This Milkshake is the Dietary Equivalent of 68 Strips of Bacon: America, Your 20 Worst Drinks Available

Traditional Red Lobster Lobsterita

Smoothie King Peanut Power Plus Grape

what the

kinda disappointed that there's no lobster in the Lobsterita

yeah I looked it up and it seems just like a margarita w/ a lot of calories, but the name + would require going to red lobster = still the winner imo

Totally no fair, where are more chocolate options? Vanilla Frappuccino, are you NUTS?

I just posted the list. I did not compile it.

I found the drinks to doughnuts conversion factors particularly chilling with a few of them.

Red Lobster was still awesome the last time I went to one (...1994?)

also anyone expecting a healthy version of the Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream Soda deserves to be incredibly, mind-bogglingly fat

Oh wait that's an easy vote if they'll make it with chocolate ice cream AND chocolate syrup. Done and DONE.

"Can you BELIEVE the number of calories in the Dairy Queen Caramel MooLatte????"
"... Yes."

also anyone getting venti Starbucks drinks etc etc prodigious behind etc

i love these gallery features so much

Sunkist Orange Soda is really gross too actually

and I basically like soda

have not yet read the whole thing but my first thoughts are

- krispy kreme makes drinks????????
- i drank lots of cold stone pb&cs when i worked there

<3 sunkist

I LOVE SUNKIST ORANGE SODA

though it isn't as good as Orange Crush

ORANGE SODA POLL

did not hold up very well

well that top 3 is OTM and I assume #4 is Creamsicle-flavored, which well DUH of course

#4 is so good oh man

Sierra Nevada Bigfoot (1 bottle, 12 fl oz)
Carbohydrate Equivalent: 12-pack of Michelob Ultra

Haha, dude, you drink your way and I'll drink mine, okay?

i seriously love these articles so much

cactus cooler shoulda been on that poll, but with each vote counting as half a vote, because pineapple.

so can I just point out that comparing any beer's carb level to Michelob Ultra is bullshit

so can I just point out that comparing any beer's carb level to Michelob Ultra is bullshit

Fixed.

well yeah I thought that kinda goes without saying

It can never be said enough!

Seriously, any time I see someone with that stuff in a bar I'm thinking "you really don't LIKE beer, do you?"

so can I just point out that comparing any beer's carb level to Michelob Ultra is bullshit

Yeah. I also think it's weird to recommend drinking a Leinie Brown Ale instead, because I suspect that most people who buy Sierra Nevada Bigfoot are not just blindly picking a random beer off the shelf -- they're probably "into" beer to some degree and are choosing it in part because it's a barleywine.

Apparently, the Lobesterita is some hellacious pink colored frozen gigantarita with tons of booze and sugar.

The picture in the linked article is not the correct one.

And your point about the Bigfoot Ale is entirely true - I don't know ANYONE who could or would take down 12 of those fuckers, so the comparison to Michelob Ultra, which is NOT a beer, is really intellectually dishonest.

And yeah, if you're drinking Michelob Ultra in a bar, you should have gotten a martini or whiskey on the rocks.

the photos with this are so awesome

i'm voting for the lemon sherbert chiller because it's a drink from krispy kreme and cuz i think just reading this sentence gave me diabetes

Imagine taking a regular can of soda, pouring in 18 extra teaspoons of sugar, and then swirling in half a cup of heavy cream.

it's true that some of these drinks were invented by enterprising 10-year-olds

seriously what the fuck

Who really needs a third of a gallon of sweetened peanut butter blended with grape juice, milk, and bananas?

if somehow guy fieri could figure out how to roll these drinks in rice america would be totally perfect

http://img205.imageshack.us/img205/7852/lobsterita.jpg

^^^ okay that drink looks terrible (although cuet)

"Smoothie King Peanut Power Plus Grape"

I'm voting this just for being 40 oz.

Smoothie King Peanut Power Plus Grape

Imagine saying this after a couple of Traditional Red Lobster Lobsteritas.

I'm voting for Smoothie King Peanut Power Plus Grape for being "a third of a gallon of sweetened peanut butter blended with grape juice, milk, and bananas"

like, sure all of those things could go with peanut butter, but all TOGETHER? come on

you can drink it with a bag of dicks.

That would be a 64oz bag of dicks, yes?

grape nuts

Voting for the Tropicana kids' drink because it's for KIDS and it's 340 calories. Gross.

