Tonight I helped an non-ILX friend who attempted suicide

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I feel so drained. It was, to me at least, so unexpected. The attempt had been made. Thankfully it didn't result in death.

I am worried, shattered. Once or twice I felt myself collapsing inside as the person almost casually described what almost happened, what did happen.

I can't predict the future. I can only hope. There are others helping this person as well; I am grateful.

Has anyone been in this situation too? Did you feel as helpless, almost panicky, as I did? Did all turn out well? Did you do your best? Did that help?

Please share your thoughts here. If anyone guesses who I am, I beg of you, don't post that here. I am using anonymity for a reason; feel free to do the same.

― Anonymous, Monday, 8 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes I have been in this situation before and my advice is to try to to dwell on it. I did and it mucked me up for about a year. Try and feel good about yourself - you did a good thing and move on. Help them by all means but make sure you look after yourself first,

― Pete, Monday, 8 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

(That was of course, try not to dwell on it. Don't to to dwell on it).

― Pete, Monday, 8 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I have had the unfortunate experience to have known quite a few friends/acquaintenances who commited suicide. I have the tendency to internalize their problems (when they are still in their depression) and as a result get extremely down as well. Now I realize that this isn't the solution. You (I) have to be there. Always. And I am. Always.

― anon, Monday, 8 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Jeez, when I saw the title of the thread I thought you meant the other way around, i.e. you'd helped him/her carry it through. Eww. Having been at the other side of your problem once, keep in regular (but not constant) touch over the next few days. The poor dear is probably drained to the point of stasis at the moment, they'll probably spend the next few days not doing very much. Try not to get them pissed, it never helps. And don't be afraid to talk about it for a long time afterwards. When they start acting embarrased about it you know you've won the fight. Good luck.

― Lynskey, Monday, 8 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I have been supporting a very good friend of mine through his dreadful depression for the past year, and I know what you mean about other people's problems dragging you down as well. It's difficult not to be affected by others, especially if they are people you care about.

You do need to look after yourself though - but I know this is sometimes easier said than done.

I have been helped enormously by the Depression and Anxiety message board at www.netdoctor.co.uk - there are some very wise and kind people there who will understand exactly what you (and your friend) are going through. It might be worth a look, anyhow.

I wish you and your friend all the very best.

((((hugs))))

C J

― C J, Monday, 8 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

after losing someone very close to suicide, I can only echo what people have said upthread, don't dwell on it, don't see their wanting to be dead as anything to do with what you have or what you haven't done, that way fucked-upness lies.

you've obviously (with others) been doing the right thing.

― anon, Monday, 8 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

having been on both sides of the metaphorical equation, I really recommend that you ensure both you and the other person have a support network, that involves frineds, family and medical staff, and that they know you can not bear this on your own. I am glad your friend survived, the experience is very traumatic for all involved, and I wish you luck and strength and your friend a speedy and long lasting recovery.

― Queen G of the war against something or other, Monday, 8 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I've tended to start to lose touch with people after a while after experience like these. I mean, I can't be bothered to be someone's enabler for the rest of their life and once they start getting it together they should really be looking for a more reliable support network than me and one who feels less put-out by exerting the effort.

― Sterling Clover, Monday, 8 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I made an entirely serious suicide attempt almost a year ago. The police found me many hours later under a lorry in the street - I have no explanation at all for this. Some friends have been great in the time since (the severe depression continues), some seem to have backed away a long way. I do sort of understand this, but it does make me feel worse.

― Martin Skidmore, Monday, 8 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

again, the question near the bottom here

― Josh, Monday, 8 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Sterling, I'm very confused by your comment.

― donut bitch, Monday, 8 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

four months pass...

ok i know a whole bunch of people who have attempted suicide, and i myself have tried it as well. it is a very tough situation to be in, especially when u get to the stage when u r constantly thinking 'r they still alive?'
basically,let them know u love them, keep in touch,make sure they know they can always talk to u. don't say it too often as it will sound phony. people who r feeling suicidal r often feeling very selfish as well, and so they may not thank u for all that u've done - do not take from this that u haven't done ur best. try not to make them feel guilty about it, as that will make them hate themselves more, and also they will start worrying that u don't love them nemore. if i think of nething more to say then il post it, and i hope this may have helped. also, just as a general comment, it's good of everyone who put a message on here as it proves that contrary to opinion, human beings can be nice.

― cathy (cathii), Saturday, 16 November 2002 16:59 (twenty-three years ago)

eleven years pass...

The OP resonates. I've been fantasizing about my death the past few days. Sometimes I'm in an accident, other times I become sick. But mostly it's been about taking my own life. It's mostly for selfish reasons "this'll show the person that wronged me." It's especially depressing because that person is someone I wronged. Maybe I see it as a route for forgiveness: "no one could hate me if I died." I don't want to bother anyone with this. I don't think I'll act so it seems shitty to say anything. Actually, I did say something earlier to someone and they responded with "why are you telling me this? See a doctor." I felt horrible. I also just tried calling the suicide hotline. No one picked up.

Hrm. Writing this was helpful.

(I'll be OK.)

― Allen (etaeoe), Sunday, 24 August 2014 06:10 (eleven years ago)

(Aside: I found this thread while trying to remember Bimble's real name. It's super depressing. We used to chat constantly and I can't even remember his fucking name. I miss him.)

― Allen (etaeoe), Sunday, 24 August 2014 06:13 (eleven years ago)

that someone was fucking shit

ilx is usually a good place to put such feelings; we're a sympathetic lot. keep talking here if you want :)

bimble's name i'm sure you've found by now (mark craig if not) - he was an excellent ilxor and very much missed

anyway yeah, there should be no barrier to you communicating these thoughts howsoever you wish. the someone who told you to see a doctor is poison & you should not communicate with them when in this mood or really ever at all. ilx >>> other people, sometimes

― imago, Sunday, 24 August 2014 08:39 (eleven years ago)

otm. not that talking to a doctor is a bad idea in such situations. don't know that i'd have made it this far without "professional help" (as they say). and yeah, i miss bimble too.

― Adding ease. Adding wonder. Adding (contenderizer), Sunday, 24 August 2014 09:46 (eleven years ago)

The messages are appreciated. Thank you.

The person is shit. Human garbage.

I am seeing a doctor. I also wouldn’t be here without them.

― Allen (etaeoe), Sunday, 24 August 2014 12:42 (eleven years ago)

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