e-mailing and calling all day." The report generated almost six times the amount of feedback that one of the bank's usual reports does, he told the FT.

loool he doesnt mention that these dudes have all been calling only to see if ms is hiring more ppl to twitter about retarded shit right now

Turns out kid and mum met analyst in Greenwich Park while all were out walking dogs in Greenwich Park, got talking, told the guy they'd had no joy getting a placement locally and he provided foot in door. Good on the analyst.

This aint a scene it's an arms race

why is that font so horrible?? no matter what size i set it to it remains intensely unpleasant.

A++ thread yall

Skype, Ford, Remington, Barclaycard, WWE and Stephen Fry

a fucking slideshow??

one thing I found funny about that report was people saying that teenagers never buy records. When I was a teenager, I didn't buy records either, because I HAD NO MONEY. What do they expect?