Being Attracted To Someone You Find Intensely "Annoying" - Classic or Dud

Standard of romantic comedies, but also noted truth bomb. Is it because:

1) The attraction is caused by the slight frisson of the annoyance

2) The annoyance is caused by the attraction (and the inability or lack of wanting to do anything about it)

Or both?

It's true, the Autumnal weather has started making me think about annoying things like attraction and dating and sex again.

You said something about new meds on the FAP ILX10 thread - maybe that helps cause butterflies too?

"side effects: annoying crushes"

Nah, I don't think so. I know that coming off the old meds made me have a libido again, fullstop. But otherwise, it's just general autumness. It happens every year, more or less.

weren't you just at a fap with LJ? hmmmm

Ha hahahahahh ha ha. Ok, that would actually be hilarious. And ILX would implode.

But seriously, I was thinking more about interactions with people on OKC.

ke$ha knows how u feel:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s81PUDDYLUQ

I regret every thread I start within an hour of starting it.

Exactly why I tend to not start threads either, generally. :-(

I would say option 2 in my experience. If I meet someone who's annoying, it's kind of an instant barrier to me being attracted to them.

Maybe I should be more controversial. Or make some wild assertions I can't back up. Or call out another ILX poster and insult them and their taste in music/films/romantic partners repeatedly.

I dunno. It's Friday afternoon, there's nothing to do and I'm very bored.

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lol wtf is that nevermind

It's a game of collapsed noughts and crosses!

Friday afternoon?
oh yes, it is.
Hello, Karen, I have not met you before, though I was on ilx a very long time in the past.

I see Cozen, still on ilx, too!

btw the thread about the FAP does not appear on new answers for me. Has anything happened on it?

in my experience calling a girl annoying is guy for "im gonna try and fuck that chick". its an instant break up in my book.

-- sunny successor, Wednesday, March 5, 2008 1:47 PM

Pinefox, you have met me before, several times. In fact, I said hello to you in passing last night, as I left the pub.

NickB, I've been reading the "chinese character tattoo distasters" blog and for a moment I thought that was an attempt at one of them.

ASCII character disasters more like. Humiliatingly defeated by formatting.

in my experience calling a girl annoying is guy for "im gonna try and fuck that chick". its an instant break up in my book.

Don't totally get the context here, but there is possibly some truth in this.

I did actually remember that quote of SS's - it was the lead quote on Truth Bombs thread, but I couldn't find the source.

I think there is probably a great deal of truth to it. In cases where it means "it annoys me that that girl will not fuck me" especially.

hah, I don't know if it's true for me personally. every time I've met an annoying girl all I've wanted to do was snipe and score points off of her* (not those kind of points). I'd be pretty mortified if it led to her being attracted to me.

*I realize this counts as negging. swear I'm not a PUA

Ha ha, I had forgotten about "negging" as a "PUA" thing.

This does, however, explain the approach that some men take on OKC. I honestly didn't understand why a man who likes a woman's profile would approach them with an email insulting them, or picking out flaws in said profile, and think this would be likely to endear him to her. (My reaction has usually been to hit the "block" button immediately.)

lol wtf is that nevermind

― Chaim Poutine (NickB), Friday, August 27, 2010 7:45 AM (18 minutes ago) Bookmark

The chinese characters for "im gonna try and fuck that chick"?

Hi pinefox. You can't see the FAP thread on ILE new answers because it's on ILM. It should still be on Site New Answers, though.

Certainly heard "she's really annoying" from someone the week before hooking up with said "her"; similarly "she's such a slut" and "oh no way, she's too Hollywood-looking, she looks plastic".

There's a certain kind of being annoyed at someone which turns into such an obsession that it almost is fancying them, and terrible thoughts like "if I kissed you would you shut up for two minutes" flit across your mind for a moment before you realise that life is not a movie and it's just the sensation you get looking off an impressively steep cliff. (Sentences that should possibly not be in the generalised second person, here.)

It's actually the chinese characters for "I can't do chinese characters" xp

Certainly heard "she's really annoying" from someone the week before hooking up with said "her"; similarly "she's such a slut" and "oh no way, she's too Hollywood-looking, she looks plastic

Yeah, but this is not really being annoyed by someone, it's basically just a ploy to throw people off your game.

I honestly didn't understand why a man who likes a woman's profile would approach them with an email insulting them, or picking out flaws in said profile, and think this would be likely to endear him to her. (My reaction has usually been to hit the "block" button immediately.)

― Karen D. Tregaskin, Friday, August 27, 2010 12:04 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

Ha ha ha, I think that last paragraph of APS's is probably quite fitting and something I should get tattooed on my arm in fake Chinese characters.

