fake food that ought to be scary, but you still love

Totino's Party Pizza. It's frozen pizza that has the nerve to taste almost nothing like actual pizza. Totino just don't give a damn. I respect that.

Also: Kraft Mac and Cheese, I wish I knew how to quit you. Another space-age innovation that bears no resemblance to the real thing. Whatever it is that's in this stuff, it's not cheese, that's for damn sure. But it does have a certain je ne sais quoi.

And I'm still totally down with Kool Aid.

Americans are disgusting.

Apple Jacks 4 LYFE

You should get that tattooed on your stomach.

Little Debbie Swiss Rolls - strangely waxy "chocolate" coating that can be peeled off in a single piece, reddish spongy "cake" like an air conditioner filter with no chocolate flavor, "creme" filling. I love them, I do.

Americans are disgusting.

― Captain Ostensible (Scik Mouthy), Saturday, 24 July 2010 06:49 (38 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

little debbie anything

Oh, you brits, like you've never put a spotted dick in your mouth.

mac & cheese is next level comfort food imo

don't really like real mac & cheese
love the shit out of powdered cheese-like food product, butter and milk

little debbie anything

OATMEAL CREME PIES

Next to this shit, real homemade spotted dick & custard is a superfood.

Oh, you brits, like you've never put a spotted dick in your mouth.

haha Yeah, I missed the part where the British cornered the market on fine cuisine.

I think the cultural difference is that after WWII, America had a capitalist explosion of bullshit non-food, and Britain had it forced on them.

an icee from a well-maintained and properly-functioning icee machine is liking drinking a cup full of stars, and I will never apologize for my lunch being a large icee and a box of popcorn from the target eatery. it only costs $1.50. it's like a double-barreled blast of corn products to the stomach.

So very many things are.

I don't think I've ever had a little debbie anything or an icee for that matter (assuming that's the same thing as a slushie). I ate plenty of bad for you food as a kid but because my dad is a chef it was the full of butter and cheese/baked goods variety and not the fake food variety. This is not to say I've never had junkfood - I love the shit out of twizzlers and cheetos for instance but rather that I missed out on a lot of the fake food stuff ppl start eating as kids.

lol at English ppl scoffing at fake food. Fray Bentos and Pot Noodles spring to mind immediately.

mountain dew

Oh and I'm with all Kraft Mac and Cheese people. It's one of my favorite things ever even though I eat it only about once a year.

little debbie anything

― chuck entertainment cheese (crüt),

So true. Actually, for me it's just Nutty Bars.

Oh I thought of a good one. Hostess fruit pies.

^^ Would buy these at school. This sort of thing was my outrageous way of rebelling.

OATMEAL CREME PIES

― kenan, Saturday, July 24, 2010 2:55 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

man, i have not had one of these in, like, 15 years but they are the business.

reminds me of being 8 and my mom asking me how I liked the generic frozen pizza she'd just served me: "it doesn't taste like pizza...but it's good!". became a family meme.

would bageldogs qualify here?

I'm w/ you Kraft dinner & lil' Debbie folks, but if I'm to post honestly, I'll up the ante a bit & go w/ Dinty Moore beef stew. That shit looks & smells like dog food & slides out of the can as a greasy, gelatinous cylinder. If I'd encountered it as an adult, I probably would have never gone w/in 100 yards of it, but b/c of childhood nostalgia, it is the very taste of summer camping trips.

an icee from a well-maintained and properly-functioning icee machine is liking drinking a cup full of stars,

OTMFM

i'm totally d/w Kraft Mac+Cheese and a bowl of Campbell's Condensed Tomato Soup once or twice a year

also have been known to enjoy a pb+j between 2 Eggo Waffles

omg i eat twizzlers by the baleful, meets the usda daily requirements of 3 servings of whole wax iirc

They are the best!

http://www.vintagetshirt.com/catalog/bmz_cache/1/1b71a37d68ab2a92e2aa1803bdab322c.image.520x435.jpg

or an icee for that matter (assuming that's the same thing as a slushie)

yes, but really no. icees and slurpees are distinct from other slushies because they are carbonated.

Totino's Party Pizza is a kind of food that my husband has come up with a very useful label for: he calls them "pizzos," to show they are still food of some sort but not actually pizza. They kind of remind me of matzoh crackers with kid stuff on 'em.

Wait - slurpees are carbonated?! I had no idea.

I'm going to have to get one now.

