"My mom thinks I'm cool" - the lamest boasts you've ever heard

I love these, you know, like " I had my first beer when I was NINE"

"I don't know how someone who hasn't ever leveled past 18 can even talk"

Way back in 1987...

dork: "snoball, I hear your parents have just bought a microwave."
snoball: "Er, yeah."
dork: "How powerful is it? How many watts does it have?"
snoball: "Well I think it's 650 watts."
dork: "Pah! My parent's microwave has 750 watts! Seven. Hundred. And. Fifty. You're pathetic!"

"I drive better when I'm drunk"

Haha, I had an argument with a friend recently about microwaves, it was all about who could prove that they use their microwave less. It was basically just a guy dick-waving thing, with microwaves as a mere pretext.

boasting about how much you are able to drink and/or eat

why am I supposed to be impressed that you can drink 20 beers in one evening?

(have not heard this kind of boasting since I finished school though)

Way back in 1987...

dork: "snoball, I hear your parents have just bought a microwave."
snoball: "Er, yeah."
dork: "How powerful is it? How many /watts/ does it have?"
snoball: "Well I think it's 650 watts."
dork: "Pah! My parent's microwave has 750 watts! Seven. Hundred. And. Fifty. You're pathetic!"

Waht

person one: goole i like those pants you've got on
goole: thx
person two: [semi joking] yes you are always so well put together, excellent dress and comportment
goole: [also joking] thanks, i try to read all the men's magazines, check it, [made-up fashion tip about pants fitting correctly in the seat or something]
dude: YEAH, uh, i don't even READ men's magazines

Boasting about all the inventive loopholes you've found to get out of your second DUI.

boasting about all the drugs you've done

Same lunatic former co-worker:

"My family has owned like thirty cars. Look I have a powerpoint presentation with all of them."
"Yeah I actually operated on my grandmother. Well okay I didn't literally operate on her... but I was in the room when she was being operated on and I held the scalpel."

boasting about how much you are able to drink and/or eat

why am I supposed to be impressed that you can drink 20 beers in one evening?

(have not heard this kind of boasting since I finished school though)

Ugh, I worked with a grown man (with wife and kids) who did this. With the eating AND the beer drinking. It was just about all he would talk about.

lol @ alex scalpel

guys, i don't even own a microwave

^^^^^right there w/you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mldDHI9l1v8

>"My family has owned like thirty cars. Look I have a powerpoint presentation with all of them."

Years ago, I had a colleague who was like this about his own car collection: problem was he owned three cars, inexplicably since he was a 22 year old single guy, and they were a diesel Audi, a Nissan of some kind and a Corsa. His other main bragging rights related to his classic watch collection, which included a crummy looking Rolex and some QVC "RRP £1000, we sell for £150" Patek Iglesias style tat.

this kid in elementary school once bragged that his glasses were thicker than mine.

it's no wonder that kid got picked on royally.

matriculating at an ivy, particularly if its brown, pfft brown whatever

no wait saying 'i couldve got into harvard if..." thats much lamer

SAT scores. is there anything less impressive these days? Besides I work with total dumbshits that got great scores on them.

braggin abt how yr friend knows a famous person

"I drive better when I'm drunk"

― Darin, Wednesday, September 29, 2010 6:05 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Who says this,a nd how can I avoid them, pls

xpost uh oh hope a certain someone doesn't read this thread

braggin abt getting a bj, i mean did u get LAID or what man DID U

bragging about who got Super Mario 3 first.

braggin abt how many frequent flyer miles u hav, i have more

braggin abt how long u waited in line for yr new iphone, dude its an IPHONE, give me that

braggin abt yr stock market acumen, the stock market, for sure

bragging about farts

haha ice cr?m is funny

braggin abt being good at dancing, oh yeah, watch this

braggin abt how yr city has good public transpo, i bet you dug those tunnels yrself smug guy

braggin abt taking the bus everyday, you take the bus everyday

braggin abt not having a tv, tv is amazing, you are way out of touch

oh u cooked this amazing meal last night, have me over for dinner then and I'll see

your sunglasses are expensive, great

braggin abt japanese raw denim, sir you cannot be serious

you work so hard, you didn't even sleep, ok you're better than me, you'll go far

you beat mortal kombat? ya but it was on 'easy'

braggin abt limited edition anything, its called marketing and you are not a genius

wow you've been to a lot of countries

you have a bicycle? yea you probably stole it...

