Is the Bible Funny?

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The total absence of humour from the Bible is one of the most singular things in all literature.

- Alfred North Whitehead

― Josh, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

And I mean like actually not like ha ha those deluded fools etc.

And what about other sacred texts?

― Josh, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The Church of Christ is founded on a really bad pun.

― anthony, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I have seen it used as a punchline to the odd slapstick gag (it being a large book to fall on someones bonce) but gags on the inside are a bit short.

― Pete, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

There are jokes in the original Bible, but that square King James cut them out for the Western World. Arsehole.

― Dom Passanino, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Too many jokes.....must...sit....down....

― Matt, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It's just the translation. In ancient Aramaic it's got a gag on every page, some of them quite near the knckle. All that stuff about yokels and sheep, eh, eh, know what I mean.

A Judean, a Samaritan and a Pharisee walk into a bar, right, and the Judean, wait for it, he orders a skin of wine...

― misterjones, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The Straight Dope is a national treasure, in my opinion.

― j.lu, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The Straight Dope! Source of all knowledge and wisdom, hurrah!

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Well I think you all know my "who had the biggest butt in the Bible" joke...

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

but in case not it's Moses; he tied his ass to a tree and walked for three days BADOOM

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Somewhere in the Old Testament there is a story which is pretty funny. Some ruler asks his troops to bring him the heads of some tribe or other, meaning the guys in charge and the soldiers interpret him as meaning their actual heads, so they go & decapitate them.

― MarkH, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

There's also the whole collect the foreskin thing David did. A frat boy prank gone perfectly wrong.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

dude, don't forget teh chick who goes up into the mountains with her friends for a month to mourn her virginity not being taken before her father has to scarifice her for being the first thing to come out of the house and welcome him after he'd come abck from the war he'd won by promising god to slaughter

― Queen I didn't die in a movie shootout G, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"talking thru his ass"

― mitch lastnamewithheld, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

This may or may not be the pun Anthony references (I don't know what the Church of Christ is, exactly), but the bit about Peter being the rock on which his church will be built is a pun, in Greek anyway, on the common root of Peter and petros (if I remember rightly), meaning rock. Not a barrel of laughs, is it? The only funny thing is that the Catholic Church started as a weak joke.

― Martin Skidmore, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Thats what i meant Martin. Jesus said this church(ie Church of Christ)

― anthony, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh I get those daily quotes as well. They ROCK.

― nathalie, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

And of course when Jesus said "he amongst you who is without sin, let him cast the first stone", a rock came sailing out of the crowd and twatted him, to which he replied "You know mum, you're starting to get on my fucking nerves."

― Matt, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

God: I need a vacation.
Angel: Why don't you go to Venus?
G: Nah, it's too hot there.
A: Well, how about Mars?
G: Nah, too cold.
A: So go to earth then, it's got a good climate.
G: Oh man I can't go back there. Last time I was there I knocked this chick up and they're still talking about it!

― nickn, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

hey anthony is there any funny jew stuff?

― Josh, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

josh, is there any funny jew stuff?!

― unknown or illegal user, Saturday, 15 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

hush you

― Josh, Saturday, 15 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

one year passes...

The whole Sodom & Gomorrah thing's pretty crazy. I laffed.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Saturday, 22 November 2003 05:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, new editions of the Bible really need to include new characters or parables involving someone like Gilbert Goldfried or Jim Carrey to surprise those who live for Jesus and make them blarf.

― donut bitch (donut), Saturday, 22 November 2003 06:12 (twenty-two years ago)

render unto caesar was a good gag i thought.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Saturday, 22 November 2003 06:33 (twenty-two years ago)

They don't split the baby! That's the whole point!
Read the book, motherfuckers!

-- Rockist Scientist (RaksShark...), November 22nd, 2003. (later)

― Broheems (diamond), Saturday, 22 November 2003 06:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Let's talk more about the idea of blarfing.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 22 November 2003 06:58 (twenty-two years ago)

One bit in the Passover seder books my family has contains a passage where various rabbis argue over the usage of the term "all the days of your lives" somewhere in the Torah; one of 'em clarifies "oh hey that includes the nights also". I'm not sure if this is supposed to be funny or deep. Is this why so many Jews tinker with Buddhism? (assuming my stepfather and the Beastie Boys are any indication)

― nate detritus (natedetritus), Saturday, 22 November 2003 07:38 (twenty-two years ago)

lots of medieval art has moses with horns, apptly some kind of misreading.

