quiet people vs people who cant shut up

they generally dislike each other, right?

quite so

ooops, i meant quiet, not quite.

I'm generally quiet and I hate people who can't shut up.

sometime they complete each other, sometimes they dislike each other, sometimes they have sex with each other.

yeah i'm p much with beckett when he said “Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness”

". "

I react to the environment -- if it's too quiet, I turn into Chester Chatterbox.

aka my mom vs. my dad.

(that's an exaggeration, but in social settings it's pretty much true.)

i can be either -- i inherited both genes -- but lean more toward my mom's chatterbox side probably. in general, people who talk too much annoy me, and people who don't talk enough make me suspicious.

"and people who don't talk enough make me suspicious."

most of the times they are just shy

what do they say about serial killers? it's never, "oh, he was so chatty." always quiet.

Hanibal was chatty!

Doctor hunts for motive in brain of a serial killer
She has found what she calls "a cookie-cutter syndrome," a striking similarity in serial killers: They tend to be hypochondriacs, chatty, remorseless men ...

the act of posting on a message board sort of indicates at least mild identification with the "can't shut up" camp, doesn't it, in substance if not in style

there might be seventy lurkers reading that, though

Serial Killers prefer blogging.

"chatty, remorseless men" does sound like a profile of yr average anonymous newspaper-site commenter

Both are frequently just people who miss the social cues to behave otherwise, right? In case of shyness I guess it's not so much "miss" as "feel unable to respond to." Whereas people who can't shut up usu either miss or ignore the silence, strained looks, or conversational exit-ramps of those around them.

Serial Killers prefer blogging.

this post is parlayable into a book deal imo

If you are of the breed that never shuts up, you had better be damned entertaining IMO

most of the times they are just shy

really don't like that word, or the implied judgment, that i want to or could blossom into a regular garrulous party animal, that that's the best way to be.

(not that yr necessarily making that implication, z. but that's what i read into it and that's what lots of people think.)

"chatty, remorseless men" does sound like a profile of yr average anonymous newspaper-site commenter

and like an unused lyric from something off of Paris 1919

I was going to say The National.

i was gonna say 'parklife'

conversational exit-ramps

i worked with one woman who would literally keep talking to the back of your head once you completely turned around and were no longer looking, nodding at or in any way acknowledging her presence. sometimes i'd make a phone call just to get her to please shut up ... and then as soon as i hung up she'd pick up right where she left off.

xp i am not my sister publications's keeper

dammit wrong thread

i am not my sister publications's keeper

^^^ Bowie lyric circa Lodger, second side.

i think Bowie's cool, i think Lodger rules, my step dad's fool

most of the times they are just shy
really don't like that word, or the implied judgment, that i want to or could blossom into a regular garrulous party animal

(on the other hand, on the rare occasions I can think of a relevant anecdote, I like to spend a second or two mentally deciding on the best way to tell it, in which time one of those Won't Shut Up people has generally started a new conversation about something unrelated and it's too late)

i can talk and stuff but i'm no good at monologues and so with a quiet person i'm really bad as i am not good at being the conversation starter. people who don't shut up are easier to deal with but can often be v dull.

they should all just become more normal

more quite. less very

i am a person that cant shut up

xp to spacecadet, definitely with you on the second there. first one - well nice in theory but if these garrulous types start prodding you to make you 'come out of your shell' (another expression i hate) then that can be pretty awkward.

i like this article about shyness vs. introversion, i don't think it's as binary as he makes out, but still some good points in there:
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/

quite quiet people + people who can't quite shut up

If people at work are having a conversation and I'm kind of roped into it by proximity, my style is usually to listen in, seemingly aloof, and then throw in a joke. Somehow this has gained me the rep of a comic genius. My version of the quiet verse, loud chorus technique.

there is a kind of dialectical relationship between these two alleged 'types'

i find myself talking too much (and therefore about me and my opinions) if the other person is quiet/boring

If people at work are having a conversation and I'm kind of roped into it by proximity, my style is usually to listen in, seemingly aloof, and then throw in a joke. Somehow this has gained me the rep of a comic genius. My version of the quiet verse, loud chorus technique.

