for the good of the internet i bring you 374000 ER visits

http://www.sun-sentinel2.com/features/ftlaudNEISS/ftlaudNEISS08_list.php?goto=1

PATIENT HURT WHEN CHAIR PULLED OUT FROM UNDER HER AT HOME AS A JOKE DX: CONTUSION TO LOWER BACK

PT PLAYING WITH BROTHER AND SOMEHOW A SMALL PLASTIC TOY FLASHLIGHT GOT INSERTED IN RECTUM FB RECTUM

PT FELL OFF POWER SCOOTER, FRACTURE OF LEFT WRIST

USING COCAINE AND PLACED PLASTIC BOTTLE IN RECTUM AND TRIED TO REMOVE I T WITH COAT HANGER AND CAUSED BLEEDING

search for "narrative" "contains" "rectum"

SAT ON TV ANTENNA;DX PUNCTURED RECTUM

PT AT A BONFIRE PARTY AND POURED LIGHTER FLUID ONTO THE FIRE AND CAUGHT PANTS ON FIRE THERMAL BURNS TO LOWER LEGS NS IF FD ON SCENE

20"TV FELL ON PUBIC AREA;DX CONTUSED PENIS

PT INSERTED TAB OF *** CAN IN PENIS,PT HAS HISTORY OF F.B. TO MULTIPLEO RIFICES#

URETHAL TRAUMA - 38 YO MALE WAS MASTURABATING LAST NIGHT AND PUSHED A S ODA STRAW UP HIS PENIS ABOUT 3"

no results for either "gerbil" or "gallon of semen"

PT HAS A PIECE OF A SEX TOY STUCK IN HER VAGINA DX// FB VAGINA REMOVED

PATIENT PLAYING BASKETBALL, JUMPED UP AND STRADDLED OPPONENTS FOOT ON L ANDING, HAD VAGINAL BLEEDING/SWELLING; VAGINAL INJURY

UNHELMETED BICYCLIST RIDING BIKE WHILE DRINKING ALCOHOL DOING COCAINE & SMOKING MARIJUANA FELL OFF BIKE BUT DOESNT REMEMBER.D:FACIAL ABRASION

PT WAS SHAVING HER VAGINA AND DEVELOPED AN ABSCESS

SHE PUT A DOLL'S SHOE REALLY FAR UP INTO HER VAGINA DX" VAGINAL FB- TO THE O.R.

PYT

max you're an ace for this btw

lol just came to post the vagina removed one xpost

ATTEMPTING TO CHANGE CHANNEL ON TV AND SLID ONTO BUTTOCKS STRAINING KNE E

45YO WHITE MALE ON ATV,GOT CLOTHESLINED BY A BARBED WIRE-STRUNG ACROSS ROAD,NLOC,LACERATION TO NECK,+AMPHETAMINES,+COCAINE

PT WITH A ONE FOOT LONG CANDLE STUCK IN RECTUM, BY GIRLFRIEND

KINKY MANEUVERS

PT WAS TRICKED INTO EATING *** CANDY WITH DOG FECES ON IT AFTER THAT HE TOOK A DRINK OF *** CLEANER DX// INGESTION FECES AND ***

+ETOH,PLAYING A GUITAR,STUMBLED,FELL BACKWARD ONTO UNCAPPED BEER BOTTLE ,WHCH CONTACTED PERINEAL AREA,BOTTLE INTACT DX: COMPLEX VAGINAL LAC i.e. BULLSHIT, YOU WERE MASTURBATING WITH A BEER BOTTLE

19 Y/O FELL JUMPING ON TRAMPOLINE AND STRADLED THE BAR. DXX-INJURY FROM VVAGINA TO RECTUM. DX INJURY GENITAL ORGANS.

BIPOLAR MAN TOOK LSD AND WOKE UP WITH PLASTIC FORK IMPALED IN EAR

BOYFRIEND INSERTED A BASEBALL IN HER VAGINA 4 HOURS AGO UNABLE TO REMOVAL BASEBALL FOREIGN BODY VAGINA REMOVAL

everybody on this thread has a degree, an advanced degree at that, and is spending Sunday evening typing "vagina" and "rectum" and "penis" into an ER log search engine

life rules

this, my friends, this is what the internet was for

PT SUSTAINED A CONTUSION OF THE BUTTOCK BY FALLING WHILE PULLING A HOES .

jeff, tell the truth, did you search "buttock" or "hoes"

i dont have a degree

PT PULLED GARBAGE BAG OUT OF TRASH CAN AT HOME AND WAS BITTEN BY A RACC OON DX/ PUNCTURE WOUND RIGHT HAND RACCOON BITE

SENT IN BY POLICE FOR EVALUATION, TAZERED 7 TIMES, ADMITS MARIJUANA A BUSE>>SUBS ABUSE/FACIAL CONTS/SCALP LAC/PSYCH EVALUATION

LT WRIST & ANKLE CONTUSION: CHASING RACCOON LAST NIGHT, FORGOT HE HAD A CABLE SET UP IN YARD, IT TRIPPED HIME, HURT LEFT WRIST

FOREHEAD LACERATION: RUNNING FROM A RACCOON THAT WAS IN THE HOUSE, TRIPPED, FELL HEAD-FIRST INTO A RECLINER

FINGER CELLULITIS-KNIFE SLIPPED WHILE SKINNING A RACCOON-AREA INFECTED

ACCIDENTALLY SHOT SELF IN SCROTUM WITH BB GUN. DX-GSW SCROTUM AND TESTES.

