shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

("wacky"/weird news does not apply)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-j-trump/my-new-golf-course-a-sour_b_323741.html

I was mentioned in the Press & Journal once - that should give you an idea of how prestigious Mr Trump's historian is.

Anyway, is that entire site an Onion parody?

lol comments

"As a leader of Intimacy Retreats and the author of Tantric Sex for Busy Couples: How to Deepen Your Passion in Just Ten Minutes a Day, I always recommend that couples schedule time for intimacy."

While over 90% of the locals, politicians, businesses and top historians support my project\\

lol

LOL at that trump article

http://www.thedeclaration.org/article/more-just-secondhand-news

I know what you’re thinking. I don’t want to read another review of that frickken Phish show! Plus I can totally download the concert for free off the internet. HELLZ NO. Last week, I saw Fleetwood Fucking Mac, and it was the greatest night of my life, and I’m going to tell you all about how much it ruled.

http://grab.by/2ywT

also file under "shit that looks like a hipster runoff post but isn't"

file under 'headlines that would've made absolutely no sense to anyone 15 years ago'

"Fast-growing public fighting memes" is a pretty big category.

can you imagine actually reading an explanation of why this particular public fight meme has had an accelerated rate of adoption compared to other public fight memes?

Is there even another public fight meme other than bumfights? I remember that grew pretty fast...

pretty much every article by the DPRK's news service

http://www.forbes.com/2010/02/23/flint-autos-toyota-business-recall.html?boxes=Homepagelighttop

http://images.forbes.com/media/commentary/jflint.jpg

http://www.earthtimes.org/articles/show/309172,report-taxi-driver-remake-mulled-by-scorcese-von-trier.html

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-silicone-bullet25-2010feb25,0,1532754.story

no, von trier, nooooooo!

http://img265.imageshack.us/img265/8057/theage.jpg

Grandpa Wins $10000 iTunes Gift Card

"Socially alert student poet unimpressed by conformity"

I would like to see von Trier incorporate all these stories into his Taxi Driver remake.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1254205/High-noon-Stamford-Bridge-John-Terry-comes-face-face-man-betrayed-shake-hands.html

The entire dailymail site had some choice cuts but I went with this one.

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/pennsylvania/20100228_Thieves_take_jewelry__leave_child_at_Phila__store.html

lol @ comments on stan's article.

i like to read this thread title like:

shit! that looks like an onion article but isn't

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/03/22/real.men.eat.salad/index.html?hpt=Mid

(CNN) -- Real men eat salads. I know this because I am a dude. Right now, in my fridge, I have five bottles of hot sauce, a jar of Cheez Whiz and half a pack of hot dogs. But recently I went to lunch with a couple of buds, and I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard.

It was a basic frissée salad with bacon, shallots and a poached egg, tossed in a light vinaigrette. Frissée is a curly, toothsome leaf, bitter enough to balance bacon and egg but still possessed of a pleasant spring.

My friends laughed at me. They pointed. One ordered a burger, the other fried calamari. I was chastised for not eating "man food."

For those of you who aren't familiar with this gender normative term, "man food" is food that you'd imagine a lumberjack or a cowboy or a Viking would eat. Towers of butter-soaked pancakes. Pots of napalm-hot chili. Meat on a bone.

Thoroughly unsubtle, "man food" is rustic fare meant to satisfy a hearty appetite. Quantity is prized over quality. Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.

But sometimes a dude needs a change. Specifically, a salad. A fresh, crisp, crunchy salad. Salads offer breathers between manly meals. Spinach, cucumber, tomato, red onions, mushrooms, chickpeas, oil and vinegar -- that is my usual jam.

I don't need any fancy, goopy dressings compromising my vegetables. (What does a ranch actually taste like, anyway?) Sometimes, I might throw some almonds or walnuts up in there. I've been known to be down with blueberries and mandarin oranges. I like bacon or grilled chicken on occasion. I am not a fan of unnecessary carbs like croutons. And then there are those moments I go crazy and get a frissée freakin' salad.

I didn't evolve without help. There was a time where, if I cut myself shaving, I'd bleed sausage gravy. My heart squeezed more than it pumped. And I also grew what I call "fat wings."

Luckily, the woman I was dating at that time didn't like any of those things. Being able to sit in a bathtub full of buffalo wings is every dude's birthright, but I eventually learned that being attractive for your significant other is also pretty manly.

My girlfriend was a smart woman and didn't bring up my devolving into a human biscuit. What she did was announce that we were going to save money so that Saturday nights, we could go to the local barbecue joint and destroy some cow with our faces.

