a real thing, apparently
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Machete_(film)
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Sunday, 3 January 2010 04:44 (fifteen years ago)
Cast
Danny Trejo as Machete, a renegade and dangerous former Mexican federale and labor worker who gets hired for a job to assassinate a corrupt senator but is later betrayed and goes out for revenge against his former boss[2]
Michelle Rodriguez as Luz, a saucy taco slinger
Lindsay Lohan as April, a socialite with a penchant for guns[1]
Cheech Marin as Padre Benecio del Toro, his "holy" brother that helps him[2]
Jessica Alba as Sartana, an immigration customs enforcement agent who is tracking him down
Jordan Kanesha Palmer as Jamiesha, a hip hop dancer that teaches everyone hip hop.
Robert De Niro as Senator McLaughlin, the corrupt Senator [1]
Steven Seagal as Torrez, a drug lord [3]
Jeff Fahey as Michael Benz, Machete's boss who hires him for the assassination[2]
Don Johnson as Lt. Stillman
Rose McGowan as Cherry Darling, Will appear in the fake trailer at the beginning of the movie[4]
Elise and Electra Avellan as The Sexy Nurses[5]
Cheryl Chin as Torrez Henchwoman, a cold blooded killer and Torrez's right hand woman[6]
Tom Savini[7]
Daryl Sabara as Julio
Carlos Gallardo
Tito Larriva can be seen in the trailer.
Alicia Rachel Marek as June, socialite wife of Benz and April's mother[6]
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Sunday, 3 January 2010 04:47 (fifteen years ago)
Actor Chris Cooper reportedly turned down a role in the movie saying "it's the most absurd thing I've ever read" after getting the script
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Sunday, 3 January 2010 04:52 (fifteen years ago)
His loss!
― girl moves (Abbott), Sunday, 3 January 2010 04:56 (fifteen years ago)
I would like to remind everyone that chris cooper accepted a role in the major motion picture adaptation
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Sunday, 3 January 2010 05:00 (fifteen years ago)
Actor Robert De Niro reportedly accepted a role in the movie saying "it's the most absurd thing I've ever read" after getting the script
― ice cr?m, Sunday, 3 January 2010 05:00 (fifteen years ago)
they had me at "saucy taco slinger", I didn't even have a chance to get to "a hip hop dancer that teaches everyone hip hop"
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Sunday, 3 January 2010 05:04 (fifteen years ago)
Okay, yeah. I really want this to be as good entertainingly stupid as it sounds. And I really want it to be paired with another entertainingly stupid movie as Grindhouse 2. ;_;
― Dif Juz Guys (Deric W. Haircare), Sunday, 3 January 2010 07:08 (fifteen years ago)
^^^ This.
― t(o_o)t (ENBB), Sunday, 3 January 2010 07:10 (fifteen years ago)
a hip hop dancer that teaches everyone hip hop.
There is something so pure about this description.
― Ned Raggett, Sunday, 3 January 2010 07:20 (fifteen years ago)
And I really want it to be paired with another entertainingly stupid movie as Grindhouse 2. ;_;
they should just run a machete/embodiment of evil double bill and be done with it
I'm still trying to figure out the equation that justifies rodriguez dropping $20 mil to expand on a $50 mil bomb
but if you wanna burn money to satisfy my base desires for absurdist trash, by all means sirs
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Sunday, 3 January 2010 14:26 (fifteen years ago)
But with twice the necessary ingredients.
― kenan, Sunday, 3 January 2010 14:32 (fifteen years ago)
This film will be Steven Seagal's first theatrical release since Half Past Dead in 2002
so, so 100% down w/this
― Herodcare for the Unborn (J0hn D.), Sunday, 3 January 2010 14:52 (fifteen years ago)
Padre Benecio del Toro
― things that make you go (hmmmm), Sunday, 3 January 2010 15:06 (fifteen years ago)
Perhaps that means one day we will get to see Thanksgiving.
― ô_o (Nicole), Sunday, 3 January 2010 15:19 (fifteen years ago)
We can but hope. Supposedly Rob Zombie's Werewolf Women of the SS is a full 25-minute film that was edited down for its trailer -- I want to see that just for Udo Kier and Nicolas Cage.
