Are you annoying? Do you enjoy being annoying?

Last night over the telephone my father – a former minister, realtor, teacher, and coca cola truck driver - told met that, in his experience, the only way to get things done was to annoy people into compliance.

He's pretty good at it.

Pop said, with total seriousness, that moving people to a new or different course of action than their inclination by kindness, cruelty, or dint of 'favors' is far less effective than bothering people just the right amount. The 'right amount' (says Pop) is when your mark is annoyed enough to cede to your authority, but not annoyed enough to complain about you.

HALLO HALLO I'M BRITISH LOVE ME

that viewpoint matches my life experience very, very well

Anyway, I think I /like/ bothering certain people a bit. For instance, I enjoy unsettling kneejerk NPR liberals, my immediate superiors at work, etc. In addition to being effective as a negotiating and communication tool, it serves as kind of venting mechanism for day-to-day frustrations.

Being annoying
is one of my biggest fears. Like it's basically the thing I'd least like to be called.

I lost a lot of friends as a kid, and when I asked why they quit hanging out with me, they'd invariably say I was annoying.

i am annoying. partly inadvertently, partly on purpose.

i am also easily annoyed.

I'm only annoying on purpose to people I know well and love. I think I'm more inadvertantly annoying on the internet than IRL.

Anyway, I think I /like/ bothering certain people a bit. For instance, I enjoy unsettling kneejerk NPR liberals, my immediate superiors at work, etc. In addition to being effective as a negotiating and communication tool, it serves as kind of venting mechanism for day-to-day frustrations.

I agree with this. I try not to be generally annoying, but I have certain people that I genuinely enjoy annoying.

I refuse to be "the guy" -- ie, the one that walks into a restaurant, and the waiters all start 'whispering' because of something he blew out of proportion the last time...or the guy calling a help line that has notes in his account because he escalates every time there is something he doesn't like until he gets it his way.

but with that being said, if I feel passionate about something and feel that I am right, and have backing support to stand on (such as documentation), I will pursue it to the brink. But I never bully -- I try to make the other side see why I'm saying what I'm saying.

Is it less effective? Technically, yea -- the original poster's father is right that in terms of statistical successes and failures, that approach is going to win more often than not. But it wouldn't make me feel good about myself either -- because sometimes I need to be told "no", and accept that I might not be right.

Sometimes if someone really overreacts to something, it's a real superego challenge for me not to bother them, because imo very little is funnier than someone coming unhinged over something totally minor. Por ejemplo, one of my sisters will just have the most outrageous diva tantrum over you touching anything of hers. She still does this even as a grown up. I have to try really hard not to annoy her for my personal amusement because it's essentially a shitty thing to do, esp. to a loved one, to irritate them all the time.

this reminds me of something in a book or movie about a crossword salesman being just the right amount of annoying to make a sale to editors. anyone know what i'm talking about here?

I'm selectively annoying

Por ejemplo, one of my sisters will just have the most outrageous diva tantrum over you touching anything of hers. She still does this even as a grown up

Whoever her partner is (if she has one) must find sex a little frustrating.

Now, if we're talking about being annoying ie "the drawing of ire of other people", uh, yea, I do that a lot. Like back when that thing in Florida happened re: the "forced" ultrasounds for abortions, I made sure to post articles challenging it on Facebook not mostly to make a point (mostly cuz with my friends, I was mostly preaching to the choir) but to draw a reaction from this one pro-life friend who had been busy spreading the opposite opinion the last week.

Being annoying is a dickish way to get your way imo, regardless of whether its more effective than convincing or persuading by some other means. And it may well be.

I lost a lot of friends as a kid, and when I asked why they quit hanging out with me, they'd invariably say I was annoying.

Abbott,

That reminds me of the awful middle-school thing slur I was subjected to: 'you're trying too hard.' Which is, like, existentially cruel. I mean, how do you not 'try?' And to what end was I trying 'too hard'? It couldn't have been coolness – I was resolutely, happily, dorky. Moreso, changing myself to 'try less' in one way or another took a lot of effort, and frequently resulted in a passing mention that I was 'trying too hard' and should just "be myself." I'm still secretly convinced that I try "too hard" to some end I don't really understand. That I tilt at windmills, etc. WTF? Middle school sucks!

