Classic or dud: pissing on your belt

damn button fly pants

lololololololololololololololololololololol

just to continue my european bathroom series

I go to Germany tomorrow so you know shit will get stirred up something proper then

did you do this because you had to piss in the dark due to outside light switches?

I wish ILX had "sticky" functionality, I would pin this to the top of SNA for MONTHS

xpost no, I did it for love

I'd do anything for love but I won't do THAT

is this a euphemism that i've never heard of, or some weird sex position?

German toilets have the 'shit inspection shelf', J0hn. Have fun!

. . . curious to see if anyone will say "classic."

suzy as I mentioned between a few choice Tuomas koans, the fragrant platform is well-known to me, I often use it as a metaphor for everything that's wrong with being alive

what's wrong with peeing on your belt? it's just urine, and i thought urine was sterile </tuomas>

is this just some weird thing where Americans are afraid of their own urine?

i don't understand the physics of this

i'm not afraid of urine, i just don't understand it

What is the shit inspection shelf?

Nick, I think this happens when you undo your belt to pee and it dangles into your urine stream.

xp LOL

omg mr que have mercy

it's a cruel thing, what you guys are doing to a poor dude who just pissed on his belt

for SHAME

It could also happen if you remove your belt, put it on the floor, and piss on it.

Jesse otm

Americans want to control their own pants so badly they have to use belts

is this just some weird thing where Americans are afraid of their own urine?

classic or dud, dropping the pear you were eating on a hotel room floor because you were lol'ing too hard at mr que's tuomas impression

xpost LOL, LOL, FUCKING STORM OF LOL

Is it true that in Europe, the belt goes on the inside of the pants?

someone please tell me about the shit shelf?

toilets in Germany look like this:

http://jingalex.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/toilet_bowl.jpg

hahahah look at that fuckin german toilet, it looks like a goddamn shit jacuzzi for SHIT

that seems like it would result in a lot of "painting of pictures" xp

they are the worst thing in the entire history of the world.

in an underheated German apartment, they will teach you that God is a lie.

it looks like a goddamn shit jacuzzi for SHIT

this... this is like a koan

shit hits the pan...

Normal non-german toilets have been having the same effect for my 5-year-old, which has been a bit of an issue lately.

is this just some weird thing where Germans are afraid of their own shit-splashback?

in an underheated German apartment, they will teach you that God is a lie.

I bet God would be an even bigger lie in a hot German summer with no AC.

this is pure hero material

http://www.banterist.com/archivefiles/000212.html

do button fly jeans really make this more of a danger? i don't think i've pissed on anything important since i started wearing them.

if a person has used the fragrant platform even once and still purports to think Germany is "nice," that person should be considered insane & incurable

is this just some weird thing where Germans are afraid of their own shit-splashback?

no, the main thing is German males love the prospect of "accidentally" letting their nutsacks brush across the top of a steaming pile of their own fresh waste

Do they have diarrhea in Germany?

that is one for the Zen Book of Poop

oh hey, come on now; there is still tons and tons of beer in Germany so I can endure a little bit of shit shelf every now and then

Do they have diarrhea in Germany?

yes, it is awarded to several lucky people by lottery each week

Germany has awesome bakeries

btw the true secret to navigating the German toilet is to sit on it BACKWARDS

i don't understand how flushing works on those things. not that i entirely understand how it works everywhere else but that's a needless digression

btw the true secret to navigating the German toilet is to sit on it BACKWARDS

just visualizing this makes me very very sad.

It's diarrhea time
There's no need to be afraid
At diarrhea time, we let in light and we banish shade
And in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy
Throw your arms around the world at diarrhea time

But say a prayer

Pray for the other ones
At diarrhea time it's hard, but when you're having fun
There's a world outside your window
And it's a world of dread and fear
Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears
And the poo shelves that ring there are the clanging
chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you

no, the main thing is German males love the prospect of "accidentally" letting their nutsacks brush across the top of a steaming pile of their own fresh waste

― a full circle lol (J0hn D.), Tuesday, October 13, 2009 1:50 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

aka the "weiner shitzel"

When you've eaten sauerkraut
and your bottom drops right out
Diarrhea

there is some technique involved, yes

theeeese days

There's no technique involved in using a urinal; they all have a parabolic design which causes the urine to splash perpendicular to the direction it hit the back wall, so if you are getting splashed that means you are either using a dirty urinal or standing in the urinal.