― Ned Raggett, Sunday, 3 January 2010 15:38 (fifteen years ago)
http://www.firstshowing.net/img/machete-poster-big.jpg
Also, in re: Nicole's comment just above, a comment over at Finke's site indicates:
Thanksgiving is getting made as part of a two-feature package with Endangered Species, though Roth hasn’t announced who this deal is with yet.
― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 27 January 2010 20:36 (fifteen years ago)
well this looks very awesome
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKhChMHhBN8&feature=player_embedded
― World B. FAP (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 5 May 2010 17:31 (fifteen years ago)
omg!!!! literally breathless and woozy in anticipation!
― Daniel, Esq., Wednesday, 5 May 2010 17:34 (fifteen years ago)
o_0 at michelle rodriguez!
and wow, deniro and don johnson? this is going to be amazing.
― Daniel, Esq., Wednesday, 5 May 2010 17:35 (fifteen years ago)
lolled at "introducing don johnson"
― congratulations (n/a), Wednesday, 5 May 2010 17:41 (fifteen years ago)
YAY Lapidus from Lost (Jeff Fahey)!!
― she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Wednesday, 5 May 2010 17:43 (fifteen years ago)
. . .
― Daniel, Esq., Wednesday, May 5, 2010 5:35 PM (7 minutes ago) Bookmark
She is a fine, fine looking woman.
― Clerk all KNOWIN (B.L.A.M.), Wednesday, 5 May 2010 17:44 (fifteen years ago)
WOW at this whole thing
― sonderangerbot, Wednesday, 5 May 2010 17:48 (fifteen years ago)
i love that low-budget, half-assed, bad-ass vibe from robert rodriguez movies (well, at least from this one and the first two desperado films)
― Daniel, Esq., Wednesday, 5 May 2010 17:49 (fifteen years ago)
awesome
― scrappy dyaoo (darraghmac), Wednesday, 5 May 2010 17:53 (fifteen years ago)
I almost feel like AZ passed that law in order to hype this movie.
― it means "EMOTIONAL"! (HI DERE), Wednesday, 5 May 2010 17:54 (fifteen years ago)
Haven't given Planet Terror a moment's thought since Grindhouse, but I'll be all over this.
― Grisly Addams (WmC), Wednesday, 5 May 2010 17:59 (fifteen years ago)
This will suck, but, given the perfect timing, this will also be awesome.
― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 5 May 2010 18:01 (fifteen years ago)
Idk, I kind of preferred the low budget cheap exploitation vibe from the original trailer. Seeing high profile stars in here is kinda ruining it all for me. Same goes for the apparent immigration issues subplot.
― the subject of many men’s thoughts (daavid), Wednesday, 5 May 2010 18:07 (fifteen years ago)
fr. cheech: you want me to help you kill a bunch of guys?machete: yes, father.fr. cheech: i'll see what i can do.*shotgun**chk-chk*
omg
― stupidfruityswagaliciousexpialidocious (m bison), Wednesday, 5 May 2010 18:12 (fifteen years ago)
can't wait for jeff fahey. is he the new michael ironside?
― homosexual II, Wednesday, 5 May 2010 20:19 (fifteen years ago)
friday
― (e_3) (Edward III), Tuesday, 31 August 2010 02:40 (fourteen years ago)
http://www.movieline.com/2010/08/so-tell-me-about-machete-a-movieline-faq.php?page=all
― (e_3) (Edward III), Tuesday, 31 August 2010 02:41 (fourteen years ago)
machete don't text
― (e_3) (Edward III), Tuesday, 31 August 2010 02:42 (fourteen years ago)
3 hours 15 mins and I shall be seeing this
― funky brewster (San Te), Friday, 3 September 2010 00:44 (fourteen years ago)
this was a lot of fun. admittedly the later portions of the movie didn't live up to the first 2/3rds, and the climax was a bit underwhelming, but it was a fun blend of humor, retro-winking, and graphic violence. It wasn't as over the top in its 'hay look w33r pretending to be a 70s grindhouse movie' moments as was "Planet Terror". Don't go in expecting an intellectual tour de force cuz this ain't it - it's nice that a movie that looked to start as racist exploitation targeted the "anti-immigrant" class as the object of their ridicule at the hands of the people they were oppressing.
that said my next film needs to have more substance -- had my fill of 'dumb fun' this year.
― funky brewster (San Te), Friday, 3 September 2010 13:01 (fourteen years ago)
Had some fun, but not much to talk about afterward, huh?