This is my ILX posting style in a nutshell. Without the "rep of a comic genius" part, of course.

i worked with one woman who would literally keep talking to the back of your head once you completely turned around and were no longer looking, nodding at or in any way acknowledging her presence. sometimes i'd make a phone call just to get her to please shut up ... and then as soon as i hung up she'd pick up right where she left off.

heh i more or less quit a job because of a similar situation

I once had a patient who talked non-stop for at least 11.75 hours out of a 12 hour shift. I didn't learn anything about her, her family, her interests, or her condition (just general mobility problems, nothing else to speak of.) It was just...just noise, a random series of sentences going straight from the brain to the mouth to fill up the day. And the TV was blasting a shopping channel non-stop the entire time. I was scheduled to go back there a couple of days later--I called my agency with a made-up excuse the next day and never went back there again.

was on holiday last week and one friend of a friend just would not shut up. it was like a constant barrage. shes quite nice, but she was obv uncomfortable with silence, whereas with me i need a bit of thinking time if i dont know someone that well otherwise i feel like im being talked at. with her i sense its a bit of an aggressively upbeat front, like she always has to be in control (i wont bore anyone with examples of this) but i found it a bit exhausting (never mind that i felt i never really learnt anything about her, cos she seems quite guarded - the torrent of chat seems to be a way to avoid revealing anything). not that im always ultra quiet or anything, but unless its people i know well, im more comfortable in a group situation where i know i can inject regular quips/one liners and look hilarious (as someone else said).

told myself the relentless chat was obv to combat nerves at being around such a handsome specimen but this may not be 100% correct

title fixed

I can go either way but tend to the chatty side, get very excitable. Sometimes in a busy social situation I hit hyperdrive, and it can take a while to readjust if there's a sudden downshift. Having some quiet peeps & some chatty ones in the same group is a small strain b/c I'm aware that I'm not tailoring my responses to what each party needs.

I'm the quiet type, and back when I had co-workers, got pretty good at using silence and a flat dead stare as surgical tools against jabberers.

^ born to mod

http://i238.photobucket.com/albums/ff220/dukefightmaster/stare.jpg

^ what the baby in who framed roger rabbit looks like now

If people at work are having a conversation and I'm kind of roped into it by proximity, my style is usually to listen in, seemingly aloof, and then throw in a joke. Somehow this has gained me the rep of a comic genius. My version of the quiet verse, loud chorus technique.

This is my ILX posting style in a nutshell. Without the "rep of a comic genius" part, of course.

― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Monday, 6 September 2010 14:00 (32 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

lol seconded

thinking about it it is kind of my irl style also, maybe save for a few sort of placeholder interjections a la Dudley Moore on the Derek & Clive records (again except not funny)

I am quiet AND actually quiet, in that my voice just doesn't carry in groups of say 6 or more people or at parties. So I've quite often made some brilliant zing with no response and then 10 seconds later someone else will say the EXACT SAME THING, loudly, and everyone laughs, high-fives, etc. I have in the past become paranoid that this is some horrible group dig at me and have kind of given up trying unless I happen to not mind looking like an idiot in that particular situation.

Don't buy that "secret introvert" bollocks tbh. You are what you do imo

Suspect I overplayed the universality of my experience somewhat, but, well, yeah.

underplayed it, ime

as in- yeah meeting work/new people- nobody ever wants to go intoa room with them and be sociable and i don't believe that it's a preferred or easy option for the majority of people.

If I am what I do, then I am both socially awkward and socially capable depending on venue.

Well yeah being stupidly hung up on the PoMo I wd say this is the human experience in general.

it's like being left alone with older relatives at a wedding

To repeat an earlier point, booze is fucking key here.

In them or in you, doesn't really matter tbh

The real skill is getting two quiet people to talk to one another, so you can scoot off to a different cluster and become a passenger in another conversation (until you get paired off with another quiet person). If you viewed it from above, in time lapse, weddings and work dos would look like Conway's Life.

or getting annoyed with the silences and moving on to the next group- brownedoffagain motion

Well, clicking is nice but it's not always all or nothing - e.g. if I'm in a conversation which is 70% clicking, that's a pretty unusually good ratio for me, but may well be an unusually awkward one for the other person - and these things are best shut out of yr mind or you freeze and it all falls apart, but sometimes they nag at you while you are stumbling through your "so, how've you been"s

xposts

usually using the "comedy grenade" style of conversational participation

good phrase, never heard it before, it's a favourite technique of mine too.

