Have you ever been so devastated about a breakup that you considered suicide?

Serious question.

in b4 'first post hall of fame' bid

it's hard to know what "considered" means. even reading the word "suicide" sort of involves it, at the thinnest end of the wedge. so yes, no, i don't know.

I dunno dude. I haven't slept. Throwing the question out there. Like, consider as in, yeah THIS is a viable option.

well, yeah. i can relate. i had my people look into it, though, and long-term, it just wasn't practicable. i'd strongly advise against.

I can dig it. The worst though? When people use that "other fish in the sea" line.

ive never considered suicide, really, but definitely considered the whole... burn your house down and join the foreign legion. sort of the same impulse, maybe?

I wouldn't use the word 'viable' personally

no, but i was very badly hurt by one breakup. and then, totally unexpectedly, i met the woman who would become my wife. we've been married for 14 years, and i'm still in love with her. things can, and very often do, get better after a bad breakup.

if your question is describing your current frame-of-mind, i urge you to talk to someone quickly (irl). ilx is a wonderful site full of smart people, but i don't think it's an adequate substitute for the guidance of a professional in a situation like this. also, not to sound trite, but life is so precious and valuable, and there are (usually) so many reasons to be hopeful, even if it doesn't seem that way at a given moment.

Yeah. Maybe not the best word. Lack of sleep, depression, and the effects of valerian tea.

Thanks for that Daniel. Calming, to a degree.

kinda the same as max. have found myself wanting to take an extended break from being me from time to time, but permanently? nope.

and what daniel says.

I tossed the idea over in my mind once before a breakup. It was a torturous period where I could see that the relationship was definitely over because I was being treated like dirt but she kept me hanging on. But it was a fleeting idea that only lasted a few weeks, though it seemed much longer.

After we officially broke up, I felt a lot better. I was completely devastated and it took me years to get my footing again, but I went home and found comfort in my family and looked up some old friends. I'm happy I decided against it, that's for sure.

have been devastated by a breakup (but what HM said about yes, no maybe in terms of seriously considering suicide), but even if it's not something you can imagine or relate to right now i can't stress enough that it gets easier, and things get better.

btw forget the other fish in the sea bit, go for walks, a lot of walks, and read books, and just wait it out, its the only way to get over breakups really

Get a good sleep too, things always look better after that.

yeah fill your time, even if it's not with anything 'constructive'- read, walk, game, whatever just passes the hours for a while.

I watched an entire TV series. It helped. I went into total fantasy land for a while and when I came back up for air, some of the bad feelings had dissipated.

Hang in there SPC. Have you got any friends or family close by who you can hook up with?

not the sort of guy to think about suicide but have been the object of major concern for ppl close to me who weren't completely sure of that. I don't know what to say really because nothing anyone said at the time helped at all, but I feel you and one day you will be someone who doesn't feel like this.
but, walks were good, going home and doing simple stuff with my dad was good, I'm glad I didn't sleep w/ anyone and now I really think it was a nietzschean sort of good for me.

I say 'good', I mean 'not awful'

I always took breakups real hard even when I was the one initiating them - felt so bad and such a sharp sense of loss, and loads of shame/guilt over not being able to make things work - know how you feel, can assure you that by this time next week everything feels much better. For me it was important to allow myself to always really experience as much of those hard painful feelings as I could - they are rich even though they're unpleasant in the extreme; there's bounty of a sort in them, however hard to bear they are. for me that's true, anyhow. small tasks & meager distractions (tv, crosswords, around-the-house tasks) are godsends IIRC. but me being me I usually spent the first 2-3 days luxuriating in my own suffering. you can take the Catholic out of the Church, etc

I don't know that I ever considered suicide, but I did sabotage myself following the breakup of a 3-year relationship into drunkenly flunking out of college (GPA: 0.6). Two years later, I was married and we're going on 19 years. So things do get better.

as stupid as it sounds just investing yourself in a totally distracting and semi-long-term project, even just watching an entire run of a tv series, helps. every now and then your heart will sink and you'll feel like you are choking, but then you can just go back to the stupid shit you were just doing and won't get stuck in some downward spiral.

initiating a breakup can feel WORSE tbh - the guilt

ie the difference between feeling pitiable and horrible

^^ reason why I feel trapped right now

I've done a lot of things that could really be chalked up to self-destructive behavior, although I don't know if I ever consciously considered suicide.

I think the key for me was to get away from anything resembling the situation I was previously in. The world is a lot larger than you think when you're feeling down.

