The Apprentice UK 2010

So the candidate profiles are up on the BBC. I've just read the profile for Alex, 26, who claims to have invented the concept of the bendy bus (um, Alex, mate, I was on a bendy bus before you were even born, so no). I haven't read any further because I don't have a brick wall handy to hit my head off.

Karren Brady is the new Margaret Mountford, and Dara O'Briain is the new Adrian Chiles. Let the hilarity commence.

Karren Brady did it last year, but yes.

Blimey, there's tons of them!

Did she? I had it in my head she'd just done the baby one, which doesn't really count.

xpost

Oh, maybe so. It just seems a looooong time ago.

Actually, I thought the 'baby' one was miles better:

1) They are young, and supposed to be. The 'grown-up' edition seems to not much consider any applicants beyond 35.

2) The idea that AlSug "knows all" and the apprentices "know nowt" is more acceptable towards schoolkids. Any time a 'grown' apprentice is right and AlSug is proved wrong seems to get glossed over.

Raleigh Addington's mug shot!

Last year's does seem so very far away. It was last year that Yazmina won, right? Has Kate Walsh really only been on telly for less than a year? For some reason my TV defaults to Five when I switch it on, and her inane grin is always bloody there when I put the telly on.

xposts, I agree about the baby one, really, I don't even pretend this is even about business any more, it's just hyuking at stupid people (including - in fact, ESPECIALLY - SrAlan) while pretending not to be pissed off that they earn like 20x my salary. Except the one random non-business-minded one who is always 10000x more sensible than the self-styled captains of industry that they usually find.

Just looking at these profile pics makes me giggle.

Stuart Baggs has a quality serious face.

We met Kate and Phil at Tibsheld services. Funny, a number of people were sort of 'orbiting' their table until one old lady came up and basically asked "Hello, I recognise you but I don't know where from.." Phil says "Um, The Apprentice?" to which she says "nooh..."

It doesn't help that half of these photos look like E-fits.

Laura and Raleigh look like a low rent Sapphire & Steel.

Last year's does seem so very far away.

This year's series got delayed because of the General Election. Last year's actually ended at the beginning of June, so Kate etc. have been on TV for about 18 months.

Stuart Baggs has a quality serious face.

He looks like a schoolboy, in fact I imagine that he's wearing shorts in that picture.

Ha, i was just checking that page out and coming here to post, "Jesus, would you look at this little lot"

Raleigh Addington's mug shot!

Raleigh Addington's name!

Oh yeah, I forgot about the delay, that makes sense, thanks. I really had to struggle to think about last year's (but then it all came flooding back once I started thinking about it and, bar anything involving James, I think I'd rather it had stayed repressed).

"Stella English"

Alex Epstein

Age: 26

... y' what?

properly lolling at stuart baggley, the guy has hair like a conker shell

http://i2.cdnds.net/10/39/550w_reality_tv_the_apprentive_2010_candidates_stuart_baggs.jpg

and oh yeah, some MAJOR porkies being told about age by plenty of these

bulldogchewingonwasp.gif

These are people who are happy to spend virtually all their time in cheap viscose trousers, man and woman alike. RUN.

• Alex Epstein - 'Credits himself with originally conceiving the bendy bus' - poor bullshitting skills, will get fired early. 'Describes himself as "unconventional"' - yeah, definitely an early bath.
• Chris Bates - 'Passionate about rugby, Gordon Ramsay and money-making', Investment Banker from Surrey, says it all really. 'Considers intelligence to be his biggest strength' - well holy shit it's better than being thick...
• Christopher Farrell, Mortgage Broker. I'm getting a real Sophecles/Ben vibe.
• Dan Harris - 'The budding entrepreneur was once an extra in the hit movie Saving Private Ryan'
• Jamie Lester, Overseas Property Developer
• Joanna Riley- 'Describes herself as "honest, direct and funny"' - AlSug will not like here then.
• Joy Stefanicki, Marketing and PR Director, I predict that she will not know the first thing about marketing and will come badly unstuck in the first marketing centred task.
• Laura Moore, Business Development Manager - so many of the contestants this year have titles that just mean nothing...
• Liz Locke, Investment Banker
• Melissa Cohen, 'Inspired by entrepreneur Sir Richard Branson' - that will go down well with AlSug. Looks like she has the same hairdresser as one of the groups on X Factor and/or Sigue Sigue Sputnik.
• Paloma Vivanco, Senior Marketing Manager
• Raleigh Addington - 'Coached tennis after graduating with a degree in Economics and Politics'
• Sandeesh Samra, Recruitment Consultant (boo hiss!)
• Shibby Robati - 'Believes that knowing his own weaknesses is his greatest strength. Surgeon and Business Owner. Claims to be a handy impressionist and comedian' - yes he'll have everyone in stitches!
• Stella English - 'Left school with no qualifications, but flourished in a Japanese bank. Inspired by Bill Gates and Steve Jobs.'
• Stuart Baggs - 'The Apprentice's youngest ever candidate used to sell yo-yos in his playground'

Baggs ftw

Hang on, only three of them are 30 or over?

