bump this thread when you feel ~EMO~

i think I drank too much diet coke and caffeine always makes my body tingle
not to mention I just saw a comedy-drama movie that I can relate to (funny people) - tears of a clown finally documented on film :)

so now after endearing a ride home with the radio on - which all music tends to have some sort of emotion in it - I get on my computer and turn on pandora, log on to ILX, and I sit hear feeling emo. I curse the stars. come on now, I dont usually feel like this.. it feels awkward and I don't like it.

okay what the hell, pandora just played Wilco - Heavy Metal Drummer and now Roxy Music - Avalon. That Wilco song reminds me of when I made a mix cd for the lady I would meet at the Disability Resource Center off and on during college. I remember thinking maybe it was a bad idea to put a song with lyrics 'Playing KISS covers, beautiful and stoned' on a mix cd for a DRC worker (after I had already given it to her) but I bet she only played the cd once if that.

Backstory: she took an interest to my interest for music in the first place and I felt like I would love to share a mix cd with anyone.
The last time I met her I had a panic attack in her office.

nowadays I try to avoid confrontations that will result in me feeling emo (and I was basically emo free for the last month or two). pandora is now playing Bowie - Let's Dance. maybe I can convert my emo energy into something good by getting up and moving around. I'm gonna go find that diet coke. now pandora is playing bryan ferry. good god I need to change this station

I apologize for making this thread. I thought about putting it in TMI but then not everyone on ILE would participate
I also apologize for feeling emo. Now I will attempt to kiss the sky.

if it helps i have EMO positive vibes towards u right now because the "how many spider friends" poll u started totally made my day.

Right, I imagine this emo occurence will be temporary. I'm already making plans to go do something. But I think ILX could use a thread like this because everybody feels ~emo~ once in a while and they might want to blog it out of their system. so just keep this thread name in your memory if you or anyone ever needs to spill you guts.

capt lorax--

I respect and understand u desire to have a thread of this nature on ILE, I would just also like to make you aware that on 1p3 we have a similar thread that you may like to make use of when you feel less effusive about your problems but still feel like letting ILX know that you are blue and in need of support.

EMO BLOG ENTRY

Your friend,

HOOS

Believe me I searched through all the 'emo' topics before making this thread. I suppose I overlooked EMO BLOG ENTRY since I had a more specific thread title in mind. In any case I am happy to read that EMO BLOG ENTRY isn't some unused thread; rather a thread that gets updated semi-regularly. But since this thread is now also here on ILE, all us Ilxors have another option to articulate any sudden emotional outbursts that we feel like sharing.

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Tonight I went to my friend's house and we watched a movie called Equilibrium because it has high scores on IMDB. The movie was about a post WW3 society in which people took drugs to rid themselves of having feelings since feelings are the cause of all hate crimes, war, deviance etc. That movie seems somehow relevant to this thread in which I act like being EMO is an automatic defect.

Did I learn anything from watching Equilibrium? No. But the movie did temporarily inspire me to write the graphic novel I keep filed away in the recesses of my brain - a graphic novel called 'doodle dog' to be specific. I came up with that name for it on my ride home tonight - the tentative title was actually 'retard animal friends'. I think 'doodle dog' will be more politically correct. Whether I can actually push myself to start writing a graphic novel seems very unlikely. For one thing, I have no support at my home. Secondly, motivation and I go together like oil and water. That's why guys like the creator of Faith Mouse seem amazing to me. To actually start and finish artistic projects that receive a fair amount of popularity and paper stacks is quite an accomplishment.

I think I'm partially cursed with a genetic disposition towards weak willpower and lack of focus. Watching inspirational movies like Hope For Happyness leave me somewhat teary-eyed for a moment. But any inspiration I get from watching inspirational movies dissipates just as quickly as it materialized.

And of course my dreams of becoming a famous graphic artist are also pushed aside by our real world in which it is more important for me to find a job than meddle with a long journey towards creating my perfect novel.

I wonder if I learned anything from the movie Equilibrium. Obviously movies don't have enough to inspire me to do great things but I guess I can still hope that the emotional/artistic side in me will someday be focused enough to create a substantial investment into a world of artistic fame and freedom.

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Living life like a zen prophet is difficult.

The apprentice says "I was born from Earth. Therefor Earth owes me".
The zen master says "I was born from Earth. Therefor I owe the Earth".

A zen master gets some sort of redemption from being a humanitarian I figure. The lack of redemption in one's life is a cause of guilt. How sad is it that I have effectively forced guilt onto myself by accepting that I have not yet benefited humanity in any way of real significance?

When have I ever contributed to the greater good of mankind?

Will guilt always be snipping at my butt?

So what, if anything, has the movie Equilibrium taught me tonight? - a society with feelings is better than a society without feelings? Well I'm pretty sure that's true, and not much of a lesson at that.
Yet isn't it true that having feelings also means that people are cursed with a need for emotional fullfillment? And the more you rationalize emotional fulfillment, the more you think like a zen master that sees the only way towards fulfillment is dedicating oneself to assisting others.

Tomorrow I will be back to my EMOless self. I will be back to the hustle and grind of bodies in motion - working towards a common goal of self-satisfaction and daily life fulfillment. The zen master, I believe, would not be fulfilled by day labor. Day labor has a limited impact on humanity. The zen master has a much more difficult mission to achieve fulfillment of body, mind and soul. Each man may be judged on his contribution to humanity. When one knows in his heart that he can contribute much more to life but fails to do so, he is living life in purgatory... a purgatory of guilt caused by selfishness, laziness and/or weak willingness. Redemption is not only something that you can achieve by living a sinless, moral life; redemption is something that demands hard work and self-discipline to better oneself and others. Redemption requires a person to utilize any potentially wasted time towards a better purpose. When healthy people with enough extra time on their hands are not contributing to the greater good of the world, they may fall into a guilt trap.

I wonder if zen masters feel guilt from wasting huge amounts of time like I do.

Basically idle hands are the devil's tools. Those who believe in redemption for humanity as much as I do, may find themselves in the same conundrum as myself. A conundrum of guilt caused by the lack of accomplishment in my life. And even the occasional guilt for not accomplishing humanitarian goals even if they are as sordid as creating a graphic novel that will influence the way people think about life and the arts.

I wonder if anyone else feels the guilt of having idle hands or is it just me.

ugh I got hired to direct a local commercial but they fired me

they didn't like "my vision" but said they'd consider hiring me in the future. "we'd love to work with you on another project."

yeah...sure.

Yer doing it wrong.

story of my life, bub.

story of my life