Buddhism

rinpoche is reknowned for presenting the essentials of buddhism in a palatable way that makes sense to westerners. this is the book i started with, and i still refer to it all the time as a reference. he also founded the rigpa organization in the u.s.a. (www.rigpa.org).

i get the impression they went out of fashion in the 70s, perhaps not new age-y enough => my copy of his book abt zen has a hilarious cartoon of the bodidharma on the cover (grumpy old indian monk who went to china and invented a. zen and b. martial arts)

not dismissive at all, no! honestly i find "back to the mat" really refreshing. i have so many sits that are .. unremarkable really. it makes the ones that have strong sensation stick out i guess.

It's during puja and chanting that I have the most profound reactions. I'm quite often moved to tears, and I don't really know what's going on with it.

i'm assuming this is a little different than meditation and involves some action or thought but i want to say that it sounds like some of the emotions i'll feel too and that it must not be that different from meditation as a practice and that .. it sounds like you are experiencing a strong sensation if you're moved to tears after all :)

Yeah, puja is a Buddhist ceremony. The first time I ever went to my local Buddhist centre, there was a period of meditation and then a puja. A few members said 'are you sure you want to stay for this?' I was confused but the question 100% meant I did want to stay just to see haha.

I'm so anti any kind of religious iconography and ceremony that I wasn't prepared for my reponse to it. I'm still not, really. It's the one thing I'm not 'out' about to my friends, for fear of sounding like a nutcase. Hangs up, much?

But yeah. It can be anything up to an hour long, involves lots of chanting and call and response and culminates in kneeling before the shrine and presenting an offering (usually a lit candle or some incense) and you're totally right in that it's another way of inducing certain states accessible in meditation. For whatever reason, I seem to be able to bypass the ego far more easily during puja, and can access the deep workings more profoundly.

I try not to question it too much, basically. I decided pretty early on to trust that it was doing some serious work to/for me.

I’ve never been comfortable chanting, whether at protests, religious services, or concerts. I can’t get past the feeling I’m just reciting a script, one I never signed off on, which can feel inauthentic and futile. I’m also uncomfortable raising my voice in public, prob because I’m shy about drawing attention to myself. To be sure, I realize chanting isn’t about actually manifesting ideas so much as collectively aligning with a value to live by while losing your individual voice in the collective. Still, it’s an obstacle, and it’s hard to know whether that falls under “doing this feels inauthentic in a way that undermines my spiritual growth”, vs “overcoming my internal resistance is where growth happens.” I guess the thing to do is just try it?

Meanwhile, I like meditation because nothing has to happen. Or rather, whatever happens is what happens. It took a long time to realize meditation isn’t about achieving a “natural high” or some mild approximation of psychedelic experience. I think part of me still aims for profound feelings and cool visuals, but am ok with 20 minutes of nothing special and no expectations.

I recognise all of that, Ed, and totally agree with you about chanting and ritual. I'm genuinely happy that I stumbled into that first session; otherwise, I don't think I would have done it voluntarily for precisely the reasons you outline. My response was so interesting to me, that I decided to work *with* the feelings instead of against them.

nb, I don't want to present this as a Damascene moment; this has taken a couple of years to work out.

Chinaski what you're saying resonates for me. I've only dipped a toe into devotional practices but they seem like a really direct route for bypassing an egocentric approach and surrendering. One of those things I keep telling myself "oh I should do more of that", along with metta.

xpost: To be sure, what you’re describing is… not my exact goal but a kind of experience I’m aiming for (I was just thinking about how, once going to dance parties and music events stopped being fun, it left me without that kind of experience of losing yourself in a crowd through a collective, embodied, sensory experience). But it’s confusing, trying to be become something different while being true to myself, all while letting go of the whole idea of what my self is or is supposed to be.
A more mundane example is that I might be reading something (eg the book by tara brach I’m working through) and think “I like the idea, but this sounds too corny for me.” I know my cynicism is something I want to let go of, if only to let myself feel more, but also know that if something strikes me as a sentimental platitude, it might do more to alienate me. Not really going anywhere with this other than to say, this may be an interesting process ahead.

just echoing that what you described chinaski sounds really cool. i think it's lovely that you leaned into it.