STUCK HAIRBRUSH IN VAGINA

UNHELMETED BICYCLIST RIDING BIKE WHILE DRINKING ALCOHOL DOING COCAINE & SMOKING MARIJUANA FELL OFF BIKE BUT DOESNT REMEMBER.D:FACIAL ABRASION

cankles I confer upon you the degree of bachelor of sciences in internet

PATIENT LYING AWAKE IN BED AFTER SURFING THE INTERNET, NOTICED WALLS CL OSING IN AROUND HIM,DIFFICULTY BREATHING; ANXIETY ATTACK

ANUS FB-PIECE OF BLUE STRING REMOVED FROM RECTUM-NO DETAILS

I tell ya, "urine" is gold...

BIPOLAR MAN TOOK LSD AND WOKE UP WITH PLASTIC FORK IMPALED IN EAR

DX LAC R SH/HTN: W JUGGL'G 3 KNIVES W HE LOST CONTROL & KNIFE STUCK 3IN INTO R DELTOID REGION; PT SMELLS OF ETOH--ADMITS 2 "3 BEERS"

UNHELMETED BICYCLIST RIDING BIKE WHILE DRINKING ALCOHOL DOING COCAINE & SMOKING MARIJUANA FELL OFF BIKE BUT DOESNT REMEMBER.D:FACIAL ABRASION

― supra-max (ice cr?m), Sunday, January 17, 2010 6:02 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark

already posted bro - use ctrl-f so u dont RUIN the thread again

yah no ones even reading whats posted

PT SWALLOWED SMALL THUMB NAIL SIZED HEART SHAPED GEM STICKER >> FOREIGN BODY INGESTION

PLAYING "DUCK, DUCK, GOOSE" AND RAN INTO A CHAIR. DX NOSE CONTUSION

SPRAIN FINGER - 19 YO MALE PRESENTS WITH COMPLAINT OF RT INDEX FINGER P AIN - INJURED WHEN USING WITH "FAKE" WEAPONS PLAYING DUNGEON/DRAGONS

BURNED A CROSS INTO WRIST WITH HOT SCREWDRIVER WHILE DRUNK THAT IS INFE CTED NOW

Awww...

HALLUCINATING THAT ANGELS TOLD HER TO GET UP AND WALK. FELL STRIKING F ACE ON CHAIR. DX FACIAL CONTUSION#

WENT TO A WEDDING,HAD FEW TOO MANY DRINKS, LATER FELL OFF A CHAIR & NOW COMES WITH ALTERED MENTAL STATUS>>AMS S/P FALL/ETOH INTOX/SYNCOPE

PT WA PLAYING A VIDEO GAME AT HOME WHEN HE STOOD UP AND THREW HIS HANDS INTO THE AIR. HIT FINGERS ON CEILING FAN. DX. FINGER PAIN

(age of patient: 33)

37YOF WHILE SNOWBOARDING WAS HOLDING A CUP OF HOT CHOCOLATE,SLIPPED OUT OF HAND LIQUID BOUNCED UP STRUCK LEFT EAR;1ST DEGREE BURN EAR

aw! The angels told her to do it! <3

ANGRY AND ATTEMPTED TO STAB A REFRIDGERATOR WITH A KNIFE. THE KNIFE BR OKE. LACERATION L HAND#

There are way more results for chocolate than I would have guessed.

PT WAS DEEP FRYING CHOCOLATE AND BURNED TOP OF FOOT

PT FOUND WANDERING STREETS NAKED + COCAINE + THC FELL IN ER ON FLOOR IN JURED FACE DX// FACIAL FX COCAINE ABUSE PSYCHOSIS

naked plus cracks me up!

63YO WHITE FEMALE AT HOME PLAYING HOT POTATO WITH GRANDKIDS,DOVE FOR POTATO HIT CORNER OF TELEVISION WITH CHEEK,NLOC,DX FACE LACERATION

PT TRIPPED ON PANTS. DX: R ANKLE SPRAIN.

PARENTS CONCERNED PT HAS INGESTED STRANGE SUBSTANCE OOZING FROM TOYFOOT BALL

(I think this means Toy Football)

PT WAS AT A "NIN" CONCERT IN THE "MAGE PIT" DANCING, SPRAINED RT ANKLE.

