shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

("wacky"/weird news does not apply)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-j-trump/my-new-golf-course-a-sour_b_323741.html

I was mentioned in the Press & Journal once - that should give you an idea of how prestigious Mr Trump's historian is.

Anyway, is that entire site an Onion parody?

lol comments

"As a leader of Intimacy Retreats and the author of Tantric Sex for Busy Couples: How to Deepen Your Passion in Just Ten Minutes a Day, I always recommend that couples schedule time for intimacy."

While over 90% of the locals, politicians, businesses and top historians support my project\\

lol

LOL at that trump article

http://www.thedeclaration.org/article/more-just-secondhand-news

I know what you’re thinking. I don’t want to read another review of that frickken Phish show! Plus I can totally download the concert for free off the internet. HELLZ NO. Last week, I saw Fleetwood Fucking Mac, and it was the greatest night of my life, and I’m going to tell you all about how much it ruled.

http://grab.by/2ywT

also file under "shit that looks like a hipster runoff post but isn't"

file under 'headlines that would've made absolutely no sense to anyone 15 years ago'

"Fast-growing public fighting memes" is a pretty big category.

can you imagine actually reading an explanation of why this particular public fight meme has had an accelerated rate of adoption compared to other public fight memes?

Is there even another public fight meme other than bumfights? I remember that grew pretty fast...

pretty much every article by the DPRK's news service

http://www.forbes.com/2010/02/23/flint-autos-toyota-business-recall.html?boxes=Homepagelighttop

http://images.forbes.com/media/commentary/jflint.jpg

http://www.earthtimes.org/articles/show/309172,report-taxi-driver-remake-mulled-by-scorcese-von-trier.html

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-silicone-bullet25-2010feb25,0,1532754.story

no, von trier, nooooooo!

http://img265.imageshack.us/img265/8057/theage.jpg

Grandpa Wins $10000 iTunes Gift Card

"Socially alert student poet unimpressed by conformity"

I would like to see von Trier incorporate all these stories into his Taxi Driver remake.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1254205/High-noon-Stamford-Bridge-John-Terry-comes-face-face-man-betrayed-shake-hands.html

The entire dailymail site had some choice cuts but I went with this one.

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/pennsylvania/20100228_Thieves_take_jewelry__leave_child_at_Phila__store.html

lol @ comments on stan's article.

i like to read this thread title like:

shit! that looks like an onion article but isn't

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/03/22/real.men.eat.salad/index.html?hpt=Mid

(CNN) -- Real men eat salads. I know this because I am a dude. Right now, in my fridge, I have five bottles of hot sauce, a jar of Cheez Whiz and half a pack of hot dogs. But recently I went to lunch with a couple of buds, and I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard.

It was a basic frissée salad with bacon, shallots and a poached egg, tossed in a light vinaigrette. Frissée is a curly, toothsome leaf, bitter enough to balance bacon and egg but still possessed of a pleasant spring.

My friends laughed at me. They pointed. One ordered a burger, the other fried calamari. I was chastised for not eating "man food."

For those of you who aren't familiar with this gender normative term, "man food" is food that you'd imagine a lumberjack or a cowboy or a Viking would eat. Towers of butter-soaked pancakes. Pots of napalm-hot chili. Meat on a bone.

Thoroughly unsubtle, "man food" is rustic fare meant to satisfy a hearty appetite. Quantity is prized over quality. Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.

But sometimes a dude needs a change. Specifically, a salad. A fresh, crisp, crunchy salad. Salads offer breathers between manly meals. Spinach, cucumber, tomato, red onions, mushrooms, chickpeas, oil and vinegar -- that is my usual jam.

I don't need any fancy, goopy dressings compromising my vegetables. (What does a ranch actually taste like, anyway?) Sometimes, I might throw some almonds or walnuts up in there. I've been known to be down with blueberries and mandarin oranges. I like bacon or grilled chicken on occasion. I am not a fan of unnecessary carbs like croutons. And then there are those moments I go crazy and get a frissée freakin' salad.

