shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

("wacky"/weird news does not apply)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-j-trump/my-new-golf-course-a-sour_b_323741.html

I was mentioned in the Press & Journal once - that should give you an idea of how prestigious Mr Trump's historian is.

Anyway, is that entire site an Onion parody?

lol comments

"As a leader of Intimacy Retreats and the author of Tantric Sex for Busy Couples: How to Deepen Your Passion in Just Ten Minutes a Day, I always recommend that couples schedule time for intimacy."

While over 90% of the locals, politicians, businesses and top historians support my project\\

lol

LOL at that trump article

http://www.thedeclaration.org/article/more-just-secondhand-news

I know what you’re thinking. I don’t want to read another review of that frickken Phish show! Plus I can totally download the concert for free off the internet. HELLZ NO. Last week, I saw Fleetwood Fucking Mac, and it was the greatest night of my life, and I’m going to tell you all about how much it ruled.

http://grab.by/2ywT

also file under "shit that looks like a hipster runoff post but isn't"

file under 'headlines that would've made absolutely no sense to anyone 15 years ago'

"Fast-growing public fighting memes" is a pretty big category.

can you imagine actually reading an explanation of why this particular public fight meme has had an accelerated rate of adoption compared to other public fight memes?

Is there even another public fight meme other than bumfights? I remember that grew pretty fast...

pretty much every article by the DPRK's news service

http://www.forbes.com/2010/02/23/flint-autos-toyota-business-recall.html?boxes=Homepagelighttop

http://images.forbes.com/media/commentary/jflint.jpg

http://www.earthtimes.org/articles/show/309172,report-taxi-driver-remake-mulled-by-scorcese-von-trier.html

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-silicone-bullet25-2010feb25,0,1532754.story

no, von trier, nooooooo!

http://img265.imageshack.us/img265/8057/theage.jpg

Grandpa Wins $10000 iTunes Gift Card

"Socially alert student poet unimpressed by conformity"

I would like to see von Trier incorporate all these stories into his Taxi Driver remake.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1254205/High-noon-Stamford-Bridge-John-Terry-comes-face-face-man-betrayed-shake-hands.html

The entire dailymail site had some choice cuts but I went with this one.

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/pennsylvania/20100228_Thieves_take_jewelry__leave_child_at_Phila__store.html

lol @ comments on stan's article.

i like to read this thread title like:

shit! that looks like an onion article but isn't

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/03/22/real.men.eat.salad/index.html?hpt=Mid

(CNN) -- Real men eat salads. I know this because I am a dude. Right now, in my fridge, I have five bottles of hot sauce, a jar of Cheez Whiz and half a pack of hot dogs. But recently I went to lunch with a couple of buds, and I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard.

It was a basic frissée salad with bacon, shallots and a poached egg, tossed in a light vinaigrette. Frissée is a curly, toothsome leaf, bitter enough to balance bacon and egg but still possessed of a pleasant spring.

My friends laughed at me. They pointed. One ordered a burger, the other fried calamari. I was chastised for not eating "man food."

For those of you who aren't familiar with this gender normative term, "man food" is food that you'd imagine a lumberjack or a cowboy or a Viking would eat. Towers of butter-soaked pancakes. Pots of napalm-hot chili. Meat on a bone.

Thoroughly unsubtle, "man food" is rustic fare meant to satisfy a hearty appetite. Quantity is prized over quality. Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.

But sometimes a dude needs a change. Specifically, a salad. A fresh, crisp, crunchy salad. Salads offer breathers between manly meals. Spinach, cucumber, tomato, red onions, mushrooms, chickpeas, oil and vinegar -- that is my usual jam.

I don't need any fancy, goopy dressings compromising my vegetables. (What does a ranch actually taste like, anyway?) Sometimes, I might throw some almonds or walnuts up in there. I've been known to be down with blueberries and mandarin oranges. I like bacon or grilled chicken on occasion. I am not a fan of unnecessary carbs like croutons. And then there are those moments I go crazy and get a frissée freakin' salad.

