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Suspiciously polite black men in toilets whose job it is to turn on the tap, wipe your hands and then offer you some aftershave, dud or ULTRA-FUCKING-DEGRADINGLY-DUD?

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You know, the ones in posh bars full of Nathan Barley types. What is the point of them? Do bar owners secretly hope that it will make their clientele feel superior? Are they necessary since the majority of said clientele will be so coked up to their eyeballs that they will already be so convinced they the greatest thing on the surface of the earth that the presence of a black bloke rinsing the splashes of stray urine off their hands with transparently false humility while wishing they could ramn this cunt's face straight into the nearby urinal really won't make the blind bit of difference?

― Matt DC, Saturday, 20 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Thankfully I have not "experienced" this.

― Marc, Saturday, 20 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

wait...they still do that? Ultrafuckingdegradinglydud it is.

― Timothy, Saturday, 20 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

obviously, it's the latter.

but i don't think this is restricted to ultra-posh places. i was at the um...redback in acton (if you haven't heard of it, it's scummy as fuck, and basically a meat market. i, obviously, wasn't there for the meat market reasons) and they had a lady doing the same kinda thing (sorta) in the ladies' toilets. very strange, for such a scummy place.

― sandy, Saturday, 20 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I was once told by someone that these guys pay the publicans a fee for setting up in their lavatories. Is this why we have to suffer them??

― bert, Sunday, 21 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

This goes on in a whetherspoons in central london, though i think in this case it is an attempt to make people believe it could be a posh bar/ chain-pub. One time the female equivelent once hugged a friend of mine in the ladies, curious. So washroom attendant/ handwashing people wanting attention and palms of silver; Dudd. A pound donation for a lolly pop, bought in a toilet, i ask you.......... Also past that certain point of the evening when one too many has been drunk, smokey bacon donned on shirts and the water closet becomes like a second home- how many times within the hour can one refuse this service?

― chris, Sunday, 21 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Pretty bad, but not as bad as those 'talking urinal' adverts

― dave q, Monday, 22 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I thought they were there to stop people doing drug deals and drugs in toilets; you can't post a bouncer in a bog, but you can put a bouncer in a bog disguised as an attendant.

― Nathan Barley, Monday, 22 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

otherwise known as toilet trolls.

― Ed, Monday, 22 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I hate having to choose between feeling guilty for washing my hands and feeling dirty for not washing my hands.

― Ronan, Monday, 22 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ultra-degradingly-dud. Makes we really uncomfortable about going for a piss in those sort of places.

― RickyT, Monday, 22 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You misspelled "wee".

― Dan Perry, Monday, 22 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

nine months pass...
Is it better if they are white?

― man, Wednesday, 21 May 2003 21:27 (twenty-three years ago)

toilet trolls. brilliant.

the only time I've ever come across one was in (gulp) planet hollywood at my ex-job's Christmas do, which was the most excruciatingly awful load of old corporate bollocks I've ever witnessed. I didn't tip.

― j0e (j0e), Wednesday, 21 May 2003 21:34 (twenty-three years ago)

ive seen them a few times. once at a scummy club & once in some posh casino in vegas. i sort of like them. in a coen brother way...

― kephm, Wednesday, 21 May 2003 22:22 (twenty-three years ago)

& they weren't suspiciosly polite. didnt turn on the tap while talking into his lapel . he wasn't hiding in the sink or some such, & if i were stuck in a shithole with nathan barley types, i dunno-id vomit on the bar.. i think the towelman may be a good gig if i ever grow old & poor with a nil ss check.

― kephm, Wednesday, 21 May 2003 22:38 (twenty-three years ago)

They are 'suspiciously polite' because they are being humiliated. Is this cause for a joke?

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 21 May 2003 22:40 (twenty-three years ago)

bush will rescue them all.

― kephm, Wednesday, 21 May 2003 22:53 (twenty-three years ago)

They are 'suspiciously polite' because they are being humiliated. Is this cause for a joke?

How're they being humiliated? There are millions of activities people can do when they have nothing. Begging, holding signs for shops just off this road, dealing out flyers for English lessons. I wouldn't scorn these people, cos I'd be in the same situation if I went as far away as France. But the fuckers in the toilets are a scam. I pour out my own soap. If some div dives in and presses it for me, without me even asking, I'll take it in the same good humour I take the behaviour of divs generally, i.e. I'll look at them and laugh, but they're not getting half my giro.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Thursday, 22 May 2003 00:55 (twenty-three years ago)

mmmm, gyro....

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 22 May 2003 00:58 (twenty-three years ago)

They're 'suspiciously polite' because they're actually ninjas.

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 22 May 2003 00:59 (twenty-three years ago)

what are you doing going to places that have valets anyway?
you're already an asshole if you're in the restaurant/club, so you're not going to feel bad.

Howev, this is an awfully patronizing thread.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 22 May 2003 13:51 (twenty-three years ago)

whatever dude. they are ninjas.

― kephm, Thursday, 22 May 2003 13:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Movenpick Marche recently started using them, and that place isn't exactly posh Horace, its closer to a family resturant and about half price from The Keg even.
I hate the wierd feeling vibe most of all.
Noticed this job belongs to people of all colour.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Thursday, 22 May 2003 13:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Quaglino's have them, too.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 22 May 2003 14:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, the Keg is posh compared to the places I go, I guess. I mean, if you're peeing in a trough, chances are there's no valet.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 22 May 2003 14:05 (twenty-three years ago)

& on the plus side. the gross peeps who do not wash up HAVE TO WASH UP if there is a towel man in the room.

― kephm, Thursday, 22 May 2003 14:21 (twenty-three years ago)

i agree with nathan...i've heard from several people that they're there to 'discourage' people from doing/selling drugs in the bathrooms...although it would be funny if they were secret ninjas sent to punish people that don't wash their hands..

― colette (a2lette), Thursday, 22 May 2003 14:59 (twenty-three years ago)


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