Distractions good.

Companionship of friends good to take yr mind off it, but don't feel the compulsion to find new partners etc - if you felt yr partner was cramping your style regarding seeing friends or doing your natural alone-self hobbies, this is a great time to enjoy those again, as long as you can just let it be fun naturally and not an obligation or a competition against your old self

Try to keep to something approximating a daily routine, i.e. remember to go to bed and not become nocturnal even if you can't sleep too well and you get hooked on your chosen distractions

(or, put another way, staying up late arguing on the internet and playing Flash games = easy mind-blanking time-filler but more than a night or two of that is a bad headspace, reading a book - a nice simple trashy book is fine, this is no college assignment, car chases and page-long chapters or whatever keeps you reading instead of thinking - and going to bed at a sensible time makes me feel like a better person the next day).

Oh, and good luck, hope things pick up for you - it's pretty much certain they will eventually, but I hope it happens soon.

What worked for me when my 12-year marriage ended:

Take care of yourself: eat right, exercise, do something productive. Vegging out with a little TV okay, but I (lifelong closet musician) started practicing more and then going to open stages, which led to meeting new people.

Thanks for all the responses.I am doing my best to keep it together, but it's getting increasingly hard. I think that the main reason this is destroying me so fucking much is the NATURE of the breakup. Tons of slimey lies involved, things that shocked the fucking hell out of me. And because of suspicions...I did something I probably should not have done. Snooped. My Lord, the treasure trove I discovered.

dude i went through (what i can only assume was) a very similar situation years ago, and it was awful. but as consolation i am so incredibly glad to have that rotten person the fuck out of my life now in retrospect that i can at least say that in the future this may appear to be one of the better things that could have happened to you.

not to make light, but whenever i'm devastated by break-up type shit, i smoke hella weed and watch Back to the Future.

full disclosure because why not: 5 year relationship, was fucking one of my roommates on the sly for months (who also managed with her help to scam us all out of a ton of cash and bail on bills/deposit/rent in order to move directly in with her the day after we broke up), married him 6 months after our breakup. more awful stuff. but you get the jist.

this is like the worst advice ever, and it probably shouldn't work for anyone, but getting blind drunk with old friends helped me out a lot, sad as that might seem.

Have you ever been so devastated about a breakup that you considered suicide?

Yes, and I'm SO FUCKING GLAD I DIDN'T. Do whatever it takes, for however long it takes, to feel OK or at least OK-ish, and you will.

^^^ this advice is 1000% more important than anything else tbh

never really considered suicide, but definitely well acquainted with the misery. it really took me about a year to 18 months to get my shit together after the divorce. one thing i'll say, not to be too upbeat about it, is that that period had an awful lot of good things about it. there was all the pain and anger and doubt and everything, but there was also meeting lots of new people (because of going out all the time because i didn't want to be home alone), reconnecting with lots of old friends, taking time to do things i'd wanted to do but had never gotten around to (a lot of hiking, for one thing -- anything outdoors is good tonic, i think). all of which sort of laid a new foundation so that by the time the last waves of awfulness finally crested, i had sort of arranged a whole new life for myself without even really meaning to or thinking about it. i even finally started teaching myself guitar, which i had meant to do for years. so, i don't know. "try some new things" sounds like pretty lame advice, but it worked for me.

yes, go outside. even if it is shitty where you are right now.

this is key for any type of major depression i've found.

sitting around the house and wallowing can be therapuetic in small doses, but you gotta watch it, because next thing you know it's a year later and yr life has fallen further apart in key ways that go beyond relationships. (i.e., things like "how did i lose my job?" or "why am i drunk all the time?" or "i think i had friends once?" et cetera.)

5 year relationship, was fucking one of my roommates on the sly for months (who also managed with her help to scam us all out of a ton of cash and bail on bills/deposit/rent in order to move directly in with her the day after we broke up), married him 6 months after our breakup.

My boyfriend's story: 7+ year relationship, ages 16 - 24. Same high school & college, moved to another state after college & lived together. He semi-supports her financially. Then she announces, sans explanation or preface, that she is breaking up with him and moving out in a month. Mutual friends support her much more than him. Six months after she leaves, mutual friends accidentally let slip that she had been having an online affair with another dude for months before the breakup and that she had moved out to be with the online dude (in Canada). Six months after that, he discovers a DVD-R of their lame sex chats, including stuff like "Is [boyfriend's name] asleep?" Six months after that, he gets an email from an unknown man: "Please call me, we need to talk about [ex-girlfriend]." He does not respond. Two days later he gets two phone calls from an unknown phone number in the area code he and she both moved from after college. He does not answer or respond. Today, two years later: "Fucking bitch." He lived to love again and so will you.