Aye, right

Exactly.

The audition videos are, er, quite something...

• Alex Epstein - lying middle manager
• Chris Bates - overbearing arrogant wanker
• Christopher Farrell - I'll take back the Soph/Ben comparison, this is contender #1
• Dan Harris - "I get people to like me"
• Jamie Lester - good unintentional comedy potential
• Joanna Riley - 'I'm a bit foot and mouth'
• Joy Stefanicki - reminds me of Lorraine from last year
• Laura Moore - here's your aggro hyper critical candidate
• Liz Locke - backstabber
• Melissa Cohen - "I could sell anything to anyone" er, NO... "It's all psychology" er, NO...
• Paloma Vivanco - will stab people from the front
• Raleigh Addington - "people compare me to Boris Johnson", bumbling fool/twat/a nob in more ways than one
• Sandeesh Samra - contender #2, as long as she's not one of the legion of recruitment consultants who seem to be incapable of anything
• Shibby Robati - "trauma surgeon from Guildford"
• Stella English - "completely unpredictable crazy risk taker"
• Stuart Baggs - "people like me intimidate me" er, so you intimidate yourself? "I'm alive. There are so many people who aren't alive, who have died, unfortunately."

I'm just home from work, once I'm finished hooting at the people on Comed Dine With Me, Apprentice auditions are go.

one of the contestants has the same name as my partner, all set for some childish lols chez NI

Please tell me your partner is called Raleigh Addington.

haha if only

We've just got round to watching them.

"I'm alive. There are so many people who aren't alive, who have died, unfortunately."

Actual real lolz. We love him. He'll lose, badly, but bring the giggles. My other half is patenting Stuart "Baw"Baggs as a nickname, btw. Raleigh is every bit as awesomely bad as you would expect. I think I'm calling Christopher or Shibby as the winner (though we liked Joanna a lot, and think SrAlan will too). I hate Stella already.

* Alex Epstein - Full of shit. Will get to the last 4 through a Badger Effect scenario and pleading "but I really want it much more than them" repeatedly.
* Chris Bates - Will miss something basic on his only PM task and get nominated by everyone on his team.
* Christopher Farrell - Will be asked if he's so driven, why he left the Army and what motivated him to do so. Will do a goldfish impression and fall on his sword before Sralan says YF.
* Dan Harris - Semi-finalist. Will be found out at the last interview stage, like James should have been.
* Jamie Lester - what does property development have to do with business? Will PM well but rub his team up in the process and come a cropper.
* Joanna Riley- Could walk when she sees what kind of cunt's bazaar she's volunteered for.
* Joy Stefanicki - Sralan will HATE her and play the "oh, so now the economy's fucked you've come back to sponge of the state" card at every opportunity. Expect "kick off your shoes" hilarity if she stays in.
* Laura Moore - wanted to be a pilot or astronaut, and has worked abroad in two countries. And is 22. Hadn't Anita Roddick been exposed as an exploitative cow who had made up all the ethical bollocks to sell product by 1988 i.e. when she was born? (Panorama? Something on C4?)
* Liz Locke - Michelle-style winner.
* Melissa Cohen - will go a long way playing the Jew card. Although selling Jewish stuff to a company with Cohen in its name is kind of shooting fish in a barrel.
* Paloma Vivanco - will play the sexy card. Will fail because Karren takes offence at her.
* Raleigh Addington - token posho you're supposed to hate. Will do at least as well as Rafe and may have a more successful post-Apprentice career.
* Sandeesh Samra - will lurk in the background and nobody will remember anything she's done when she's fired.
* Shibby Robati - Thinks he's this year's Philip. May be this year's Tim.
* Stella English - fails because she isn't a single mother.
* Stuart Baggs - fails because he's a prick.

Do none of them have proper jobs this year?

Apprentice man Christopher Farrell in fraud probe

On BBC1 now...

It's a bit depressing - too many tosssers.

The PM on the boy's team is the worst. The sausages they're making look terrible as well.

