Ideal football (soccer, for you Merkans) TV discussion panel

Be it for halftime quid pro quo or latenight Saturday post-pub analysis; who do you want on your tele talking about your football?

Also, who do you REALLY NOT WANT on your tele?

the answer will be o'herlihy, giles, brady, dunphy in any case

and the mix would only be spoiled by any additions, so i'm not contemplating subbing anyone in/out

As few ex-footballers as possible, more journalists

Also, who do you REALLY NOT WANT on your tele?

Open goal, mate

Graham Poll. I like Graham Poll.

Chiles, Dixon, maybe Martin O'Neill so long as he didn't feel the need to show off. I've never seen Mourinho as a pundit but I'm sure he'd be good.

Paul Breitner?

Nightmare panel: Philip Schofield, Shearer, Strachan and Townsend, with guest appearance from Gazza

hansen, when motivated, is great. he should have an extended MOTD without any of his usual co-hosts to go through tactics in-depth.

Breitner would be awesome.

Chiles, Dixon, and O'Neil are all faves.

Don't let Mark Bright anywhere near South Africa or a TV studio this summer. Please.

Would like that. Why they decided to half his time with Shearer I do not know.

talking about Hansen obv. I still would rather Shearer didn't get half of Mark Bright's time

Marcel Desailly always cheers me up, he's so happy

Mourinho with Garth Crooks would be worth watching

Shearer shouldn't be on television anymore than Tom Daly should but short of gunning the fucker down we can't stop either of them and Andy "cunt" Townsend is even fucking worse.

I'm awaiting Robinho's move into media punditry.

I realise that Tom Daly's a teenage diver and not a football pundit but the little Plymouth cunt WILL be presenting MotD in 20 years time.

love em or hate em, no-one brings the LOL's like giles and dunphy. ian wright should never be let on a football pundit panel ever. Pat Dolan on Sellatanta Sports was dreadful too.

Need Leonardo for this World Cup

god pat dolan is worse than any of the uk tv equivalents for certain.

souness on rte- completely different beast than souness on sky. he had to pick his jaw up off the floor his first couple of shifts with dunphy.

I need to watch RTE, don't I?

Charlie Nicholas

"The ba' came oor intae the errea and the bo-ey jist wellied it"

(or is that Bobby Gillespie?)

I'll stick up for Ian Wright because he's enthusiastic and can save show from the likes of Lineker & Lawro's low-grade cynicism. His commentating when Cafu was lifting the world cup in 2002 ("god, I'd love to be up there") was really good.

Ian Wright should commentate on any and every game his kids play in.

ESPECIALLY if they fuck-up / get sent off / lose.

Ian Wright should be banned

I liked Strachan as a pundit. His last season with Celtic and his associated attempts at humour have soured that somewhat.
O'Neill's always good value when he things Shearer's made an arse of himself, he's like a dog after a bone.
Lee Dixon seems to offer clear and concise opinions and doesn't seem at all up his own arse. Lawro and Shearer can fuck right off. I can put up with Hansen to an extent.
Destroy each and every fucker currently attempting to pass as a talking head in Scottish football with the possible exception of wee Pat Nevin who I like even though he's mostly wrong.

Didn't Ian Wright once refuse to speak at half time because England were losing? Fuck that guy.

Sounds like another good reason for wanting England to lose

greedy guts

no love for James Richardson? I have love for James Richardson. I'd kind of like to see him on a panel with Andy Townsend.

he's a good presenter but never seen him as an actual pundit

James Richardson, Paulo Sousa, Leonardo and Andy Townsend covering Genoa-Chievo on RaiUno

Richardson's very personable and would make a great anchor dude, aye.

That Italian woman who used to present the Italian football on Channel 5

Sorry, gone all Silvio Berlusconi there

As few ex-footballers as possible, more journalists

Always seems like a good idea until you realise it would probably entail putting Martin Samuel on TV.

Anyway you need a good mix on the panel:

Anchorman: STELLING
Thoughtful tactician type: O'Neill, with Strachan as a second choice
Insane ranting force of nature: Dunphy, Mourinho in his absence
Ex-footballer: Gonna go with Dixon at least stating something more than the obvious most of the time

O'Neill = insane thoughtful tactician type

O'Neill's the best, I think, for thoughtful tactical analysis, and is also terrific value for winding-up-and-watching-go.

jeff stellings great actually. i like him on countdown.

O'Neill, also great for invoking the First Triumvirate when talking about Italian centre backs - he did it in the last World Cup

stelling as anchor though? has he ever actually played that role on a football highlights show?

he was on sky sports

think dixon/keown/chiles are a pretty good three man outfit on MOTD2 as well.

xp yeah michael but it's not really the same format as a tv discussion panel, what stelling normally does for the live scores 6 hr programme that i can't remember the name of for some reason.

soccer saturday d'oh

Charlize Theron could do a job as anchor

Someone should sign up Martin Jol for the World Cup.

jim rosenthal, dave bassett, gabriel batistuta

I'm just laughing hysterically at this for some reason

nobody undershtandsh maaaarten yoooooooollll

Apart from Shteve McClaren

haha did anyone else see rosenthal completely bollocks himself up yesterday trying to do an uncharacteristically fancy segue btw - it was like

- "the ref was too quick for fabianski there basically."