Worst of all, I had a condescending stoner hippy lady "friend" tell me –– when I was in GRAD SCHOOL –– that I was a really nice guy, but I didn't need to "try so hard." I was devastated for a week before my friend BK came up to me glumly and confessed that the condescending stoner hippy lady "friend" had told him he "tried to hard." Later, we learned she did the same thing to another friend, too.

squeaky wheel gets the grease. best employed when dealing with bureaucracy or total strangers. not so much with people you see often because then you're just a dick.

darra otm

I'm kind of in the San Te and Abbott camps here, except when it comes to conservative and religious relatives.

xposts

xpost with that being said, I don't think it is dickish if you outline your point passionately and let the appropriate parties take it away.

Dickish would be having someone say they'd get back to you the next day, then calling back two hours later and asking for an update, and deliberately interfering with people's ability to assist you.

ie, a really good example of how someone got their way being annoying in a matter that screwed me was at another job years ago, I helped this particular team for a year. Then, my job was reconfigured to no longer support this team specifically, but rather be part of a larger group that assisted all teams collectively, to increase productivity.

Because he didn't like this, one of the managers of the team, instead of complying with the decision, turned a client that the team support against the measure, and then, in the face of being told this was going to happen, he intentionally missed an all-manager meeting so that his manager would schedule one with her in private, knowing that he'd be able to bully her into getting his own way on a private call.

He got his way. The solution negatively impacted me and ticked me off.

that's political maneuvering and bullying – like a whole 'nother level of douchebaggery!

"negatively impacted" is an annoying conclusion to that story

my main way of being intentionally annoying is to get all obstinately obtuse and monosyllabic

Think I'm often annoying but rarely mean to do it on purpose.

papa bean is probably otm

i am not annoying at all, really. perhaps this explains my lack of standing in the world

i'm only reeeeaalllly annoyin for the lols usually.

trlol

salesman always have to be slighly annoying

my father is a sales guy and he's very very good at it mostly because he's so persistent that it gets tiresome very quickly and you give in mostly to get him to shut up. he does this a lot when he comes into town and wants to go to the old spaghetti factory. he will wax poetic about the garlic bread and the disgusting iceberg lettuce salad. also, if you change the subject he'll go right back to it - sometimes like, thirty minutes later. he'll just go, "anyway... the old spaghetti factory. mmm, mizhithra cheese! mmmm.." even though NO ONE was talking about food or anything closely relating to spaghetti. somehow he thinks this will work on me but it never does. however, i guess it does on other people as it's a tried and true method for ol' stu.

ask your dad if he has any tricks for job interviews please

he thinks that one should just show up in the reception area and bug WHOMEVER until an interview is conducted

ol stfu, sounds like

^ i just wanted to use that, i mean not hatin on yr dad tbh.

my daughter's using ol Stu's technique to get a goddamn American Girl doll BUT IT AIN'T GONNA WORK

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qse_wf57tZM

this reminds me of something in a book or movie about a crossword salesman being just the right amount of annoying to make a sale to editors. anyone know what i'm talking about here?

― waka flocka display name (zvookster), Tuesday, October 12, 2010 10:38 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Not sure what you're referencing, but that seems like a bad way of going about it. There are only a handful of venues that regularly accept and pay for submitted crossword puzzles, and being anything other than unfailingly polite to an editor seems like it would risk closing yourself off from one of those avenues. I've been told it's OK to drop a note to an editor if your submission has gone unanswered after more than six months, but other than that, the puzzle should speak for itself.

Although maybe in a world where "crossword salesman" is an occupation, it's OK.

Maybe it's some kind of door-to-door salesman of xword books? "Buy these, ma'am, and it'll insure that bright young boy of yours get into a good college!"

Although I can't imagine in what world this is an occupation, except maybe as one in a series of dead-end jobs for a Jim Thompson character.

bukowski character on a good day maybe

he's very very good at it mostly because he's so persistent that it gets tiresome very quickly and you give in mostly to get him to shut up

don't mean to diss your dad but i hate it when people do this. although i would like to learn these techniques for my own nefarious ends, natch

i can be annoying, but when it comes to the things i *should* be annoying about (like convincing someone to hire me), i'm really shy.

people have told me i'm pretentious, which is funny because i only feel pretentious when i'm trying to fit in and pretend my interests aren't that important to me.