― typo acapulco (gcannon), Saturday, 22 November 2003 07:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, lots of people think Jews have horns, which is pretty much untrue (for the most part)

― nate detritus (natedetritus), Saturday, 22 November 2003 07:45 (twenty-two years ago)

haha! no i think the text is 'horns of flame' or some other simple metaphor for 'on fire' and, since people were morons back then, voila.

― typo acapulco (gcannon), Saturday, 22 November 2003 07:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Dude, I'm tellin' you, I'm totally rockin' the horns of flame right there! To quote another wise Jewish sage, "I'm hangin' ten now baby as I ride your sonic wave, I'm on FIYAAAAAAH!"

― nate detritus (natedetritus), Saturday, 22 November 2003 07:51 (twenty-two years ago)

"back then"?

― Leee Majors (Leee), Saturday, 22 November 2003 08:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Petros also was slang for blockhead, so it also was a pun that could be read as Peter being the imbecile on which his church will be built.

And of course when Jesus said "he amongst you who is without sin, let him cast the first stone",

Perhaps Jesus said this b/c he wanted to be first?

― Girolamo Savonarola, Saturday, 22 November 2003 13:02 (twenty-two years ago)

And the chief priests and the scribes of Old I-Love-Yahweh the same hour sought to lay hands on him; and they feared the people of Nu I-Love-Yahweh: for they perceived that he had posted this thread against them. And they watched him, and sent forth lurkers, that they might take hold of his words, that so they might deliver him unto the power and authority of the governor.
And they asked him, saying, "Giving tribute unto Caesar: Classic or Dud?"
But he perceived their craftiness, and said unto them, "Why tempt ye me? Shew me a penny. Whose image and superscription hath it? Caesar OTM."

And they marvelled at his answer, and held the peace.

― Tep's Gospel of Luke, ILE translation (ktepi), Saturday, 22 November 2003 14:07 (twenty-two years ago)

(Sterling's otm about the Caesar bit, and although it doesn't come across as easily now, humor was one of Jesus's secrets of success. A lot of Genesis and Exodus is meant to be funny too -- Moses, bigtime hoopydoo famous leader, is too shy to talk to a bunch of slaves he liberated from the Pharaoh?)

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 22 November 2003 14:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll quote myself from the Richard Dawkins thread:

"The portrayal of Jehovah in the Old Testament is a literary parody of the absolutist monarchs who littered the Near East at that time, people don't seem to have worked that out.

I'm not going to be stupid enough to speculate on the author(s) - obviously i'm dimly aware that the Pentateuch is usually set aside from the rest, but the tradition is maintained more or less throughout, IMO. So, definitely the inention is to satirize earthly despots - and perhaps divine ones too - combined with narrative history and metaphysical speculation.
So not 'funny' as such, but satirical. If you look on it with that perspective there's loads of jokes at the expense of a "vain, shallow, neurotic,masculine, horifically insecure tyrant" (to quote myself again).

― Pete S, Saturday, 22 November 2003 14:14 (twenty-two years ago)

The whole "but wait a sec, what's Jesus actually saying? That we DO pay taxes, or that we DON'T?" funny of the Caesar bit is more pronounced if you take into account the fact that the original audience would probably be aware that in addition to having Caesar's face, the coins were also inscribed with the words "Son of God."

xpost; that's a possible reading, but very unlikely as far as intent goes

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 22 November 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Is the Bible Funny?

Well, I'd say the humour is pretty dry.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Saturday, 22 November 2003 20:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, to moisten up the Bible's "humor", you have to put every "major passage" in "quotes"

― donut bitch (donut), Saturday, 22 November 2003 20:30 (twenty-two years ago)

1 In the "beginning", "God" created the "heavens" and the "earth".

― donut bitch (donut), Saturday, 22 November 2003 20:31 (twenty-two years ago)

then insert a bunch of synth-bass bridge sound effects from Seinfeld every chapter.

― donut bitch (donut), Saturday, 22 November 2003 20:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Cain's "what do I look like, his keeper?" line always slays me. Now that's comedy.

― jackson anderville, Saturday, 22 November 2003 23:42 (twenty-two years ago)

From the same story, Cain being an hairy man and Abel being a smooth man (or was it the other way around)... that always cracked me up. I think that particular bit was an influence on Seinfeld.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Sunday, 23 November 2003 00:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, I just finished Numbers tonight, and whoever wrote it is no Blanche Knott, let me tell you. It is kinda funny how every few chapters the people of Israel are like "Great, thanks for taking us out to the desert to die" and Moses is like "What am I supposed to do with you guys?" You can practically see him slap himself on the forehead.

