Naked Chef: Pukka or Shite?

Schtick: Really rather annoying. At least he doesn't say Kushti though. I cannot truly find it in my heart to hate Mockney's thought, as they are aspiring to greatness (I am waiting for the insults on this one though).

Spiral Staircase Sliding Down: Superfluous

Backing music: Poor

Band he is in: Feeble. Video has more drummer shots in it than usual though.

Upshot: People whose culinary sophistication was previously at omlette on potato waffle stage now have dinner parties. However it might be useful if the did a Naked Chef "How to wash up afterwards" special.

(He's proof that they'll let anyone on television these days!)

He really should have been Australiam. Annoying self-important twats who are in actual reality are sad wankers, but not everyone agrees. Perfect.

Oh, and his food is terrible. I'd rather go down to Burger King.....

* Now, I like Robbie, but he's not at all sexy, okay? Done.

I was stuck for some food round my girlfriends the other day though, and borrowed her housemates Jamie Oliver book, and found his dishes quite good. His music, however, should be taken on a par with a Hale and Pace charity single.

To sum up, as long as I dont have to hear him drumming or speaking, or have to look at his crappy retro-mod-britpop clothing and general appearance I can bear the guy.

And yeah, the guy's an arse.

Did anyone catch the hilarity that was his appearance on the Today show this morning? The sight of Jamie "I've had no sleep in 5 days and my wife is gonna kill me for coming home with no Christmas presents" Oliver doing his whole manic thing with Matt, Al, Ann, and some other woman who was not Katie nearly had me peeing myself with laughter. They were all so overwhelmed by his insanity. Ann even howled, "I luuuurve him!" at one point. I think that was the high point of the TV season, right there.

So, yeah. I like him.

Jamie Oliver should be boiled in oil and have his tongue pulled out - providing they can find it, that is.

Oh, and beady, squinty little eyes he's got too - he looks like he's constantly defecating.

OK, now I’m a good cook and a wannabe Goth: I’m not bothered about being Girlie. Except perhaps for the disruptive effect it’d have at work, I’d happily wear a skirt and make-up when occasion demanded.

Jamie O is a GREAT cook, a naturally gifted improviser and food-as- gift performer - far better, for example than eg Gary “The Stick Up My Butt Has Been Microwaved at 11 for exactly Four and a Third Seconds” Rhodes, or Evil Delia “I Have Come to Parboil Yr Children, Ann so- called Robinson” Smith. In other words, he’s NOT an anal technician, a Master Chef, a Cre-A-Tor (the usual male cop-out, cookery-wise). He likes cooking for kids, y’know?

But (and this is my theory) by upbringing, by class, by whatever, JO is VERY VERY VERY bothered about being Girlie. He knows he’s great and he accepts his fate (what else could he ever have been: celebrity brain surgeon?). In himself, he actually enjoys it. He has, however, to find a non-Girlie delivery to wrap it in, so as not to piss off his Loaded-reading, porn-hoarding mates. Hence endless tiresome mockney shtick; hence drummer and Toploader fan; hence curious technical production tricks in his programmes, disguised as three-minute-culture dumb-down editing. Like, you never see him actually chop or wash up: not because he doesn’t do either, but precisely because he DOES. Yes, actually he does the Girlie stuff, the slave stuff: prep before, tidying up afterwards. Look, his chopping is incredible: but it’s a skill he definitely doesn’t want us to dwell on. He may not be a MAN yet - but he’s a LAD, and don’t you forget it.

His unease gets through to us: and, hey, the world hates those who hate themselves.

Later for my theory abt cooks on film, writers in film - and why Nigella uberbabe Lawson is therefore inevitably intimidated by television.

ps he is a Grade A wanker, fake cockney with dead posh parents. But we love to hate him, so someone please bring back the site!!!

This is the url for the Jamie Oliver Gallery. The site has not been taken down for legal reasons. Its because so many people were visiting that they overloaded the server, and the sites' producers have had to remove the photo's. They will try to get it back so keep checking.

I find it hard to know what to hate most about him - the lad behaviour (Men Behaving Like Untalented Fuckwit Cunts), the stupid accent, the ridiculous faces he pulls at arbitrary moments....

I notice he has the music of the wonderfully tepid and dirg-mungous Toploader as the music on his adverts; presumably this is so blind people can hate him too?

My lowlights of Oliver:

The latest advert, where he goes to the 'Delicatethhen' and "blags some free tucker" (as he'd probably say) and then makes that dumbass face while rubbing his belly.

His constant parading of 'Juleth' and other friends - yes, we're all very impwethed, you've got loadth of mateth and a thweet girlfriend.

These phrases: "Anyone fancy a ruby?" "Happy days" "it's fallen in my helmet" (I wish a live grenade would)

So to sum it up in one word, he's a cunt

End of story.

Sadly, I hate him too. Just awful.

(a) this morning, I inexplicably received a giant Naked Chef promotional email, and

(b) this evening, I saw that he'll be on one of the local news shows next week.

Local ad blitz is one thing, but cropping up again on here = too much Jamie Oliver today.

Thanks, guy:

http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2009/10/06/magazine/11cover-600.jpg

*blinks*