He said: The walk of shame

He Said: The walk of shame

October 1, 2009

By: Chris Surette

So after flirting with a young swan at a party, you invite her back to your place and she accepts. The road to pleasure town begins and as Johnny Drama would say, VICTORY! Congrats boys, not only did you get laid, but you have a great story for the rest of your life.

Not only is it a story for you and your boys, but others will soon realize what happened when they see your victim walking back to the dorms in her dress from last night, with a disgraceful look on her face as if she was robbed of her dignity.

But girls, even though many may consider you a slut after witnessing your glorious Walk of Shame, just realize that you have given this lucky guy a story he can share with others at the Grape for the rest of the year. We ought to thank you for that. And hopefully you got something out of this to … actually, we don’t really care.

But in order to achieve success, we need to understand a few tips of advice to become a champ. First and foremost, right when you wake up, get out of there. There is nothing worse than the awkward wake up next to a girl, who is not as hot as you thought she was when you were 12 deep the night before. Not only that, it is kind of embarrassing when you smile at her and call her Julie, when her name is actually Ashley. Plus you don’t want to find out she’s a stage five clinger because that pounding you gave her last night will turn into a pounding headache for you for the next couple of weeks.

Second, even though you might feel like the man for doing it, make sure you don’t raw dog it.

Let’s be real, we are too young to have a little mini-me running around. I would rather enjoy my college years drinking my face off and having to clean my own vomit, than cleaning the vomit of 16 month infant. Also, if you can’t remember her name, there is a very good chance you don’t know much about the broad. Trust me, you don’t want that hood rat giving you a venereal disease. Not because half are not curable, but the next time you try to bang and that little cutie sees that rash around your genitals, she’s going to be running for the fences. Listen guys, gonorrhea is a serious disease. So don’t be a fool and wrap your tool.

Now if you follow these tips, the next time you do work, you’ll have a tale to tell your buds for years. Remember to be ruthless and have no shame.

We are relying on each other for an entertaining story that is both hilarious and humiliating. Just remember one thing; her walk of shame is an induction into your hall of fame.

http://fairfieldmirror.com/2009/10/01/he-said-the-walk-of-shame/

protip for all humans--never, ever read anything from a college newspaper

http://host2.copresshosting.com/~mirror/media/2009/06/He-Said-Online-300x275.jpg

protip for all humans--never, ever read anything from a college newspaper

― omaha deserved 311 (call all destroyer), Friday, November 13, 2009 1:42 PM (43 seconds ago) Bookmark

this is so ridiculously otm

protip #2 for all humans--never, ever raw dog it

jordan what did you hope to achieve with this thread

great thread

what is raw dogging it, may i ask

someone get Mr. Que a diagram

http://img.thebody.com/legacyAssets/26/36/malcondom.gif

is that intercoursing again with the female the morning after, sans condom?

J0rdan's display name is pretty great too.

i meant for us to lol @ this retarded article cuz it's friday

i lol-ed.

it just means sans condom Que, morning after or night of is immaterial

http://fairfieldmirror.com/2009/10/06/a-note-from-he-said/

the condom diagram always cracks me up for some reason.

For those of you who do not know, last semester I was the only guy in a feminism literature class called “The Women Question.

okay now I'm lolling

last semester I was the only guy in a feminism literature class called “The Women Question.”

WHADDYA WANT, A MEDAL??

lollll

now I lol

I am playing a character and I am acting

i also lol at shakey name

WHADDYA WANT, A MEDAL??

he wants some of that hot feminist ass amirite fellas

I am playing a character and I am acting. It is truly an entertainment piece.

