shyness

I suppose if i had met ppl who post in ILM (which i have recently it wasn't difficult since we all have always been 'talking'.

You may think that talking about 'boredom' is off the topic, but I think the main problem with shyness is that it results in boredom. Shyness is often a nice quality that relates to caring about other people's feelings, but if you let other people talk all the time it can get really boring and that's the problem.

I don't think I am that shy, in the old self-concious, room full of strangers, urrghhh, what should I say, I bet they hate me anyway. I think I can be socially lazy and lapse into shyness/obtuseness, which is something I don't like about myself.

Also I can't take compliments very well. Or have someone read something I wrote while I'm in the room.

This probably says more about my internal monologue than I intended.

I can imagine that at some point tomorrow night I will be thinking back to this exchange and I will smile or look embarrassed or something and she'll ask me what makes me look like that...

She is very posh and certainly a member of the chattering classes and this kind of thing may not at all be the right approach.

Why am I setting myself up like this here? So I can admit that this woman didn't like me in front of everyone? How dumb am I?

I've only just realised not wanting to disturb other people can be offensive, ie it implies you percieve them as some arrogant unapproachable monster, which surely isn't good. Taking sides: closing the door when people are talking loudly in the next room vs asking them to shhh. I got shouted at and later got told I'm not fit to live with other people for doing the first option - but the guy is a twunt otherwise so maybe he's wrong (is he?).

(I don't remember your rude solution Mark, but apology accepted)

he sounds pretty oversensitive. i don't see anything wrong with doing either of those things.

i get paranoid that you think i think you're unapproachable/intimidating & when I get paranoid i tend to make myself scarce => this works against me => also everyone in yr crowd is way more hip/indie/etc than me(+ you are a MUSICIAN!, the class of people which I am alternately terrified/transfixed by & cannot treat like normal people. which is a bad thing, esp in Dunedin). er, so i do not dislike you (also, anyone who dances at gigs is grate). (& actually, I'm probably scared of Anton more than anyone else).

is the rainy mentioned on radio 1 re : galleries the other day the same rainy that posts here?)
yes

anton is still extremely unsettling (+ what does he do to girls?).
he is sleazy when drunk and far too free-and-easy with hickies. but he's nice otherwise.

sometimes I think about all the people I could have met and befriended had I been able to think up a quick friendly response to their acts of interest/kindness. it only takes a second's hesitation to lose your chance entirely

haa its true

potential bro/cuet girl: (nice things)
me: (ANXIOUS HOSTILITY)
potential bro/cuet girl: uhhhh bye

This is so true. I used to think I was an extrovert when I was in HS but that's because everyone knew me so I could be friendly and cool and hilarious but when it comes to strangers I am social retarded. Doubly sucky because I got spoiled on speaking to different people every day, so the isolation of new city is extra painful (triply sucky because it's not really "new" anymore, I have lived here for 9 months...)

you can be an extrovert and still be shy. Introversion = social engagement tires you, shyness = social engagement scares you (at least initially)

Interesting, never saw it that way... I am certainly a shy extrovert, then. So THAT'S why it's "doubly sucky" I suppose.

i'm actually more shy on the internet than in real life. in 5 or so years of reading message boards etc i've had about 3 successful "chat" conversations

i dunno its weird i relate to will & used to have a thing about strangers too but ive since become utterly fearless. i think it has something to do with giving up all hope in my life.

Most people that know me would say I'm about as far from shy as one can get but I do get very anxious in certain situations and when meeting new people. Once I'm comfortable with people I'm fine. If there is alcohol involved then all bets are off. I've made tons of friends in bars (see other thread) because when v. drunk I think I love everyone.

i'm actually more shy on the internet than in real life. in 5 or so years of reading message boards etc i've had about 3 successful "chat" conversations

-- creme1, Thursday, June 7, 2007 7:08 PM (17 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

who is creme1

liquor is A#1 cure for shyness; its just unfortunate that you cant be drunk, like, on the bus in the middle of the day when youre sitting next to a cute girl who smiles at you

max otm

i mean you can be drunk by yourself on the bus at 2pm obviously but its not often conducive to getting cueties to date you

I say this as someone who has gotten drunk a grand total of three times

i do this more than i should

good for job interviews too

yeah or big presentations

many of my abilities are improved tenfold by a vodka tonic or two

some are not: driving, moving, avoiding confrontation, being quiet

xxxxpost - in college i had the huge realization that my shyness in high school came from assuming that if someone didn't know me, they probably disliked me and wouldn't want to talk to me, so i totally blew off most attempts at conversation out of anxiety - but my assumption was FALSE, and their attempts at conversation came from being NICE and WANTING to talk to me! high school could have been so much better. people probably thought i disliked THEM. Idiocy!