So THAAAAATS what it is!!!! It all makes sense now, why they had that unmistakable mysterious "tang"

fuuuuuuck I want a blue raspberry icee right now

speaking of Tang, it was invented by the same guy who invented pop rocks, which are carbonated as well.

I love a coke slurpee. Love, love. Also, I haven't had them in years, but I remember having a fondness for Spaghetti-O's

Also yeah British have no room to talk here, I remember seeing some pretty gross canned food over there - like an entire breakfast in a can and shit. Yikes.

http://krystalist.com/images/krystal-food-pictures/sausage-gravy-scrambler.jpg

I have never actually had one of those, i'm just saying the british breakfast in a can can only be so much more disgusting than that

i had a coke (actually pepsi with cherry) slurpee after not having one for probably 15 years and i will confess: it was very good

i also have a fondness for chester cheetah flamin hot tm popcorn
it's bright red, it's spicy, and i like it

There's also something about a grilled cheese sandwich made with Velveeta on white bread....

wasabi funyuns RIP

am i the only person who likes cold soup straight from the can?

i have a fondness for tombstone supreme pizzas, even if the crust is indistinguishable from cardboard

my diet is pretty wretched tbh

the only fake food that i really still slam on the regular are lays potato chips and i guess soda

self x-post

i love real food though don't get me wrong!

I love real food too, but I eat way too much delicious garbage. Also soda. If I quit drinking Cokes and Mountain Dews altogether, I'd probably lose 25 pounds in a month.

an entire breakfast in a can
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/80/245492154_74921e4469.jpg

whopper w/cheese

Burger King onion rings

i like all manner of disgusting entenmann's concoctions; i used to destroy those mini chocolate chip cookies when i was a kid.

whopper w/cheese

― ice cr?m, Saturday, July 24, 2010 2:45 PM

yessssss

Pringles, Pringles, Pringles. I can sit down and eat a whole can of those little bastards including the crumbs at the bottom without even thinking about it.

doritos!

http://i27.tinypic.com/zko8qg.jpg

but that breakdancer apparently likes doritos even more than I do, gross

Realizing this is replying only to the thread title: Morningstar Farms Grillers Chik'n Veggie Patties

Pretty much the only vegan meat analogue I've had that is completely indistinguishable from its model.

he used to, until he splattered his milk-filled head on the pavement (xp)

body poppage

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3462/3238504410_46dfe7ea45.jpg

I don't understand what the white stuff is supposed to be. That's an official Doritos-created wallpaper!

Guy with the iPod is listening to 'The Secret Life of Arabia' - "You must aee the movie, the sand in my eye. I walk through the desert sun, where some guy breakdances in birdshit..."

Maybe it's a patch of glue, and he isn't really breakdancing, just trying to get his head unstuck from the pavement. Like that Mr. T motivational film.

Mr. T: "If you get your head stuck to the pavement by accident, avoid looking like a fool by pretending that you're breakdancing."

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v665/hautlipz/coffeecrisp.jpg

I've only been to Canada three times, but all three times I overdosed on these. I don't even like coffee that much, but these are DELICIOUS.

entemanns used to be SO GOOD but the only stuff i see in stores these days is some sort of lite version which uh why fucking bother

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3462/3238504410_46dfe7ea45.jpg

I did not know these were real!!! I thought they were something that existed only in the YA novel Maniac McGee.

Oh, looks like it's actually Maniac Magee;.

ayo let's go phillies

^^^

also, feel like strongo hulkington has posted about tastykakes on ilx

the Tastykake Poll

otm with Campbells soup. I have a thing for cream of celery. The can says, "Great for cooking!" which is as clear an indication as any that you're not actually supposed to sit down to a bowl of the stuff.

I did not know these were real!!! I thought they were something that existed only in the YA novel Maniac McGee.

cosign

I'm the only person I know who actually enjoys this, despite it being "America's Favorite":

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/1/610319_db9ebd3846.jpg

"Food Product"

Vienna sausage = potted meat with an erection

i would never eat a potted meat but you know what i would eat and like it is this dog food http://www.spanalaskasales.com/media/Libby-Corned-Beef-Hash.gif

fuuuuuuck I want a blue raspberry icee right now

― You’re going off of her word that the farmer’s wife is the farmer’s wife? (dyao), Saturday, July 24, 2010 12:21 PM (7 hours ago) Bookmark
fuuuuuuck I want a blue raspberry icee right now