i think one of the reasons i'm hesitant to seek out more ummm "content" for lack of a better word, around my practice, is that i have this sensation sometimes when i'm opening up to someone else's scripture, in a sense, that like i'm worried that i'll be let down, that too much of their human-ness will be in it - does that make sense? but on the other hand i've really been wowed by a couple of people in a couple of moments in the 'centering prayer' realm. and like i've been moved by certain people and certain things, certain words, in other places - pema chodron, hafiz. they're like parallel pings from across a sound? reassurances maybe. adding a little bit of reference and shape. but i think i'm fine with discovering one only occasionally. one of the things out of centering prayer that has stuck with me i got from thomas keating i think (a lovely, jolly man) - that prayer/meditation is about developing a personal and highly intimate relationship with god. so "going to the mat" for me is going to be with a friend. who loves me with an unending depth, one that encompasses all of me and all of creation. one that never, ever asks anything of me, one that if i listen to, i also listen to my true self.

one of the developments out of meditation for me has been realizing that "love" is not just a feeling of good will, though i think that's an effect of it, but that it arises out of being in the present. it's sort of like the ultimate clarity. it's seeing but also understanding the mystery of seeing. it's understanding that everything is permitted and always related back to god, even if the route is not always clear.

where i struggle most when it comes to keeping a connection to silence is during the work week lol. i have so much difficulty with not feeling trapped and suffocated by a job where i'm barely making enough to scrape by and so much of the work itself is so arbitrary and meaningless. i think i've made huge strides in my ability to "keep in touch with silence" so to speak, to walk upright, to be present in myself and my surroundings, to remember what i'm learning in meditation - and i think that in turn has made it so that i'm responding to people differently, with more of a measured approach in the case of people i don't trust, or with more of a free feeling, more of an authentic spontaneous happiness, with people i am close to.

today i had a quarterly performance review with my manager, which is always a painful meeting. the feeling is maybe evoked by thinking of a cat being forced to take a bath. my manager is a nightmare to work under. she can't plan anything. she's very self-involved and reactive and afraid. she seems to do everything for made-up reasons. i can see she deals with pain through denial, a very ingrained head-in-the-sand approach, and that particular combination has been like nails on a chalkboard for me. i'm less easily sent into an internal rage because of it, but there's no denying that it ripples out and affects the morale of everyone who works with her and everyone in the organization. the heaviness of weekly exposure feels like a lead blanket on my soul. i've wanted so badly to change my job. i've flailed at two possible career changes in the past 5 years. i've tried multiple times to move laterally. but nothing ever pans out. i remain in what has felt like an impossible situation. is the point for me to stay and change internally until the impossible becomes possible? maybe until i can find more acceptance? clearly, more acceptance equals less unhappiness, and in that i've been successful. but i still have a feeling that this is not the best place for me. so without a clear course of action i tend to my garden and wait.

what meditation has pointed me towards, the craving that it has brought to me, is to spend more time outside. not outside like driving around the city, outside like on a trail in the desert. where nature takes over the threshold of the environment from the influence of humans. although meditation has definitely allowed me to find a lot more room for the behaviors of others - i can't remember the last time i've had road rage, for example - i still find that being in a sea of humans going to work and hustling and relishing the material and witnessing the consequences of that - more and more people trapped in a liminal hell on the street - is not nourishing to me. what is? being on land. being in a larger ecosystem. finding a relationship with it.

I’m soto zen mostly. for me, it says what it means to do quite easily, which is nice. I find this type of practice good for trying to wipe everything else away as i try to concentrate on the 8 fold path in regular life. And the 4 noble truths. I’ve read rather a lot about many other ways of viewing buddhism, and chan and zen. i did a lot of reading from many historical writings from zen writings, and i decided i was overfilling my head with guidance and finer points. I really needed to sit more, and focus on that. still, i wanted to know more about the core scripture. I looked at tipitaka stuff, but the best form for me i found was to look at pali scripture through theravada monk writer bhikku bodhi. His book _In the Buddha’s Words_, with another book _The Noble Eightfold Path_ as a clarifier, these really set me straight as an approach to what right view and right understanding were intending to get me to do. my takeaway was/is that there’s not really not so much a core or essence out of that path— it is all simultaneous and interrelated. still that dip into that theravada presentation of scripture was refreshing and useful. i find theravada’s apparent focus on arahants/arhats not to be the aspect of practice i choose. i find the mahayana bodhisattva vision to be a more true interpretation and outcome for the path. the bodhisattva mission seems less striving, and more in keeping with my understanding of how to achieve freedom here and ultimately.
after first reading the mentioned _The Noble Eightfold Path_ i then found _In the Buddha’s Words_ as a no-credit Audible book. it is a funny listen because it so repetitive, but things from oral tradition had to be. my go-to readings for zen guidance are mostly the usual dogen stuff.
but for real progress i think i just need to sit a lot more. and i need a teacher. lately i have been suffering from too much distraction— even in sitting.

i was thinking it seems like Buddhism is cognitive psychology way before the west developed it, in practice, as a daily therapy. I am not Buddhist but have been using the Plum Village app a lot - its a good experience

Some great recent posts.