― Eric H., Sunday, 5 September 2010 19:51 (fourteen years ago)
Other than how obvious it was that LL was using a body double for the topless scenes.
yea, tho that's weird cuz she's shown her bags in magazines before.
― funky brewster (San Te), Sunday, 5 September 2010 20:10 (fourteen years ago)
I mean, if that was a grindhouse filmmaking in-joke about starlets getting cold feet at the last sec, it was def too subtle for me.
― Eric H., Sunday, 5 September 2010 20:23 (fourteen years ago)
Anyway, I guess I liked this about as much as I could've, given it was by a pretty long distance my least favorite of the four Grindhouse trailers.
― Eric H., Sunday, 5 September 2010 20:24 (fourteen years ago)
Alex Jones says it's a conspiracy:
This movie is sickening. Myself and six members of the Infowars team all left the theater feeling physically ill. The film opens with Texans butchering pregnant illegal aliens and the propaganda only gets more virulent, including references to serial killer Charles Manson’s Helter Skelter vision of race war, sterotyping the Minutemen as murderers of illegal aliens, when in reality they have never harmed anyone, showing Texans butchering a priest, and talk of “resettling America” in the context of the extremist reconquista racial movement.This movie is not a joke. It is race war propaganda hastily disguised behind a stylized, bloodthirsty black comedy.
This movie is not a joke. It is race war propaganda hastily disguised behind a stylized, bloodthirsty black comedy.
― James Mitchell, Sunday, 5 September 2010 20:35 (fourteen years ago)
ask jfaejif js,kidofc.;,/;zcxvpow4erfl9
― friends don't understand us, adults don't understand us (zorn_bond.mp3), Sunday, 5 September 2010 20:39 (fourteen years ago)
fucking seething with rage at this motherfucking guy i share a city with, him and his fucking ilk and his fucking bumperstickers and his fucking radio show and his fucking documentary screenings lk;sdj fik,jfikj,.
― friends don't understand us, adults don't understand us (zorn_bond.mp3), Sunday, 5 September 2010 20:40 (fourteen years ago)
xxpost No shit. Its deliberate political irresponsibility is what most successfully aligns it with its (non-)cinematic antecedents.
― Eric H., Sunday, 5 September 2010 20:40 (fourteen years ago)
that's ridiculous horseshit. the movie doesn't open with "Texans" butchering pregnant illegal aliens, it opens with THREE texans doing it, three fringe Texans who are all portrayed in a negative light, and as hypocritical (being funded by mexican drug money). Is Alex suggesting that nobody can portray a Texan doing something barbaric without indicting the state as a whole and its people?
The movie wasn't intelligent enough to have politics. Basically it created both sides in one dimension each -- the "Texans" were no more than a small fringe homicidal hate group who were portrayed as hypocrites, and most of whom got their comeuppance in the end. the illegal Mexican immigrants were mostly portrayed as noble hard-working people trying to escape terrible living situations and defending themselves.
Neither stereotype lives in reality bUT THE MOVIE IS A FUCKING GRINDHOUSE-INSPIRED GOREFEST, not an attempt to advance race warfare.
― funky brewster (San Te), Sunday, 5 September 2010 20:41 (fourteen years ago)
alex jones does not live in reality
― friends don't understand us, adults don't understand us (zorn_bond.mp3), Sunday, 5 September 2010 20:42 (fourteen years ago)
fuck him with a diseased dick
― funky brewster (San Te), Sunday, 5 September 2010 20:42 (fourteen years ago)
The movie wasn't intelligent enough to have politics.
I disagree with this. It had politics; just ludicrously idiotic ones.
― Eric H., Sunday, 5 September 2010 20:42 (fourteen years ago)
Pretty sure Alex Jones has incited more race hate incidents than this movie ever will.
― James Mitchell, Sunday, 5 September 2010 20:43 (fourteen years ago)
I don't think the movie had an agenda, I think the movie used a very relevant topic as a convenient backdrop for the movie. cuz, if you remember the 'fake' trailer from like 4 years ago, it didn't 'look' quite the same in terms of tone or even the base plot (outside of 'gov't set me up and killed my family', and reusing the 'dude turning gun on Machete while attempting assassination').
― funky brewster (San Te), Sunday, 5 September 2010 20:44 (fourteen years ago)
Alex Jones should get machete'd
the Infowars team
lol
― Daniel, Esq., Sunday, 5 September 2010 22:04 (fourteen years ago)
THEY'RE READY FOR INFO-BATTLE, ANYTIME, ANYWHERE.
