I am taking ice skating lessons, and so should you

Here are the skillz I have mastered according to the Pre-Alpha certificate I was recently awarded by my Russian skating instructor:

Proper way to fall
Proper way to get up
Marching in standing position
Marching while moving
Backward wiggle
Dip (snowball)
Forward swizzles (3 in a row)
Two-foot glide

Tonight I learn to stop! Exciting!

I took ice skating in college, needed a 1-hour credit class to fill up one semester. It was actually pretty fun, plus dated my super cute instructor after the class ended.

It is really fun! Except for the falling part, which hurts.

were you ok at skating before? i am pretty bad at it.

I was horrible when I started, but by the end of the class I was pretty good! I could skate backwards and everything!

This is the first time I've ever taken lessons and the first time I've been on ice since high school, when I used to hang out at the ice rink smoking cigarettes and oogling hockey dudes (but doing very little actual skating). I seem to have gotten the hang of it more quickly than some of my classmates, but a lot of them had never been on the ice, ever.

my sister got to take ice skating lessons when we were kids but i didn't and i was pissed. i still learned how to do a little bunny hop (?) from her and felt pretty badass.

i wanted to be a speedskater once, i think i would be good at it.

When do you learn to body check?

Oooooooh bunny hop! That is like way advanced. Dan given that I do not yet know how to stop, body check may soon come in the form of my crashing into a classmate.

Apparently the fact that I am quite tall does not bode well for my professional ice skating career ;__;

Stopping is easy, you just put the blades at a 90 degree angle to the direction you're moving!

Yes but that means the blades stop but the rest of my body keeps going!

Leaning back is key.

Sorry, I grew up skating and playing hockey and stuff, I'm just being kind of a snot. Mostly I'm jealous, I haven't skated in a couple of years. Hoping to get back into it this winter.

I'm getting my Swedish gf to teach me how to do this this winter. I've never been on the ice (not sure if I've seen it in person, even) and I'm tall and my sense of balance is for shit.
Any tips for someone who is destined to break something in the process?

In all seriousness, maybe look into buying some cheap/used hockey pads? Knee and elbow pads can go a long way.