create your own tom swifty

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Swifty

A Tom Swifty (or Tom Swiftie) is a phrase in which a quoted sentence is linked by a pun to the manner in which it is attributed. Tom Swifties may be considered a type of Wellerism.

"That's the last time I'll stick my arm in a lion's mouth," the lion-tamer said off-handedly.
"Can I go looking for the Grail again?" Tom requested.
"I unclogged the drain with a vacuum cleaner," Tom said succinctly.
"They had to amputate them both at the ankles," Tom said defeatedly.
"Who discovered radium?" asked Marie curiously.
"Hurry up and get to the back of the ship," Tom said sternly.
"Who put the moss in the bog again?" asked Tom repeatedly.
"A word that contains all five vowels? And I suppose you want those vowels to appear in alphabetical order?" asked Tom facetiously.
“Charlatan! Pretender! Mountebank! Quack! Rogue!” Tom said euphoniously.
"I'm not going to evangelize the rest of the neighborhood," concluded Tom distractedly.
"The robber is coming down the stairs", Tom said condescendingly.
"Nnnn", Tom murmured forensically.
"I think I'm a homosexual", Tom said, half in earnest.
"I am the bone lord," Tom proclaimed skulkingly.
As will be seen, the standard syntax is for the quoted sentence to be first, followed by the description of the act of speaking. The hypothetical speaker is usually, by convention, called "Tom" (or "he" or "she"), unless some other name is needed for the pun (as in the Marie Curie example above).

"Did you really pay a hooker to go with you to the art museum?" asked Tom horticulturally.

"That one hit the net - here I'll do it again," Tom said reservedly.

"I am he," Tom pronounced.

"I'm not going to make an ass out of you or me", said Tom unassumingly.

"Regional comedy duos aren't what they used to be", said Tom crankily.

"A couple of us studied with Karlheinz Stockhausen, 'nother guy was a jazz drummer, singer was a black guy from America", said Holger cannily

... no, got that wrong, should still be Tom

"I left my car lights on - can anybody give me a jump?" said Tom revoltingly.

'can a mod tell me my sb number?' tom said jaggedly

"I would be an ideal candidate for the next pope", Tom pontificated.

"He told me to meet him in a massage parlour he frequented, but not to mention the fact that he was the manager of Portsmouth FC, and when there he insisted I whip him", lied Tom flagrantly

"vinyl LPs are hard work. when it gets to the end of side one I have to get up from my armchair to play the other side", Tom discovered.

"I have just returned from a tour of Japan, China, and the Philippines, but I don't quite know where I am now or why I am wearing this Hérmes scarf," said Tom in a disoriented fashion.

"I am aching to hear 'What's New Pussycat' on my new hi-fi", said Tom jonesingly.

"Man, when I sang "Waiting for the Man" tonight, I swear my voice sounded like an Ornette solo", said Lou reedily

"Can't stand those assholes from Denmark," said Tom disdainfully.

"Pants!" yelled Tom, briefly.

"Down with the French aristocracy!", said Tom boorishly

"I really like that Lindsay Graham," Tom said queerly.

"your posts on the anagram thread were great" said Otm.

"Mustaches and Hawaiian shirts are always cool," Tom said selectively.

"Get hands off my feckin' bollocks!", said Tom testily

"I have just had eighteen bananas in a row. I do believe that is a record," said Tom dolefully.

"You want me to get that stick and bring it back to you?", barked Tom fetchingly

"Knickers!" yelled Tom, lingeringly.

"I'm bleeding!" said Ed readily.

"It's my favorite Pearl Jam album," said Tom often.

"I've just had a tour of Santo Domingo" said Watagatapitusberry.

"what's ten divided by zero?" asked Tom indefinably.

"The scientists are virtually screaming from the rooftops now. The debate is over! There's no longer any debate in the scientific community about global warming. But the political systems around the world have held this at arm's length because it's an inconvenient truth, because they don't want to accept that it's a moral imperative," said Tom allegorically.

"THE CAR STILL WON'T FUCKIN MOVE," shouted tom tirelessly