You might think your little quip won that info battle, Daniel, but believe me you can't win an INFOWAR with these guys. They are in for the long haul.
― Fig On A Plate Cart (Alex in SF), Monday, 6 September 2010 00:22 (fourteen years ago)
i harbor no illusions. i can't even get a quote into the "favorite ilx posts of yore" thread. i have no chance against alex jones and the infowars team.
― Daniel, Esq., Monday, 6 September 2010 00:25 (fourteen years ago)
"Infowars" sounds like a really boring door game on a BBS circa 1993
― funky brewster (San Te), Monday, 6 September 2010 02:50 (fourteen years ago)
Six minutes in and I have to bail out to get a six-pack. This movie DEMANDS beer and weed.
― Stockhausen's Helicopter Quartet (Elvis Telecom), Saturday, 25 September 2010 02:46 (fourteen years ago)
Haha. I just loaded up on pints before going into the theater last night.
THIS FILM WAS AWESOME.
Also got a kick out of how many latino working-class cultural touchstones and gigs were shown, even down to the awesome visual joke during the invasion sequence.
― Jaw dropping, thong dropping monster (kingfish), Saturday, 25 September 2010 04:10 (fourteen years ago)
kingfish OTM.
If I ever host an ILX beer & BBQ party, I'm going to project both Machete and They Live up against my garage wall.
― Stockhausen's Helicopter Quartet (Elvis Telecom), Saturday, 25 September 2010 05:59 (fourteen years ago)
THIS FILM WAS AWESOME
― ^^^that's lightweight jammin (Whiney G. Weingarten), Saturday, 25 September 2010 06:02 (fourteen years ago)
Was also really happy to notice the Wilhelm Scream in the final battle.
― Stockhausen's Helicopter Quartet (Elvis Telecom), Saturday, 25 September 2010 06:07 (fourteen years ago)
― having taken an actual journalism class (contenderizer), Tuesday, 5 October 2010 07:53 (fourteen years ago)
whoever was in charge of the blood-on-wall splatter fr this deserves some kinda design award. also, this film was awesome
― bear, bear, bear, Thursday, 14 October 2010 10:39 (fourteen years ago)
Saw this.
It was medium to very awesome. Wd've appreciated more blood splatter.
― Ain't Too Proud to Neg (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 14 October 2010 13:58 (fourteen years ago)
I liked it, but thought maybe I could have liked it more.
My favourite bit was either the machete-fest at the beginning or the "I didn't frisk him - did you frisk him?" bit.
― The New Dirty Vicar, Monday, 29 November 2010 13:14 (fourteen years ago)
THIS FILM WAS AWESOME― ^^^that's lightweight jammin (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, September 24, 2010 11:02 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark― having taken an actual journalism class (contenderizer), Tuesday, October 5, 2010 6:53 PM (2 months ago) Bookmark
― badg, Tuesday, 7 December 2010 03:03 (fourteen years ago)
Texas' denial of incentives to Machete likened to censorship
AUSTIN – A decision by the Texas Film Commission to deny tax incentives to “Machete,” a controversial film shot in Austin, could signal the state is closed for business to movie-makers. An official from New Mexico’s film incentive office even likens the Texas program, which requires films to project a positive image of the state, to censorship. Austin filmmaker Robert Rodriguez had been in talks with the Texas Film Commission for months, hoping the state would give him certain tax breaks as part of the state's film incentive program. "We actually qualified when they read the script, they have to see the finished product to make sure we didn't shoot something else completely from what we wrote,” Rodriguez said at the film’s premier in September. Once they had that final look, the film commission sent a letter to Rodriguez' production house, saying his movie did not qualify, because it portrays Texas negatively.
― Stockhausen's Ekranoplan Quartet (Elvis Telecom), Friday, 10 December 2010 02:17 (fourteen years ago)
Oh my god this movie was boring and terrible. But at least it was terrible on its own terms, unlike the Rodriguez-approved "Predators" disaster. Man, Rodriguez ... this dude's movies all have their moments, but like Kevin Smith's they're all ultimately undone by his own innate mediocrity (if semi-compensated for by his ingenuity). It's like he keeps making his "first" movie again and again (in many cases literally) but shows no sign of ever improving.
― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 5 January 2011 16:14 (fourteen years ago)
are you kidding spy kids is way better than el mariachi
― Є|Э (Edward III), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 16:44 (fourteen years ago)
I like Spy Kids (actually, the second one) and Sin City. But everything else seems like it was made over a weekend or two.
― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 5 January 2011 17:42 (fourteen years ago)
the harryhausen homages in spy kids 2 are rad
― Є|Э (Edward III), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 17:44 (fourteen years ago)
when i first saw it i thought it was kinda fun, but the more i think about it the more i think it's mostly a piece of shit with a fun danny trejo performance.
― omar little, Wednesday, 5 January 2011 17:47 (fourteen years ago)
I would have liked it more if there had been a catfight between Michelle Rodriguez and Jessica Alba.
― The New Dirty Vicar, Wednesday, 5 January 2011 17:53 (fourteen years ago)
http://www.avclub.com/articles/sofia-vergara-becomes-part-of-the-neverending-wish,73566/
― omar little, Friday, 4 May 2012 23:14 (thirteen years ago)
not watching anything with Mel Gibson
― Roger Barfing (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 4 May 2012 23:34 (thirteen years ago)
definitely watching it now that my mans Melly G is involved
― these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Friday, 4 May 2012 23:44 (thirteen years ago)
― A Little Princess btw (s1ocki), Saturday, 5 May 2012 04:48 (thirteen years ago)
they just fucked with the wrong message board regular
― A Little Princess btw (s1ocki), Saturday, 5 May 2012 04:54 (thirteen years ago)
Lady Gaga now added to the cast
― Elvis Telecom, Friday, 27 July 2012 01:03 (twelve years ago)
half-surprised to discover there's a sequel coming, but then I guess Richard Rodriguez really likes making sequels. Found the first one a little disappointing - felt leaden compared to Planet Terror and the highlights were all from the Grindhouse trailer. Hope this one is a little more gonzo but we'll see.
― da croupier, Friday, 27 July 2012 04:03 (twelve years ago)
and Charlie Sheen taking on the role of President of the United States.
Okay, now I really want to see this.
― heated debate over derpy hooves (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Friday, 27 July 2012 04:06 (twelve years ago)
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Machete_Kills
31 July 2013
― the max in the high castle (kingfish), Saturday, 17 November 2012 05:06 (twelve years ago)
Hope it's better than the first one
― Raymond Cummings, Saturday, 17 November 2012 05:11 (twelve years ago)
http://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/1923851/81416686.jpg
― THAT IS ONE BIG PIZZA (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Saturday, 17 November 2012 05:53 (twelve years ago)
Saw it at a near-midnight show at the drive-in on Friday night!
Obviously not as good as the first, but I like how it's essentially an Austin Powers movie done right. More old-school spoof than anticipated full-out gonzo. Rodriguez's movies always feel like a rush of vaguely organized b-movie clips coming at you, but was never bored and the "we're having so much fun filming this!" feeling was always inclusive and never grating. Creepy Mel is extremely creepy.
Hilarious "Machete will return. in... Machete Kills Again... IN SPACE!" scenes at the end. I hope it gets made.
― Elvis Telecom, Monday, 14 October 2013 10:41 (eleven years ago)
saw Machete Kills thanks to my brother last night and....god that was painful. the first one was fun but this one was leaden as fuck.
― Neanderthal, Saturday, 16 August 2014 12:06 (ten years ago)
yeah, sadly
― Adding ease. Adding wonder. Adding (contenderizer), Saturday, 16 August 2014 12:08 (ten years ago)
Hobo with a Shotgun beats both anyway
― Neanderthal, Saturday, 16 August 2014 12:21 (ten years ago)
robert rodriguez is not so secretly a terrible filmmaker is the thing
― LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Saturday, 16 August 2014 16:33 (ten years ago)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnXyhep80oA
this is pretty wonderful. this is a comedy podcast where these guys usually rip on bad movies but for this episode it is basically story time with Danny Trejo and it is glorious. he talks about his career and his life and how he ended up doing movies. it is a crazy story. he is a youth drug counselor, he gets a call to be on set to help someone overcome cocaine addiction, ends up being spotted and invited to be an extra. he had already done time in San Quentin and saw a prison set with a bunch of fake prisoners and thought it was hilarious so he walked on over, and it started his film career! Trejo has an amazing life.
― Hazy Maze Cave (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, 20 June 2018 23:32 (six years ago)