My goal is to write about the ideas that your typical 18-22 year old college male thinks and speaks with putting a humorous twist on it.

so he's playing a character and acting as... himself?

protip for all humans--never, ever read anything from a college newspaper

― omaha deserved 311 (call all destroyer), Friday, November 13, 2009 1:42 PM (43 seconds ago) Bookmark

this is so ridiculously otm

― house of flying jaggers (J0rdan S.), Friday, November 13, 2009 2:43 PM (11 minutes ago) Bookmark

holy shit yes

or is he not a typical 18-22 year old college male because he was the only guy in a feminism lit class called "The Women Question"

so he's playing a character and acting as... himself?

no see because he is NOT TYPICAL - he takes feminism lit classes!

oh shit x-posts haha

i feel like every school has at least one of these (mine did)--guy gets newspaper column, straight-up DOES NOT UNDERSTAND humor writing in general and what satire is in particular

i like to "read" college newspapers for the LOLs

feminism literature

don't djuna me bro

what have I become

editorial cartoons, regular cartoons, crappy out of focus pictures, insane columns, what more do you need?

also, is there any evidence of there being a "She said" piece

mr. que also otm

Dude in condom diagram has a penis roughly the size of his index finger. :(

btw some of the worst are music or film columns for college newspapers but that probably goes without saying

in this case the she said column would involve the words "help" and "where am i?"

xp oh yeah let's not even

the dude only writes he said columns

It is truly an entertainment piece.

Uh, don't break your arm patting yourself on the back there, Nabokov.

Harassment Complaints Threaten Future of The Mirror
November 11, 2009
By: Meagan Flynn

Peter Caty/The Mirror

Peter Caty/The Mirror

What started as an impromptu protest has evolved into a tug of war between University policy and freedom of expression.

Although Mirror editors feel they were not in violation of their contract with the University, Dean of Students Tom Pellegrino requested in a meeting on Monday that The Mirror appear before a student conduct board to evaluate if the organization was in violation of the University harassment policy.

he meeting addressed claims from four students — Bradley Fay, Shawne Lomauro, Jen Martin and Kenni Nwajagu — that they were personally harassed by The Mirror’s printing of offensive language in the Oct. 1 “He Said” column.

The meeting was attended by Dean Pellegrino, The Mirror faculty adviser Prof. Fran Silverman, and members of the editorial staff, including Tom Cleary, Lily Norton, Chris Simmons, Keith Connors and Chris Haliskoe, all seniors.

The problem is that the harassment policy is not included in the funding agreement mutually agreed upon by The Mirror and Pellegrino’s office. While some feel that the student newspaper should be held to the University’s student standard, editors and advisers of The Mirror claim that subjecting an independent organization to any judicial or disciplinary action impedes on their ability to produce a student-run, non-biased publication.

http://fairfieldmirror.com/media/2009/06/He-Said-Online-150x150.jpg

In the past week, I have overheard many people feeling that my article was promoting rape and violence against women, and that idea could not be more wrong. I understand that a few of the words I used could have been easily used to create this idea. However, for those who know me, they would tell you that I have the total opposite view on this subject.

i'm sure Prof. Fran Silverman is ecstatic at the prospect of having this on her plate

looks like jason bay tbh

She Said: The walk of shame
October 1, 2009
By: Allyson Wuensch

One night stands (ONS) can be great or a complete nightmare; and the worst part is you probably won’t know which of these it is before it’s too late.

Between the experiences of my friends and myself, I’ve been able to come up with some pretty good ways to decide if going home with Mr. Wonderful is a good decision or not. If your friends are not around to give you the thumbs up or thumbs down, perform the following checks.

If you answer the following questions with “Yes,” you should probably go your separate ways for the evening. Is his collar popped? Does he have any broken limbs? Does he have a twin brother you could have possibly confused him with? Would the walk to his place take more than three minutes? Is his hair perpendicular to the floor? Did he introduce himself with the tool bag nickname his friends gave him? Is he drinking a pink mixed drink?

If you answered “no” to all those questions, it should help you avoid any REALLY bad experiences, but I can’t make any promises. If you still can’t decide, you can ask me.