Who is the first to go?

argh this show drives me nuts. the idea that this is how 'driven' people behave is just http://hubcap.clemson.edu/~sparks/sfhorror/eyeroll.gifhttp://hubcap.clemson.edu/~sparks/sfhorror/eyeroll.gif to me

The boy's team is called 'Synergy' FFS...

(x-post)

I thought for a moment you were pointing out the ridiculous enhanced blue eyes in the photography.

this is cringeable

Stuart hasn't packed his bag. Quality.

He must be the one to go then?

stuart has TINY ears

and a TINY brain, obv.

omg banish all of these people to the depths of hell

Stuart is going to go simply because he can't keep his mouth shut.

He at least has a tagline, which is maybe one point over Stella.

haha, and he's taking over the world of pomegranates. I've been backing Stella all the way through, but he's done not bad here.

"we've made it exciting"

Stella, I struggle to believe you could make anything exciting, even shagging you.

'urbon' looks even worse in print than said out loud.

especially shagging you

I loved how in her her advert the women had heard of it but the men had no idea what was going on, despite the fact it was supposed to be for everyone. Where's your advertising demographic then, Heat?

"you" generic obv

Stella's not really arguing her case very well here.

Shibby: "The first taste of a drink is with the eye" ah, stick to sewing people up mate...

No clear winner from this, so it's gotta be stella surely

All AlSug's mates thought "urbon" was dead clever.

Well they're twunts then.

shockah

Cor, though it was going to be another dull bloke wins over efficient woman type final there for a bit.

Instead it's dull woman wins over efficient bloke then?

Chris is efficient too. Dull, but efficient.

Aye. Variety!

I mean AlSug even called her dull during the series and short of singing knees up mother brown she did nothing to contradict that.

I liked her eyerolling in the presence of stupidity. Not v. exciting, I know, but it is nice to have someone who recognises stupidity.

Chris appears to have developed some personality since the show was filmed and this week when they filmed You're Fired.

He's had nearly a year!

Karren's best bits of the series seem to be looking confused.

Nick's mostly seem to be 'noxious odour' face

The bloke sitting in front of Alex in the audience is really familiar looking, but I don't know where from. This is really annoying me.

Oh, it was Tim from Junior Apprentice. Thanks, internet!

The noises made there of her being fun sounded and looked like an animated corpse.

Some real Derren Brown shit going down on this episode - as they were leaving the house on one of the days, there was a huge truck with 'PRISM' on the side of it quite clearly in the background.

Even though Liz did the "pink" liquid, Chris didn't call her out in the boardroom about it, and assumed the responsibility about it. Which is what managers are supposed to do.

Stella was still in the "It wasn't me it was them" mode.

But she must have been so far ahead, her closing "you should hire me" speech came close to blowing it...

rapey shibby bringing the "ahh so you spit rather than swallow" lines when liz was testing out whiskey samples. the good old revolting slimeball.

most depressing moment of the entire series: shuggy saying that weak-as-fuck line about drinking through his eyeballs and the contestants *roaring* with laughter, looking at each other all "did you HEAR that?! hahaha must catch my breath oh my god what LEDGE". bunch of lickspittle toads.

chris's problem is that his tagline means fuck all, something about "..because we all have three sides" or whatever. complete toss - clear case of having a slogan for the sake of having one, not one that means anything or resonates with his product/audience. plus he always goes way beyond an advertising spiel and tries to make out that his idea HAS CHANGED THE WORLD, that he has invented this fashionable/stylish drink that has struck a chord with 20somethings *before it has even launched*. should instantly set anyone's bullshit detector off. whereas stella talks to people like they're idiot children, all... slow... and... patronising. we saw a rotten side to her in that final boardroom scene too, sniggering and rolling her eyes while chris was speaking then getting all underhand and saying chris didn't have the passion. lousy tactics.

pretty boring final really. obvious who was going to win, criminal they didn't bring back lolbags for it. mild amusement from watching paloma seething through every scene - kinda rightfully too, she was definitely finalist-worthy before her innate nastiness scuppered her.

but yeah, great series, so-so winner, zzz final.

And the series was so delayed from filming to broadcast, the contestants had to be re reminded what they'd said/done, and the hairstyle they had at the time.

"LOL who is that idiot completely lacking in business sense?! Oh it's me... Well, I was younger then."

http://www.crashonline.org.uk/47/images/sugar.jpg

Lord Sugar: "Your task this week was to come up with an innovative new consumer electronics product. What you've done is place one cheap crappy VCR on top of another."

