Have we met before? (Pick Up Lines)

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Come on, you've been a victim of'em. What's the worst pick up lines you have ever heard?

― nathalie (nathalie), Saturday, 4 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

she's a nice slut

― maryann, Saturday, 4 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

No, I don't think I have, nathalie. Women are rubbish at chat-up lines. But here's a selection of great ones to get you started. My favourite is "I'm no good at opening lines so why don't we pretend we know each other", closely followed by "Excuse me, this is the non-smoking section and you happen to be on fire!"

― Nick, Saturday, 4 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Some chick at a college party I'd never seen before pointed at me with her pointing finger and did the "come hither" thing with it. Like a jackass, I walked across the room to her. Then she goes "I knew I could make you come with one finger!"

Dumb and corny shit like that doesn't work, esp. when you're only OK looking (like said chick).

― Tadeusz Suchodolski, Saturday, 4 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I was going to say we'd done this before here, but nathalie's asking for the WORST, not the best. Tho is there a difference?

― Tracer Hand, Saturday, 4 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Why'd'cha let me walk you home from school/Why'd'cha meet me at the pool" or "Can I talk to you/I really want to meet you/Come and talk to me/I really wanna know your name"

― Sterling Clover, Saturday, 4 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i don't think i have either, nick. i'm glad i'm not alone.

― sundar subramanian, Sunday, 5 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Nick: those are in reverse order - the blue ones should be only for the brave, using the red ones might indicate some sort of sense of humour...

― Dave M., Sunday, 5 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ugh. Way too many to count. I still think the hands down worst was the guy who said I looked like a naughty librarian. I mean, WTF does that even mean? Then he insisted on calling me Eileen. Is my name Eileen? No. Way to blow your chances, fuckface.

A friend of mine who is our bartender and is unfortunately creepily into me made some ludicrious come on last night when I said I wanted some cherries, he made some weird comment regarding cherries and got immediately shot down with a very icy "I meant it in an extremely literal fashion". He actually tried several times with lines along that line, what the hell?

― Ally, Sunday, 5 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

'If you lose this argument you have to sleep with me'. Used at the weekend (not on me). I don't believe it worked.

― Emma, Monday, 6 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"This place (/these people/this band/whatever) sucks! do you wanna get out of here?"
Actually that's the *best* pickup line I've ever heard. But it's, like, the ONLY pickup line I've ever heard.

― duane, Monday, 6 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"man, i'm so wasted, wanna come home with me?"

the tragic thing is, i needed a root cos i was really upset so i DID go home with the guy. and it was every bit as bad as you would expect.

no-one ever says anything cheesey to me. i am the cheesey-lines person. once a guy was chatting me up and he asked me how old i was and i said "how old do you want me to be?"

― lady die, Monday, 6 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ha, I've done that too. "What's your name?" "What would you like it to be?" But I couldn't keep up with it because it just made me think of Taxi Driver and me and my companion just kept going on and on, "You lookin' at me? Are you lookin' at me? Cos if you're lookin' at me..." and the guy kind of freaked out.

― Ally, Monday, 6 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Never in my sickest dreams did I think I'd have a chance to hump the inner child of a angel like you."

I once attempted to use the Spark's Bone-Easy™ Sex Acquisition Software but they weren't so good.

What was more successful was the time we came up with the worst possible lines and used them. Who'd have thought that my "I'm drunk!" and "I'm desperate!" lines would be so (relatively) successful?

That's the right thread.

― Greg, Monday, 6 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

five months pass...

do you like, 'You are more interesting than inanimate objects'? I used that last night.

― charles, Thursday, 17 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

This one "worked" for a friend recently: "hey, have you guys seen Romain?"

― Tracer Hand, Thursday, 17 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I also saw this one work about a week ago: "Hey. Long time, no see." Exchanged between two people who had never met. Simply unfair.

― Pyth, Thursday, 17 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I WANT TO BE YOUR TAMPON

― Graham, Friday, 18 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I like "are you jamaican cos jamaican me crazy". oh yes i do.

― Ronan, Friday, 18 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

hey have you guys seen ronain?

