Lord Sugar doesn't want no Facebook parties: Junior Apprentice.

A thread.

One is "so vivacious", one can't believe someone older than him can be shorter.

16-year-old boys are idiots, 16-year-old girls aren't shocka

Revive...

Why is it on so late? Kids want to see it, but it finishes at ten?

Ans: Because the early evening is full of Eastenders and suchlike...

Crucial insight there from Mark.

Coverage of the resignation of Gordon Brown and David Cameron entering Downing Street caused EastEnders and Holby City to be rescheduled to Wednesday evening, prior to Junior Apprentice.

In other news, 35% of people who didn't bother to vote in the General Election to complain about the rescheduling of EastEnders and Holby City...

is repeated at 4:05 today (oh, actually, it's on now, half over...)

I miss Margaret. She made the show.

"wind is my least favourite weather type"

It was bugging me all week, then I got it:

Who's voice did Jordan's remind me of.

Brian Molko.

God, this lot are mostly terrible apart from Zoe, Heather and maybe Rhys. Tim needs a punch in the face, and Adam is going to win for being SrAlan's mini-me. Hibah was toast as soon as she mentioned her academic ability, SrAlan doesn't like bright people who stay on at school rather than tootling around with barrows in markets at the age of three.

Seriously though - put your mouldy old shoes in a cardboard box in a muddy wet field, fucking genius. Why the FUCK was Emma not back in that boardroom to get her arse handed back to her on a rotting piece of cardboard?

Not Heather, Kirsty. She reminds me of someone I knew called Heather though.

Saw the last 5 minutes and Mini-SrAlan has Karren sucked in as well. The remainder might as well be Rosie & Jim, Adric and Baby Hitler.

It really looked like Adam wanted to bring Emma in but he'd forgotten her name; he kept looking over at her, hoping it'd trigger some recognition, but nothing came so he picked Zoe.

Yeah, that crossed my mind as well.

Ah, that *hadn't* crossed mine, you may well be right!

Actually, it might have proved a shrewd move: Zoe had already said it was too easy to blame the project manager, so bringing her back and praising her with faint damnation left the onus on Hibah to look reasonably attractive to LdAlan. Which she failed to do.

Is Adam that astute, or was it a pure fluke?

adam reminds me of norman wisdom / lee evans.

who was the one with the 'men are better at business as they are more capable, can do more things'?

spreadsheet / groundsheet joke made me groan.

i guess alan's been talking to the person who writes anne robinson's jokes.

iirc, it was: 'men are better at business as they are more physical, can do more things'

Which is a catch-all: 'men are better at chess as they are more physical, can do more things'

.. and so on

tbh I'd forgotten Emma's name, and her presence apart from the cardboard idea, though that should've been enough really.

She looks like Tina off Coronation Street. She might just be anonymous enough to fly under the radar for a few weeks.

have now caught up with this.

my thinking is that he definitely wanted Hibah to go so he chose Zoe OR because Emma was in the project design room with him he couldn't come up with any reason why she should go and he shouldn't for not vetoing the cardboard. He might have even figured that Zoe was basically safe (after he praised her, though he should have mentioned the 'nature freaks' comment) so he could square himself against Hibah and come out on top.

Just in case you didn't already know, Zoe's parents are both artists.

not to seem snooty but high school art teachers?

lord snooty of clapton

oh that Zoe one is going to get worse and worse for the rest of her life. such withering disdain!

i like the way tim mangled 'David Hockney' into 'Anthony Hopkins'

Maybe he actually meant Anthony Hopkins?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2010/feb/15/anthony-hopkins-art-exhibition-mayfair

Just watched. Poor Hannah. WTF with Sir Alan getting shot of everyone with academic qualifications every fucking time? Presume Arjun's for the chop shortly on those grounds. Kirsty was totally fucking shite this week (and yes, Zoe needs a good slap).

I didn't care much for Hannah, esp after she and Tim ganged up on Rhys last week... yeah the kid was useless as PM and wouldn't've made it to the end of this process anyway, but they were completely unenthusiastic and unsupportive of him.

Also thought the 'artist'/housesitter was extremely weird. I would've loved to see one of the teams trying to sell her stuff. I wonder if she has actually ever made any money from those photos.

> Maybe he actually meant Anthony Hopkins?

ha, maybe he did. one scene was the gallery owner saying 'we'd be selling him alongside david hockney and damien hirst' and the next was him telling the artist 'damien hirst and anthony hopkins'

rhys was best

The first few eps Sugar was treating them as kids, lots of coddling as he sacked them. Now it's boardroom brutal like they're adults.