I didn't evolve without help. There was a time where, if I cut myself shaving, I'd bleed sausage gravy. My heart squeezed more than it pumped. And I also grew what I call "fat wings."

Luckily, the woman I was dating at that time didn't like any of those things. Being able to sit in a bathtub full of buffalo wings is every dude's birthright, but I eventually learned that being attractive for your significant other is also pretty manly.

My girlfriend was a smart woman and didn't bring up my devolving into a human biscuit. What she did was announce that we were going to save money so that Saturday nights, we could go to the local barbecue joint and destroy some cow with our faces.

Obviously, my first thought was, "Aww, she wants me to help her lose weight." So I humored her. She came home from the supermarket with a stack of plastic disposable containers. In each, she put one potential salad ingredient. Not only the ones that would become my favorite but kidney beans, green peppers, corn and pepperoni slices.

She created a mini-salad bar in our fridge. It was easy, and I was told I could eat as much as I wanted. This became my lunch and occasional dinner.

You know what? We saved money. I lost weight. Gained energy. And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

I kept this up this salad-centric diet for months. My friends would come over to watch a fight or brawl on the PlayStation, and I'd meet them at the door with a salad in my hand.

The landlord would need my help with some drywall; I'd put my salad down.

At work, I'd articulate corporate strategy during lunch meetings spearing cucumbers in my lucky bowl of awesome salad. I made eating salad sexy. I made it macho, macho.

Is it rabbit food? Friend, if it's rabbit food, then that rabbit is the size of a ferocious bear.

My friends poked fun at me as I munched on my fancy salad. It was tasty. I love how the warm yolk from the poached egg lightly coated the frissée, adding a dimension of hardiness to a dish with such leafy bounce. And the bacon chunks added just the right amount of fatty salt, more sturdy ballast. I wiped my mouth.

We were out celebrating one guy's birthday. The other guy, an old friend from college, was "in-between gigs." It had been another tough year. "Salad is not man food," they mocked. Oh, but it is. I ordered a final round of beers. Then I picked up the check.

Are salads manly? What is the manliest salad? Are you the sort of guy who wouldn't touch a salad if a gun was put to his head? Tell us in the comments whether you think salads can count as "man food."

where to start

I love how the warm yolk from the poached egg lightly coated the frissée, adding a dimension of hardiness to a dish with such leafy bounce. And the bacon chunks added just the right amount of fatty salt, more sturdy ballast. I wiped my mouth.

YUM YUM

Is that an Anderson Cooper piece?

Being able to sit in a bathtub full of buffalo wings is every dude's birthright

Who does this?

why doesnt he just call it a salad lyonnaise

good salad btw--i saw jacques pepin make one once on PBS, he poached the egg in like 2 inches of olive oil

where to start

― call all destroyer, Tuesday, March 23, 2010 4:38 PM

I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard.

"Salad is not man food," they mocked. Oh, but it is. I ordered a final round of beers. Then I picked up the check.

pooping before bathing in your tub of buffalo wings

but what about:

And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

xpost HA!

Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.

"""""""""fun points"""""""""

this guy needs to advertise his services, like:

john devore, a local "dude," will talk to you about what is manly and how it is different from what you might think.

first of all, i want to know why this is on cnn.com? what is the market for this? do people read articles on cnn.com aside from actual news?

secondly, how is it that articles like this get pitched/accepted/assigned like... 5 years after a meme like "man food" became a "thing". if you had shown the text of this to me undated i would've been all "no way this was written after 2005, not a chance"

had no idea that calories were fun points. i mean, i like fun!

http://www.esquire.com/blogs/lists/reasons-why-chocolate-drink-yoohoo-rocks-blog

Maybe once age and decrepitude have strip-mined by palette, I'll think about swilling a Yoo-Hoo. The risk-taking of a convalescent. But even then, I doubt I'll wrap my wrinkled lips around a Yoo-Hoo jar.

