feigned helplessness

this is horrible manipulative behavior. just stop it. you're an adult.

I apologize elmo but I couldn't help myself

you might say you were helpless

alternately: welcome to the world of customer service

no seriously I really can't get up if I'm lying on my back

halp

i am not going to send you a prepaid return shipping envelope. you can get to the post office and mail your shit back like a grown-up person.

You want to cook without my interference, because I always butt in? No problem, I'll just go lie down for a while...

...what? WHAT?? I CAN'T HEAR YOU WITH THE DOOR SHUT... The cutting board? It's on the counter, where it always is. Yes, it is. YES, I'm sure, I just PUT IT THERE. No I don't know what knife you should use -- what are you cutting?? Could you not use the clean towel as a...never mind, just put it in the laundry. The laundry. You know, that thing in the closet--give it to me. The potatoes are in the bottom drawer, where they always are. The drawer. In the fridge? You know, that thing that's really cold...yes. ... I...am? Do you NEED me to peel the potatoes? I thought...forgive me, but I thought you were making dinner...yes, I knew that was the wrong thing to say as soon as I said it....

you can't walk over to my apartment? you need me to pick you up because your doctor told you to avoid undue strain on your injured knee? is that why you stayed up until 2AM last night dancing?

Said in Joe Pesci Goodfellas style, I assume.

Laurel to thr ... oh wait.

"i'm sorry, i do have the sense of humor of a seven-year-old"

-- rachel maddow, all the time

"why voters would act against their own economic self-interest i have no idea"

-- liberal bloggers, all the time

You know, it's not wrong to say, "I feel really out of my element, can you help me until I get used to this? In return I commit to actually learning something so next time (or soon) I will be less helpless."

This lazy shit like elmo is saying, that is just...are you 6? Should I also pour your juice?

laurel's first post = why i don't cook ever

because you don't know where anything is?

You want to cook without my interference, because I always butt in? No problem, I'll just go lie down for a while...

...what? WHAT?? I CAN'T HEAR YOU WITH THE DOOR SHUT... The cutting board? It's on the counter, where it always is. Yes, it is. YES, I'm sure, I just PUT IT THERE. No I don't know what knife you should use -- what are you cutting?? Could you not use the clean towel as a...never mind, just put it in the laundry. The laundry. You know, that thing in the closet--give it to me. The potatoes are in the bottom drawer, where they always are. The drawer. In the fridge? You know, that thing that's really cold...yes. ... I...am? Do you NEED me to peel the potatoes? I thought...forgive me, but I thought you were making dinner...yes, I knew that was the wrong thing to say as soon as I said it....

― I've got ten bucks. SURPRISE ME. (Laurel), Wednesday, September 29, 2010 11:00 AM Bookmark

This is like that early episode of the Simpsons. "MOM IT'S BROKEN MOM IT'S BROKEN!"

One that particularly annoys me these days is "Where is it? How do I get there?" by someone who has immediate internet access at that moment (I mean assuming it's not, like, a place where I myself can immediately give perfect directions off the top of my head, like my own apartment).

^^^came to post that

in my family this was always about tediously acting out the latest emotional scorecards.

never again.

if i act helpless and dumb, that will make me feel better about the monster that i am and allow me to maintain my control of the situation.

One that particularly annoys me these days is "Where is it? How do I get there?" by someone who has immediate internet access at that moment (I mean assuming it's not, like, a place where I myself can immediately give perfect directions off the top of my head, like my own apartment).

OHHH yeah, one former friend could be ON GCHAT with me all day long, but let me mention the name of any bar, restaurant, club, museum, in a chat and she would ask me, where is it?, how do I get there?, what train line is that on? etc. LOOK IT THE CHEESE UP.

There's always a passive agressive undertone to this, isn't there? "I'm annoyed that I actually have to do something for you" or even "for myself."

word. i will stop someone from giving me directions and just ask for the address cuz i trust google way more than "it's down by x between blah blah and blah blah" x-post

She also used to ask her best friend to dedicate whole days at a time to helping the Helpless do laundry. Apparently the prospect of actual work was enough to send her into a tailspin that only 1oo% devoted nursing and coddling by another person who might have had other things to do that day, could strengthen her enough to pick herself up and wash some shirts and towels.

That doesn't even parse and I'm sorry about that but really I just

yeah. i can see it being just plain lazy/oblivious too. but in my experience it's mostly about attention-whoring and passive aggressive control. xxpost

A customer today had Special Problems with a jigsaw puzzle.
<q>its the tigers face by educa. been working with it for several weeks. I find the pieces get stuck to my body and get misplaced. im half done and missing so many pieces. tey stick to me took baths with me Even the smallest amount of water and the color dissolves, what should I do ? </q>

I...I just don't even know where to start here.

well there is feigned helpless then there is helpless

Does this customer do jigsaw puzzles naked or something?