In any case, Numbers was an improvement over Leviticus, which is basically 20 pages of specs for the Ark of the Covenant and then 10 more on what to do about lepers. So far nothing has topped Genesis. At least three times, somebody goes to a new town and pretends his wife is his sister so the king won't kill him, and the king makes a move on the wife/sister, and God gets pissed, and the king is all "How is this my fault?" It's like the White Stripes press bio, but with more smiting.

I just can't wait to get the part where they chop the baby up.

― Keith Harris (kharris1128), Sunday, 23 November 2003 05:34 (twenty-two years ago)

They only chop one baby up?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 23 November 2003 05:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Read the book, motherfucker!!!

― Keith Harris (kharris1128), Sunday, 23 November 2003 06:02 (twenty-two years ago)

I sense much anger in you.

Anyway, "Deuteronomy's a hoot."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 23 November 2003 06:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Why in quotes, Ned? Who ya quoting?

― Keith Harris (kharris1128), Sunday, 23 November 2003 06:05 (twenty-two years ago)

It's mostly for Mike Daddino, Chris Piuma and fellow MST3K fans...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 23 November 2003 06:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Ah...

― Keith Harris (kharris1128), Sunday, 23 November 2003 06:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I've seriously tried reading this fucker so many times (I'm completely anti-religion myself, so it can be difficult...), but I can never get too deep into the whole shebang. Assuming that I'm reading for literary qualities and (relatively) accurate, non-religion-biased translation, which version should I get?

― Girolamo Savonarola, Sunday, 23 November 2003 07:06 (twenty-two years ago)

(Hm, which ep? That doesn't ring a bell.)

― Casuistry (Chris P), Sunday, 23 November 2003 07:53 (twenty-two years ago)

If I had a nickel for every Lutheran that's tried to sell me on "God's sense of humor."

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Sunday, 23 November 2003 08:11 (twenty-two years ago)

... they'd make me tithe.

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Sunday, 23 November 2003 08:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Girolamo, just read Ecclestiastes and Proverbs. Ecclesiastes in particular rocks the ashram.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Sunday, 23 November 2003 10:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Girolamo, if you can get a copy of 'The Bible To Be Read As Literature', that might be more dealable-with.

I've heard good things of Everett Fox's 'The five books of Moses', too, as a really good translation and commentary on the Torah, but I haven't myself read it, so.

― cis (cis), Sunday, 23 November 2003 11:05 (twenty-two years ago)

(Hm, which ep? That doesn't ring a bell.)

Yeah, Ned...it's not familiar.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Sunday, 23 November 2003 16:55 (twenty-two years ago)

It's from Teenage Crimewave -- in the course of mocking ol' farmer guy's obsessive Bible reading, Terry, I think, says she prefers something with a lot of laughs, leading to Crow as crusty-ol'-farmer-guy's comment.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 23 November 2003 19:48 (twenty-two years ago)

from memory:

there was that part in Exodus, when the Jews were complaining about eating nothing but manna (or something else) that G*d had given them and wanted meat. so Moses went to tell this to G*d, who was pretty pissed off that they were such ingrates. and G*d said something, to the effect of, "ok, they want meat? i'll give 'em meat! let 'em eat meat till they burst!!" which is what He did, and what they did.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Sunday, 23 November 2003 20:24 (twenty-two years ago)

what a meanie

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 24 November 2003 10:19 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

all the best bible jokes are in the middle third

― Munki (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 02:13 (twenty years ago)

I think the Bible is pretty funny, really. Somewhere in the OT there's a guy who's sent by god to kill a tyrant, and the writing specifies that the king is SO FAT that when the hero drives the sword in, his hand sinks in with it. I mean, THAT'S slapstick.

But there's WAY more funny stuff in Judaism. Look at the idiots of Chelm! And I forget the finer points of this story but here's another example: a man finds that his house has caught fire, so he runs all the way to the rabbi to ask for advice. The rabbi listens, and then says, "My son, you must draw a circle around the house X-many handspans wide, then another circle X lengths away, blah blah kabbalistic mysticism...and the fire will be put out." The man thanks the rabbi profusely and turns to run home, and the rabbi yells at his disappearing back, "And water! Throw lots of water on the fire while you're at it!"

― Laurel, Tuesday, 18 October 2005 02:27 (twenty years ago)

Jacob and Esau / an hairy man and an smooth man

― steve ketchup, Tuesday, 18 October 2005 02:53 (twenty years ago)

Did you mean funny-haha or funny-strange?

― Aimless (Aimless), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 03:16 (twenty years ago)

I live in the only United State mentioned by name in the Bible.

Also, the part where Jesus drives the evil spirits from the guy into the pigs, and the pigs go wild, and the people who own the pigs get all haughty, and Jesus and everyone has to get the puck outta Dodge? Funny.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 03:43 (twenty years ago)

All the begetting gets pretty ridiculous. But we should insert "beget" into our vocabulary more often.