― mark s, Friday, 18 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

three weeks pass...

..........pssssssst....................yo pssst................................................................. ...pssssst...................yo....................................... ....BITCH BE COOL I GOT A KNIFE

― Just Kidding!, Monday, 11 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

one year passes...

So on Sunday an uber-cute woman used the best pick-up line I've ever heard on me. I was buying a soda at a deli, and while I was paying the cashier (a cute Asian girl) someone came up and put their stuff on the counter next to me. The clerk then says to me and the other customer, "Are you together?" The woman next to me says, not missing a beat, "No, not yet." I turned and looked at her and she was giving me the sweetest smile. She looked just like Margot Kidder. The clerk then says, "Yeah, he is cute." "I noticed," the woman says. I had no idea what to do, so I sheepishly smiled, looked down and walked out with the biggest grin the world's ever seen!

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Wednesday, 25 June 2003 19:46 (twenty-two years ago)

B-but, there were 2 of them!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 25 June 2003 19:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Dude, you totally fucked up on that one, just like running out.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 25 June 2003 20:01 (twenty-two years ago)

YOU FULE THAT'S WHEN YOU GIVE OUT YOUR NUMBER AND MENTALLY TRANSMIT IMAGES OF YOURSELF LICKING TOFFEE OUT OF THEIR BELLY BUTTONS TO THEIR BRAINS

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 25 June 2003 20:02 (twenty-two years ago)

So that was what that mental picture was when I met you, Dan? God, you gotta work on that.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 25 June 2003 20:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah Yancy, your reaction was pretty coy. Were you giggling as you ran out too?!

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 25 June 2003 20:03 (twenty-two years ago)

but i don't like toffee!

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Wednesday, 25 June 2003 20:05 (twenty-two years ago)

no giggling, i ain't that gay. i didn't say anything cuz i got a girl. but i felt bad for not telling the woman that she's the smoothest thing since yogurt.

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Wednesday, 25 June 2003 20:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Well then that makes sense.

This thread title reminds me of that part in Top Secret! when Nick meets Deja Vu.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 25 June 2003 20:08 (twenty-two years ago)

YOU FULE THAT'S WHEN YOU GIVE OUT YOUR NUMBER AND MENTALLY TRANSMIT IMAGES OF YOURSELF LICKING ____________ OUT OF THEIR ___________ TO THEIR BRAINS

(Is that better, Ally?)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 25 June 2003 20:17 (twenty-two years ago)

It may not be better for Ally, but it's working for me.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 25 June 2003 20:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Of course, I didn't know Yanc3 wasn't single, so obv the number-giving thing is out. Still, you could have at least said "Thank you" or returned the compliment. (I will now attempt to fend off my reputation by stating that "return the compliment" is not a coy way of saying "drop trou and slap your business on the counter".)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 25 June 2003 20:19 (twenty-two years ago)

"romantic signals"

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 25 June 2003 20:20 (twenty-two years ago)

drop a packet of sugar in front of them (warning must say "sugar" on it or even better "sugar in the raw") and say, "hey, you dropped yr name tag."

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 25 June 2003 20:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Jess, that's the best pick up line I've heard in like 5 years.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 25 June 2003 20:23 (twenty-two years ago)

i know dan. i owe her a returned compliment. i plan on stalking her now. hopefully she's as crazy as margot kidder!

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Wednesday, 25 June 2003 20:26 (twenty-two years ago)

the worst one ive ever heard is "what would your reaction be if i were to whip my dick out" i dont think it ever worked.

last time i tried it on with a girl (i didnt use that pick up line by the way, or any cheesy pick up line, i just said something, i cant even remember what it was) she just shook her head and didnt even look at me. its not like im even ugly or fat or anything. and for once i wasnt even thinkin anything too dirty about her, i thought about it afterwards though. what am i to do though, A MAN NEEDS A MAID, GODDAMMIT!

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Wednesday, 25 June 2003 21:07 (twenty-two years ago)

I remember coming out of a Mickey D in Queens, NYC, going home after clubbing, what this guy started following me. What the hell?? Just as I was about to cross the street, he said: "Hey baby, want to get laid?" (I'm NOT making this up!) Trying to ignore him, I began crossing...and he followed me!