Obviously, my first thought was, "Aww, she wants me to help her lose weight." So I humored her. She came home from the supermarket with a stack of plastic disposable containers. In each, she put one potential salad ingredient. Not only the ones that would become my favorite but kidney beans, green peppers, corn and pepperoni slices.

She created a mini-salad bar in our fridge. It was easy, and I was told I could eat as much as I wanted. This became my lunch and occasional dinner.

You know what? We saved money. I lost weight. Gained energy. And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

I kept this up this salad-centric diet for months. My friends would come over to watch a fight or brawl on the PlayStation, and I'd meet them at the door with a salad in my hand.

The landlord would need my help with some drywall; I'd put my salad down.

At work, I'd articulate corporate strategy during lunch meetings spearing cucumbers in my lucky bowl of awesome salad. I made eating salad sexy. I made it macho, macho.

Is it rabbit food? Friend, if it's rabbit food, then that rabbit is the size of a ferocious bear.

My friends poked fun at me as I munched on my fancy salad. It was tasty. I love how the warm yolk from the poached egg lightly coated the frissée, adding a dimension of hardiness to a dish with such leafy bounce. And the bacon chunks added just the right amount of fatty salt, more sturdy ballast. I wiped my mouth.

We were out celebrating one guy's birthday. The other guy, an old friend from college, was "in-between gigs." It had been another tough year. "Salad is not man food," they mocked. Oh, but it is. I ordered a final round of beers. Then I picked up the check.

Are salads manly? What is the manliest salad? Are you the sort of guy who wouldn't touch a salad if a gun was put to his head? Tell us in the comments whether you think salads can count as "man food."

where to start

I love how the warm yolk from the poached egg lightly coated the frissée, adding a dimension of hardiness to a dish with such leafy bounce. And the bacon chunks added just the right amount of fatty salt, more sturdy ballast. I wiped my mouth.

YUM YUM

Is that an Anderson Cooper piece?

Being able to sit in a bathtub full of buffalo wings is every dude's birthright

Who does this?

why doesnt he just call it a salad lyonnaise

good salad btw--i saw jacques pepin make one once on PBS, he poached the egg in like 2 inches of olive oil

where to start

― call all destroyer, Tuesday, March 23, 2010 4:38 PM

I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard.

"Salad is not man food," they mocked. Oh, but it is. I ordered a final round of beers. Then I picked up the check.

pooping before bathing in your tub of buffalo wings

but what about:

And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

xpost HA!

Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.

"""""""""fun points"""""""""

this guy needs to advertise his services, like:

john devore, a local "dude," will talk to you about what is manly and how it is different from what you might think.

first of all, i want to know why this is on cnn.com? what is the market for this? do people read articles on cnn.com aside from actual news?

secondly, how is it that articles like this get pitched/accepted/assigned like... 5 years after a meme like "man food" became a "thing". if you had shown the text of this to me undated i would've been all "no way this was written after 2005, not a chance"

had no idea that calories were fun points. i mean, i like fun!

http://www.esquire.com/blogs/lists/reasons-why-chocolate-drink-yoohoo-rocks-blog

Maybe once age and decrepitude have strip-mined by palette, I'll think about swilling a Yoo-Hoo. The risk-taking of a convalescent. But even then, I doubt I'll wrap my wrinkled lips around a Yoo-Hoo jar.

Read more: http://www.esquire.com/blogs/lists/reasons-why-chocolate-drink-yoohoo-rocks-blog#ixzz0j2EUvn70

someone get howie long to comment on this

uuuuuuuuuuughh did he really say "whoopee time" -- was this even edited? C'MON MAN

okay, so maybe it's satire!

maybe?

no

https://www.cnn.com/2024/04/02/style/germany-adidas-soccer-jersey-nazi-symbol-controversy-intl-hnk/index.html

oh no

Chechnya has reportedly banned all music outside of the 80 - 116 BPM range, effectively forbidding techno and other dance music genres from the regionhttps://t.co/f4ImYNDMud

— DJ Mag (@DJmag) April 8, 2024

Devastating for Chechnya's Slowcore scene

Wowww. Would love to see the courtroom argument about 80 bpm footwork tracks with a backbeat. Also amapiano, dancehall, and NOLA bounce are about to become hot commodities in Chechnya.