Thirsty now. I would drink all of these. And then eat the calorie-equivalent snacks beside them. Oh god, my diet! Back on the exercise bike for the next year just for looking at them.

how do you even drink that peanut butter thing

that seems less like a "smoothie" and more like a "choking hazard"

http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/4205/cbeerimage.gif

or

http://img7.imageshack.us/img7/3016/clamatotomatococktail.jpg

http://img689.imageshack.us/img689/8127/budlightchelada.jpg

Per the Sunkist thing, can I defend insanely sugary fruit sodas for a second?

Because obviously the main sugar problem with soft drinks is that they pretend to be real beverages, and we drink them like real beverages, even though in an ideal healthy fantasy world people would enjoy Coke in practically the same amounts it's healthy to enjoy, like, Scotch. Or medicine.

And I'm kinda okay with things like Sunkist (or more often Strawberry Jarritos) because they are practically just straight-up syrup and are hardly kidding anyone, and for me, personally, I can drink like three ounces of either, over ice, and then I am basically done consuming or even thinking about soda/sugar for a good long time.

(I realize that's personal and there are surely people out there taking down like 40 ounces of Sunkist at a time, but this works for me.)

I know that I'd probably drink the calorific drink and eat all the ice cream/cookies/etc.

like, I look at the Arizona Kiwi Strawberry one and think "yes, I CAN eat 7 bowls of Froot Loops; BRING IT ON"

yeah there was one fudge milkshake beside a huge bowl of icecream and i did think "now that's a good evening in"

There's a good possibility that I could motor through all 20 drinks and their accompanying comparison snacks in a single day.

68 bacon strips, now come on raise your hand if you don't eat that regularly every sunday morning.

Those pictures are basically "20 Stoner Meals"

Voting Rx because putting "Rx" in the name is especially mean-spirited and cynical. The Cold Stone thing doesn't put on any pretensions of healthfulness (although the smoothie might be on the borderline).

LOVED all the photos for this, very well done MensHealth!

hahaha I just looked at the "drink this instead!" options and more than 50% of the time they are comparing some gigantic drink to a small

― Marni and Louboutin: coming to Tuesdays this fall on FOX (HI DERE), Tuesday, May 25, 2010 9:37 AM Bookmark

Well...yeah. I mean the bigger-picture problem here, which they suggest at the outset, is that we've slipped over to thinking of getting a large sugar-drink as something pretty regular that happens all the time. I'm working in a restaurant again these days and I REALLY have to work hard to not fill my styro cup with soda every time I get something to eat, 'cause it's free, and since I was a kid I've been psychologically wired to EXPECT a Sprite with chicken fingers. Something seems missing without it. But that is fucked up and terrible!

What this wants is some sort of comparitive graphic of all of them (with more "everyday" drinks alongside to show their own badness)... like one of those "silhouettes of the world's tallest skyscrapers" type image..

haha I just realized that the oreo cookies shown w/ the sunkist are not in fact oversized doublestufs* but actually oreo ice cream sandwiches.

*(I kind of wish the slogan for these was "so packed we couldn't fit in the extra f!"

this list is lol and fucking disgusting

would never drink any of these, including the microbrew with 300 calories

I like ice cream sodas! They're MORE than sweet enough as they are, including some kind of soda and some kind of ice cream, and if you make them at home they're cheaper, smaller, and have fewer calories/less sugar than the commercial kinds. You do, however, have to limit yourself to one (small-ish) serving and not go back and make seconds.

love how the "drink this instead" tips at the end of the list are way worse than the shit on the beginning of the list. for the top ten it should just say "fuck it, go for it"

here's the whole list on one delightful page (incl. some mad comments down the bottom):
http://worldmysteries9.blogspot.com/2010/05/harmful-drinks-in-america.html

this list is lol and fucking disgusting

― call all destroyer, Tuesday, 25 May 2010 15:44 (18 minutes ago) Bookmark

Would have been better if the entire Drink This Instead list just said 'tap water'.

liquid calories are such a waste of good calories!

(non-sugared booze withstanding)

I like ice cream sodas! They're MORE than sweet enough as they are, including some kind of soda and some kind of ice cream, and if you make them at home they're cheaper, smaller, and have fewer calories/less sugar than the commercial kinds. You do, however, have to limit yourself to one (small-ish) serving and not go back and make seconds.

