going to eat my own arm in a minute

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...if someone cannot rescue me from the dark depths of office 'humour'

Like why do some men insist on calling eachother 'Squire' in a comedic baritone accent?, does anyone else have to suffer crap office 'quirks' ?

― Claire, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't think it is supposed to be funny but if a CERTAIN colleague calls his girlfriend 'the missis' one more time he is going to get a large rubber band ball thrown at him.

― Emma, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

'I'm mental, I am', sez the boss...

― Nathan Barley, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

my boss insists on saying "cheers chap " too everyone! man woman child - goddamnit probably dogs

whilst my female boss laughs nervously at anything and everything

THIS COUNTRY

― james, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

A guy here has a mug which is painted with blackboard paint, and every morning he writes his 'phrase of the day' on it. Any ideas as to what I can scribe upon the vessel in question should i actually summon up the courage to steal it one of these days?... All i can come up with is 'twat'.

― Claire, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

twat is good - on your last day go for broke - cun* it

― james, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I was saving that for his car.

― Claire, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The benefits of working with sarcastic bastards -- we hone our sensibilities on fighting true idiocies instead of indulging in giddy wackiness.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

oh oh oh OH claire how i sympathise. today my boss's favouritest joke EVAH is that we are wearing slightly similar black skirts, a fact which she has gigglingly pointed out to everyone who cares to listen and infact everyone who doesn't. needless to say i look much better in mine hehehehh.... never mind eh NOT LONG TILL THE WEEKEND!

― katie, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

while waiting for my omlette at 7:30 this am some woman decided to comment on how small my fingernails where. She then persisted in speaking to me for the whole time while getting nothing but a grunt out of me the whole time. Sometimes, i just hate people in general.

― Chris, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You don't have to be Madhur Jaffrey to work here, but it helps!

― N., Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I wore my hair in plaits for work on Wednesday, and still the little sh*t in the mailroom insists on calling me heidi.

― Claire, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Throw something heavy at them and then apologize for the 'accident.'

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Arm eating=possible replacement for finger food.

― lawrence kansas, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

http://www.fhu.com/images/roym.jpg

If I am personally the brunt of an office joke, it's somebody's ass. So it doesn't happen to me very much anymore. However, I advocate the use of humour in the workplace.

Usually, my office is what one would call a tour bus. The penis in the mouth while your sleeping is one of my faves.

Get ready motherfuckers.

― The Saviour of Modernist Rock, The Supreme Allah, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

our office has about a million in-jokes; i love it. there are only 3 of us in here (there used to be 4 but one left; prob driven out by the continual mad banter), and one of my officemates tolerates the other two of us. i don't really know where to begin relating the "jokes"; accusing famous mathematicians of being goat-rapists in song is an ever-popular theme. i doubt anyone needs me to continue.

― toby, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Like why do some men insist on calling eachother 'Squire' in a comedic baritone accent?

This is the first I've ever heard of this.

― Sean, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Bring a mullet in one day and slap the first cunt who speaks to you - everyone will thank you and think you are a comic genius

― Queen G of the Silly Walk, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, usually it's done in a Shakespearian tenor accent.

― Dan Perry, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

How does one slap in a Shakespearian tenor accent?

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Mullets are Shakespearian in their accent? Othello in the front, King Lear in the back?????

― lawrence kansas, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

While a sex sandwich with two imaginary rulers from different time periods may sound tempting one should bear in mind the lack of STD information available to these monarchs. You could catch Goneril.

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

said in Robot Monster voice to Tracer: "Now I will kill you."

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Normally I would whine about Geoff's response destroying my joke, but his intervention has only made it funnier (as if anything could make it less funny).

― Dan Perry, Friday, 14 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

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