I dunno - the rhys kiss-off tempered with stuff like you are a really special person who will do great things don't let anyone tell you otherwise you're really special and hannah's was like on paper you are brilliant and maybe you just need some more confidence in practical matters

hannah for some reason put me in mind of harriet harman

kirsty's nicola sturgeon

It's basically a split between very small juniors, and juniors that are reasonably tall.

Also, last two episodes crammed into this week to 'avoid' clashing with Big Brother and the world Cup.

Haven't laughed so much in years as at Tim "can I speak to the manager please?" "where are you calling from?" "um, Highbury".

Zoe still needs a slap.

"oh they said so many positive things about me"

arjun's face was a picture.

Tim was amazing. The 'three dogs' thing had me rolling.

"Where does this fit into our store?" "it doesn't"

I think Zoe's hoping to be recruited to replace Margaret when Karren Brady realises saying nothing isn't doing her profile any good. She does have an excellent repertoire of disdainful faces and eye-rolling.

Karren Brady was saying plenty, don't get this at all..

I don't think she's as good TV value as Margaret.

Oh sure, but she's doing alright.

Yeah, but she's too nice and sensible and that. I like my sidekicks to be cartoony. You couldn't make a recognisable Lego Karren.

I don't remember Margaret or Nick really making an impression until halfway through series 2.

Zoe has some of the sharpest elbows I have ever seen on television.

I didn't watch the first series, so you might be right.

xpost

I did like Zoe flinging about words like autocratic yesterday, thought LordSirAlan didn't like smart arses?

Zoe's expressions are amazing. I love the downturned mouth: the red lipstick makes her look like a cartoon. Last night she reminded me a little bit of a Nazi officer in a war movie - the contemptuous raising of the chin and the imperious look in her eyes.

Yes!

So, basically, it doesn't really matter how well Zoe does tonight, there's no way Alsug will pick her to win unless the other three go pants.

It's between Arjun and Kirsty, isn't it?

It's going to be Tim. Kirsty's basically rubbish, she was made to look good in the first couple of episodes because she was hanging out with the complete wazzocks, but she's been made to look kind of lazy and shit and disinterested since the art studio task. I'd like to see Arjun win it, but I think it will be Tim.

Why don't they have to pitch what they're going to invest the prize in as a task? All this teamworking nonsense is just that if they are using the money to set up a website for their computer repair business or whatever. (Tim's the sheep-shearer, right?)

I think it might be between Tim and Zoe, because Sugar is not exactly interested in being Mr. Nice Guy himself, no matter what he says about others being nice, so he's directing her to be a little bit nicer in a tasking way. If she does this, she could win. Z looks exactly like my German friend who used to date J0hn Mu1vey. She's the kind of 'never complain, never explain' middle-class girl who does exceedingly well in magazine offices *because* the other women want to kill her..

Tim will win. Zoe's dad is an art teacher at my son's school. According to my son she is OK IRL and not nearly as cowish as she come across in the program.

Siralan, sorry - LORD Sugar likes Arjun, but he made a hell of a mess of the task last night. Not negotiating with the designer on price was insane, and insisting on having those stupid baby flannel rabbit things to sell was a terrible decision. I think Krankies Kirsty will crack under pressure tonight.

Key moment:

"If I place a bulk order, will you reduce the price?"

no-one asks this if they aren't going to place a large order, right?

Because Arjun said no, big sale was lost.

Task would have been lost anyway (because of the huge Libery order for bikes and dogstuff), but Arjun would have emerged with cred.

LOL, Dr. C, I was also sympathizing a bit with the girl because I'm sure my own adolescent eyeball-rolling skills cost me a few bad retail jobs.

Apparently she has been IN MY HOUSE on more than one occasion in a group of yoof. I usually hide, so was not aware.

Do Liberty even stock the kinds of stuff Tim and Kirsty were hawking?

They must do now.

I've never seen hip bikes or silly dog beds there during my lunch break wanders, but I could see how Liberty shoppers would theoretically like these things. Some of them seem like the sort of people who would purchase a £150 bed for their dog (at least I think that's how much it was supposed to retail for?)

Anyway, I'm happy with the way this turned out. I think I like it better than adult Apprentice.

marquee moon turning up on the s/t was a wtf moment

I actually cheered when Arjun won!

Thought when he said he had no worries about the loser doing well that he'd let Tim win because Arjun would be OK, but yay Arjun.

btw actually thought "a bottle of water" + associated advertising was really pretty good and a lot better than a bunch of the grown-up Apprentice twats have ever come up with.