On the other side, he said: "Can I have your phone number?" Pretending I've got someone, I said, "I'm married. My husband is huge and insanely jealous." It didn't turn him off!

"He doesn't have to know....", he said, and tried to pass me his number on a bit of paper. Just then, the bus came. Whew!

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Wednesday, 25 June 2003 21:17 (twenty-two years ago)

So one time I was coming out of a Mickey D's in Queens and...

oops! xpost!

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Wednesday, 25 June 2003 21:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Someone once threw a beer coaster at my head..smooth..

― Nellie (nellskies), Thursday, 26 June 2003 10:00 (twenty-two years ago)

A couple of weeks ago I was in a party, and this cute girl (who I didn't know) just walked to me, and without saying a thing, tickled my tummy. I was so confused I had to leave immediately.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 26 June 2003 10:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Sadly I don't think I have ever had a 'chat-up line' used on me. Woe is me. :-(

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 26 June 2003 10:28 (twenty-two years ago)

bbbbut my "i was mostly checking out your ass" line was a kinda pick up line

― james (james), Thursday, 26 June 2003 10:33 (twenty-two years ago)

worst ever ... "Do you want to go on a turkey hunt? You gobble and i'll shoot"

― David_X (David_X), Thursday, 26 June 2003 10:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Sadly I don't think I have ever had a 'chat-up line' used on me. Woe is me. :-(

What's a girl like you doin' on a bitch like this?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 26 June 2003 10:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Ha ha, you told me that after a few months, I don't think it still counts! ;-) You had me at hello!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 26 June 2003 10:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, excuse me for tryin' to cheer you up. ;)

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 26 June 2003 10:58 (twenty-two years ago)

"so, what do you think of saramago?"

― gareth (gareth), Thursday, 26 June 2003 11:04 (twenty-two years ago)

If you're talking about José Saramago, I love his work! Blindness is one of my favourite books ever!

See, it worked.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 26 June 2003 11:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 34 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Bob is (sometimes) OTM. As I have no doubt stated before I think it is totally offensive for men to approach women. Therefore the best tack for men is to look non-threatening and friendly (hint: smile) and wait for women to come up to them.

If she is interested then she will make the first move unless she some gutless, non-confident type in which case you wouldn't be able to respect her coz you can't respect someone who lets you treat them like shite so it's better that you don't get involved with her at all.

― toraneko (toraneko), Friday, 27 June 2003 04:01 (twenty-two years ago)

??????????

― amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 27 June 2003 04:16 (twenty-two years ago)

you've gotten that one too, huh

― Josh (Josh), Friday, 27 June 2003 04:26 (twenty-two years ago)

but if she makes the first move does that mean i'm gutless and she can't respect me?

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Friday, 27 June 2003 04:29 (twenty-two years ago)

yes

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Friday, 27 June 2003 05:52 (twenty-two years ago)

oh cruel irony

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Friday, 27 June 2003 05:52 (twenty-two years ago)

and still we hunger

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Friday, 27 June 2003 05:52 (twenty-two years ago)

hunger for pie

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Friday, 27 June 2003 05:52 (twenty-two years ago)

and so as the fates have decreed, we live as we dream. alone.

and hungry for pie.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Friday, 27 June 2003 05:53 (twenty-two years ago)

two months pass...

Hey lets go get some pizza and fuck?
What?
You don't like pizza?

― Angelina, Monday, 15 September 2003 01:38 (twenty-two years ago)

i once had a guy say to me, in all serioussness, at the Bodhi Tree (New Age) bookstore--"What's your sign?". Ewwwwww.

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 15 September 2003 01:42 (twenty-two years ago)

This is kind of funny in light of recent threads, but the closest thing to a line I've ever used was, "I should make you dinner." (Maybe it doesn't count; I was doing the cooking for a mutual friend's Halloween party, she arrived late and missed everything but the mulled wine.)