― You’re going off of her word that the farmer’s wife is the farmer’s wife? (dyao), Saturday, July 24, 2010 12:21 PM (7 hours ago) Bookmark
fuuuuuuck I want a blue raspberry icee right now

― You’re going off of her word that the farmer’s wife is the farmer’s wife? (dyao), Saturday, July 24, 2010 12:21 PM (7 hours ago) Bookmark
fuuuuuuck I want a blue raspberry icee right now

― You’re going off of her word that the farmer’s wife is the farmer’s wife? (dyao), Saturday, July 24, 2010 12:21 PM (7 hours ago) Bookmark

also wtf is braunschweiger I DON'T CARE GIMME GIMME GIMME

i'm not sure that stuff's fake actually

Ramen is very much a comfort food for me, I always want it when I'm sick or just feeling bleh. But all of the stores in my area appear to have stopped carrying the vegetarian varieties of ramen (oriental and mushroom). So I haven't had it in a while.

Yeah braunschweiger is liverwurst, which is totally legitimate ground up pork livers! And yes it's delicious.

I'm kind of addicted to Cheetos since moving to the US - they're like Wotsits crossed with Nik Naks i.e. genius

i fucking love liverwurst/braunschweiger

SECRET JJ RECIPE:

toast english muffin
butter the shit out of it
1/2 inch liverwurst
1/2 inch cream cheese

PROFIT

DEFIBRILLATOR

I did not know these were real!!! I thought they were something that existed only in the YA novel Maniac McGee.

― Warum habt Ihr mich totgefüttert? (Abbott), Saturday, July 24, 2010 6:34 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

Dude Tastykakes are an INTEGRAL part of the Philadelpia area/East Coast experience. We have a whole endcap of them at work; their (vegan!) sugar wafers are the best in the land.

That being said, I LOVE SUGAR WAFERS

I'm kind of addicted to Cheetos since moving to the US - they're like Wotsits crossed with Nik Naks i.e. genius

― Not the real Village People, Sunday, 25 July 2010 07:32 (7 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

omg want

Yeah liverwurst is a real, albeit completely disgusting, food! Even when I ate meat I just couldn't stomach the stuff.

I read about liverwurst in A Cricket in Times Square, but somehow I knew that stuff was real.

entenmann's coffee crumb cake when eaten in that two-day period after opening before it gets really dried out and stale = <333333

in the cheezy/crunchy stakes, i am a dyed-in-the-wool cheez doodle guy. actually do goldfish crackers count here, because i have actually eaten an entire pack in one sitting before

also ELLIO'S

sometimes i'll eat something completely non-fake, like a pretty fancy dish or something with a lot of herbs and spices and i will get a flashback to some fake food of my youth like a very specific discontinued cereal or to gummi sharks or something.

in the cheezy/crunchy stakes, i am a dyed-in-the-wool cheez doodle guy. actually do goldfish crackers count here, because i have actually eaten an entire pack in one sitting before

i have eaten an entire 33-oz carton of goldfish in one sitting before

I did not know these were real!!! I thought they were something that existed only in the YA novel Maniac McGee.

― Warum habt Ihr mich totgefüttert? (Abbott), Saturday, July 24, 2010 6:34 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

Dude Tastykakes are an INTEGRAL part of the Philadelpia area/East Coast experience. We have a whole endcap of them at work; their (vegan!) sugar wafers are the best in the land.

― Lexaprotend (Stevie D), Sunday, July 25, 2010 10:00 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

haha i had the opposite response of abbott, i.e., "who the hell has never heard of tastykakes?!" but i guess thats cause i grew up in central jerz

the chocolate/peanut butter tastykakes were my fave growing up, esp. when refrigerated. never got down w/ the krimpets tho

(central jerz here also)

KANDY KAKES were my shit

bought from WAWA obv

I don't actually eat a lot of fakey food now I ponder it - I have zero a sweet tooth, Aus food tends to not be so up on the HFCS and plastic cereal shit, and I dont eat McDs etc.

I do like these though:

http://www.kraft.com.au/NR/rdonlyres/6925C084-7190-4166-9804-64A8C5AE8206/0/Singles_Original_500g.jpg

And these:

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Xc5HLCRld8o/Sbkgw8lOnZI/AAAAAAAAAbI/LXRUMcF-HuQ/s320/indomie.jpg

And when I'm really lazy, a can of this dumped over pasta is the bomb:

http://www.bananablue.com.au/images/product/9300645015157_1.jpg
(theres so little Real Beef in this shit you could prob be a vege and eat it, its all sauce and TVP lumps).