Classic or dud: pissing on your belt while standing in the urinal

xp ok but dirty urinals aren't exactly some rare species in the wild

No, but considering that a significant number of guys basically hump them while pissing (you know you've all seen this), it's not really a surprise that something designed to to splash them during use might splash them

in a way the best urinals are the old-fashioned ones that go all the way to the floor

how about the ones that are just a slanted wall with water running down them?

by the way I wish DJP had chosen a picture of a german toilet that did not look like it uses jagermeister as flushing water upthread

sometimes I take my belt off before I piss and just drag it against the back of the urinal as a sort of opening gambit, just get all the suspense outta the way and wet up the belt, I know my belt pissers feel me

yeah i used to attend a teen disco where it was the wall, with a trough running along the floor. Good times.

and it was packed for space so the tall fellas would just stand akimbo over the short fellas and have at, i was, thankfully, a taller fella.

i feel you, aero

"opening gambit" just killed me

guys its true its all true

we have a nozzle we can direct anywhere and a prostate, not that hard to keep it where you want it imo

What's the prostate got to do w/ it?

/tinaturner

nah the sceisseschelffen

they are worse here than in holland. i dont think theyre as deep...

*looks it up* ok pc muscle, it's close by, you know what i mean xp

Oh. No, I thought there was something about the prostate that I didn't know. Something specific, I mean.

I've never seen the shelf in Holland! I guess the advantage there is you might be stoned as fuck and what goes better with weed than the powerful smell of your own rich poop

besides "literally anything," I mean

The Dutch have to make their shelves slightly higher so that your poop sits above sea-level. It's the law.

the continental shelf

stansted hasn`t much going for it at midnight on a thursday but the cooling backsplash of a released turdtle makes up for almost anything

I'm serious about that Dutch law btw. They did recently have a debate about it in parliament, and though the upper chamber held it up, the motion was eventually passed.

true, but a few months later it was blocked in a lower circuit court however

yeah I heard about that - it seems every year it's harder to push stuff through that lower court

the early day motions can be particularly sticky

they all have a parabolic design which causes

what the actual fuck, america

love/hate this thread

new (ish, since February) flatmate has caused much bafflement chez sktsh with his terrible aim and mystifying insistence on always putting down both lids, which - coupled with the fact that he either doesn't notice or doesn't care enough to clean it - means you basically have to hope that there's not a hidden puddle of urine on the porcelain when you lift the lid to go next. (There usually is.) You can always tell when he's been because a) the top lid is down; and b) there's a little puddle of piss on the floor in front of the toilet

is your flatmate 5?

i know rite

(he's 29 I think)

i told a doctor friend about this in the pub and he looked very serious and said "perhaps he's got dual streams"

piercing?

the thing that makes the fragrant platform so insulting is that, normally, if your gaze happens upon the water-filled bowl as it's carrying your shit away, no big. but every time you forget to shield your eyes when you flush the shelf toilet, which you will do, because the flushing mechanism is often a button on top of the tank, you will be greeted by a very 3-D demonstration of the specific heft of your payload. the water will rush out from behind it, and the whole mound will be carried, Marshall Will & Holly on a raft style, by this flush-wave down into the lower hole. it will leave streaks. these, too, will be washed away like tears in rain. time to die.

― a full circle lol (J0hn D.), Tuesday, October 13, 2009 8:31 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

bravo!

xp hadn't occurred but i fucking bet that's what it is. what's the best way to surreptitiously find out? magnets?

mystifying insistence on always putting down both lids

why is this mystifying?

oh no sorry, badly worded: mystifying in the context of pissing underneath it first.

in other circumstances i'd heartily approve

We got a new toilet, which has a long and shallow bowl and while it's not a shit shelf toilet, let's just say I think about this thread and JD's post a lot.

xp hadn't occurred but i fucking bet that's what it is. what's the best way to surreptitiously find out? magnets?

― sktsh, Tuesday

pissin magnets, how do they work

Michael Lewis's Vanity Fair essay relating a German fascination with scheisse to the European economic crisis merits a mention.

Right after I started to piss, the lower panel of my top coat, which I thought I had positioned safely to the side, fell back into place in front of me. Most of the stream was deflected onto the floor, but some splashed back onto my trousers too.

#safespace

the cheap toilet seat in my apartment has this horrible habit of occasionally drifting down while i'm in the act and the result is, when the stars align and i'm the right mix of sleepy or otherwise reaction-time-inhibited, just really awful.

what is my life

oh yeah, we've got a "soft-closing" toilet seat or somesuch and you really have to keep your eye on that fucker or it might start drifting down mid-stream.

"european bathroom series"

I will piss on my belt, video it and post to ilx to create the positive energy required here

Watching anvil the story of anvil