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 15 September 2003 01:48 (twenty-two years ago)

One a friend told me which I thought was pretty good was something along the lines of:

"my two friends I came with are over there making out, and I have no one to talk to"

― A Nairn (moretap), Monday, 15 September 2003 02:37 (twenty-two years ago)

In1987 I was working at a convenience store. This dude came in and started screaming "Stop it" over and over again at me. Finally, I said "Stop what?" He replied "Stop turning me on like that!"

― Chris K, Monday, 15 September 2003 02:43 (twenty-two years ago)

"What's your sign" doesn't work? Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

(Hi Chris K)

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 15 September 2003 02:55 (twenty-two years ago)

i once had a guy say to me, in all serioussness, at the Bodhi Tree (New Age) bookstore--"What's your sign?".

"Trespassers Will Be Prosecuted. Get the message, chump?"

― Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (cindigo), Monday, 15 September 2003 02:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Someone once threw a beer coaster at my head..smooth..

-- Nellie

I was once in a pub with my friend Kath and wine corks kept landing on our table. Then they started coming over with messages on "hello girls'" "you're gorgeous" "hey baby" etc. It turned out to be two of the barmen and then they sent over some free wine. They didn't ask for numbers or give any hassle. It was quite sweet really. And free wine is always appreciated. (Note to Londoners: this was in the unlikely venue of the Rupert Street Blue Posts).

The worst I have ever heard was used on my friend Suzy.

Bloke: How are you?
Suzy: Fine.
Bloke: I can see you're fine, I was asking how you felt.

(We thought he was odd, but he realy put the seal on it by leaning over her to grab my left breast. Wanker)

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:43 (twenty-two years ago)

How deep are your archives?

― David. (Cozen), Monday, 15 September 2003 11:46 (twenty-two years ago)

vermuyden terrace

― gareth (gareth), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:09 (twenty-two years ago)

In1987 I was working at a convenience store. This dude came in and started screaming "Stop it" over and over again at me. Finally, I said "Stop what?" He replied "Stop turning me on like that!"
-- Chris K (chris.kiese...), September 15th, 2003 10:43 PM. (later)

This is genius.

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Ha!

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Last week I got.

"so I hear you think I'm a shit writer". It didn't work, not yet anyway. Actually I can't remember anyone ever using a line on me, really, nor vice versa, I think the only time I use "lines" is before kissing someone maybe, or to set that up. I'd never admit to saying any of them though, obviously.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:14 (twenty-two years ago)

not cos they're not brilliant obviously!

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 15 September 2003 12:22 (twenty-two years ago)

No one's used a line on me (not yet anyway, and not IIRC), but I did get some guy who actually looked at me and smiled! last night when I was going into the gas station to prepay for a fill-up. Totally in shock, I was. It must be noted at this point that unlike my usual hairstyle of a ponytail tied tightly and oriented high upon my head, I had my hair down and just clipped back a bit. And I was wearing a new top with my jeans. And I think I've just discovered one way to actually get some attention. I'd have to wait until the weather gets cooler, of course (so probably a couple of weeks or so), but hey, presto bango, members of the opposite sex noticing me (IRL)!

― Just Deanna (Dee the Lurker), Monday, 15 September 2003 18:55 (twenty-two years ago)

And then MAYBE I'll have some real, honest-to-goodness contributions for this thread. ;)

― Just Deanna (Dee the Lurker), Monday, 15 September 2003 18:55 (twenty-two years ago)

"Dance motherfucker!" last night was good.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 15 September 2003 18:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Give them this phone number and it'll work out, (212) 479-7990, trust me.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 15 September 2003 19:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Anna wins, I think.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 15 September 2003 19:04 (twenty-two years ago)

one month passes...

Why didn't he grab your friend Suzy's breast though? At least that would have made sense. Which is little consolation, I realise.

What do you think of the idea of throwing the cards into the air by saying something like "I should tell you that I moo like a cow when I ejaculate" when one is chatting up a girl?

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 20 October 2003 20:41 (twenty-two years ago)

five months pass...

Worst ever: "This is my world, you are invited to be a part of it at my discretion."

