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Some are reasonable. Some are insane.
Poll Results
| Option | Votes |
| 36. Never reek from perfume or cigarettes. People want to smell the food and beverage. | 2 |
| 7. Do not announce your name. No jokes, no flirting, no cuteness. | 1 |
| 23. If someone likes a wine, steam the label off the bottle and give it to the guest with the bill. It has the year, th | 1 |
| 21. Never serve anything that looks creepy or runny or wrong. | 1 |
| 32. Never touch a customer. No excuses. Do not do it. Do not brush them, move them, wipe them or dust them. | 1 |
| 38.Do not call a guy a “dude.” | 1 |
| 41. Saying, “No problem” is a problem. It has a tone of insincerity or sarcasm. “My pleasure” or “You’re welcome” will | 1 |
| 46. Never acknowledge any one guest over and above any other. All guests are equal. | 1 |
| 44. Do not discuss your own eating habits, be you vegan or lactose intolerant or diabetic. | 0 |
| 48. Do not ask what someone is eating or drinking when they ask for more; remember or consult the order. | 0 |
| 33. Do not bang into chairs or tables when passing by. | 0 |
| 49. Never mention the tip, unless asked. | 0 |
| 19. Offer guests butter and/or olive oil with their bread. | 0 |
| 50. Do not turn on the charm when it’s tip time. Be consistent throughout. | 0 |
| 31. Never remove a plate full of food without asking what went wrong. Obviously, something went wrong. | 0 |
| 30. Never let the wine bottle touch the glass into which you are pouring. No one wants to drink the dust or dirt from t | 0 |
| 34. Do not have a personal conversation with another server within earshot of customers. | 0 |
| 35. Do not eat or drink in plain view of guests. | 0 |
| 47. Do not gossip about co-workers or guests within earshot of guests. | 0 |
| 37. Do not drink alcohol on the job, even if invited by the guests. “Not when I’m on duty” will suffice. | 0 |
| 39. Do not call a woman “lady.” | 0 |
| 40. Never say, “Good choice,” implying that other choices are bad. | 0 |
| 45. Do not curse, no matter how young or hip the guests. | 0 |
| 42. Do not compliment a guest’s attire or hairdo or makeup. You are insulting someone else. | 0 |
| 43. Never mention what your favorite dessert is. It’s irrelevant. | 0 |
| 29. Do not pop a champagne cork. Remove it quietly, gracefully. The less noise the better. | 0 |
| 28. Do not put your hands all over the spout of a wine bottle while removing the cork. | 0 |
| 27. For red wine, ask if the guests want to pour their own or prefer the waiter to pour. | 0 |
| 11. Do not hustle the lobsters. That is, do not say, “We only have two lobsters left.” Even if there are only two lobst | 0 |
| 10. Do not inject your personal favorites when explaining the specials. | 0 |
| 9. Do not recite the specials too fast or robotically or dramatically. It is not a soliloquy. This is not an audition. | 0 |
| 8. Do not interrupt a conversation. For any reason. Especially not to recite specials. Wait for the right moment. | 0 |
| 1. Do not let anyone enter the restaurant without a warm greeting. | 0 |
| 6. Do not lead the witness with, “Bottled water or just tap?” Both are fine. Remain neutral. | 0 |
| 5. Tables should be level without anyone asking. Fix it before guests are seated. | 0 |
| 4. If a table is not ready within a reasonable length of time, offer a free drink and/or amuse-bouche. The guests may b | 0 |
| 3. Never refuse to seat three guests because a fourth has not yet arrived. | 0 |
| 12. Do not touch the rim of a water glass. Or any other glass. | 0 |
| 13. Handle wine glasses by their stems and silverware by the handles. | 0 |
| 26. Never assume people want their white wine in an ice bucket. Inquire. | 0 |
| 24. Never use the same glass for a second drink.25. Make sure the glasses are clean. Inspect them before placing them o | 0 |
| 22. If someone is unsure about a wine choice, help him. That might mean sending someone else to the table or offering a | 0 |
| 20. Never refuse to substitute one vegetable for another. | 0 |
| 18. Know before approaching a table who has ordered what. Do not ask, “Who’s having the shrimp?” | 0 |
| 17. Do not take an empty plate from one guest while others are still eating the same course. Wait, wait, wait. | 0 |
| 16. If someone requests more sauce or gravy or cheese, bring a side dish of same. No pouring. Let them help themselves. | 0 |
| 15. Never say “I don’t know” to any question without following with, “I’ll find out.” | 0 |
| 14. When you ask, “How’s everything?” or “How was the meal?” listen to the answer and fix whatever is not right. | 0 |
| 2. Do not make a singleton feel bad. Do not say, “Are you waiting for someone?” Ask for a reservation. Ask if he or she | 0 |
― I AM NOT ONE TO PURSUE GAME, MY FRIEND - NO, INDEED. (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 3 November 2009 20:13 (fifteen years ago)
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