I didn't evolve without help. There was a time where, if I cut myself shaving, I'd bleed sausage gravy. My heart squeezed more than it pumped. And I also grew what I call "fat wings."

Luckily, the woman I was dating at that time didn't like any of those things. Being able to sit in a bathtub full of buffalo wings is every dude's birthright, but I eventually learned that being attractive for your significant other is also pretty manly.

My girlfriend was a smart woman and didn't bring up my devolving into a human biscuit. What she did was announce that we were going to save money so that Saturday nights, we could go to the local barbecue joint and destroy some cow with our faces.

Obviously, my first thought was, "Aww, she wants me to help her lose weight." So I humored her. She came home from the supermarket with a stack of plastic disposable containers. In each, she put one potential salad ingredient. Not only the ones that would become my favorite but kidney beans, green peppers, corn and pepperoni slices.

She created a mini-salad bar in our fridge. It was easy, and I was told I could eat as much as I wanted. This became my lunch and occasional dinner.

You know what? We saved money. I lost weight. Gained energy. And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

I kept this up this salad-centric diet for months. My friends would come over to watch a fight or brawl on the PlayStation, and I'd meet them at the door with a salad in my hand.

The landlord would need my help with some drywall; I'd put my salad down.

At work, I'd articulate corporate strategy during lunch meetings spearing cucumbers in my lucky bowl of awesome salad. I made eating salad sexy. I made it macho, macho.

Is it rabbit food? Friend, if it's rabbit food, then that rabbit is the size of a ferocious bear.

My friends poked fun at me as I munched on my fancy salad. It was tasty. I love how the warm yolk from the poached egg lightly coated the frissée, adding a dimension of hardiness to a dish with such leafy bounce. And the bacon chunks added just the right amount of fatty salt, more sturdy ballast. I wiped my mouth.

We were out celebrating one guy's birthday. The other guy, an old friend from college, was "in-between gigs." It had been another tough year. "Salad is not man food," they mocked. Oh, but it is. I ordered a final round of beers. Then I picked up the check.

Are salads manly? What is the manliest salad? Are you the sort of guy who wouldn't touch a salad if a gun was put to his head? Tell us in the comments whether you think salads can count as "man food."

where to start

I love how the warm yolk from the poached egg lightly coated the frissée, adding a dimension of hardiness to a dish with such leafy bounce. And the bacon chunks added just the right amount of fatty salt, more sturdy ballast. I wiped my mouth.

YUM YUM

Is that an Anderson Cooper piece?

Being able to sit in a bathtub full of buffalo wings is every dude's birthright

Who does this?

why doesnt he just call it a salad lyonnaise

good salad btw--i saw jacques pepin make one once on PBS, he poached the egg in like 2 inches of olive oil

where to start

― call all destroyer, Tuesday, March 23, 2010 4:38 PM

I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard.

"Salad is not man food," they mocked. Oh, but it is. I ordered a final round of beers. Then I picked up the check.

pooping before bathing in your tub of buffalo wings

but what about:

And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

xpost HA!

Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.

"""""""""fun points"""""""""

this guy needs to advertise his services, like:

john devore, a local "dude," will talk to you about what is manly and how it is different from what you might think.

first of all, i want to know why this is on cnn.com? what is the market for this? do people read articles on cnn.com aside from actual news?

secondly, how is it that articles like this get pitched/accepted/assigned like... 5 years after a meme like "man food" became a "thing". if you had shown the text of this to me undated i would've been all "no way this was written after 2005, not a chance"

had no idea that calories were fun points. i mean, i like fun!

http://www.esquire.com/blogs/lists/reasons-why-chocolate-drink-yoohoo-rocks-blog

Maybe once age and decrepitude have strip-mined by palette, I'll think about swilling a Yoo-Hoo. The risk-taking of a convalescent. But even then, I doubt I'll wrap my wrinkled lips around a Yoo-Hoo jar.

