Have you ever had your nose picked?

They say that you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you can't pick your friend's nose. In my experience, the latter is simply not true.

ew

Hey, don't knock it.

I have to assume that at one point in my infancy or childhood, my nose was picked for me.

More interestingly, picking your cat's nose/eye boogers: classic or dud?

(xpost) presumably by a butler/manservant wearing white gloves?

Dogs' eye-snot is classic if you have a dog of a long-eared breed, cos you can just use those like a hanky. Maybe they should breed long-eared cats?

snoball, you know I was raised by wolves, right?

cos you can just use those like a hanky.

Simply awesome

Use them like a hankie for you or for the dog?

LOL.

"C'mere pooch! *Wipes nose on long dog ear* Thanks, big guy."

I hear bunnies are great for wiping your ass...

You've gotta improvise y'know, dogs don't have sleeves.

What do elephants use for tampons?

Sheep!

My old roomie once told me he had a surprise for us in the bathroom. I said, "Is it a bidet?" He said, "No, it's a poodle I've trained to act as one."

I like to buff my shoes after polishig them with a guinea pig.

The logical end to all this:

...of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest the inwards, in so far as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains. And think not that the felicity of the heroes and demigods in the Elysian fields consisteth either in their asphodel, ambrosia, or nectar, as our old women here used to say; but in this, according to my judgment, that they wipe their tails with the neck of a goose, holding her head betwixt their legs, and such is the opinion of Master John of Scotland, alias Scotus.

But you should really read the whole thing. If you dare.

http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs162.snc1/6051_523394666104_37300281_31173157_4964946_n.jpg

that's one enormous aerobie

Ha, Ned. That has always posed a huge dilemma for me. I generally won't read anything written in French except in French but his vocabulary and diction would probably make reading it exhausting.

Serious question: has there ever been poop candy? I am aware of the existence of both booger and vomit candy, but is our coprophagia taboo so strong that even the most tasteless of candy manufacturers shun candies shaped like poops?

http://store.offbeattreats.com/POOPINGCANDY.html

All is right with the world.

Someone needs to bring out a new brand of toilet paper, like Andrex or Charmaine, but instead of a lab puppy or a cartoon bear, the mascot is a swan.

A swain with a swan.

Part of me kind of loves the fact that Charmin has built an entire ad campaign as a response to the question, "Does a bear shit in the woods?".

It was a rhetorical question, Charmin, but thank you nonetheless.

"Try new Cardinal Bogroll - is the Pope Catholic?"

Is a bear Catholic? I bet the pope shat in the woods back in his Hitlerjugend days.

They didn't call them the brown shirts for nothing.

If a girl is willing to pick my nose or let her nose be picked by me in the first month or two then we can continue the relationship. If not... no dice, honey.