What do you look for when finding a flatmate from the world of strangers?

Not so much an advice thread as a general discussion. Never moved in with total strangers before, I'm currently touting for flatmates online. It's v odd getting all these emails.

Some of them I instantly dismiss just based on tone or whatever, but not sure if I should just have as many visits and meet as many of them as possible to know for sure.

Then there's writing the ad, like a dating site or something. It's so hard to strike the right balance between "I don't want you to take drugs all night every night and lay about in the house" and "I don't want you to never take drugs and go to bed at 10pm every night and whinge about things."

Any telltale signs? What about when someone views your place? What are the killer secret questions?

My housemates and I used to have this code when we were interviewing people. "BBQ Sauce" means the person is good, "sun-dried tomatoes" means the person sucks.

I have never talked about sun-dried tomatoes so much in my entire life.

haha...it's just me looking which is good. I can steer the conversation around to sun dried tomatoes much less obviously on my own than if it was two people.

I dunno, I would mostly just think about what types of roommate relationships you're comfortable with -- like whether you need a roommate who's more of a friend, or whether you're cool with someone who comes and goes and keeps quietly to him/her self. That stuff seems like the important thing, beyond the basics of who you feel like you can get along with. Like if you don't want someone who comes in and dominates your space, be wary of people who seem too friendly or talkative or excited about all the cool stuff they want to do with the apartment. If you don't want someone who feels like a strange ghost in your home, be wary of people who keep reassuring you that they won't get in your way and won't even be there often. Etc. I think people are actually really good at telling you what kind of roommate they'll be, they just happen to put it in positive terms.

The tough part is that most people have this natural inclination to just agree with whatever you say, cause they want to be nice and show they're easy to get along with and keep the option open. If you say you like it quiet they say they're not that loud, and if you ask if they mind parties they say no problem -- it's like a job interview, they'll be agreeable whichever way you lead. So direct questions don't necessarily get you a ton. So barring trick questions, it seems like a general conversation kinda gets you more. I.e., asking someone where they hang out or what they usually do on Friday nights or talking about what kind of food you like to cook -- I think this stuff can get you more real information on how they'll be than actually asking "do you like to listen to music loud" or "will you have a lot of friends over" ... (cuz pretty much everyone in the universe will say the same agreeable "I listen at a normal volume" kind of answers)

I wish I had good advice to give you but I will never ever ever live with a stranger again if I live to be 157 years old because I was so absolutely pisspoor at evaluating these things myself.

retrospectively, I'd ask "Will you bring home many sex partners, one of whom will steal my electric razor?"

Wish I'd thought of searching for this thread 3 weeks ago.

First out of 4 viewers tonight. I was worried that leaving 45mins between each candidate would end up with me awkwardly fielding phone calls whilst showing someone the bathroom, but if they're all in and out in 10mins I'll be fine (though if they're all 10mins early it could get trickier).

I should try and find out more about the person with the next ones.

Shared a house with strangers when I moved out of college, and surprisingly it actually worked out well. When I interviewed with the 2 guys who placed the ad, we talked for over an hour about random things, and the criteria just seemed to be that I was easy going, friendly and had a job that could pay the rent. And as we added more housemates (it was a 5 bedroom house), we just kept applying that logic. Plus the main guy Jason was like a stealth interrogator: he'd have a conversation with you for however long and you'd realize later that he had peppered you with questions but he makes it seem so relaxed and chill that you don't even notice you're telling him your whole life story. So maybe that's the secret.

Honestly I think our house was a pretty bizarre example though. And even weirder was we all stayed together, in one form or another, through 3 separate moves, for three years...with no fights or craziness or anything.

I've never shared with strangers before, so this is completely new to me. 2 down, and both seem reasonable people. The next guy didn't even tell me his name when he called me up (usually I let it go to voicemail when people ring so I can at least get some info out of them/make an irrational decision on whether I even want to call them back but I was hungover and expecting a call from someone else), but maybe having no expectations at all is the way to go.

The second guy could well be the one though.

No-name guy is half an hour late. I could phone him but I don't know his name, and I don't really want to encourage him. At what point is it acceptable to end this and go and get some beers and congratulate myself on a hard evening of talking to strangers who might want to live with me? 4th guy did me a favour by turning up 45minutes early (though this is kind of rude in a way, he didn't even apologise for being early). He is also very keen.