Read more: http://www.esquire.com/blogs/lists/reasons-why-chocolate-drink-yoohoo-rocks-blog#ixzz0j2EUvn70

someone get howie long to comment on this

uuuuuuuuuuughh did he really say "whoopee time" -- was this even edited? C'MON MAN

okay, so maybe it's satire!

maybe?

no

No I'm genuinely curious if that isn't a thing!
I bought a carton of pre-made turkey gravy this year anyway.... (and bread sauce but I won't mention that because it will start another argument; it is admittedly a weird thing I never had until my other half wanted it at Christmas)

AP had me all wound up and I think all these gravies sound delightful. Not quite sure what I was getting at

Is the root of this misunderstanding just “beef gravy vs poultry gravy”?

I think that’s part of it

also, sorry Nate! that vitriol wasn’t meant to be directed at you

Biscuit gravy is pork gravy.

(Well, sausage gravy, beef sausage exists.)

If I’ve learned anything from the connections thread it’s that nobody has heard of anything and uk ilxors in particular have never heard of anything from America despite cultural dominance and spending 20 years chatting with Americans on here every day

the art of pretend forgetting

seems like the most normal thing in the world to have many variations on gravy, starting with a reduced beef or poultry stock and fortifying with roux, cream, tomato paste, chunks of meat, etc. variety is the spice of life!

Was gonna say we haven’t even delved into Italian-American gravy

we have though because there is a picture of a big simmering pot of it upthread.

i made the best pasta last night. spaghetti. i cheated with Rao's sauce because i do not have every hour of the day to cook. but i added fresh garlic, roasted red peppers, mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, hot italian sausage, and more spices to my gravy. it tasted even better cold at 11 pm.

gravy is just a sauce which is also a salsa

do you guys do fancy reductions and sauces and rouxs and all that? i do not. maybe that will be a new thing for 2025. i watch all these cooking competitions and everyone is always making beurre blanc and i have never even had beurre blanc. i'm gonna make some in 2025. beurre blanc or bust. i do eat a lot of butter and garlic already though....

I want that James Peterson sauce book. I prob make bearnaise more than anything else

shit that looks like gravy but isn't
shit that doesn't look like gravy but is

I've never done any kind of reduction and wouldn't know where to start but if using flour to make a paste = a roux then I do that all the time. Onion gravy is just slowly fried onions then add a spoonful of flour to thicken it up then add a stock until it's how you like it

it's pretty easy to make a reduction, what is so fancy about simmering ??

shit that looks like onion gravy but isn't

onion gravy is so great and easy to make. i add flour and butter (aka roux) and in addition to stock sometimes a little tomato paste and/or white vin for tang. you can also add whatever herbs or spices you have lying around (sage, thyme, etc) depending on what you're using it for or your mood. if it's going over meatballs "swedish" style, then yeah a splash of cream will be good

ditto bangers and mash

the key is to go slow and low on the onions, and to be patient so that by the time you're adding liquid they are more or less melt into it

thread that looks like its about onions but isn’t (supposed to be)

Oh lol i just scrolled up and saw President Keyes beat me to the joke. I will eat some crow with my onion gravy

Yes I forgot about the butter. Lots and lots of butter for onion gravy

Scram gravy ain't wavy.

https://images.app.goo.gl/dJGhDEiiDAThZRpf9

Hideous Lumpy Gravy

seems like a troll, him being a Democrat, but still

https://www.wlbt.com/2025/01/22/mississippi-politician-files-contraception-begins-erection-act/#jgwnrb0qngeyuc9ka5ckhihxrw4nrnm

JACKSON, Miss. (WLBT) - A state senator in Mississippi has filed a bill entitled the “Contraception Begins at Erection Act.”

As written by Sen. Bradford Blackmon, the bill would make it “unlawful for a person to discharge genetic material without the intent to fertilize an embryo.”

There are also fines involved, the third strike resulting in the loss of $10,000 from the perpetrator.