P.S. She never fucked him in 7+ years. She was saving it, or something, and he was cool with that.

i've felt like this before but only in a completely narcissistic way; like you'd only kill yourself to make them think twice about hurting you in the first place. it's all about finding ways to get back at someone without actually harming one's self imo. in my experience, completely ignoring that person and forgetting they exist works quite well

Nope, nor have I felt particularly miserable as I recall. I was just apathetic in the sense of going through the motions for four months or so. Looking back, I feel relieved it didn't work out. A break-up is actually something that happens for a reason, it's a pretty good teacher actually.

Watch 500 Days of Summer if you haven't already, a bad movie that makes a good point nevertheless imho.

will probably revive this thread once me girl gets fed up with my shtick, it's nice how supportive and sweet everyone is. one thing i feel immensely is the shittiness of any pressure to 'get back in the game' or have rebound sex or something.

nah, nobody's worth it. my last recent breakup did get me drinking a lot and acting very abnormal but you have to watch even that...

I know it's probably one of the most annoying sayings to hear, but "you can never go back" is true. You can't. HOWEVER, it's probably a fair assumption to make that you had a pleasant life before you met this person and, if you didn't, it was at least a liveable life. Take comfort in knowing that it's completely possible to exist in this world without including this other person in your day-to-day experience. Also, learn more about yourself from this. Self therapy.

A few interesting things to add. Well, you guys might find it interesting. One of the reasons I am so crushed about this (well, more than crushed) is that this particular female was, for my money, the most gorgeous woman I had ever seen. I mean, my physical ideal. Some Weird Science shit. Superficial I guess, but it's true. In terms of the flesh, MY FUCKING TYPE IN EVERY CONCEIVABLE WAY. A liar yes. But a fine one. One thing you might need to know? She's 21. I'm 31. The fact that I'm getting older, have been-there-done-that...that is a component here yes? Also, here's a new question. What are the moral implications of snooping? When is it ok? Is it ever?

never, but feel better dude

Never huh? Even if the evidence is large enough to warrant a peek? Thanks by the way.

She wants to hang out later on tonight. Of course I'm going to do it...just for the sex I guess.

it's a trap

I know it's stupid though. Really fucking stupid. No way I can avoid it. Too goddamn weak. Fuck.

If I could post a picture of this girl I would...just so the dudes (and lesbians) understand why it's so fucking difficult.

if i could only reach ur nose with this rolled up newspaper....

What would Tony Soprano do?

pretend this post is a YouTube of the offspring - self esteem

xp, not, maybe, the best role model for real-world decisions

Hahaha

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Y_B24N6kDM

ok i actually have to go home and not be on ilx while getting paid but cmon stay away from the honey trap. post sopranos clips all u want tho.

No problem. What would Paulie do?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYexfzWjRDI&feature=related

yeah i also don't have sound at work!

sourpatch dude I am not gonna be all givin ppl life advice but fuckin make right decisions for yourself ok

dammit

that could go either way though j0hn!

I know I know man- dude, the funny thing is...J0hn D., we talked about Souled American and boxing in front of Vinyl Fever once. Don't know if you remember.

I think you have me confused with somebody else, this is what I look like:

http://www.freeinfosociety.com/media/images/1014.jpg

dude do you know Christopher Lloyd?

affirmative - sucks at pinochle iirc

i thought this was you j0hn
http://ccwe.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/john_dee_ashmolean.jpg

if i could only reach ur nose with this rolled up newspaper....

Seriously, I have friends who try to do the "slow break-off" thing because it was parting on friendly terms, but you seriously just need to drop that chick like a hot potato.

john dee assholian?

I thought you were the Mountain Goats guy? If not, nevermind. If so, yeah we did. I drank a purple Gatorade and chain-smoked. Ha.

Guess I'll never know. But in all seriousness, you guys are right. Maybe I should avoid this, however hard. Double meaning there.

'maybe' you should.

Anecdotally the last time I sort-of ran into my ex-of-drama she was at the other end of the same bar and I was starting to get all "oh man, she did this bad stuff, blah blah" until I suddenly snapped to attention and realized there was no conceivable reason I should be devoting time to being upset. Seriously, she was not even spilled milk, this was like crying over spilled water because the situation when I left was so dire that no one was going to think I was losing anything.

sourpatch, let me get this straight: you were dating some 21 hot girl who was cheating on you for a long time, you found out, and then she broke up with you? or you dumped her? doesn't matter really. and now you're supposed to get together with her soon, just to hang out, or screw, or something?

don't be a fucking chump. don't even talk to her.