― N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 3 April 2004 10:16 (twenty-two years ago)

four years pass...

someone used the following on me as a pick-up line:
"are you a robot?"

wtf?

― bell_labs, Thursday, 14 August 2008 17:21 (seventeen years ago)

did it work?

― tehresa, Thursday, 14 August 2008 17:23 (seventeen years ago)

you should've replied "i am a cybernetic organism. living tissue over metal endoskeleton. i have been sent from the future to kill you." then chased 'em away.

― latebloomer, Thursday, 14 August 2008 17:24 (seventeen years ago)

I tried to use latebloomer's line last night when I was talking about turing tests and gynoids.

― Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Thursday, 14 August 2008 17:26 (seventeen years ago)

hell no it didnt work. haha.

i was just like "what?!" and he said "it looks like your internal cooling system is malfunctioning, but maybe drinking more could help that. by the way what are you drinking can i get you another one?"

to which i said "no"

― bell_labs, Thursday, 14 August 2008 17:27 (seventeen years ago)

Was one of the dudes from The Big Bang Theory trying to pick you up?????

― HI DERE, Thursday, 14 August 2008 17:28 (seventeen years ago)

HAHAHAHAHAHA

That is fucking awesome, to be fair.

― Scik Mouthy, Thursday, 14 August 2008 17:28 (seventeen years ago)

oh come on linds, that is like the BEST pick up attempt ever! i would have at least let him buy me a drink.

― tehresa, Thursday, 14 August 2008 17:29 (seventeen years ago)

I agree that not accepting a free drink is always a critical fail

― HI DERE, Thursday, 14 August 2008 17:30 (seventeen years ago)

well, my friend was bartending and giving me heavily discounted drinks anyways. plus my boyfriend showed up 2 minutes later. so i felt like it would have been disingenuous!

― bell_labs, Thursday, 14 August 2008 17:32 (seventeen years ago)

"i'm a teacher"

?!?!??

― and what, Thursday, 14 August 2008 17:32 (seventeen years ago)

you should've replied "i am a cybernetic organism. living tissue over metal endoskeleton. i have been sent from the future to kill you."

ahahaha this is exactly what i thought of when i read bell_labs post!

― rrrobyn, Thursday, 14 August 2008 17:32 (seventeen years ago)

DAN'S DRINKING CREDO: always accept someone else's offer to buy you a drink, but make sure you pick up the drink yourself or that only the waitstaff touches it

― HI DERE, Thursday, 14 August 2008 17:34 (seventeen years ago)

GRADY'S DRINKING CREDO: always buy drinks for bros, never for hoes

― gr8080, Thursday, 14 August 2008 17:35 (seventeen years ago)

"If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes."

It hasn't worked yet, but OH WHEN IT DOES she will be a keeper.

― petey_carnum, Thursday, 14 August 2008 17:44 (seventeen years ago)

hahaha

― tehresa, Thursday, 14 August 2008 17:45 (seventeen years ago)

GRADY'S DRINKING CREDO: always buy drinks for bros, never for hoes

-- gr8080, Thursday, August 14, 2008 1:35 PM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

"treat my ma and my grandmoms, the rest bring they coupons"

― and what, Thursday, 14 August 2008 17:49 (seventeen years ago)

When I worked at Kinko's near all the downtown bars, I'd always print out like 40 extra of their 'free drink' coupons and keep them. For myself. I had to live at a friend's house for a month and that was kind of how I payed rent.

― Abbott, Thursday, 14 August 2008 18:20 (seventeen years ago)

"it looks like your internal cooling system is malfunctioning, but maybe drinking more could help that. by the way what are you drinking can i get you another one?"

That not just the lamest chat up line I've ever heard, it's also the lamest sentence I've ever heard. Which is perversely impressive, considering that I've had to hear all the lame things that come out of my own mouth.

― snoball, Thursday, 14 August 2008 18:37 (seventeen years ago)

four years pass...

I just came up with this one:

"A lot of people tell me I'm full of myself. Would you like to be full of me too?"

― Cap'n Conserv-a-pedia (Hurting 2), Friday, 19 July 2013 16:39 (twelve years ago)

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