Read more: http://www.esquire.com/blogs/lists/reasons-why-chocolate-drink-yoohoo-rocks-blog#ixzz0j2EUvn70

someone get howie long to comment on this

uuuuuuuuuuughh did he really say "whoopee time" -- was this even edited? C'MON MAN

okay, so maybe it's satire!

maybe?

no

I don't know if your father's career before you hit puberty makes "KGB-affiliated" a good criticism tbh.

It does when Boris Johnson hotfoots you into the House of Lords because Vladimir Putin conceptually funded your daddy's purchase of the Evening Standard! Not that this has much to do with the late and lamented (by some) Kurt Cobain anyway.

Who is Boris Johnson?

Is something Kurt Cobain would ask if he were alive today.

Roadie for the Melvins, always wears a battle vest with a Motörhead patch

If Kurt had only lived another decade or so he could have scored heroin on the Silk Road

https://nichegamer.com/the-vatican-unveils-official-anime-girl-mascot/

anime is the one without tentacles, right?

^ The Onion only needs to change one word in that title if they do an item on this story

it's an anime boy, ahem

ha, good catch. blue hair = boy. it's much more obvious when you see the pic with all of them on.

Girl, boy, I’m just really sad Kurt Cobain didn’t live to see them

"Welshman has completed the largest GPS drawing of a penis"

Kurt would have love that

d

From 1979 to 1985, the Overseas Broadcasting Department of the Libyan Jamahiriya produced and distributed 15 funk and disco records to promote Colonel Gaddafi's theories worldwide.

We're on a mission to locate, digitize, and make these records available to everyone. For free. pic.twitter.com/8eqcXIJleX

— VOFS - Voice of Friendship and Solidarity (@RadioVOFS) November 10, 2024

(definitely hit follow because I 100% want to hear them if they're all found)

yeah those could be really sick

lol the fubky world music digger impulse leads people down some interesting avenues

funky

Inevitably Colonel Gaddafi has a Discogs.com entry, presumably for recordings of his political speeches. And so does Nicolae Ceaușescu! This album seems to be a "collected speeches of Soviet leaders" record, thus making it a motherlode for Zhivkov-core.

I learn from it that Erich Honecker released a 7" single in 1972, a kind of Marxist rap without beats:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qJyn_KDaGo

Noel Gallagher Made a Six-Hour Ambient Version of “Champagne Supernova”

https://consequence.net/2024/11/noel-gallagher-champagne-supernova-oasis-london-exhibit/

Muslims who voted for Trump upset by his pro-Israel cabinet picks

https://www.reuters.com/world/us/muslims-who-voted-trump-upset-by-his-pro-israel-cabinet-picks-2024-11-15/

the chotiner interview with the leader of that arabs for trump group was already deep onion territory a couple months ago

https://www.wsmv.com/2024/11/27/power-outage-caused-by-former-tn-mayor-crashing-while-reaching-sausage-biscuit/

https://en.cibercuba.com/noticias/2024-12-18-u1-e129488-s27061-nid294011-macabro-cubano-llevaba-ano-desaparecido-espana

murder solved by Google street view picture of the body being loaded into a car

Somewhere in San Francisco very soon after street view started it photo’ed some kids stealing hubcaps off a parked car.

"https://www.wsmv.com/2024/11/27/power-outage-caused-by-former-tn-mayor-crashing-while-reaching-sausage-biscuit/";

So, what's a sausage biscuit? I realise that WSMV4 news probably isn't aimed at a UK audience, but what is it? A bit of googling reveals it's so common in the United States that no-one needs to be told what it is. The pictures suggest that it's a kind of sausage McMuffin.

Is it literally shortbread biscuits with a cooked sausage in the middle? Is this a transatlantic misunderstanding of the word "biscuit", as in the other thread where it turns out that Americans have a completely different version of "O Little Town of Bethlehem" breathe in question mark?