One that particularly annoys me these days is "Where is it? How do I get there?" by someone who has immediate internet access at that moment (I mean assuming it's not, like, a place where I myself can immediately give perfect directions off the top of my head, like my own apartment).

I am pretty guilty of doing this as a kind of elaborate unstated lie when I actually have no intention of acting on the other person's suggestion? Like, really, you're right, I should get some new shoes? Where would you recommend? How do I get there?

Does this customer do jigsaw puzzles naked or something?

Wouldn't surprise me. One thing I have learned from this job is that some weird fucking people do jigsaw puzzles.

Wait, TT, do you work on a helpline for jigsaw puzzles? My mom has been trying to get me to "help out" with some jigsaw she's doing of a horse, that I've never seen before, over the phone.

that one piece goes on the square side

My mom has been trying to get me to "help out" with some jigsaw she's doing of a horse, that I've never seen before, over the phone.

But is she naked?

tbh on days when they have nothing to do, both my parents just sit around the house in their Mormon "garments."

"honey would you get me another shasta"

there's the kind of feigned helplessness where you're so used to not knowing how to do something that you will never ever give it a shot because you "can't" do it. sadly a lot of women have been socialized like this where it comes to tasks that are associated with men. it's really liberating to get past those stereotypes and learn what kind of power you have.

"learned helplessness" is definitely something that happens -- and that i definitely struggle with in the areas of my life where I have had the most coddling -- but that is completely different from knowing that you CAN do it, but would prefer someone else to do it for you

both my parents just sit around the house in their Mormon "garments."

The second I made that lame joke, it occurred to me that your mom is probably never naked naked.

If anyone's parents were druids, then they'd be skyclad and doing jigsaws.

i do wonder how much of "learned helplessness" comes from "feigned helplessness" -- not being helpless would change your world/life/social standing so much that you'd just rather not bother.

abridged email exchange with a customer today:

customer: do you sell blank t-shirts? [email was submitted via website contact form]
me: nope, sorry!
customer: what do you sell?
me: you can view our website [link to website, DUH]
customer: how much do these shirts cost? [lists 20 shirts]
me: price depends on size, here's how to view the pricing info [explains this]
customer: i want them all in XXL, what is the total cost?
me: i can't do this, place an order by phone or stfu [i did not write this]

jesus h. ughhhhhh

do you sell blank t-shirts?

only for you, goole

abridged email exchange with a customer today:

I've dealt with a couple of advertisers who needed this much handholding -- weirdly, one of them combined it with macho type-A aggression. It was like he demanded coddling to see if he could get away with it. The other one was just functionally illiterate. (Utah sheep ranchers lol)

thank god i have been looking everywhere for some

Elmo, I think what you are describing is probably more like a combination of stupidity with regard to the Internet and an inflated sense of entitlement as a customer.

Dear (non)valued cutomer,

It may not have occurred to you but this is a business venture. From our wares to our wages everything has to be part of making a profit for providing a good or service. Unfortunately, you fall into an undesired tranche of potential customers who are more trouble than you are worth in profits. You are essentially too stupid or pathetic to meet our criteria for being a customer

We look forward to never speaking to you again and not meeting any of your needs. We offer no thanks for the interest you have taken in us and we wish a nice day.

Yours sincerely

It's a rare and valuable business that's willing to write that letter, in my experience.

*copy, paste into email template*

My gf has literally had convos w/her boss about 'firing' clients who are not worth it to free up work hours to use on better clients.

Tbf to your customer, elmo, and I find this a lot w/a certain kind of elderly person, I'm inclined to think that s/he's lonely and wants someone to talk to and who will make a gesture of kindness.

Tbf to your customer, elmo, and I find this a lot w/a certain kind of elderly person, I'm inclined to think that s/he's lonely and wants someone to talk to

my mother isn't elderly, but she's turning into this person. i cannot get her off the phone and i feel awful whenever i try to, because she's an empty-nester in her mid-sixties and i'm just a twitter-using thirtysomething punkass who's all into "brevity." ugh, i suck.

Mom, I have blowjobs to go get!

No, but seriously, loneliness is really bad for the human psyche. People need to get out and fraternize and TV just won't do it (says the guy posting on an internet forum).

word. i will stop someone from giving me directions and just ask for the address cuz i trust google way more than "it's down by x between blah blah and blah blah" x-post