In a statement to WLBT News, Blackmon wrote, “All across the country, especially here in Mississippi, the vast majority of bills relating to contraception and/or abortion focus on the woman’s role when men are fifty percent of the equation.

Sewer fatberg of ‘grease and rags’ forces Bryan Adams to postpone Perth concert
https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2025/feb/10/sewer-fatberg-of-grease-and-rags-forces-bryan-adams-to-postpone-perth-concert

that's the best headline ever.

Sewer Fatberg's attorney sent a cease and desist letter.

https://thedemocraticstrategist.org/_memos/tds_SM_Levison_strategies_dont_work_condensed_vf.pdf

It's only a matter of time before blues legend Sewer Fatberg ruins a Bryan Adams gig. In a hilarious way. With hilarious consequences.

Sewer Fatberg and the Rowdy Fellows. With their classic proto-rock number "Greasy Raggin'".

although, as the headline states, Sewer Fatberg is currently a member of Grease and Rags

swer fatberg is sweden's third-string goalie in this week's four nations hockey tournament

San Francisco auto glass shops suffering as car break-ins drop

“We used to get 60 to 80 calls a day,” said Hank Wee, manager of In & Out Auto Glass [...] He remembered how the shop was abuzz in 2017, a year when thousands of people returned to their cars to find windshields splintered and glass lodged in their door frames. “Now we’re lucky to get 25,”

https://bsky.app/profile/onestpress.onestnetwork.com/post/3lp2lz5lndc2y

As part of the red-carpet treatment, Saudi officials arranged for a fully operational mobile McDonald’s unit to accompany President Trump during his stay.

https://www.wsj.com/style/ana-de-armas-john-wick-ballerina-keanu-reeves-6da0287e

Ana de Armas Takes a Bath Every Day

Given the usual celebrity hygiene blind items that’s actually news.

https://www.wired.com/story/chlorine-dioxide-bleach-mms-autism-rfk-fda-warning/

The Bleach Community Is Ready for RFK Jr. to Make Their Dreams Come True
Online communities dedicated to the use of a toxic bleach solution to treat everything from cancer to autism believe Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is interested in their cause.

This would have been a totally normal Onion article a year ago.

Poundland sold for £1 with shops set to close

all downhill since they stopped doing their knockoff toblerones for £1

(actually very useful for cheap snacks. and batteries)

Sounds like an iffy idea to begin with--a theme park based around a fascist modernist poet.

"Sounds like an iffy idea to begin with--a theme park based around a fascist modernist poet"

My experience of Poundland was very different. I remember that it was one of the last places that sold camera film - for £1! - albeit that it was eventually gobbled up by collectors. It's the easiest way to get hold of change on the high street because the self-service machines still accept cash. It also has 3-in-1 coffee cheaper than Tesco. And curious not-quite real pop music on the in-store speakers.

Every time I go there I think of Pac-Land, and that makes me feel slightly sad. Remember Pac-Land? It was a Pac-Man sequel that resembled Super Mario Brothers but it came out a year earlier. It could have been a whole new dawn for the franchise. It could have thrust Pac-Man into the twenty-first century. But it was just so dull! And broken and wrong and unentertaining. All flat. Flat ground. No fun. It had all the ingredients, it had the looks. But no. It was like the Exxos version of Dune that came out shortly before Dune 2, the proto-Command & Conquer. It had all the ingredients but they were mixed wrong. Although not to the same extent.

"FCC’s last Democratic commissioner doesn’t know why Trump hasn’t fired her yet"

I go into my local Poundland quite a lot since they finally got rid of the really strong smell of piss.
Useful for snacks, kids' toothbrushes, unbranded antihistamines.

Ken McFeeters suffers dirt bike injury in attempted Tuberville callout

https://www.alreporter.com/2025/06/18/ken-mcfeeters-suffers-dirt-bike-injury-in-attempted-tuberville-callout/

Keir Starmer says good relationship with Donald Trump based on shared family values

Gave me a genuinely good laugh

"Vanessa Trump Reportedly 'Found Happiness For The First Time' With Tiger Woods"