This is an anti-gay measure to be sure

Devastating for Chechnya's Slowcore scene

Dave & Buster's will begin allowing customers to bet on arcade games

“Customers can soon make a friendly $5 wager on a Hot Shots basketball game, a bet on a Skee-Ball competition or on another arcade game.”

https://t.co/lmqLaXN5QU

— philip lewis (@Phil_Lewis_) April 30, 2024

Candidate accused of assaulting Jackson County GOP vice chair in clogged toilet fight

https://www.kansascity.com/news/politics-government/article289417568.html#storylink=cpy

The misguided attempt to welcome guests with branded lampshade-wearing hostesses was not consistent with our values.

https://i.imgur.com/ngnnoD1.png

this is the darkest fucking thing i've read in a week pic.twitter.com/5pUZ7to9U5

— DEATHCORE DOGGY (@SAMOYEDCORE) September 9, 2024

oh yeah, I was talking about that one with some friends over the weekend

if you do some back of the envelope math given the legal expenses and "My retirement is set back five years" what they really mean is that they were planning on hanging out at Club 33 for all of their retired years, right? So if they just decide to join something that's less expensive or take up gardening or something, they could still retire. But they want to retire and hang out with Mickey and get tipsy and yell at the Disney employees

You can definitely live without retirement or with just one kidney and drink booze instead, true punk attitude if you ask me.

Trump fanboy and creep Elon says he'll give Taylor Swift a baby. Ew.

Once less childless cat lady at a time.... (USAToday)

Macklemore Clarifies “Fuck America” Comment After Being Dropped From Festival

which word did he clarify

ha not exactly walking it back:

"I wake up, see another couple billion dollars given to Israel, or another refugee encampment destroyed, or a father holding a limb from his martyred child, or another speech from a politician justifying the right of Israel to 'defend itself' while denying Palestinians the right to exist, and I say to myself.... 'F--- America.' I don't think I'm alone," he wrote.

starting to like this guy

In case you didn’t catch this earlier in the year, James:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgDQyFeBBIo

Ha, thank you! Excellent sentiments.

China Moves to Tackle a Growing Menace: Rampaging Boars

Potatoes are better than human blood for making space bricks, scientists say

https://www.space.com/space-bricks-potato-starch-mars-moon-dirt

Concrete from the researchers' trials using blood and urine also produced strengths above traditional mixtures, measuring around 40 MPa. These bricks' construction, however, would require that astronauts repeatedly drain their own bodily fluids, which was viewed as a drawback.

"Helen Mirren: it’s so sad Kurt Cobain died before GPS was invented"

https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2024/oct/25/helen-mirren-its-so-sad-kurt-cobain-died-before-gps-was-invented

that article is bonkers. she's been consistently lamenting the tech kurt didn't live to see for 10 years!

Imagine if Kurt was still alive and could use his phone to purchase Nirvana shirts, listen to his own music, and stream videos about how Courtney failed to murder him.

Lebedev – whose podcast focuses on “longevity, neuroscience, biohacking, and psychedelics”

Fucking spare me, another rich tosser (KGB-affiliated this time) so entitled they don't see why they should have to die. Only lobsters live forever ya wanker! Props to Helen for knowing who Kurt is though, can't imagine Maggie Smith was aware of him for example.

Helen has a pair of Docs in the closet

KGB-affiliated this time

he appears to have been 11 when the Soviet Union collapsed, was he recruited in the womb?

This is his dad!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_Lebedev

lol all those references to Kurt Cobain never getting to be online are hilarious

To think Kurt Cobain never got to legally drive 70 MPH on the interstate.

Kurt had no idea what BRAT Summer is

We were robbed of his Klon Centaur era.

I don't know if your father's career before you hit puberty makes "KGB-affiliated" a good criticism tbh.

It does when Boris Johnson hotfoots you into the House of Lords because Vladimir Putin conceptually funded your daddy's purchase of the Evening Standard! Not that this has much to do with the late and lamented (by some) Kurt Cobain anyway.

Who is Boris Johnson?

Is something Kurt Cobain would ask if he were alive today.

Roadie for the Melvins, always wears a battle vest with a Motörhead patch

If Kurt had only lived another decade or so he could have scored heroin on the Silk Road

https://nichegamer.com/the-vatican-unveils-official-anime-girl-mascot/

anime is the one without tentacles, right?

^ The Onion only needs to change one word in that title if they do an item on this story

it's an anime boy, ahem

ha, good catch. blue hair = boy. it's much more obvious when you see the pic with all of them on.

Girl, boy, I’m just really sad Kurt Cobain didn’t live to see them

"Welshman has completed the largest GPS drawing of a penis"

Kurt would have love that

d