living by the rules

I live by loads of rules that I make up, and stick to until I break them or change them or whatever. I gave up smoking six months ago, and now allow myself cigarettes at a minimum interval of two weeks, so that I don't slip back into it. I have rules about what book I read next, and answering emails and all sorts, to do with being a lazy bastard who might not get things done without them. Most of them get broken when I feel like it, but I generally enjoy them.

i am also not smoking. though for some reason that doesn't so much feel like a rule. it feels like saying "i am not freebasing cocaine" as if it were some kind of personal neurosis.

lol dave matthews

here are the rules:

1. when entering a household, entry must be complete - door opens and door closes - before a car passes on the street. the penalty for failure is shuddering goosebumps

2. mp3 organization rules - one folder for each artist, each of which contains individual folders for each release (year - name of album, i.e., 1986 - The Queen is Dead)

3. the many rules of rhythmically counting letters and punctuation (a rule mostly discarded since middle school)
- when reading, each letter must be accounted for rhythmically in 4/4 time, with the left foot tapping the first and third beats and the right foot tapping the second and fourth beats
- the first letter of each word is worth a quarter note in 4/4 (a full beat)
- subsequent letters in each word are worth an eighth note (half a beat)
- spaces between are worth an eighth note
- periods, semi-colons and colons are worth a quarter note.
- apostrophes are worth an eighth note, and inexplicably are mentally pronounced as the letter "e"
- a "perfect" sentence is one that ends with the period on the fourth beat. since periods are worth a full beat, this means that the next sentence begins on the first beat, back on the left foot.
- when counting an individual word or small set of words (but not a sentence), it is "perfect" if the last letter, again, ends on the fourth beat, since the letter falls on the fourth beat and a space is implied which is also worth an eighth note, setting up the next word or sentence on the first beat on the left foot.

4. the bathroom door must be kept closed

5. the shower curtain must be spread out all the way across the length of the bathtub rather than bunched in the corner

6. when leaving the house, check for wallet, keys and phone, in that order

7. there must be coffee in the morning

yolo

4. the bathroom door must be kept closed

how do you tell if it's in use

that's a personal rule for my own bathroom, which is attached to my bedroom. so if someone's in it that's not me, i usually know about it

"A personal rule for my own bathroom: 29 years and this is what I'm talking about: the Z S story"

Do what has been asked of you by those you trust. Clean up after yourself. Disregard trash talk if it's of no substance.

There are a lot of new rules in my near future, as I have just moved in with a woman for the first time in ten years. I know what my rules are. Turn off the lights in any room you are not in. Spread out the shower curtain after showering to prevent mildew. Don't leave cups of water around without a lid, because one of my cats will spill it deliberately, often in the middle of the night, and all over you.

We'll see what her rules are. I really only know one of them: no smoking in the house, ever. That's easy enough. I expect they will become more complex as time goes by.

♫ The fundamental things apply... ♫

RIP kenan

(breaks into "Puff the Magic Dragon")