As usual, all good advice that KINDA seeps in. Kinda is better than nothing believe you me. Thanks. I shall leave with this- it somehow ties in.
By the way...leave as in take a nap. Nothing dramatic. HA!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xi-P-HWubbI&feature=related

I downloaded a torrent of that Broken Embraces Almodovar (or however you spell it) movie. Should I watch it?

no one ever listens to good advice but goole is right, u need to peace

what max said times two

yeah, SPC, you probably were already thinking what max just said

Of course I'm thinking it. Hell, I KNOW it. Thing is- I'm still in that masochistic zone. Such a hard muck to wade out of. Allow me to be a pig here...because when it comes to this particular gal...oh man Ima tellin' ya...she has a...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0V2mE_QCpzU

Sorry. Down. Trying to bring a little levity to the proceedings.

no it was highly appropriate

It's funny just how much the flesh, the OUTSIDE of a person can have an effect. Even after all the damage.

no no no, you need a piece

That piece comes with a price. Don't it always? But yeah, what do you guys know about this Broken Embraces?

DONT

chiming in with the same advice as everyone else, w/accompanying humiliating anecdote:

a few years ago when i broke up with my ex - he was a terrible, evil, horrible person - i had such a serious emotional breakdown that a) i ended up in the emergency room being prescribed valium because i literally thought my brain was cracking b) i didn't eat or sleep for a week (i was working full time and going to school). by the end of that week i was begging my ex to let me just come see him. then i was begging him to let me spend a couple of nights. then a few days later i was begging him to take me back. this, all after he had said some pretty horrific things to me, pushed me around pretty badly (i really fucked up my lower back from being sort of half pushed/half thrown on to a wooden floor). like, i ~~actually begged~~ him to take me back. which he did. about 8 months later he followed me to a bar with my friends, saw me talking to a guy, stormed home, we got in a huge fight and he gave me a black eye, amongst other bruises (and broke my first pair of new glasses in 13 years, that i'd had for 2 weeks, fucking asshole; also completely destroyed my collection of framed vintage prints).

i lived in a state of terror for about 2 weeks and then one morning i woke up and realised i had nothing left for him to have. so i called a moving company, asked one of my bosses if i could store my stuff at her place, and moved in with my best friend. i only saw him three times after: once was to get my expensive lamp back and give him his passport, and the other two times i suspect he stalked me.

it was pretty much the worst time of my whole life, i really believed that everything was over for me. but it was just the opposite - everything got exponentially better. it never feels like it at the time, but when you hit rock bottom like that, especially when it's the result of someone treating you so badly, things can only get better.

so yeah. completely humiliating to remember/retell this stuff, but if it makes someone else going thru the same thing feel a little less alone and awful then it's worth it.

Don't hang out with her, man! From the sounds of it, you had a rough breakup. I had an amicable breakup without even half the baggage that you described, and both of us tried to do the same thing (ie, we had sex here and there after breaking up). It was the worst decision ever.

Staying friends was fine, but having sex caused the feelings I still had for her to creep back up. To enjoy it, I had to numb my emotions until it wasn't even enjoyable, and it caused a rift with us later.

Cause yourself some anguish now to save yourself some later.

my understanding is that you kind of have to do this in your twenties because it breaks you from doing it in your forties when it would really not be acceptable

http://nessymon.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/its-complicated.jpg

i really miss my ex a lot lately. we had been good friends for a while afterwards, then she started hanging around this new guy and bringing him to social gatherings.

the guy is a douche - the type that upon first meeting, makes the type of inappropriate jokes that are ok for someone you've known 3 years, not 15 minutes. and thinks everything he says is really funny. and talks in a really exaggerated, obnoxious fashion. and can't enjoy something simple like karaoke.

well, she found out what i said and was disappointed...we put it behind us and all but now she doesn't act as friendly anymore.

keep coming close to getting over it but memories keep flooding back because of how small a town this is can be even despite its size - everything has some memory attached.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhiUpmKueeM

you ex-gf's new guy is very rarely going to pass muster, ime.

hopefully not. I am tempted to pee on his car

that's what a female friend of mine suggested at least

A female friend suggested that you are tempted to pee in his car?

i have many female friends btw