braggin abt smoking tons weed, this one speaks for itself

lol @ digging tunnels yrself

you bought a ton of something and sold it for ten times the price on Ebay, you know how to make money

braggin abt getting blackout drunk, hint you blacked out because you were embarrassing yrself

i fuck more girls and take more drugs than you
― charltonlido (gareth), Friday, June 17, 2005 5:50 AM (5 years ago) Bookmark

With love, Gareth. Always with love!

are there any cool boasts? prob not

aw that's a classic boast it testifies to my awesome research skills and my practical environmental approach

you were on tv, at a sporting event, in a crowd, for 7 seconds

― tangelo amour (elmo argonaut), Thursday, 30 September 2010 15:01 (31 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Ha, a mate of mine was on TV, at a snooker event first row, for 14 hours!

You were on live radio? Oh that was because THERE WAS A QUIZ AND YOU PHONED IN.

you broke a board in karate? awesome, considering IRL humans aren't made of wood and have the ability to move and hit back.

you're pregnant? congratulations.

youre a street artist, watch me guess 'b&w stencils' while yawning extravagantly

you saw a cloud that looked just like a what, you are very immature for an adult

the criterion edition is better *mental note*

haha

you just got done playing an awesome metal show

You have a superhumanly keen sense of smell? sucks for you i just farted.

You have a perfect sense of direction? so you shouldn't have any trouble finding your way out of my face

You have (celebrity's) autograph? Yea so does the DMV.

so that's what your desktop looks like

http://i.imgur.com/kML1D.jpg

You go to the Farmer's Market

you have unreleased ultrasound songs that you stole off a computer

You have a perfect sense of direction? so you shouldn't have any trouble finding your way out of my face

LOLing at this.

I once started this thread where other people made really cool posts.

A+++ thread by the way.

Someone asked me at work today why I was moistening a paper towel and I told them it was to cover my corn muffin so it doesn't dry out while I microwave it. I ended by saying, "I'm really good at microwaving things."

Wtf stupid kind of thing is that to say?
I'm really good at microwaving things.

are you sure the moistening trick works? this sounds like a mythbusters experiment.

Classic I carried a watermelon moment Abs.

microwaving things to a high level of competency could be an underrated talent imo

maximizing popcorn poppage/minimizing burn is probably harder to master than sous vide, no lie.

You don't need Adam & Jamie to do this, you just need two corn muffins, one moistened paper towel, and a microwave.

I do the same thing with flour tortillas sometimes. Works.

so you read your meter and the elec company gave you a refund? great wheeling and dealing dude, lehman brothers will be in touch

- special merit awards to m bison, Robert Spiralli, max, adamrl, remy bean
- certificate of superior distinction to ic3 cr4m!!

your kid used a large word yesterday, congratulations he must be a genius

you're so busy these days? a pity, i'm listening to records and making out with my girlfriend

you're listening to records and making out with your girlfriend? congrats i'm actually doing something with my life

he got down on one knee in front of the eiffel tower, no that's really cool, sure

I don't remember ever posting to this thread or that soulja boy DN

am reminded tho that ice cram lagoon is the lols capt of this ship

not that I ever 4get

no you're right, that IS a great lamp

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v134/tracerhand/hiuh.gif

i just read through this whole thread and now i'm hesitant to ever say anything about anything i've ever done.

inc. saying that i just read through this whole thread.

great use of your time bro

In awe of ice cr?m.

i just read through this whole thread and now i'm hesitant to ever say anything about anything i've ever done.

― shart practice (Merdeyeux), Friday, 24 February 2012 14:00 (4 months ago) Bookmark

ooh you just read this whole thread

ooh you just commented on someone saying that they read this whole thread...

I live in the Eastern time zone, a full THREE HOURS ahead of you lame-os on the West Coast!

editor @ work who told another co-worker, "my buddy had a bachelor party and he had a dozen hookers brought in, and let me tell you...i tried EVERY SINGLE ONE."

later was fired for generally being a douche and also watched porn when he was supposed to be editing.

ppl who are desperate & insecure enough to actually refer to their own IQ number in conversation.

you fell from a balloon, congrats on having mass

whoa, you VOTED for the people's choice awards?

http://i.imgur.com/Qiu8BcR.png