Do you ever think people are trying to "network" with you rather than trying to be friends?

I can't help but feel this sometimes, just there are certain people I'll vaguely know in Dublin and suddenly they start chatting to me on Facebook and I think "what does this person actually want?"

I know that sounds horrible or cynical except that then often within a week or two the person is launching some video or club or something and I sort of think they did actually want something. Or I sometimes think they're involved in a similar career to me and think it's good to get to know me for networking purposes (and probably tons of other people too, I don't mean to imply I am worth knowing for such a pursuit.)

I guess in my head I put people down as either real or fake, there are some people who seem to always be peddling something or other.

In some ways I feel envious of people who are pro active and good at networking, and in others I pity them for the way in which mixing whatever work they do with their lives so toxically must taint their actual relationships with people.

Am I being overly harsh on the idea of networking? Do you relate? I love your posts, we should go for a beer sometime. Oh hey btw check out this new clubnight I'm doing, I think you'll like it.

i cut these ppl out of my life, they are parasites

I agree...it's like I dunno, the encroachment of someone selling something into conversation/humanity.

seems like a really common phenomenon in "the media" and in big cities. i know ppl who i look at them and their social circles and i cant really identify anyone who id describe as "friends," just "contacts"

but yeah the flip side is that... networking is a "good career move" and i feel like a chump if im not working all my "contacts" and "meeting new contacts"

this is possibly one of the 2 or 3 most infuriating things about doing a journalism degree x_x

lol don't know anyone that important tbh

This is one of the advantages of knowing I am powerless to do much material good for anybody.

hmm yeah my contacts are all itinerant musicians and ne'er-do-wells. how do i shot networking?

I try to avoid people who use "network" as a verb.

i think i do this kinda unintentionally? like i decided to make some "life changes" & moved away from my old social circle & was p aggressive abt trying to meet new ppl & thats kinda stayed w/me so at parties or shows or w/e ill be p quick w/lets have a drink or w/e.

i mean i guess i never have anything i want or need to sell to ppl so its not like transactional but

big difference between being gregarious and being an aggressive 'networker'!

When did "network" replace "mingling"?

when "interming" didn't sound like too nice a name for this new thing people were doing with computers

btw ZING i don't care abt any of u, have been networking u all the whole time

heh ur the dude with all the sbans

I think this thing only really sucks when it's done badly or clumbsily.

Lots of times I realised I've been "networked with" and not even realised it. It's only when people do it poorly or aggressively that it beomes a problem. The problem isn't the networking itself, it's the social awkwardness of people who don't do it right.

(Of course that could just be jealousy because I am so lousy at doing it, and yet know people who do it so easily and so well.)

heh ur the dude with all the sbans

hush, ireland #3

#3? i think ur forgetting tiern@n's neighbour áine tbh

big difference between being gregarious and being an aggressive 'networker'!

yah im also genuinely fascinated w/ the work that ppl do - like its p rad to get a glimpse of who jobs/industries/organizations i will nvr work in operate & i think that can seem careerist/"contact-building"? like w/ sum1 u dont know. but it i mean i met this dude who was a food chemist & was like ~fascinated~ with the work he did. its interesting!

(Perhaps this has just been on my mind lately, thinking about the upcoming burst of networking I'm going to have to be doing and I've been trying to psych myself up for it. But the truth is, I'm bad at it, I know I'm bad at it, and fear and nerves only serve to make me more awkward and more apprehensive.)

lol don't know anyone that important tbh

― DarraghmacKwacz (darraghmac), Thursday, March 18, 2010 2:25 PM (16 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

This is one of the advantages of knowing I am powerless to do much material good for anybody.

― Fusty Moralizer (Dr Morbius), Thursday, March 18, 2010 2:27 PM (15 minutes ago) Bookmark

both o' these otm

yeah im with that. i dunno maybe theres not as much of a difference between ppl who are naturally outgoing and friendly and ppl who are "networking" as id like to think--i mean i "network" with my friends all the time, sometimes they have gotten me jobs.

but there is definitely a TYPE out there whose social interactions seem to be entirely of the "networking" variety--this kind of person ime is almost always in the media/film/art world--and this kind of person is utterly insufferable--and often v successful

sorry that was an xp to lamp

I suspect I'm probably too misanthropic for this stuff.

