Best Line Spoken By John Candy In JFK (take two!)

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

http://www.motelmag.com/movies/images/jfk_candy.jpg
RIP.

Poll Results

Option	Votes
Elevator didn't go to the top floor but tits could smother gumbo with.	4
On my mama's breasts, man, that's all I got.	2
The government's gonna jump all over your head, Jimbo, and go "cock-a-doodledoo!"	2
It was Oswald. He was a nut job. F-----, y'know, hated this country.	2
then it's bon voyage, Deano - I mean like permanent. I mean like a bullet in my head. You dig?	1
You got the right ta-ta, but the wrong ho-ho.	1
That's some kinda new cancer - I'd say that's a "going out of business cancer".	1
If I answer that question you keep asking me, if I give you the name of the "Big Enchilada" y'know...	1
Is this off the record, Daddy-o? In that case, let me sum it up for you real quick.	0
How the fuck three people could keep a secret like that, I don't know.	0
Why you keep dancing on my head for, my man?	0
Does that help you see my problem a little better? You're a mouse fighting a gorilla.	0
Kennedy's dead as that crab meat. The government's still breathing. You want to line up with a dead man?	0
You're just as crazy as your mama. Goes to show it's in the genes!	0
Do you have any idea what you're getting into, my man?	0
You think Jack Ruby just up and died of cancer in four weeks after he gets a retrial?	0
The cat's stewing me, the oyster's shucking me I told him, you got the right at-at but the wrong oh-oh...	0
If there were, why the hell didn't Bobby Kennedy prosecute it as Attorney General, he was his brother for Chrissake.	0
There wasn't no conspiracy, Jim.	0
We been thicker'n molasses pie since law school.	0
There you go, Grain of salt.	0
Two sides to every coin.	0
They put the heat on, my man, just like you're doing.	0
I gave'em anything that popped into my cabeza.	0
Hey, pipe the bimbo in red.	0
Whatever happened to that little gal you was dating in the Quarter - from Opelousas, y'know?	0
You can't ever say crime don't pay in Louisiana, Jim - only not as good as it used to.	0
Good chowder, ain't it?	0
You knew you weren't talking to some low life f--, you know.	0
He had command of the king's English.	0
Mario, Jose - they wear names like you and I wear clothes.	0
Today the name is Candy, tomorrow it's Butsie.	0
The Feebees run background checks.	0
Bertrand is not Shaw, scout's honor and you can tell him I said so...	0

― da croupier, Sunday, 21 February 2010 16:37 (fifteen years ago)

accidentally deleted some parts while editing and the sentence cuts are kind of arbitrary, try to forgive me.

― da croupier, Sunday, 21 February 2010 16:38 (fifteen years ago)

John Candy's chin is so hypnotically well-lit in this movie.

― queen frostine (Eric H.), Monday, 22 February 2010 01:55 (fifteen years ago)

Kennedy's dead as that crab meat.
You're just as crazy as your mama. Goes to show it's in the genes!
You got the right ta-ta, but the wrong ho-ho.

Even Bette Davis in All About Eve is jealous of what Stone gave Candy to work with here.

― queen frostine (Eric H.), Monday, 22 February 2010 01:57 (fifteen years ago)

are those ALL of Candy's lines?

None of that beats an average Johnny LaRue or Mayor Tommy Shanks sketch.

― Fusty Moralizer (Dr Morbius), Monday, 22 February 2010 02:01 (fifteen years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-oJ1_dZ75I

― Chris L, Monday, 22 February 2010 02:41 (fifteen years ago)

Big Enchilada FTW

― Mr. Snrub, Monday, 22 February 2010 02:42 (fifteen years ago)

Those lines read as a unit make for one fuckin' great poem.

― Inculcate a spirit of serfdom in children (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 22 February 2010 02:45 (fifteen years ago)

I gave'em anything that popped into my cabeza.

Academy Award deserved just for his pronunciation of CA-BAY-ZAH.

― Inculcate a spirit of serfdom in children (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 22 February 2010 02:46 (fifteen years ago)

Yes. 1991's supporting actor slate should've been straight up and down JFK.

― queen frostine (Eric H.), Monday, 22 February 2010 02:48 (fifteen years ago)

Two nods for g-d Bugsy?! The hell?

― queen frostine (Eric H.), Monday, 22 February 2010 02:48 (fifteen years ago)

yeah, Christoph Waltz woulda fit right in

― Fusty Moralizer (Dr Morbius), Monday, 22 February 2010 02:51 (fifteen years ago)

Did you know nothing you ever post during the month of February ever makes a lick of sense?