No, it's a sausage flavored cracker you use to lure dogs into vans

The mayor is also a sausage flavored cracker

Is this a transatlantic misunderstanding of the word "biscuit", as in the other thread where it turns out that Americans have a completely different version of "O Little Town of Bethlehem"

yes

It looks like a scone with a beefburger in it, delish.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biscuit_(bread)

See also
Scone — a British leavened bread-like baked good that is similar

iirc biscuit is one of those words that had a more general meaning, and then became more specific in branching ways depending on locale

learning a bunch of stuff I did not know abt biscuits in the US on wikipedia today #onethread

Biscuit is a weird word, pretty common in French also where it also doesn't neatly map onto either the American or British definition and is also used slightly differently in Quebec (a general term meaning cookie) and France (used for only specific kind of cookies).

Don’t worry, Americans are just as puzzled of having beans and toast for breakfast.

If anything that article angers me even more. Because it leads to this:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biscuits_and_gravy

Which is illustrated with this awful, awful, horrible thing:
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/6b/Biscuits-and-gravy.jpg/800px-Biscuits-and-gravy.jpg

Whatever that substance is, it's not gravy. I've tasted gravy. I've made gravy. I've fed gravy to my pet rat for internet likes. You, sir, are not gravy. It's not just the substance that offends me, it's the implication that it's so obviously gravy it doesn't need to have a qualification.

This is why Americans are so annoying. It's not that they're ignorant of the rest of the world, it's that they're unaware that the rest of the world exists. I'm reminded of Donald Rumsfeld's "unknown unknowns". From a British perspective the rest of the world is a "known unknown", e.g. I'm willing to accept that it exists, even though I know nothing about it. I'm willing to accept that Luxembourg exists, but apart from the fact that it has a huge petrol station where truckers go to fill up their trucks with cheap fuel I don't know anything about it.

See, I was browsing Reddit earlier today. r/cinematography. There was a link to the 1997 Blackcurrant Tango advert where Ray Gardner challenges Sebastian to a boxing match. You know! With the helicopter shot. You must remember. You must. For a brief moment I was happy, but one of the commentators, an American - I could tell - didn't know what Tango was. He wasn't aware of Ray Gardner and Sebastian. Or Tango. He didn't know what it was.

It struck me that Americans have the form of a human being, the surface appearance of humanity, but there's nothing on the inside. Just second-hand pop culture and things they've learned from television. At the back of my mind is the horrible suspicion that I am exactly the same. But the point still stands. From what I remember Tango Blackcurrant tasted a bit like Britvic. I remember thinking "what's the point" and "blackcurrants are stupid" and wondering if the campaign was a reference to Willy Wonka. Bearing in mind that the rest of Tango's 1997s adverts had a cartoonish, anarchic tone. But presumably they didn't have the rights to the Wonka name. But it was just on the far side of being explicit. But why? To this day I've never seen Robin Williams' Toys the end.

You do realise that the fight isn’t real and the American commentator is an actor reading from a script?

wtf that gravy looks delicious, get outta here

i have never seen that tango ad - but it's here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNDP11XVg94

> Tango Blackcurrant tasted a bit like Britvic

britvic was the company that made tango. do you mean ribena?

Biscuits and gravy is the bee's knees. One of my favorite southern U.S. things.

Who knew the English were such gravy snobs?

I don’t like gravy but that looks like pretty standard country gravy in overly dramatic light.

that famous English condiment, "country gravy"

any Brit complaining about US food clearly doesn’t understand anything about food

shocker, there are multiple kinds of gravy

I mean, I have relatives who call this "gravy"

https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5a3ed64f4c326d77c53e744a/1532366614915-B7LFIJXOCGYRVJPT6O6O/Italian+Gravy.JPG

I think I understand the part of that post that’s about gravy…