Map, I totally recognise that fear (if that's the right word) of approaching scripture and doctrine. I always have in the back of my mind that the Buddha's whole approach was 'don't take my word for it - try this shit out for yourself' (or words to that effect, and without the em dash).

As for the work thing, god, I hear you and have nothing really useful to say. I did hear about the concept of the 'tantric guru' recently, which was essentially, your practice is wherever you need it most. Your boss certainly seems to demand the best of your practice, so you could see it as a chance to try some new approaches out. There's that thing where in meditation you should try (always with the fucking *try* these Buddhists) to welcome difficult states and emotions with curiosity and compassion. Obviously easy for me to say!

I'm really trying to meditate first thing in the morning. I'm generally pretty bad in the mornings - sullen, grumpy, often very weighed down. It can take me a couple of hours to shake that mood off. It struck me recently (which is very obvious, really) that *that's* the version of myself I need to sit with and understand. There's a Larkin poem where he talks about trying to 'blank out whatever's doing the damage': if this is where I feel the damage most keenly, then I guess I should sit with it, try to understand it. Not to blank it out, ofc, but to know it better. Survive it.

kinda went looking at other threads about spirituality / meditation, but i think this one fits me best right now.

i'm still just chugging along with my practice and it just keeps offering more and more. i find myself able to really go deeper into all kinds of moments. and, crucially, albeit slowly, i'm starting to be, more often, outside of the small shell i've habitually retreated into whenever i'm feeling overwhelmed. i feel relaxed more often. i'm able to relax with more decisiveness.

i'm also starting to notice that a lot of barriers i have up when it comes to being around other people are dissolving. there is still a lot there but i notice little pieces floating away. there was a moment i had yesterday in the car when the thought occurred to me "we are all god's children." i used to hate that phrase. it was used as a sunday school cudgel in my experience. super corny. but it just struck me like lightning the other day. realizing that i believe it's true. in the way that the infinite variety and aliveness of people, really the fact that they are, is always an extension of god. everyone is an extension of god. and was and will be. their suffering and their joy. now, i'm noticing just how much i don't act like this is true sometimes, and i can even shake off the habit of judging people by coming back to the present. the feeling of freedom in believing it hit like... a bubble popping, maybe.

Love you dearly map, but it's weird to see mention of god in the Buddhism thread!

I've been struggling a bit. I've been attending some regular reading group sessions for the last couple of years and only recently realised I was on a pathway towards becoming a mitra. It's a relatively minor commitment as things go, but I'm resistant to it. It would mean consciously committing to the five precepts, which is one thing, and some community commitments, like helping out a bit more at the centre. I dunno, I feel weird about it.

I think it's partly not wanting to be part of any club that wants me, some good old-fashioned 'commitment issues' and something more nebulous, like not wanting to shut down other areas of intellectual interest in my life. I think I will ultimately go for it, as I know how good the dharma is for me, but it's weird to notice resistance in my meditation. These are often physical in nature, particularly in longer meditations - like I want to get up and leave. I'll also experience weird spacey intervals afterwards, and heavy tiredness. I'll work it out.

I think for Americans like me, who were not raised in an aggressively Christian household, a phrase such as "we are all god's children" can utilize "god" as a kind of shorthand for that which both encompasses and surpasses the knowable and is immanent in all things. fwiw, any insight into the true nature of reality is far more valuable than the words attached to it. In matters like these words are stumblebums.

i don't think that's universal, I was also not raised in an aggressively Christian household but "god" and all that still had weird creepy jesus baggage for me.

My meditation teacher has me switching to the Five Remembrances for the last part of my morning practice

I am subject to old age ... I am not beyond old age

I am subject to illness ... I am not beyond illness

I am subject to death ... I am not beyond death

I will be separated from everything and everyone dear to me

My deeds are my closest companions, the ground that I stand on

Feels like it should have some juice, right? You're gonna die, you're going to lose your parents and your wife and everyone you care about ... I just can't make it spark though. Empty phrases for me most of the time.

perhaps just think of all the people who would give anything for any one of those phrases to ring "empty"

;)

I like these teachings. They correspond to what happens to most of us when we live that long, and a preparation of the mind towards these events is a good thing.