You’ll thank me for the “would the walk to his place take more than three minutes?” evaluation. When you wake up in your party dress with your make-up streaked down your face and horrified with what is next to you, the walk will be over shortly and hopefully before anyone can see you. If you ignored the consequences of that question, I have no sympathy and I’ll probably laugh at you when I see you walking. If you’re planning on staying at the beach, make sure you have some money for a cab. You may get lucky and find a nice gentleman that will drive you home in the morning, but prepare for the worst.

Before your next one night stand, remember one thing — Fairfield is a pretty small school. When there are less than 4,000 students, you are bound to run into your hook-up pretty much everywhere you go.

You may not have ever seen them before, but I can promise you they will be all over the place after the rendez-vous. And of course, you will only run into them when you are not looking your best — like on the way back from the gym, stuffing your face in Barone, or panting as you’re walking up the Dolan Hill.

When running into a one-night stand around campus, it’s probably going to be really awkward. Just accept it.

By the time you’ve gaped at him long enough to affirm that it’s really him, he’ll have noticed that you’re staring. At that point you might as well say hi and hope for the best. If you can’t remember his name or he is walking with another one of your ONS — you might want to reevaluate your life.

So I wish you good luck. And I hope that your beer goggles never allow you to make any truly terrible decisions.

satire!

also feel bad for these two as they've apparently never had sex with anyone that they find attractive

Is his collar popped?

u&k here

Allyson Wuensch needs some of the emotional healing only Marc Loi can provide.

what does u&k mean guyz?

urgent and key

urfmeister & kruder

FFS shakes can't you just lie to a dude?

haha sorry

last semester I was the only guy in a feminism literature class called “The Women Question.”
http://host2.copresshosting.com/~mirror/media/2009/06/He-Said-Online-300x275.jpg

Tuomas has let himself go a bit since the last WDYLL picture

His vocabulary is extremely broad.

i know the answer to the woman question

the answer is

http://host2.copresshosting.com/~mirror/media/2009/06/He-Said-Online-300x275.jpg

q: women?
a: http://host2.copresshosting.com/~mirror/media/2009/06/He-Said-Online-300x275.jpg

i sorta feel sorry for the guy: with internet he'll be forever linked to these pieces. :-(

he didn't have to write them tho

true, i know, and he's a douchebag, but people can change, y'know. i hope he does, cause he does come across like a sexist pig. but like i said, i do feel sorry. people change (or sometimes do).

^

one hopes that the kind of abuse and ostracism being heaped on this dude will lead him to realize the error of his ways

and then as Johnny Drama would say, VICTORY!

I am grateful to this author for adding "raw dog" to my armamentarium of verbs.

morbs i am grateful to you for adding "armamentarium" to my armamentarium of nouns.

this is pretty funny and on point

ARCHETYPAL FEATURE #2: GETTING LAID IS BAD FOR LADIES.

Not only is it a story for you and your boys, but others will soon realize what happened when they see your victim walking back to the dorms in her dress from last night, with a disgraceful look on her face as if she was robbed of her dignity.

For, you see, your “victim” (it’s part of the plan to make this sound as much like a date rape as possible, right? Because if so, you totally nailed it! HIGHFIVES, again) is in fact a delicate maiden imported by means of time travel from the 19th Century, when to behave in a manner unchaste and wanton, under the influence of the Demon Liquor, was the wreck of a lady of good renown. You probably should have included this in your story! Because, were she from this current time frame, your “victim” would have just put on her clothes, maybe called a friend to see if she was up for brunch or something, and gone out to get some eggs and maybe a Bloody Mary. You know, like a normal fucking person.

unless the shame is not that she had sex, but that other people might know that she had sex WITH YOU. this is perhaps more the writer's experience.

also, isn't charging the paper with harrassment going a little far? in my college some plain old social ostracism (in person, in the school paper, and on the college's forum) would've sent the message.

http://host2.copresshosting.com/~mirror/media/2009/06/He-Said-Online-300x275.jpghttp://www.zuguide.com/image/Patrick-Renna-The-Sandlot.4.jpg

that link is awesome, rent.