i'm still not very good at talking to strangers though, college was full of people who couldn't be total strangers because we all knew the same people and had a lot in common. so i get where you're coming from, will. i will be moving to several new cities over the next year, in foreign countries at that, and hoping to just consciously make myself way more assertive and friendly toward strangers than i'm normally comfortable with. easier said than done though, right? i did an awful job of it in study abroad.

in my experience maria, american chicks in foreign countries make friends very quickly

Will M: shy extrovert otm!! weird combo

it's less weird when you think about it, sort of... you relish social interaction but are afraid of initiating it for many reasons (usually fear of being disliked-- which would lead to a lack of interaction with that person etc)

YES social interaction is like one of my favorite things in life, and i'm JUST starting to get to a more comfortable place with it. i mean, the thing is, everyone has always told me "what? u? shy?" - it's always been something i feel more than i show, i think

Remember that your friends never see you alone around strangers! Because that means you're around THEM which means your shyness to new people is irrelevant because you are paying att'n to your friend who you are not at all shy around! Eat that, haters of confusing and long near-run-on sentences!

i hear it

that is true, but also i think sometimes you can compensate enough that it's more in your head than your behavior! someone told me a few weeks ago that i'll be fine moving around a lot this year because i'm not awkward and i'll meet people. i thought "what? you think i'm not awkward? i have utterly FOOLED YOU!" and then i recounted that to friends and they said "dude, of course you're not awkward, is this news?" in my own mind, i am SO AWKWARD. so apparently you can fake it.

SURPRISEBEAVER.JPG

But of course you're not awkward around friends! They are friends!

yeah, but friends see you interact with their friends who are not your friends, and at parties, and such

its true, somewhere in between - somtimes tho, pretty sure im just plain awkward, contrary to wat ppl tell me

i have always been shy, and it has mainly come over as being snooty, but in the last couple of years i have relaxed and am now someone who strikes up conversations with random strangers and extracts their whole life story from them in about two minutes; there is something about my face that invites confidences. i am sure someone is going to confess a murder to me one of these days, i am dreading it a bit as i have a strong sense of justice and will have to run them in for it, and i think they will be cross with me because i will have seemed nonjudgmental during the recounting but will turn out to have a disapproving streak. my plan is to not make any eye contact with them in court and to speak in a low, clear voice.

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r237/abara2k6/prairiedog.gif

but really, is a friend gonna say "whew boy yeah are you awkward. i'm glad you said it so I could agree and therefore make you feel even more self-conscious about things."

lol true nuff

I cant work out if I am shy or just anxious socially. I'm terrible conversing with people I dont know well, even more so sober, which is a dreadful thing to admit.

The internet's been a godsend for me really :/

admit away, it's refreshing

tonight, i seemed to be funny and engaging with my work peeps, which is always nice. deep down i know i am actually, like truly, funny and engaging, i think it's just a question of performance anxiety sometimes

which is odd becuz i was like mr. stage in high school

n e way, life changes, moves, and it's weird

<i>but really, is a friend gonna say "whew boy yeah are you awkward. i'm glad you said it so I could agree and therefore make you feel even more self-conscious about things."</i>

yeah maybe i'm just deluding myself, but i think their reacting with surprise rather than immediate reassurance was a good sign.

trayce i am not sure there is a difference.

not exactly shy, but i think i have the social equivalent of dysmorphic body image. i think of myself like a hate-worthy leper. often when i'm around new people and doing actually okay, i think i'm being totally obnoxious so instead of shutting down i decide to go whole hog, and i totally embarrass myself by showing off like a needy ten-year-old.

lol hyperAware ILX

Zimbardo began thinking of shy people as incarcerating themselves in a silent prison, in which they also acted as their own guards, setting severe constraints on their speech and behaviour that were self-imposed although they felt involuntary.

#GPOY

From here: http://aeon.co/magazine/being-human/shyness-cannot-be-cured-it-is-part-of-being-human/

God, Evo Psych is such pernicious bullshit, but there's nothing I love more than theories that argue that the social anxiety component of shyness (as opposed to the introversion aspect) is some kind of evolutionarily advantageous adaptation.

do people still play up their shyness to seem ;interesting' the the opposite sex lmao