Just read an article about "negging" and honestly it made me want to genocide the entire human race. ARGH.

My first instinct on seeing this title was "this is why negging works". I don't know, though, I do enjoy bantering with people but I feel that there needs to be some foundation of agreement/non-annoyance for that to escalate to attraction. If someone just came up and insulted me I certainly wouldn't be attracted to them.

in my experience a lot of young people today* basically have no conception of flirting apart from insulting one another. works for some of 'em, doesn't for others. but I think it probably leads to a whole lot of misunderstandings either way.

*: not just today, obviously -- cf. any number of golden-age screen couples trading witty rejoinders (Cary Grant + Eva Marie Sant in NbNW come to mind) -- but I think people have gotten worse at reading each other's reactions so as to know when they should move on from the schoolyard taunts (or drop them altogether)

How is "negging" supposed to work? Are we meant to think "oh gosh yes, I am pretty terrible now this guy mentions it, if only someone would look past my faults and chat to me inappropriately in the turkey aisle", or "how rude to pick out my faults when I am in fact a sexy beast on the loose in this unsuspecting turkey aisle! I must prove this man wrong and make him want me, right now!", or just "oh, an inappropriately confident man, so hot"?

and seriously y'all, listen to that ke$ha song, it's pretty lol

Yeah, exactly, Emil.y. Banter as a form of flirting is kind of a game based on a pre-existing idea that there is a reason to be playing said game in the first place.

Otherwise it's just "wow, this dude is rude" at best or "what a presumptive arsehole" at worst.

Ke$ha is kind of annoying in that song.

I definitely do not want to sleep with her.

Man, am I ever missing out on the action in the turkey aisle.

xxxxpost the thing about 'negging', as far as I can tell, is that yr supposed to do it at a bar or a club when you encounter a group of more-or-less attractive ladies; neg the hottest one, then flirt with her homelier girlfriends while occasionally making PLAYFULLY SIGNIFICANT EYE CONTACT with the target until she is driven MAD WITH DESIRE due to conspicuous (non-)rejection

then write the whole thing up and send it in to penthouse

I mean, there are cases I can think of, where arguing with someone was definitely a preliminary to attraction. There was a guy on another forum I used to battle with *constantly* about everything from beatmatching to films - however, part of the reason that I did become attracted to him was because he was able to argue in a way that made me feel respected, like he was taking my (admittedly sometimes ridiculous) opinions seriously and eventually it got to a point where we were just arguing for fun and I *could* insult him and have him realise I was joking.

But there was a whole host of stuff at play behind that - people who just insult you for the sake of negging without any fundamental respect for you as a person or your opinions are disgusting savages.

x-post ha ha so it's the idea of setting women up in competition with one another. Ugh.

That was shitty, though, because it turned out he was just arguing because it was fun, he wasn't attract to me at all.

;_;

Story of my life...

negging - Its way to get threw their defenses at bars and such. (urbandictionary)

i would never "neg" but sometimes i subtly zing ppl i'm attracted to as my awkward way of showing that i'm paying attention to them. if the response is negative you haven't lost face. it's not always conscious.

for the original question - dud. arguing can be fun and even a turn on, but as a common means of communication it will often blow up into something uglier ime

Ha ha ha. Actually, that raises an interesting point. If I were really interested in dating a pedant, obviously the easiest thing to do would be to write a profile that seemed otherwise fairly intelligent, but used a couple of very obvious spelling errors. Then men would feel compelled to write and correct me.

guys it's called teasing and everybody likes it.

While I do consider myself a Grammar Fiend, I am a little bit confused over the usage of its and it's should do nicely

xpost while discovering that ilxcode didn't like " marks in the link text

So this is why I'm still single. Because I actually extremely dislike being teased. Now I know.

mystery solved

I was hoping "cubing" would have something to do with the TimeCube guy.

WOMAN HAS 4 CORNER
MEN EDUCATED STUPID

this is like this girl in the office i work at every friday. one of these standard just out of uni poshos, with a vaguely cloying/possibly affected sweetness/innocence (yet also with a nice sideline in obvious ambition/careerism) thing in her act that is quite fucking annoying. i already have an irrational dislike for anyone like this, but at the same time, i also cant help but buy into her butter wouldnt melt routine.

when's the wedding?

actually i had this with another similar girl at my last work place. when i bumped into her recently at a gig i couldnt tell if she was pissed off with me or just upset or just not bothered at all cos she dissapeared kinda randomly. telling myself it was cos i never did anything about the attraction, obv.

I have never been very good at banter-flirting. I never know what to say and I'm afraid I'll say something too mean. In 9th grade I called this kid a tampon eater when he was teasing/flirting with me and he didn't talk to me for the rest of high school.