I suspect sometimes that those incessant networker types are people who are *not* naturally gregarious or outgoing but have taught themselves to be a sort of facimile of one without actually enjoying the process at all.

I really think about my ex here - it used to drive me insane the way that he was always behaving in this way. But I think the truth was that he was a quiet, shy introvert who would much rather have been at home playing with his oscillators, but knew that if he wanted to get anywhere within art/music he would have to go out and actively network. Yet he found it exhausting and, being an introvert, it actually used up the little energy that he would have had for real friends.

Or perhaps I'm being charitable and these people are all just ugly ambition. I don't know.

"Hustler" is a more romantic term. I don't know, I've liked people who've acted like this in the past, it can be ugly when you see it in action though.

it's akin to making a living calling people up to sell them house insurance.

It works, a lot of the time

Working for a fashion magazine as long as I have, I've learned to tell people VERY quickly that something isn't our thing or I'm just flat-out not interested in that thing. If I am feeling arch I will ask, 'why did you think that was of interest?' in a way that makes it clear it is not. Sometimes I am flattered when someone tries to network me, but it all depends on the person making the attempt.

I often feel like I am more able to do things for other people than I am able to do things for myself, but I do enjoy hooking people up if it appeals to my sense of fair play or my sense of whimsy.

but there is definitely a TYPE out there whose social interactions seem to be entirely of the "networking" variety--this kind of person ime is almost always in the media/film/art world--and this kind of person is utterly insufferable--and often v successful

i also think that success breeds this kind of interaction & this happens in p much every industry. like @ a certain lvl it becomes sorta understood that a lot of socializing is essentially work rather than pleasure & @ the dinner party/cocktail party/fundraiser stuff my parents do theres p high level of transparency & i guess mutual benefit that makes it not really unseemly? like i guess itd be nice to think that every1 wants to talk 2 u bcuz theyre invested in getting 2 no u as a person but theres still a grace to this stuff when its done right

Sometimes I am flattered when someone tries to network me, but it all depends on the person making the attempt.

Ha to be fair this sentiment stands for any NUMBER of things really.

"network"

like @ a certain lvl it becomes sorta understood that a lot of socializing is essentially work rather than pleasure & @ the dinner party/cocktail party/fundraiser stuff my parents do theres p high level of transparency & i guess mutual benefit that makes it not really unseemly? like i guess itd be nice to think that every1 wants to talk 2 u bcuz theyre invested in getting 2 no u as a person but theres still a grace to this stuff when its done right

yeah i mind this (whatever "this" is) a little less because there is a certain kind of--transactional aspect to it--one that everyone seems aware of--its the parasitic types who are basically, what can u do for me, but they are not even open about it

lol in case its not clear i am thinking of 2-3 ppl who i know & utterly despise

good thing about the social network sites is that you can just plug your shit to all and sundry and hope that people other than your supportive friends pick up on it. in practice idk how likely this is tho - also the dilemma of timing (before lunch? after lunch? in the evening when people might have more time to check it out? unless they're out? ah fuck 'em...)

there is a certain kind of--transactional aspect to it--one that everyone seems aware of

like marriage? :D

FTR i'm totally against same sex networking

i cut these ppl out of my life, they are parasites

I agree that they are parasites. But you have to know, this is the lousiest possible way to make useful business contacts.

lol don't know anyone that important tbh

FTR i'm totally against same sex networking

All same-sex trysts are "transactions."

"I'll have my genitals call your genitals."

http://passionweiss.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/sxsw.png

If I am feeling arch I will ask, 'why did you think that was of interest?'

Daammmnnn! Anyone not silenced by that must be pretty far on the aspie spectrum.

I took to networking and being networked fairly naturally/enthusiastically in the 90s when I and my cohort were novelties in the indie comics scene so people were just naturally more receptive. Now that I'm older and not as prolific as I used to be and 'lack profile', I have trouble even trying and I get real eager to extricate myself when someone starts doing it to me, like 'um, you do know there's nothing you can gain from me, right?'