Alan Sugar: "b..b..but it was the only idea we came up with in our brainstorming session unruly group argument! There's nothing like it on the market!"

Lord Sugar: "It's a bloody shambles! It looks like it's been put together by a bunch of loonies! Tell me, what made you think (pause) that anyone would want to buy this?!"

Alan Sugar: "Because people want to video the match and the soap at the same time as watching, er, a third programme! There's always a market for shoddily constructed bargain price garbage!"

Nick Hewer: "Tell us about Pantsman the Amstrad PCW." (squinty ice burn look)

Karren Brady: (momentarily stops looking bored and disinterested) "The disks aren't even square, never mind floppy!" (goes back to looking bored and disinterested)

Lord Sugar: "Next week's task is to come up with an innovative and exciting new games console. I suppose that you're just going to put an Amstrad 464 in a different box?"

Alan Sugar: "Er..."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-kent-24276627

She said that despite owning three properties, she had been forced to apply for housing benefit and is also considering applying for jobseekers allowance. She told the panel: "I do not know how I am going to feed my kids, never mind the mortgages."

hard to have any sympathy for someone moaning about how to pay their mortgages (quick tip, sell two), but a blow against sugar is still something to be celebrated

Baggs is on this week's Come Dine With Me.

Baggs is dead :/

http://www.standard.co.uk/news/celebritynews/apprentice-star-stuart-the-brand-baggs-dies-aged-27-10427402.html

Just coming here to post that :-(

cobain, hendrix, morrison, joplin, winehouse, baggs

Wasn't he on as an expert interviewer, last series?

No, that was Ricky Martin.

sad that a guy died but it's bizarre that the death of someone who came in 5th in a reality show half a decade ago is headline news on the bbc and all major uk media

since I heard about this I've been running through other Apprentice contestants in my mind, trying to determine if their death would merit anything other than a 'news in brief' item (if that)

Baggs surely one of the top 10 most memorable contestants, though? more memorable than several of the winners, at least, no one was asking Simon Ambrose to appear on Come Dine With Me.

Baggs appeared as a contestant on Channel 4's Celebrity Five Go To in May 2011.[25] He also appeared on Pointless Celebrities with fellow ex-Apprentice contestant Joanna Riley in July 2011. Whilst on the show, he claimed to have tried a food called Panayiotou, when in actuality, it was George Michael's surname. He was a regular panelist/reporter for Big Brother's Bit On The Side from August 2011. In February 2013 he appeared on The Sarah Millican Television Programme and said that The Apprentice had "made him the most unemployable person in the country.[26] Since his time on the show, Baggs has been openly critical of the show on his Twitter feed. In November 2014 he appeared as a contestant on Come Dine With Me in the Isle of Man. According to Isle of Man Today, Baggs thought being on the show was "great fun" but admitted that he is "a terrible cook".[27]

Yeah, he's maintained a fair media presence since. Bear in mind that Jade Goody only came 4th in her series of Big Brother, and it's not really so much where you came as what you did after it.

i didn't know about any of those shows. still, they're not really *that* high profile are they? find it baffling that the daily mail etc are calling it a 'tragedy'. oh yeah and i thought the guy was a prick on the apprentice, so that might be skewing my opinion

i thought the guy was a prick on the apprentice

Par for the course surely?

The Daily Mail think Abbey Clancy breaking a fingernail is a tragedy, so I wouldn't be using them as a barometer of how people feel about this.

with regret, you're expired

breakfasts were sodden with tears this morning as news broke of the deadening of one-time apprentice failure stuart 'the brand' baggs.

body baggs

it has been a difficult summer for the business cadaver. having lived on the isle of man til death did him part earlier this midweek, baggs had been trying to promote the launch of his company "blue wave communications" new home hub. he told afterlife reporters at a seance this afternoon - 'it's going to be a proper challenge getting word out about my super fast broadband from beyond the grave.' 'more like blue lipped communications' quipped the entrepreneurial spectre.

baggsy i get to die

finishing in a disappointing 'not hired' in the apprentice a few years ago, stuart remains the youngest ever plymouth-born contestant to have died in douglas in the last 72 hours.

everything i touch urns to sold

whether flogging jellied eels in london or not being a ten trick pony in london, baggs retained a sense of humour about his approach to business. it is this approach to life that he hopes will stand him in good stead in the nether realms of eternal nothingness for ever and ever. 'i'm the first to put my hands up and say this isn't what i wanted from the new launch, but i'll do my best to turn it around to my advantage'. 'i/m certainly in high spirits' he joked, winking into the ouija board.