I’m nearing the end of my Buddhism and Psychology class, which has been invaluable. Like any good class, I’m leaving having learned a little, but having become much more aware of how much I don’t know. About a month ago I devoted my periodic mushroom trips to asking “what does my version of enlightenment look like” and things got a bit real - I feel like I much better understand what it means to live from a place of equanimity and compassion, and how awareness supports that. And I’ve started making some changes, like curbing certain compulsive habits (caveat: these have just been replaced by other compulsive habits). But I also feel lost, and in a slump with meditation. It’s going to be a process, and I think finding the right kind of guidance will be key.

lukas those remembrances seem valuable, they're true, and xyz otm too.

a phrase such as "we are all god's children" can utilize "god" as a kind of shorthand for that which both encompasses and surpasses the knowable and is immanent in all things.

aimless i appreciate this - yeah that's what i mean. words shuffle in and out. i use the word as shorthand. i of all people should hate christian words. i'm a gay man who survived a fundamentalist christian cult. my mother was sexually abused by her father and hated herself and everyone else for it. the poison of patriarchy is very real to me. as far as people using "god" in a false way, like as some kind of idol used to justify all kinds of stupid shit, usually as part of a religious organization, i can usually suss that out. basically i'm reclaiming the language that was given meaning to me as a young person. i don't feel super motivated to learn a new language just to describe the diy, personal relationship i maintain and develop with mysterious presence, and the experience of opening my eyes to it.

plus it's a cool word! i like the sound of it. and it's dog spelled backwards.

all otm

btw, on this thread it's of paramount importance to me to give to others, so i will probably not used that word so much - don't want to throw sand in anyone's eyes just because i use the word privately. usually there's some aspect of god i'm thinking of and it's more useful to be specific anyway.

It's all good. I was a dick for mentioning it the way I did, tbh!

Fwiw though, I don't think it's pedantic to say it does feel weird to hear it in a Buddhist thread, where the very essence of the system is explicitly anti-theistic and in which the central figure is just a bloke who said 'this is open to everyone', no need for deities* etc. This is prolly my hang-up, though.

*Someone will know way more about this than me, but as I understand it, the frankly bonkers array of deities in certain parts of Mahayana Buddhism is very much a reflection of the expansion into Tibet in the 7th century and the absorption of the local Bon religion.

And Ed, I hear you. I think meditation is a difficult commitment, and there are extended periods when it can feel rote and directionless. Hang in there; try to avoid placing too much pressure on it to achieve anything immediate. It's a lifelong pursuit, so try and trust in the process

i'm no pro. my exposure to theravada stuff and my limited learning of the pre-buddhism roots for buddhism-- it's both quite religious and quite supernatural to which i have some aversion. and in fact a buddhist core message for the liberation from delusion to arahat (more present in theravada that mahayana in my exposure) is pretty specific about it. i mean, dharma is law, not an intentional being. but there's karma and blessed realms and returners and non-returners along the way. as as i note before, my limited exposure to pali canon provided me a LOT of great grounding for my soto zen location. what are you doing when you sit? why? for me now it's like: hunt3r-- look you can learn all of this stuff and principles. satisfied? nice. but that's delusion too. now forget them. count your fucking breaths. forget your ideas. see things as they are.

Empty phrases for me most of the time

this is understandable. it is difficult for these realities to find their way into one's consciousness until they are thrust in our faces, through our own chronic ill health, or watching those we love most age, sicken and die. but it has value at all times to hold these truths before us, even when they lack a definitive shape. they will certainly become more real to you in the fullness of time.

I was watching Shaolin vs Lama yesterday and I thought it must be strange to live in a society where Buddhism is the state religion. Must be quite a contrast to a Christian State

Xp Aimless that’s wonderfully put. I wanted to say something similar and you said it so much better than I know how to.

About “god”, I agree with Aimless! I also agree with brimstead if that’s possible. Guess it must be. I think I agree with Chinaski, too.

basically i'm reclaiming the language that was given meaning to me as a young person. i don't feel super motivated to learn a new language just to describe the diy, personal relationship i maintain and develop with mysterious presence, and the experience of opening my eyes to it.