I am super quiet (although I have progressed from my late teens and early twenties when I pretty much couldn't speak to people at all), and have some super chatty friends who balance me out well. Unless there are lots of them around, in which case I'm reduced to observer, which I'm okay with anyway. The comment earlier about thinking of something relevant to pipe in with but then having the chatty folks run the conversation in another direction before you can find a gap strikes a mighty chord.

it's so lame just to go "oh i'm bad at making conversation" or "oh i'm just shy" and then just not even TRY to overcome it, when it's something that'll benefit you as much as anyone else. life is about self-improvement imo, not resigning yourself to shit that handicaps you. i used to be shy, it took lots of mental effort to change that, and my life is a lot, lot better now.

― لوووووووووووووووووووول (lex pretend), Tuesday, September 7, 2010 7:02 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

I agree with lex here, but definitely acknowledge that it is hard hard work, and it probably will get worse before it gets better. I feel I'm much better than I was 5 years ago, and part of that has to do with gaining more self esteem, but no way am I batting even .250 in all social situations. but I'm still trying.

i really meant that i don't mind quiet people, i like a lot of them a lot, and i love being alone in silence, the kind of people i'm complaining about are people who actively seek talkers out, and hang around them, and get them to provide the entertainment, and then bitch about them as if they're superior.

wait but if they don't speak how do they bitch?

Makaton

:)

it's so lame just to go "oh i'm bad at making conversation" or "oh i'm just shy" and then just not even TRY to overcome it, when it's something that'll benefit you as much as anyone else. life is about self-improvement imo, not resigning yourself to shit that handicaps you. i used to be shy, it took lots of mental effort to change that, and my life is a lot, lot better now.

I think that lots of people with social anxiety TRY to overcome it. Some do, some don't. I tried being a teacher for a few years and came away from each class a ball of insanity--and eventually realized that I was never going to get comfortable talking to people I didn't know. Self improvement is one thing, but beating your head against a wall because you think it will make you the way that other people want you to be is lame too. And it's gross that people expect you to do it.

the lovely Emma B says she likes me more in these situations which is a bit chastening.

Yowch! Likewise, my favorite Balkan thinks my idea of sociable chat is "superficial" -- I ignore this and chatter on anyway. I too hate the obligatory "How was yr weekend?" "Oh fine, we went to the shore and then hung up some wall shelves" etc etc that happens in the workplace on say Monday mornings, but he's talking about my own spirited chatter with friends about pop culture, media, stuff that is admittedly transitory.

Honestly I think there's a language barrier where people are shut out of the really quick back-and-forth and plays on words and references to pop kulcha things when a light convo is happening in not-their-language. And it's easier to be superior about this than just deal.

^ last paragraph all kinds of OTM nailed-it truth

you can generalise that further to just chats that one cannot participate in in whatever language. e.g. when folks talk about the childhood cartoons that they used to watch and if you spent your childhood in a different country with different cartoons.

you can appreciate how it must be a fun conversation to be in but you can also think whatevs this is so boring to me.

or back in computer science in uni when everyone else were talking about linux and while i can appreciate that open source or whatever is very exciting but like whatevs.

Don't mind people talking about stuff I'm not interested in if
1) There is somebody else I can talk to about stuff we are presumably both interested in
or
2) They don't mind if I can't contribute much and may not be able to follow or pay attention
or
3) They don't mind if I leave

What I DO mind is the Darwinian struggle to be the most positive that same PWCSU engage in
"This is the best steak ever!"
"This is the best salad ever!"
"I think this is the best lunch I ever ate!" etc.
Repeat at least three times daily indefinitely.

Coupla geezers I go to the pub with talk a lot about food (believe it or nay) - cooking it, eating it, buying it (LOL) - normally I just zone right out of those convos, they are fine with that

xp Yes to all three points in the first half!! Also I have learned a completely ridiculous amount of random stuff from conversations I wasn't originally interested in (and/or couldn't contribute to). Like the fact that Psysho was the first (American?) movie to show a toilet in it.

Psycho. Obv.

psysho bob

were you in stoke newington Tom?

... what, last night? Yes.

Like the fact that Psysho was the first (American?) movie to show a toilet in it.

Thread reqd?