I suppose a better and more helpful question would be - if you *have* to network and you're not naturally gregarious, how do you do this without being a total cnut?

yeah im with that. i dunno maybe theres not as much of a difference between ppl who are naturally outgoing and friendly and ppl who are "networking" as id like to think--i mean i "network" with my friends all the time, sometimes they have gotten me jobs.

it probably is a matter of how it's done. for instance a friend of a friend recently emailed me and said they had a job interview at the company i work for. in that case it's like yeah i'd help someone till the cows come home, i love being able to help anyone in that sort of scenario.

i think it's indiscriminate sort of "i should know you, you should know me" networking that really bugs me, like someone just generally sort of enhancing their own personal profile.

i think sometimes it's like people have no specific use for you right now but are getting you onside cos who knows what happens in future.

i mean if i wanted to know someone or wanted help from them, i'd say "hi i want to do your job, how did you get into it, could you help me?"

can't see how anyone could have a prob with that apart from being busy.

I'm in a position to give business to people I like, if their facility/services are competitive in price, schedule, etc. So don't schmooze and ooze at me, but if I like you, I'll think of you for work in the future even if I don't have anything now.

SOMEONE has to do the work and get paid, and it might as well be someone I want to work with -- so it's nepotistic and also self-serving but it's also good business, and I don't feel bad or fake about that.

If you can be honest and upfront about what you want to achieve, and be brief about it, it's tons better than standing there just attempting a form of ingratiation and hoping someone will notice little old wonderful you. Possibly will also prove more endearing/valuable in the long run, too.

the idea of networking is a lot worse than the actual practice - a lot of the time it really isn't any different to socialising. i don't mean the awkward, ham-fisted PR thing of dropping "so have you listened to the album i sent you..." into the middle of an otherwise normal conversation - that sucks - but a lot of the people you network with will probably be on your level somewhat.

i think it's indiscriminate sort of "i should know you, you should know me" networking that really bugs me

i really love this! i love it when people do it to me and especially when a mutual friend introduces me to someone on this basis. it's not just "we could help each others' careers out at some point", it's also "we will probably genuinely like each other and will almost certainly encounter each other in the future anyway, so let's just cut that corner". i've made some great friends through this, actually, when you hit it off even more than you thought you would.

i guess that's the crux for me, i pretty much like all the people i'd be expected to network with. i don't necessarily hang out with them every week but i'm v glad to know them.

This doesn't really happen to me in purely social situations. By and large, the people I am in a position to do material good for for are people I come into contact with as a result of my job. And generally speaking they are people who would never in a million years just hang out with me for the fun of it, and vice-versa. Age and outlook disparity, mostly.

But that kind of makes it okay to take it at face value as brazen networking and as long as people don't do the insufferable sycophantic thing I don't much care. I think as long as both parties know what the other one wants it's fine - a bit like casual sex except really rubbish.

That said last year I went to a party thrown by some internet company and attended almost entirely by people who worked for other internet companies. It started with everyone trying to network with one another and ended with people just trying to sleep with each other. I'd imagine "is this person trying to chat me up or just network?" is an even worse thing to have running through your head.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH.

I think it's a bit diff what you describe Lex.

I guess though overall I'm quite glad that I can do most networking I need to within the company I work in and it's all pretty up front. I wouldn't like it to spill into my life.

I got a high-paying 2-month temp job through a LinkedIn connection I've never met; all my other 'alerts' have come from former colleagues, not ppl I know well personally.

Haha a friend of mine got a party invitation last summer that began "I know interesting people. I think interesting people should know other interesting people" - it was pretty much the most obnoxious thing I'd ever read.

when I am trying to network with someone I give them my mac address

knowing far more writers than any other profession inc. my own is probably the most o_O thing about my social networking life. never been in a situation where i know like 20 other people doing my line of work to the extent where we're helping or indeed competing with each other. v clear pros and cons to this i can see.