X Factor 2009

This year's series kicks off on Saturday. Anyone watching? If only to see how many grey T-shirts Cowell has hoarded?

It's all in the news! There's an Asberger's contestant!

The auditions are in front of a Britain's (Not) Got Talent audience this year. A budget Lithuanian version of the Cheeky Girls, and Irish identical twins with Don King style hair. Andre Lloyd Webber will be sitting at home pissing himself laughing. Or alternatively taking note of possible contestants for next year's Eurofest...

watched it tonight for the first time in aeons. auditions in front of an audience wtf? what a terrible idea. for one thing it's just so constantly loud now.

Yeah it's become much more like "Britain's Got (No) Talent", with the acts polarised between "obvious favourites" and "no bloody chance". Tonight it's the fifth (and mercifully last) audition show. I wonder how long the audience have to sit there, given the "Post Office queue from Hell" crowd of auditionees outside.

I think the queue from hell only queues for the producers, who send the best and worse on to sing in front of the audience. Or, in the the case of Glasgow, on to sing for the judges and then on to sing again for them in front of an audience because they've changed their mind about the format and need to refilm everyone, and feign suprise at how good/bad they are.

fifth (and mercifully last) audition show.

No, I was wrong. There's another audition show tomorrow.

I lolled hard when Dannii said to Kylie "Selling records... this is what you do..." and then sat back resignedly.
And tomorrow... one hour of people sobbing and Louis Walsh's constipated straining face!

that welsh girl was very sweet.

Simon has more good artists in his category than the rest have between them.

My guesses:

Simon

Jamie Afro Pub Singer Geirbait Guy
Danyl Overblown Sings Out Of The Side Of His Mouth Guy
Ollie This Years' Will Young Guy

Danii

Stacey Pointy Faced Ignoring Her Kid Dagenham Shop Girl
Stacey Don't Mention I Was In S Club Juniors Girl
Lucie I Might Have Mentioned I'm From A Small Town In Wales Girl

Cheryl

Rikki I'll Cry If You Make Me Take My Hat Off Guy
Ethan This Is How I Win The Gay Vote Guy
Joseph LOL Regional Bias Guy

Louis

Kandy Rain Cash In On The Biggest Pre-Live Show Publicity Group
Miss Frank Haha Judges Know How To Put Bands Together Better Than Contestants Group
John & Edward LOL Even More Ridiculous Regional Bias Louis Is Maybe The Only Person Alive Who Will Say "I Like Them!" Group

^^^ mostly agree with this. The boys and girls categories are both completely forgettable. Over 25s: I thought that maybe Daniel Popstars might have had a better chance than Jamie Comedy Afro Wig guy, but it seems that Simon's taken a bit of a protective attitude towards him ("blah blah blah needs to be more confident in himself blah blah blah").
As for the groups, De-Tour pull off the seemingly impossible and make John & Edward look good. Harmony Hood, well at least they got a free trip to Italy. I was hoping that they'd pull something out of the bag but they blew it last night - not that they'd have got through to Louis anyway. Project A, pretty bland, I don't think there's much there and they'd run out of steam really fast if they went through to the live finals. So that leaves Kandy Rain and Miss Frank for the reasons aldo mentions. And clearly Walsh has a huge boner for J&E, despite their arrogance, sub-NKOTB stage patter, and weak vocals.

Methinks Rachel will win the whole shebang.

lols @ 'Stacey Don't Mention I Was In S Club Juniors Girl'. She should be shouting it from the rooftops, Automatic High was a tune!

(xpost) If she gets through to the final 12 then Rachel has a good chance. But I don't think that Dannii will pick her, because Rachel is "too unconventional", ie not really that unconventional at all, but far enough away from the usual girl singer template to rule her out.

The one from Project A wearing the see-through dress last night totally reminds me of Saffia from this year's Big Brother.

"you really remind me of early Boyzone"

So this then?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hr2ZKhV6eKc

Gay Vote vs Teenage Gurls Vote boys etc

10 out of 12 isn't a bad shout.

I'm happy that Rachel made it through instead of Stacey S Club, but apart from her all the real action is going to be in the Over 25's. Stacey from Dagenham might pull a Leona, but it's a long shot.

Also I know it was 100% certain that Louis was going to put hateful twunts John & Edward through, but RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAGGGGHHH!!! I predict that they're going to be the X Factor equivelent of radioactive waste and end up in the final four.

John & Edward are fucking awesome, like Eraserhead made into gaypopporn.

On GMTV, the "fairly good" singer, ousted presumably because Simon already has Leona and Alexandra, so can't do much with yet another black girl singer.

She said about having another go next year, but she really should just get on with it now.

I haven't watched GMTV in ages, but fuck me, Russell Grant and Dr. Hilary are still working in TV?

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=142546471670

Nicole needs to start recording some tracks rather than wait for someone like Cowell to come along. But if any of them had any real organisational skills they wouldn't need to audition for X Factor in the first place.