Too choked up.

ooohhhhh was that it?

shit.

Blood clots in your throat.

Wait, that came out wrong. I was thinking "smoke gets in your eyes"!

wow

blood clots in your throat sounds like a good threat. or a hex.

yeeeesh

I always thought this was about being attracted to someone against your better rational judgment, like when someone is physically attractive but has qualities that are on your mental no list. The tension is what creates the "annoyance" attraction.

bloodclaat in your throat

Yeah, Hurting, I could definitely see that be behind option number 2.

bloodclaat in your throat

def gonna use that next time im negging.

It sounds more like an insult a woman would use, rather than a neg. "Bloodclaat in yr throat!" is kind of like "Suck my tampon, asshole!" Which I am definitely going to start to use as a go-to insult.

I would have to say "drink my divacup, dick!" now.

"Slurp my mooncup, chump!"

i'm honestly shocked i HAVEN'T heard lady saw or someone use it yet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Navw9FZ9chM

^ 'eat my used tampon, you fuckers'

love how VH1 couldn't find a single woman to comment in that L7 clip above, just a bunch of chauvanist metal jerkoff loser dudes

infinitely more disgusting than donita's tampon ever could have been

sorry, i digress...

stevie otm

Haha yes one of the most otm digressions

generally the annoyance makes them appear less attractive to me over time, even physically

Yes, indeed.

had this problem again recently. knew she was annoying (anyone that uses 'bad boys' as a way to refer to objects that arent actually badly behaved boys doesnt really register highly) but found them physically attractive. despite best efforts to play nice, just found myself wanting to annoy them back in various ways, partly as i knew it was never going to happen. along the way got a bit confused as to whether i found them annoying or attractive or both and for some reason, a friend, whose 'fem intuiton' i now regard slightly lower than before, hinted i should ask them out, so i did. got a knockback but feel better now.

What did she use "bad boys" to refer to?

Because it's perfectly acceptable way to refer to vehicles, tools, weapons, appliances or body parts.

food i think?

Confused by the genderless "them" in this paragraph, to be honest.

knew she was annoying (anyone that uses 'bad boys' as a way to refer to objects that arent actually badly behaved boys doesnt really register highly) but found them physically attractive.

What do you find attractive? This annoying girl, or the objects that are not really badly behaved boys? I guess it was the girl you asked out, and not the bad boys?

I've been having a bit of a phase 2 recently. I am annoyed at being attracted to a person I don't want to be, so I'm taking it out on them. In this case, I should probably grow up and stop acting like a third grader because the problem is entirely mine and not theirs.

I really hate the whole process of attraction, I wish the menopause would hurry up and come along so I could stop being bothered by hormones and being attracted to people in the first place, to be honest. It just seems like a whole bunch of useless irritation at the moment.

Food? Like this?

http://www.britsuperstore.com/acatalog/Pot_Noodle_Bombay_Bad_Boy_96g.jpg

^^^^perfectly acceptable, in fact, it is the food item's proper name.

Except now I'm even more confused on account of those "having the horn for pot noodle" adverts. And now I think you're deeply attracted to soup! ;-)

"What do you find attractive? This annoying girl, or the objects that are not really badly behaved boys? I guess it was the girl you asked out, and not the bad boys?"

correct. :)

"I am annoyed at being attracted to a person I don't want to be, so I'm taking it out on them. In this case, I should probably grow up and stop acting like a third grader because the problem is entirely mine and not theirs."

this is the same problem i had lol.

I'm not very good at being a grown up, mind you.

ditto. when it comes to certain (or many) things, im still a stupid teenager.

It's just autumn. Rutting season and all that. :-(

acting as though i have entered adulthood will be my resolution for 2011

I'm hoping to get it down by about 2040 or so.

It's just autumn. Rutting season and all that. :-(

i guess most or all animals except humans are subject to specific mating seasons

but i read this article that said that in autumn people's hormones shoot upwards so there is some truth in that, i guess

adulthood seems out of reach for me at this point. i'm functioning just below your avg. 12 year-old's level these days

the rutting theory would surely mean more people become indiscriminating though, rather than fussier, unless they are getting so much attention that they have more people than ever to choose from of course

it's interesting to think about. like it could make sense that a human "mating season" of sorts would have evolved during harvest time. we have food, we can eat again, let's celebrate, let's mate, etc.

also, ppl seeing leaves falling from trees. oh shit, mortality, must spread my genes around, pronto

also (more prosaically), oh shit, winters coming, i need a human blanket.

also brown is just a horny colour

My wife and kids all have birthdays in the same week in March.

Being attracted to anyone at the moment is such a novelty that I guess I should just enjoy it. :-/