On Her Wedding Day, Saying the Things Left Unsaid

The present I humbly send her today is this column; this public note, this irrevocable display of affection and support and gratitude; this worldly absolution from any guilt or sadness she felt between the time she said no to me and the time she said yes to him. No one ought to have to carry that with them into a marriage. I showered her with as much love as I could muster when we were together. I still love her and always will. So I am only too happy to offer my toast to her now, one more time, before she takes her vows.

http://www.politicsdaily.com/2010/07/24/on-her-wedding-day-saying-the-things-left-unsaid/

dear god above

what the hell

i think if i cringed any harder i'd snap my own spine

Hah, read an amazing response to this already, let me see if I can dig it up...

Here we go:

http://www.politicsdaily.com/2010/07/26/how-not-to-congratulate-your-ex-on-her-wedding-day/

To quote from that:

A kinder colleague than I suggested that his column was the equivalent of Dustin Hoffman, in "The Graduate," running into the church to yell, "Elaine!" I humbly submit that his wedding day appreciation is in fact the equivalent of Andrew Cohen running into the church and yelling, "Andrew!"

it gets better

http://www.politicsdaily.com/2010/07/26/how-not-to-congratulate-your-ex-on-her-wedding-day/

Yoo-hoo, sir. It is YOU writing the big Internet column on your ex's wedding day -- on which she is, you know, marrying another dude. I guess it's possible she does need "worldly absolution from any guilt or sadness she felt between the time she said no to [you] and the time she said yes to him." It is true, as you say, that "No one ought to have to carry that with them into a marriage." But here's the thing. SHE'S GETTING MARRIED. I know you'd like to think she's staggering up the aisle consumed by guilt and sadness, but honestly, there's a dim possibility she might just be looking forward to her life with the man she's marrying. (At HER WEDDING.)

and then

http://jezebel.com/5597755/self+absorbed-columnist-masters-redefines-the-art-of-crap-emails

Dear Lizzie:

I won't embarrass you further (than you've already embarrassed yourself) by responding in public to your shrewish little column. I took down the Tweet because I realized it made me appear to be like you-nasty and hostile and spoiling for a fight. That's not me.

The first time I read your piece I was upset. The second time I read it I realized you've spent the last 20 years or so looking (and failing, evidently) to find someone or something in a relationship. And the third time I read it I realized why that was. To spend so much time and energy and apparent relish being so bitter and judgmental about someone you don't know and a relationship you know nothing about: How sad for you. Me? I take comfort in the thousands of people, men and women, who took the column at face value and saw it in the better angels of our nature, who didn't project their own failures and insecurities upon it, and who were kind and compassionate instead of… well, instead of like you.
-Andrew

HOW SAD FOR YOU

Anyway so cast the film that's going to be made where this exchange is the meet-cute.