Yes, Laurel, I completely agree about the learning of random stuff. That is why it is nice when there is some actual content to listen in on.

that thing common w/people who communicate best in writing, where you spend so much time overthinking the exact words to use when you want to say something that the moment usually passes

yeah this happens a lot to me and i was never sure if it was a common thing or not.

(xpost to self)
Otherwise it's like:
"This is the best glass of orange juice ever!"
(Is it really? Is it really the best glass of Tropicana ever? What makes it better than the glass you had yesterday? Are the glasses of Tropicana asymptotically approaching infinite perfection on a daily basis? OK, I'll stop)

it's the most annoying thing ever

oh it's the worst

best wurst ever

^ sort of conversation I hear between my two foodie friends

Thanks, Dadaismus, next time I am subject to such a conversation I'll imagine sitting in The Griffin having a pint.

And yes, what estela said, some people like to talk lots and are actually entertaining

There are certain people that I click with quickly and can bounce conversation off easily, but with most people I've just met I'm quite quiet just because I can't think of anything to say. When I started my previous job there was a communal kitchen area where people had lunch and obviously I didn't really know any of them, but apparently my style of not butting in to the general conversation when it had nothing to do with me and just eating my fucking lunch, maybe laughing at jokes or offering the odd conversational gem, was not appreciated by some. I was disappointed to find out that one of the people I'd considered the most lovely and non-judgmental had actually said I was an 'uptight bitch' for just 'sitting there listening'. I figure you just can't win so screw em.

i tend not to say much unless i am super comfortable. my roommate likes to talk--give updates--on everything she's thinking, feeling, etc. etc. it kind of becomes tiresome. my other sister and I call her "the weatherman"

I don't consider myself a quiet person, I'll talk a fair amount around friends and family. However, if I'm in a situation where I'm surrounded by strangers, I tend to hold back and get an idea of who people are before I jump in and converse. I've been this way since my family moved every few years when I was a kid and I would have to start at a new school each time. It was better to get an idea of what the environment was like and who people were before trying to make connections.

I'm not shy and I don't have a problem with talking to other people but if I'm in a group where there are talkative people who want to control the conversation, I'll let them do all the talking. I'm not really great at initiating topics of conversation so I'm happy to let someone else steer the discussion. Basically, I like talkative people who work to include other people in the conversation and are willing to listen when others are speaking, because they do the heavy lifting of the conversation and let me just jump in when I have something relevant to say. I don't like talkative people who just ramble about themselves over everyone else (I guess no one does).

I've been this way since my family moved every few years when I was a kid and I would have to start at a new school each time

opposite for me. turned from the quiet kid to the kid with the jokes as a result of having to make new friends every year or two.

i suspect people who throw "the creep card" around to describe quiet folks are the same lame-os who gossip/talk about shit they don't understand all the time anyway.

had to dump a cute girl once for calling my younger brother 'creepy' without ever having spoken a word to him (she'd been in his year at school for 18 months at thi stage). that's life.

I like talkative people who work to include other people in the conversation and are willing to listen when others are speaking, because they do the heavy lifting of the conversation and let me just jump in when I have something relevant to say.

This is kinda...lazy? Also as a talker I feel like, how thin is the line between doing enough "heavy lifting" for you and not doing too much? That's the area I worry about occupying, in a general way. But if the person who isn't doing the work gets to decide whether or not I'm doing the work CORRECTLY, that's a big drag.

I'm assuming that what Nick is talking about is a larger group of people who maybe don't really know each other too well and the person who does know everybody makes the effort to include everybody, but does so with a little finesse so you're not forced to contribute when you have nothing to say, but you are acknowledged when you do.

Does anyone realize that that is a lot of work, basically? That's like refereeing the whole shebang.

I mean I'd have to be sober to do that, and seriously forget that.

B-b-but some people feed on that and draw energy from it, like a hurricane feeds on warm water.

I mean I think I do a decent job at that kind of thing but there's always a point where I get tired/drunk/really excited about something and let the referring fall by the wayside. C'mon, if you can't hold up your own end by midnight or so AND you're not happy with the results (ie you don't like your role in the group but you haven't done anything to change it), no amount of booze is going to help you and it's time to go home.

Of course all the people that I know and love in real life are exempt from this judgment because um I like them. The judginess is more of a hypothetical thing, really.

I think a little goes a long way with the referring, so it's fine if you let it fall by the wayside after a little bit.