― queen frostine (Eric H.), Monday, 22 February 2010 02:54 (fifteen years ago)

Today the name is Candy, tomorrow it's Butsie.

lol

― Inculcate a spirit of serfdom in children (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 22 February 2010 03:03 (fifteen years ago)

are those ALL of Candy's lines?

along with removing stuff like "right" and "then he said...", i accidentally deleted a bit here and there while hurriedly separating lines after botching the first poll. Some are pretty golden so if someone wants redo the poll all over feel free.

Oh, I first heard these street cats jiving about him back in '56, '57 when I lived down in the Quarter.

Swishes. They swish, y'know. Young f--s, you know.

They'd come into my bureau needing help, no bread, and I'd say, hey man, I ain't Rockefeller, who gonna back you up?

These cornmuffins go to the phone and dial...

Hey, suits me fine, Daddy Warbucks - how do I get in touch with you?

Always - like tits on a pig.

I wish I had a million of those bimbettes.

Like I told to the Washington boys, Bertrand called that summer and asked me to help the kid upgrade his Marine discharge...

Three, four. He came in with a few Cubano swishes one time I remember...

Hell, no! I told this Bertrand cat right off, this isn't my scene, man.

I deal with muni court, I'm a hack in n----- town, that kid needs a hot dog.

There were no phone records.

I don't know how they got to me. Maybe cause I repped him here.

― da croupier, Monday, 22 February 2010 04:44 (fifteen years ago)

and actually this is from the shooting script - i think some of the hate speech might not have made the final cut.

― da croupier, Monday, 22 February 2010 04:48 (fifteen years ago)

None of that beats an average Johnny LaRue or Mayor Tommy Shanks sketch.

i realize this was meant as some "i'm old" baity Ric Flair thing, and as such i'm just feeding the beast, but you really couldn't line-by-line a johnny larue or tommy shanks sketch. that's not why they're awesome.

― da croupier, Monday, 22 February 2010 04:53 (fifteen years ago)

holy shit at that dean andrews interview, had no idea some of this was verbatim - figured it was another composite. there wasn't really a gay hustler screaming about loving nixon and fascism coming back, too, was there?

― da croupier, Monday, 22 February 2010 05:05 (fifteen years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S647WksjzzY

1:03 - "dean andrews, the unfortunate fat man who faces 18 months in a decaying parish(?) prison..."

― da croupier, Monday, 22 February 2010 05:08 (fifteen years ago)

― da croupier, Monday, 22 February 2010 05:05 (1 hour ago)

the bacon character was a composite of a few different actual people

― nitzer ENBB (latebloomer), Monday, 22 February 2010 06:22 (fifteen years ago)

"Willie O'Keefe" is a composite character drawn from four of Garrison's witnesses: Perry Russo, David Logan, Raymond Broshears, and William Morris. Three of them met Shaw through Ferrie; the fourth, Morris, was introduced to Shaw, who called himself "Clay Bertrand," by a mutual friend. Like O'Keefe, Logan and Broshears met Shaw/Bertrand at French Quarter bars. Broshears, who also had intelligence connections, reported seeing Shaw and Ferrie together on several occasions, including a time when Shaw handed Ferrie an envelope filled with cash. Logan and Morris became more intimate with Shaw, frequenting Shaw's restored carriage house on Dauphine Street. Russo's story -- that he met Shaw at a party at Ferrie's at which the assassination was discussed -- made him one of Garrison's key witnesses.(1)

― nitzer ENBB (latebloomer), Monday, 22 February 2010 06:23 (fifteen years ago)

you really couldn't line-by-line a johnny larue or tommy shanks sketch. that's not why they're awesome.

Yes, agreed. That is why JFK is an utterly negligible Candy performance.

― Fusty Moralizer (Dr Morbius), Monday, 22 February 2010 11:55 (fifteen years ago)

iirc the dude in the bar who is cackling happily over jfk's death when it's first announced in the film is apparently perry russo, and he's expressing his true sentiments. probably where willie o'keefe's crazy talk came from.

― ('_') (omar little), Monday, 22 February 2010 14:00 (fifteen years ago)

I want to know which part of the composite said you don't know you shit because you haven't been FUCKED IN THE ASS!!!!

― da croupier, Monday, 22 February 2010 14:28 (fifteen years ago)

(btw follow-up polls re: kevin bacon and walter matthau may follow)

― da croupier, Monday, 22 February 2010 14:30 (fifteen years ago)

(though "and she had LOVE CHILD painted on her belly" would probably sweep the latter)

― da croupier, Monday, 22 February 2010 14:30 (fifteen years ago)

croup, you're pickin' gnat shit out of peppah.

― Inculcate a spirit of serfdom in children (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 22 February 2010 14:43 (fifteen years ago)

"Thank ya honey" would get my vote on Matthau poll.

― queen frostine (Eric H.), Monday, 22 February 2010 15:01 (fifteen years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

― System, Wednesday, 3 March 2010 00:01 (fifteen years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

― System, Thursday, 4 March 2010 00:01 (fifteen years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.