(xpost) bwahahahahahaha
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/6/62/Eraserheadposter.jpg/200px-Eraserheadposter.jpg

Well, get 'seen', for sure...

two hour show tonight with the elimination in an hour long show tomorrow? I do not have nearly that much care in me. Fuck em.

They could chop half an hour at least off the running time if they stopped playing the Old Spice theme every three minutes.
Rihanna Rachel did pretty well with the opener.

boos for John & Edward before they've even performed? Broken Britain at its worst. :'(

Broken Britain would be J&E going through to next week after the England result tonight, which no-one could see live.

that was Office-esque in terms of televised embarrassment. Although the rock guy is pretty bad for that too, which no one seems to have noticed.

J&E was awful for a school talent concert, never mind X Factor. There's something about Jamie that I dislike, something about his personality, but I can't put my finger on it. The feeling that he would shit on anyone to win, totally screw people over to get what he wants.
Joe didn't really get much of a handle on the lyrics, but he's young. He has a great vocal range though.

erm, well that was awkward.

but the performance was pretty good. Him winning does seem kind of inevitable, unless he falls apart.

Did Danni just say (in essence) "Don't vote for the poof"?

Dannii heavily implied that he was gay, although why she said that I don't know, because even if he is, it's irrelevant. I wonder what it is with every TV contest almost needing to have some kind of controversy/total foot-in-mouth moment recently? Like with Du Beke on Strictly.
Walsh is the only member of the panel who isn't going to get chewed out by Cowell tonight. However Danyl comes over a really egotistical and unlikeable.

Although admitedly he is safe for the time being, but I think that he's a one trick pony and the public will get tired of him. I would almost prefer John & Edward over Danyl.

Actually I would prefer J&E over Danyl. Oh shoot me now...

OK, this is going to blow up bigtime...

also, THERE ARE NO GENDER REFERENCES IN "AND I'M TELLING YOU I'M NOT GOING" !!!

Mark G:

And I am telling you
I'm not going.
You're the best man I'll ever know,
There's no way I can ever go.

Gately blubathon tonight then? Plus Dannii said on twitter that she's going to apologise for last night.

Louis has pulled out, so he won't be leading whatever they do about Gateley.

that "i'm telling you..." thing is so weird. it's not even a song it's like 3 minutes of shouting and crescendo.

i think danni has more to aplolgise for referring to louis as "miss walsh" throughout the show rather than the outing of the danyl.

An 11 year girl won America's Got Talent with "I AAAAM TELLING YOUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!" a few years ago.

I guess after Stephen Gately, this has kind of been small beer.

I still was somewhat shocked by it, but there you go.

Simon's mecha-tribute was v. odd. Not the slightest bit of emotion, dismissive 'the show must go on' comment, &c &c.

Good work Robbie Williams, being completely off his face on live TV a couple of days after 'I was 24 hours from druggy death' confessionals.

http://newsvote.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8307576.stm

Complaints made over Dannii jibes

Almost 4,000 complaints have been made to media watchdog Ofcom over Dannii Minogue's comments about a contestant's sexuality during Saturday's X Factor.

Ofcom said despite receiving 3,885 complaints from viewers, "they are not currently investigating the matter".

In Sunday night's show, the judge apologised about the remarks.

Danyl Johnson changed a line of a song to refer to a woman instead of a man, but Minogue joked he had not needed to change the gender.

For those of you who either didn't see J&E's performance tonight, or alternatively saw it and wondered if you were imagining it...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ye560UIYgQc

I am almost sure I want them to stay in now, as they're very nearly entertainingly bad.

can't sing, can't dance, no charisma, taking the piss, next no.1 then?

I absolutely want them to stay in the contest longer than Jamie and especially Danyl. He's going to make that annoying eyes-closed-mouth-open face at the end of every song he sings.

it was genuinely mindblowing. I was glad to have my "worst thing I've ever seen" thoughts confirmed by Simon Cowell, until I remembered that he was Simon Cowell.

At least Kimberley has some better crowd control in South Shields this evening.

I keep making comparisons to David Sneddon but it's a slightly different thing, I think Sneddon went into songwriting? And Joe's got a bit more charisma than him but he still looks unbelievably awkward and stiff. I don't think 12 months in hiding getting reprogrammed is gonna work.

Yeah, Sneddon's a songwriter now. Joe's got a better voice than Leon Jackson, who was the last one of these folk to not be able to be reprogrammed into a star like what they've done with Alexandra, so there's something there for him, somewhere, surely.

Er, obviously he was the last one before Alexandra because he was, um, the winner before Alexandra. Ignore my pointless chronology, and basically, aye, Joe's a better Leon, but he's no Leona. Or something.

I don't know what that George Michael song was about, but at one point it sounded like he was implying that Jesus was his dealer.

Ten years of bong hits will do that to a man.