The limitation of this is you can’t really inhabit the mindset of another culture if you approach other belief systems through a network of correspondences to the one you already know. One reason learning about other cultures is wonderful and valuable is gaining perspectives we never considered before, as opposed to things we’ve been hearing all our lives and just never understood. Keeping in mind and acknowledging, of course, that you’re someone who afaict constantly pushes yourself to grow in ways that I don’t: I see the language as an opportunity to grow my awareness. New words offer a whole new (to me) framework for understanding reality and experience. And I think it’s fair to object to the word “god”, even as a kind of shorthand, to the extent that it projects a conceptual view onto another belief system that isn’t there.

I recognize the “holistic” nature of map’s approach as an important context here. AIUI, his approach encompasses modalities such as exercise, intimacy, degrowth actions and time outdoors as well as religious faith and meditation in a way that all these things bleed into each other, and encompass a greater whole. Maybe half of those are ingredients in my own gumbo lol. Personally, I would like there to be an “eclectic spirituality” thread of some kind, mostly because I would be more likely to respond to posts like map’s if I felt free to do so with zero regard to Buddhism. OTOH, there’s a quorum here that I’m not sure such a thread would achieve.

I would like there to be an “eclectic spirituality” thread of some kind, mostly because I would be more likely to respond to posts like map’s if I felt free to do so with zero regard to Buddhism. OTOH, there’s a quorum here that I’m not sure such a thread would achieve.

This thread might serve as a representative of attempting to start a similar thread: C/D: "I'm not religious but I am spiritual."

You can judge how well it worked at the time. A new start might achieve a different result, but who knows unless you try?

Right, that thread might be what I was thinking of when i said that about the quorum :)

I’m up for starting a new one when i have time to put down something more than a placeholder in the OP!

it's kind of funny, i kind of feel like i'm at a point where i'd describe myself as religious but not spiritual

i appreciate hearing people's thoughts. i like you guys. i'll admit to feeling a little frustrated. i guess maybe i want to ask for something. as aimless points out, the last time there was a "spiritual" thread it was a real success lol. part of the issue is that people are here because they're into words and thinking and being real smart and they tend to be suspicious of things that slip away from those things. anyway i don't really want to start a new eclectic spirituality thread population of one.

anyway, what i want to ask is .. maybe if i could post to this thread about my spiritual life without having people feel the need to translate what i'm saying into buddhist scripture. sure it's called Buddhism but are we really that attached to the title? maybe we are. i'll be honest i always thought thread police were a huge drag. i'm going to be quite frank without hopefully being harsh but i don't fucking care about buddhism. i don't fucking care about christianity. i don't do religion in my life to go on a fucking culture tour or study some social organ that obscures the fact that it's just another man-made institution like any other. the last thing in the world i want is to recreate a fucking college class in my day to day life. and look up fucking words. sure i'm curious about other cultures, maybe some day i'll have the money to actually visit one, in-person, because i don't learn things any other way any more.

i do religion to feel god. oh no! god. the actual reality of being. nameless, unnameable. i sit for 20 minutes morning and night and feel god. that's what i do. that's my modality. or whatever. i'm frustrated. i can't seem to share this stuff anywhere. it's completely transformed me. i have a spark that softens everything. my sadness finally feels like it plays a part... like i know the part that it plays. i see the picture by having a reference point placed outside of myself. in the ever-shifting unnameable fractal presence.

so.. is it possible for me to share what's happening to me in this thread without yall buddhist scholars getting pedantic? and like maybe if something i say resonates with some personal experience you have... you could share that instead? in the interest of connection, not separation. isn't that the whole point of these religions anyway? oh wait, it actually isn't the point of them at all, they are meant to obscure everything and they feed off of individual spiritual energy like vampires. religions are full of know-it-alls. that shit is completely beside the point.

like, wouldn't it be so much more magical to hear about the elemental nature of someone's personal practice without having to validate against professional religious organizations and dip into jargon that only obscures? i mean that's what i just assumed. who wouldn't think that?

anyway if that's not the case and people want to keep the buddism thread for buddhism tm it's honestly no biggie, maybe i'll save it for my journal and the few people in my life who might be able to offer me something in return.

buddhism is a way of looking at all things and those very things. share them. i think people will hear you.

xp every time i post to this thread i feel like i have to tip-toe around the language i want to use, or over-explain it, like there is some authority i have to not upset. honestly i think i'm done. it matters too much for me to do that. i don't think this forum is a good place to share the intimacy of my spiritual life. and while i'm a little frustrated by the response in this last revive, i don't fault anyone here for it. it's just not the place. i'll be clear: i like all of you and there's nothing anyone has to apologize for, so please don't do that, you and i both are above the need for unnecessary apologies. i'll continue being my message board poster self here and you all do the same, see you in other threads and peace.

peace. make that place, or share it here and make it here— both are good imo.

i too disliked obscurantist stuff that it can seem soaked in.