Awww! This lady is the best.

PT WAS HELPING A STRANGE CAT THAT HAS FISHING LINE WRAPPED AROUND PAWS & CUT BIT PT ON HAND DX: PUNCTURE WOUND LEFT HAND

Yeah, I usually stick to the "CLERIC" pit when I'm at a NIN show.

PT WAS AT A BAR AFTER A FUNERAL AND HAD A SHOT OF TEQUILA AND FELL OFF THE BARSTOOL. D: CHI, ALCOHOL INTOXICATION, SYNCOPE. ADMIT

@ SCHOOL GETTING READY FOR A CONCERT, ACCIDENTALLY HIT WITH VIOLEN'S BOW TO THE FACE >> LAC

FRACTURED 5TH MC, NONDISPLACED, CLOSED: "PUNCHED MY COMPUTER OUT OF ANGER" HAND PAIN

I need to stop, but some of them are just hilarious:

75 YOM WAS KNOCKED OVER BY HOT DOG CART YESTERDAY BACK PAIN

PATIENT IS MENTALLY RETARDED, LIVES IN A GROUP HOME, WAS SITTING ON A COUCH EATING MACARONI AND HOT DOGS, CHOKED. DX-CHOKING EPISODE

SPEED WALKING AND RUNNING TRYING TO GET TO COMPUTER DESK IN COMPUTER CLASS RAN INTO A WALL HIT HEAD ON A FILE CABINET CLOSED HEAD INJURY

PATIENT RELEASED ELASTIC BAND ON HIS UNDERPANTS, BAND HIT TESTICLE 7 DA YS AGO, 2 DAYS AGO DEVELOPED EDEMA AND ERYTHEMA;TORSED EPIDIDYMAL

There are 52 Wii-related injuries!

FX RADIUS/ULNA - PALYNG WII AND TRIPPED OVER DOG

ACCIDENTALLY STRUCK ONTO LOWER ABDOMEN WITH HOCKEY STICK WHILE PLAYING WII>> ABDOMINAL PAIN

PT WENT TO FRIEND HOUSE TO PAY MONEY BACK & FRIEN D GOT MAD & PUSHED HIM AGAINST THE WALL.

14 YOM SANT DOWN ON WII CONTROLLER, ARM HIT SIDE OF CHAIR KNOCKING BATT ERIES OUT OF CONTROLLER, STRUCK R EYE BY BATTERY SUSTAINING LACERATION

Strangely there are no PS3 related injuries.

11 YOM WAS PLAYING AT FRIEND'S HOUSE, HIT ACCIDENTALLY IN THE FACE WITH XBOX CONTROLLER

If you look up "video game" a lot of those sound like Wii injuries too, as most of them are the controller-swinging variety

(also a couple of table thumping incidents which I nearly posted here to laugh at until I remembered that I have a fierce and irrational temper myself)

got angry, punched something, broek hand...

"PUNCHED MY COMPUTER OUT OF ANGER" hand pain is common AND treatable

PEBKAC

HORSING AROUND W/ A FRIEND IN THE SHED CUT ARM ON A MACHETTE

DX "2000 FLUSHES TOILET" INGESTION: P/W INGESTION OT TOILET BOWEL H2O; PT FOUND W BRUCH IN MOUTH THAT SHE DIP'D IN THE TOILET

There appears to be only one segway related incident

PT FELL OFF HER SEGWAY AND FRACTURED ANKLE

SWUNG KNIFE AT A FLY, DROPPED KNIFE TO CALF, DX; LEG LAC.

RAN INTO CLOSED HOSPITAL CAFETERIA TO TOP OFF HIS COFFEE,GRABBED WHAT H E THOUGHT WAS PACKET OF CREAMER WAS URN CLEANER,TOOK SIPS,SPIT OUT

(shudder)

PT WAS USING A SEX TOY WITH HUSBAND, THEY PLACED A URETHRAL STIMULATOR UP INTO URETHRA, IT GOT SWALLOWED UP INTO URETHRAL. DX: FOREIGN BODY

PT WAS AT A MONSTER TRUCK SHOW AND FELL TRYING TO GET INTO A TRUCK AND LANDED ONTO TILE FLOOR SUSTAINED A CLOSED HEAD INJURY

they have tiled floors at monster truck shows?

There appears to be only one segway related incident
Probably no one willing to admit it.

Lol

11YO WHITE MALE AT GRANDFATHERS HOUSE & WALKED INTO THE MICROWAVE

TRIPPED OVER KITTEN.
CAUGHT HERSELF ON WALL.
HEARD A SNAP.

DISLOCATION

(solo)

26 YOF HAS BEEN HAVING NAUSEA AND VOMITTING EVER SINCE CLEANING TURTLE

38 YOM WAS HORSEPLAYING AND HIT IN FACE W/PIPE. DX MISSING TEETH