― salexander / sophie (salexander), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 03:43 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, I thought of Jacob and Esau when I saw this thread too. I mean it's sort of a wacky hyjinx kind of story.

― Hurting (Hurting), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 04:47 (twenty years ago)

the parting of the red sea = the first "why did the chicken cross the road?" joke.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 05:31 (twenty years ago)

the angel of death searching for egyptian homes = the first knock-knock joke.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 05:54 (twenty years ago)

http://media.movieweb.com/dvd/hi/012236142027.jpg

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 06:38 (twenty years ago)

not sure about being funny, but i know it's a pack of lies.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 07:52 (twenty years ago)

I live in the only United State mentioned by name in the Bible.

I don't get it.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 08:13 (twenty years ago)

Noah then removed the covering from the ark and saw that the surface of the ground was dry.

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 08:33 (twenty years ago)

*ahem*

Noah then removed the covering from the ark and saw that the surface of the ground was dry.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 14:34 (twenty years ago)

The way Jesus plays the Pharisees sometimes is quite slyly funny.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 14:41 (twenty years ago)

The bit where the harlot lusts after men who are hung like donkeys and come like horses made me snigger in the pews as a little 'un (Ez. 23:20 iirc).

And Jesus killing a fig tree basically because he's hungry and huffy is good for annoying those who say he never sinned, which is a fun thing in itself.

― stet (stet), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 15:28 (twenty years ago)

how many apostles does it take to change a lightbulb?

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 15:34 (twenty years ago)

Why, when the day of Pentecost had fully come, were the apostles a little grumpy when they arrived at church to supplicate themselves? Because they had come together all in one Accord!

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 15:40 (twenty years ago)

they also cut out that section of the Bible, where the apostles all piled into this tiny little wagon when they went to the Sermon on the Mount and came out of the thing like circus clowns.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 15:44 (twenty years ago)

Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethleham. Some things never change.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 16:19 (twenty years ago)

question for those more familiar with ancient lit in general, is there a lot of what we'd call humor in other lit from that time period? is homer's stuff a laffriot? was herodotus a cut up? or josephus? etc etc?

or is it possible that humor fell more on the performance and slapstick side? or in just appreciation of cleverness and trickery? (like jacob and esau.)

where do we start to see a lit of humor? chaucer maybe? i'm really clueless. i just know that when my unread ass thinks about anything really old that i've read... i generally isn't very funny.
m.

― msp (mspa), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 16:32 (twenty years ago)

The Book of Job is funny the same way Kafka's The Trial is. And Jesus getting all like "I'm the Messiah, Mom, not a wizard," to Mary at the one wedding before his ministry begins is pretty funny. She's like, "Son, we're out of booze--turn the water into wine." And he's like, "It's not time for that stuff yet." And then she has the kitchen help bring him the water anyways despite his protests. You can picture him sighing somewhat petuatanly, and being like, Fine, I'll turn the damn water into wine. That that's the first miracle is sort of funny, too. And also, how he taunts Judas at the Last Supper is kind of funny.

Xpost--there's lots of humor from back then. Homer wrote a comedy that's been lost for millenia. See also Aristophanes and Lucian, both as funny as anyone trying to be funny now.

― Brooklyn Zoo, Tuesday, 18 October 2005 16:40 (twenty years ago)

The Bible's full of humor. I always loved Sarai's response to the revelation that she, an 80 year-old woman, was bearing Abram's child: she laughed hysterically.

― Alfred Soto (Alfred Soto), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 16:41 (twenty years ago)

"Xpost--there's lots of humor from back then. Homer wrote a comedy that's been lost for millenia. See also Aristophanes and Lucian, both as funny as anyone trying to be funny now."

cool. i just didn't know. nothing like a college degree!
m.

― msp (mspa), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 16:43 (twenty years ago)

And how can you not laugh at this?

http://images.art.com/images/products/regular/10102000/10102102.jpg

― Alfred Soto (Alfred Soto), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 16:44 (twenty years ago)

i am shocked, SHOCKED that no one has posted the laughing jesus yet. falling down on the job out there folks.

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 16:49 (twenty years ago)

this one?

http://www.beamish.org/images/Jesus%20laughing.jpg

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 17:13 (twenty years ago)

Laughing Jesus kinda looks more like Bob Marley than the Messiah.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 17:14 (twenty years ago)

http://www.reggae.ch/html/reggae/pics/bob-marley-memory_190504.jpg

vs.

http://www.beamish.org/images/Jesus%20laughing.jpg

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 18 October 2005 17:15 (twenty years ago)

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