I struggle with the obscure elements too but, equally, I'm reading and discussing it a lot at the moment and it's nice to have somewhere to thrash it out. It's interesting how much it's part of my inner (and now outer, clearly) discourse and how I can be a bit overbearing with it on the internet!

Like Hunt3r said, there's room for all of it. Peace.

Map i appreciate the clarification that you were already using this thread as a de facto “eclectic spirituality” thread, and that resolves any concern i had about use of “god”

In light of this, i can understand how you felt like the response to your revive was some heavy handed gatekeeping.
But from where i stand it was ambiguous and necessary to clarify. Maybe i should have just asked but I’m not that smart :)

chinaski, deflatormouse and hunter - you guys were really kind in your responses.

for the record, i basically want to take back everything i said in my posts from four days ago!

like, i don't actually think that religions and religious traditions aren't valuable. i think they can be very valuable guides and catalysts.

it took some correspondence with someone close to me to realize that.

anyway, i do still want to share meditation stuff in this thread. i also want to be more curious about actual buddhism!

Had seen reports of the violence, and yesterday got to make my way through this piece on the extremist side.

https://www.theguardian.com/news/2025/nov/25/the-dangerous-rise-of-buddhist-extremism-attaining-nirvana-can-wait

It's simple enough. Institutions and their power can be entrenched, threatened, fearful, and reactive. Enlightenment cannot be any of those things. Without enlightenment there is no Buddha and no buddhism, only human suffering.

I'm reminded of the Japanese militarization of Buddhism described in Brian Victoria's Zen at War, mentioned way upthread

map no worries on my part. i felt only a little frustrated on your behalf i think.

I've been rereading Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind lately, and there's a surprising-to-me amount of mentions of God in it. You should totally talk about whatever in this thread, map.

Three weeks in east/southeast asia, occasionally checking out temples, has made me realize how little my flirtations with buddhist ideas overlap with the IRL buddhist tradition. But I also feel more pulled to the ideas I do read about, and recognize that my hurdles/discontent in pursuing them is part of the process of figuring out a path that’s not a recipe. Most notably, time away has made me wonder if “I fell out of my meditation habit when things got rough” might really be “things got rough when I fell out of my meditation habit.” There’s not much I’m looking forward to doing when I get home from this vacation tomorrow, but I am looking forward to meditating regularly. It’s not going to save me from the winter or going into the office, but I think it’s what I need most.

I've recently been trying this "moving mediation" my friend was telling me about.
I guess it's mostly about being "present" (don't really like that term) while being active.
I'm finding it works best while cleaning, doing dishes, or other mundane chores like that.
I try to focus on the process of the task and keep any thoughts out.
I focus on the control of my movement, the visual, and the tactile.
I just started, and it's not as easy as it sounds, but it seems like an easy way to work meditation into a routine.

As a side benefit, I can see it's helping with my procrastination already.
Simple tasks don't seem as daunting to get started. They also don't get boring because I'm not thinking.

oh these are beautiful updates.

It’s not going to save me from the winter or going into the office, but I think it’s what I need most.

yeah, i really feel this one.

I've recently been trying this "moving mediation" my friend was telling me about.

my partner does moving meditation on walks. that's his main form of meditation. it seems to have really helped him be able to ground himself in other moments too.

i was a little dogmatic to myself about my regular daily practice for a while. i did one recently where it was the middle of the afternoon and i was so tired that i could barely stay awake. i think it was still worth it even though i wanted to check out completely and kept thinking "how much longer?" and "i can't wait to take a nap" haha.

honestly though i love my practice even though every once in a while it feels like "another thing i gotta do on a list of 7". that set-aside, dedicated time to check in. it feels like dipping my spirit in a hot tub. a spiritual recharge. it's a good, pleasurable feeling! emptying out, going to quiet, going to zero and to void and then feeling the northern lights of it. i was telling friends recently that every once in a while it can be almost too much. things can get intense. that's usually not how it goes for me though. the past few times it's been drifting away in thought for 70% of the time and then noticing and coming back to presence the other 30%. gentle presence. which is what i need right now i guess!