Yeah, I thought that was a brilliant campaign - their advert was better than many actual ads, the branding was spot-on (and transferable to other products - this would have been my reason for awarding it to the boys' team) and neither of the leaders were dicks. On the girls' side, weeny Scottish boiler drove me mad with her huffing and throwing, made Zoe look reasonable.

Their water looked like an empty bottle of juice.

Also girls' branding was like some supermarket's value brand (Somerfield? Co-op? Morrisons? can't remember, but that yellow-with-black-writing struck a cheapo memory bell with me). Also advert was totally shit. I loved how all series Zoe has been "let me write this down" and scribbling in her notebook, and the first time we see her notebook it was full of useless shite.

i thought Tim was robbed here, actually. he basically came up with all the ideas although arjun did fine with the direction.

tim's campaign was actually... kinda amazing; v.impressive

As I said, I thought it was brilliant, much better than any twatty aftershave/dildo-shaped buildings/boxes of chocolates dreamt up by the grown-ups. I really didn't think he had it in him.

Overall, I think Arjun was better, and he wasn't half picked on by Emma and Zoe, whereas it really took until this week for Tim to hit his stride (but boy, did he hit it, I didn't think he had it in him, perhaps once he stopped having girls to giggle with and try to impress he could be serious)

No offence to Kirsty, like...

I really hated Kirsty, total anvil-head with zero aesthetic sense at all (that I happened to watch fucking up on two image/creative-heavy tasks for being incurious/rude) but my comedylols moment came when Zoe started speaking in yeahblud to the guys playing football under the Westway. SMH/KMT here.

Thing is, Tim and Arjun worked like creative teams in ad agencies are supposed to, so there really shouldn't be an issue about who did what - Arjun won because his personal summing-up was better than Tim's, who basically said 'I really want this'.

Hmm. Tim robbed I think, but good campaign and brand idea. They were let off easily by the business people though - how were they going to hit the 50p price point with similar packaging costs to other waters. The lower margins would have meant that huge volume would've been needed to make decent money and with the investment needed to establish the brand, they may get into trouble early on. One problem with the yoof water was that they didn't have anything to say about 'ozonation'. What are the benefits and why would teenagers like it? Answer: none and they wouldn't.

Did anyone else notice that Zoe started speaking 'street' when she was interviewing the footballers? I thought Zoe was bloody good last night though.

And Marquee Moon!!

Drip drop, don't stop.

Oh yes, Suzy noticed :)

More Zoe reporting back in future please :-)

Kirsty was also a crap manager; anyone with a Zoe in their team should probably let the Zoe be creative/in charge of image without getting all precious about stuff because of an imagined assault on her authority - you cannot be that insecure and remain in charge of others, and you can't have your most creative/aesthetic person seemingly kept out of a design meeting to suit a Napoleonic ego. What would have been the clever thing to do in the situation was to tell her to come up with a fixed number of looks or ideas and then, as manager, have final say over the choice.

Yes, but how do you have a final task where they are both 'in charge'?

Kirsty's "hi-dr8" idea was a bit better than "Drip Drop", but it was never going to happen because it wasn't Zoe's idea.

"JACKSON POLLOCK!! JACKSON POLLOCK!!"

It was a classic mistake: "Let's market it to... People like ourselves! But younger! They'd like it! They're like us!!!"

xpost - will do my best :)

Yes - Kirsty's idea of a creative meeting amounts to little more than bellowing "I want some design doing. How much will it cost?"

I liked the Grange Hill vibe of the Drip Drop ad. All it needed was Gripper Stebson..

You'd ideally have the two sit down together at the beginning and divide the tasks according to strengths, like the boys managed.

There was also a huuuuge class thing going on between K and Z, as evidenced by 'nobody *we* know abbreviates words in texts' (eyeball-roll) but it was never called out as such.

Gripper: "Give me that bottle of water, Roland!"
Roland: "No, I'm not scared of you Gripper!" (Roland begins to shake and crap himself. Gripper's two henchmen try to look menacing and stare at Roland)
Gripper: "I'm going to duff you up!"
Roland: (starts blubs)
Gripper: "Er... But at some other time. Yeah, er... Because... Because I don't feel like it right now! But don't forget I run this school!" (Gripper and henchmen exit)

(enter Janet)

"I only want to be your friend, Roland."

Surely you mean Woland?

Tucker: "Roland, I was standing over there and saw everything. However I decided to do absolutely nothing until Gripper went away. Even though he pisses himself when I walk in the room."