OTM. Except for the last part. If you can consume more than one ice cream soda (or "coke float" as we always called them), I bet you'll be too ill to eat anything else for awhile and it will all even out in the end.

My favorite is vanilla ice cream and grape soda.

i find sugar- and fat-infused coffee-related drinks to be the worst offenders. because i love coffee and doing that to coffee is just cruel.

liquid calories are such a waste of good calories!

― planes/octaves/dimensions of existence (rrrobyn), Tuesday, May 25, 2010 11:26 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

(non-sugared booze withstanding)

― planes/octaves/dimensions of existence (rrrobyn), Tuesday, May 25, 2010 11:27 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

on the motherfucking money

xp to Jenny: Oh, I can.

xxp: Does anyone know why my mother always called ginger ale + vanilla ice cream a "Boston Cooler"?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ice_cream_soda#Boston_cooler

Oh SHIT, no less an authority than Wikiped notes that it's a Detroit thing! Rad!

xp sigh. yes.

perhaps we need a best ice cream soda poll

Don't forget to include "double-chocolate soda" as one of the options so I can vote in it thx.

Smoothie King Peanut Power Plus Grape

this just sounds like a big bucket of vomit

I know – and there's 40 oz. of it!

this just sounds like a big bucket of vomit

http://www.emoboyfriend.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/doublebucket2.jpg

Oh, man...why?

why with the picture of puke?

i can smell that picture, ugh

That picture is probably the worst thing that's happened to me today.

http://chapmancatalyst.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/photo_nutrition_0239.jpg?w=216
^^^ i worship this

liquid calories are such a waste of good calories!

― planes/octaves/dimensions of existence (rrrobyn), Tuesday, May 25, 2010 11:26 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

(non-sugared booze withstanding)

― planes/octaves/dimensions of existence (rrrobyn), Tuesday, May 25, 2010 11:27 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

on the motherfucking money

― call all destroyer, Tuesday, May 25, 2010 10:32 AM (1 hour ago)

^^^^^^, biggest ilx truthbomb in years

We stopped thinking of a soda as a treat - akin to an ice cream or a candy bar - and started seeing it as the equivalent of a glass of water, drinking two, three, four, or more a day.

microcosm of what is wrong with americans today

Those decadent Americans with their fancy sodas!

haha i think of it as "wants" turning into "needs"

Thread bump to ask a question:

McDonald's Triple Thick on the way home: Y/N?

http://www.rapworlds.com/gallery/data/500/thumbs/snoop.gif

liquid calories are such a waste of good calories!

― planes/octaves/dimensions of existence (rrrobyn), Tuesday, May 25, 2010 11:26 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

Right! So after you get into the habit of drinking six of them a day and realize that you are heading rolling downhill precipitously toward diabetes, you can switch to the diet version! Hey, drinking a six pack of diet Coke a day never hurt anyone! My brother was over for a five days once, during which time he went through a 24-pack of Diet Dr. Pepper all by himself. At least a third of this was completely wasted, as he had a habit of leaving half-empty cans everywhere he went, forgetting where his last soda was, and, desperate, going to open a fresh one.

Soda is too cheap. If it cost as much as one of those Naked brand mango protein super hoonja doonjas, which are $5 for 16 ounces, people wouldn't develop these inexplicable addictions.

You ever see this Facebook status update? "So I'm quitting soda today! This is really hard!" Fuck you. Go get a real bad habit.

To clarify - I was not speaking of the 40 oz triple thick. Just a lil' guy. You know - a size we can all comprehend and appreciate instead of being afraid of.

I will be drinking a HUGE glass of "Get me the fuck outta here" on Wednesday night. Hooo...

I really think a case can be made for the starbucks bottled frappucinos. They're so fucking small that it's easy to forget how many calories are packed into them.

there was a time when i used to drink a lot of those and ran out of them at about 2am, so i poured cold filter coffee and a glass of dissolved caster sugar into a 2/3 full 2pint milk carton and it tasted almost exactly the same

currently wondering how i got into the habit of drinking vast amounts of kiwi strawberry snapple, complete waste of time rly

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Diet soda is one thing, *possibly* "bad for you" in some nebulous, chemical way. Coke etc is another, filled with sugar you don't really need. But these coffee and milkshake drinks are wild. 68g of saturated fat is outrageous!

A Big Mac and Large Fries is "only" 13.5g saturated fat. Recommended daily allowance is around 20g.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.