Ha, I couldn't even listen to it. It must be disheartening to be introduced as one of the biggest stars this country has ever produced, and get on to plug your new single which is going to be beaten to number one by the nothing little oik you've just sung a duet with.

Oh God, it's Paul McCartney.

"snow fell on my bed like sugar, put there by Jesus" or something.
Oh here's Paulie...

It would have been great if PM and his band had come on stage playing Beatles Rock Band.

NO OLLY NO NO NO NO JAMIE NO NO NO BAD POODLE DOG

"Drive My Car" fittingly turned out to be a car wreck.

God, I hate Paul McCartney so much.

I think I will just take this opportunity to laugh at Louis' tux with the leather lapels. And his bow tie.

He looks like the manager of a Harvester restaurant.

phew.

Oh what a surprise. Thanks for the really really REALLY long pause though, eh?

I wonder if he'll spoil it now by shouting HA HA I'VE WON YOU FUCKERS!

I can't believe that.....Ryan Giggs won.

McCartney must have been rehearsing for all of ten seconds before Cowell made the "ok, quadruple the pyrotechnics" call.

My kids seemed somewhat excited that Joe won, despite them having barely watched an episode. I think it's because Ollie is "old".

really busy here, only tuned in for the result (during the really long pause!). the right man won.

album of show tunes plus mid-level West End career awaits

think that will suit him fine!

Not intended as a diss, just think it's the most likely career path.

what did rachel do? haven't been watching, people just tweeted about her doing a lil mama

i hate paul mccartney btw

joe has no personality, olly has a hateable personality, i really hope their careers take a nosedive into the shitter starting the week after the xmas no 1

oh and the whole mccartney-on-stage-with-jedward thing - FINALLY THE MAN HAS FOUND HIS APPROPRIATE LEVEL

what did rachel do?

Grabbed Joe's mic and shouted "JOE'S WON!"

Think Rachel just cut in during Joe's end of show reprise and told him he was great or sump'n. I thought it was a bit ego-y but Mrs V says they're mates?

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=logo#/group.php?gid=214261723536&ref=nf

Stacey Solomon Should Be The Voice On Sat Nav

Category:
Just for Fun - Totally Random
Description:
This group is for everyone who would buy a sat nav if you could have stacey solomon's voice on it.

16,732 members

Voting percentages

http://xfactor.itv.com/_uploads/documents/091213_votestats.pdf

Had to look it up to make sure, but that week Danyl got 36% really was the week he did the Aerosmith one

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWq1NW27n7E

so bizarre that rachel came in the bottom two every time except the week she came...top

looking back on those though - wow, this really was a poor final 12, wasn't it :/

Also bizarre: The only week that the lowest polling act did not get eliminated was when Olly got less than JEdward!

that is o_O

why can't other shows publish these numbers? I would kill for Idol to do this.

danyl's %s fluctuate pretty wildly!

also rachel gets the highest % vote the week before she gets the boot.

(xxpost) all you need is a series of phone in votes scandals (not X Factor, but several other shows), a public outcry, and it's yours.

Not true, they never tell you what the voting patterns were in Strictly.

i really like this jls/alexandra performance!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdgXMfLobJA&feature=player_embedded

It was rather exciting, especially because I feared that it might be mediocre. Better than Leona standing still (again) on a (Pete Townshend voice) bleeding box.

Jedward's "Under Pressure" single is a new entry at #2 in the UK chart.

What is WRONG with people? This is the one with Vanilla Ice, yes? I saw them blathering incomprehensibly about it, and some other stuff, on Jonathan Ross the other week, and they are quite possibly the strangest people ever to walk the earth.

Yeah it's the one with Vanilla Ice on it. J&E were just interviewed on Radio 1 by Reggie Yates and the poor guy couldn't get a word in edgeways.

oh, Britainpaws.

hasn't Vanilla Ice long claimed that 'Ice Ice Baby' doesn't sample 'Under Pressure'?

Yeah, he said something like "UP goes dun dun dun dun dun dun while IIB goes dun dun dun dundun dun dun". Which shows a distressing lack of awareness about how sampling actually works for someone, you know, who's oeuvre relies pretty heavily on sampling.

What is WRONG with people?

The fact that "fireflies" record still sold more that Jedward suggests that there's a lot more wrong with the world that a couple of Irish twins who can't really sing or dance at all.

But point taken, charts are eff-ed up at the moment. Take two versions of "Don't Stop Believing" into the shower? A song where the chorus goes "sha-na-na-na everyday"?

poor reggie yates ;_;

how did it come about that don't stop believin' become some kind of cultural touchpoint? did the revival start with the sopranos finale?

Can't decide which grin is cheesiest

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v165/noodle_vague/DSCF8156.jpg

I'm sure that Olly's facial expression has been stuck like that since the X Factor 2009 final.

"No, really, I'm perfectly alright with coming second to Joe, that winsomely grinning little troll."