- "WELL, one person we're ... not too quick.. for...uh, is jose mourinho, who'llbeupnextafterthebreakokbye."

I need to watch RTE, don't I?

― No, YOU'RE a disgusting savage (Scik Mouthy),

everyone does imo, but you can always youtube some of the more memorable episodes- brady getting cranky over criticism of wenger is a personal favourite.

Richard Herring's latest stand up set claims that Jim Rosenthal was the only person to remark on his Hitler moustache when he was in the VIP section at an Al Murray gig

He turned to his wife and said "Is that a Hitler moustache? Oh dear."

garth crooks been mentioned yet? cos he's incredibly annoying.

He is, but when you sit him alongside Mark Bright he instantly becomes a genius

garth crooks r serious fellow

not liked rosenthal since he said he doesn't even like football really (around '94). MERCENARY.

Yes, but Hansen said something along the same lines once

Most of them would rather be watching and commenting on golf tbh

inc. Lineker probably but at least he played

There was a point in the later stages of the 2006 World Cup where Mark Lawrenson genuinely looked like he would rather being doing anything else in the world rather than watching and commenting on football.

i don't mind Lawro in the studio but he is insufferable next to Motson

sorry for calling him Lawro

When Lawrenson talks he comes across as such a sighing, pass-agg sadsack that I can't think about anything but how terrible he would be to live with

'lawro' isn't alright in any circumstances. his analysis for irish radio every week is so fucking lazy i'd have told him not to bother his arse after his first gig- 'liverpool will be hard to beat but they're not in great form you can't see past united chelsea are so powerful' is his sum total footballing knowledge.

Passantino suggests https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HQZnLqmqjM

"Oliver Bierhoff's Army"

Less than Zero- pompey's points total after administration

watching the detectives (due to another match-fixing fiasco)

he could discuss ray charles' career with big ron

Duet with Arsene Wenger on "(I Don't Want to Go to) Chelsea"

Then with Eduardo on "I Can't Stand Up for Falling Down"

I'm imagining Gabriele Marcotti having a heated debate with Hansen. And it is making me giggle.

Also - Dean Windass as tunnel interviewer, all inappropriately punching Mike Phelan on the arm and such.

Oh man I can't believe I forgot Gab. Dude is 100% best in business.

Yeah, as long he's not alongside Spoony

need more Brazilians
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-EJmd0-0F4

Destroy each and every fucker currently attempting to pass as a talking head in Scottish football with the possible exception of wee Pat Nevin who I like even though he's mostly wrong.

^ this, except I'd allow John Hartson to escape the axe, because he's OK really. Leaves extra ammunition to hit Craig Burley with an' all just to make sure.

There's a moronic co-commentator stinking up nearly every game on ESPN. I never catch the guy's name, but I'm pretty sure it's Burley.

Lord keep Kevin Gallacher and his hideous strangulated Anglo-Scots vowel sounds from our TV screens. I fear Robbie Savage is being lined up for a career as a pundit.

Bring back Big Ron!

Ismael Klata, that's Burley, aye. Guy's a clown.

Drinking game for Burley on ESPN - award one shot for every "it's as simple as that". you won't see half time.

Everyone's forgotten poor Des. How can you *not* want this moustache on your telly?

http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/des.jpg

I can't decide whether or not I like Colin Murray's bizarre take on the Ray Stubbs role. It veers from surreally hilarious to downright fucking annoying, sometimes between the beginning and the end of the same sentence.

Mark Lawrenson really hates him. I've heard him directing his petty cynicism towards him when they're forced together on fivelive, which is not to Lawro's credit. He seems like a deeply unpleasant individual.

who, Colin Murray? yes

Not sure who the commentary team were for the Fulham game tonight (Jim Beglin maybe?), but they were pretty good in that I didn't really notice their presence very much.

I managed to miss most of his Radio 1 career, so all I really know of Murray is on Five. He seems completely ludicrous as an anchor, his halftime thing was about how he pronounces David N'Gog differently depending on whether he's any good or not (Daa-veed N'Go when he's good, David N'Gog when he's not). He's also just shown Bobby Zamora's goal with the commentary "is your twin brother playing as you?".

This thread is obviously not complete without a musical interlude:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JC03Su5X18Y

Aw pish, Andy Townsend's on the panel after the Fulham game. He seems less voluble tonight.

Colin Murray is awful on the radio as well. If Edith didn't have such a hawt voice, he would have never got this far.

basically chappers>spoony>murray.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2010/mar/10/bbc-gordon-brown-match-day

Gordon Brown not on anyone's list then?

I only ever see GB photos with a furrowed brow these days.

his brow isn't particularly furrowed in that pic

not that he's looking v happy about missing out on a guest spot with Chiles

Is it only pundits on English tv that sit around little tables? I'm sure most other country's pundits sit behind desks (or sometimes stand up pitchside (stupid ESPN))