In terms of, like, good strategy, there's inadvertently annoying (or purposefully intending to grate on someone's nerves til they give in) and then there's well, principled annoyance? Where you don't let the other party's negative rxn stop u from getting what's right or promised or whatever. Admittedly, much of the difference may just be in which side yr on. But I do think there's a diff.

annoying someone that's wrong is totally allowed

yea, I think the original poster is referring to something like...

when I waited tables, this one chick had a probation where she had to spend weekends in jail but was scheduled to work, and she wanted me to take her shift. I didn't want to work the next day as I had tentative plans and it was one of my few days off, plus there were like 15 other people.

She kept bothering me over and over, every 10 minutes, wouldn't leave me alone, even offered to pay me $20 (which I declined) until finally I gave in so she'd quit harassing me.

imho the original poster is asking about the whole spectrum of 'annoying behaviors' which kinda contains multitudes

i think "i want to stay out of jail" is a better justification for pestering that, i dunno, "i want cash rather than store credit on this stack of cds"

scientologeeeee

I bet you're not actually annoying

xxxp And by that I mean I can only assume, based on the fact that I have friends, that they've already decided I'm insufficiently annoying to outweigh however rewarding I also am.

Knowing when and how much to reel it in has always been a challenge.

You're right though, Laurel -- everyone is annoying. I guess I didn't realize how easy it is to set some people off just by being myself. And since I work with people, it's kind of important that I interact with them well.

I'm not that annoying to most people, it's true.

xxp Either that or they're all really good liars.

I'll bet you're not annoying, too.

Everybody is annoying to somebody. eg, Martin Luther King to J Edgar Hoover.

Also LL, you are an extraordinarily rewarding friend to have, so you've got a lot of latitude.

Here's something else to think about:

in my experience calling a girl annoying is guy for "im gonna try and fuck that chick".

-- sunny successor, Wednesday, March 5, 2008 1:47 PM (31 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Maybe you just got it, you know?

sorry.

Yeah, I mean, you like me ;) Easy for you to say!

xp omg

thread got weird

No, no. Not weird. Just trying to make jokes. Trying to keep it lighthearted. I have no designs on La Lechera or any ilxor.

Don't worry -- that's not what I thought.

i've never really believed that og truth bomb -- has not been true in the slightest for people who have told me how annoying i am

I do like you! Therefore my opinion should count more than those of people who find you annoying! I mean they don't like you anyway, who cares what they think? They already have a history of being rong.

oh, it does. it TOTALLY does. i don't really care that much -- it's just a matter of keeping peaceful relations, mostly.

Hmm. I not infrequently worry the night after being annoying/maybe too uncontrolled that I have...made a bad impression with my drunkenness or obstinacy or something. One strategy for combating this feeling is mostly to hang out with people who are even less controlled/more drunken than I am.

made a bad impression with my drunkenness

hi dere

Oh God, that fear is the worst. I worry a lot that ppl think I'm annoying. I guess it's because I have a big personality and am a little weird sometimes? I don't know. Not with my friends but more with acquaintances or people I've just met.

Clearly we're all in the same teacup.

i have trouble finding people to hang out with who are more annoying than i am
maybe that's why i like you guys so much
haha

i have a small personality tho

Oh and because sometimes I say things or tell stories about stuff and later realize that not everyone present might have found it appropriate like the time I was at a bbq with strangers and told them about my firends, a lesbian couple, experience of attending a workshop on female ejaculation. Everyone was just hanging out and it was a funny story! I found out lately not everyone appreciated it. :(

LL - I do not think you're annoying in the least on ILX and I'm willing to bet also not irl. Just sayin.

I want to hear that story, sounds hilariious!

ha - pretty sure I've told it here on some thread about the subject. Probably pretty searchable.

LL is not annoying in RL, in fact she is very fun

lol ENBB that is amazing, I would have appreciated the hell out of that story

Female Ejaculation

yes it is still funny

lol x-post

Female Ejaculation

I mean, really, what about that doesn't just scream icebreaker type causal bbq conversation?! :/

Sometimes I think I lack certain social filters or something.

lol just found it myself

Yeah, ENBB that sort of thing happens to me a lot. I've reined it in substantially this year (at work my motto is Strictly Business) but clearly I have moments.

Alright, well, I feel better. Thanks guys. I was going to post to the "i feel like a lump" thread but I don't feel like a lump at all.

there's a series of pictures from my wedding reception in which my best friend's wife (a trauma nurse) is telling stories about pannuses (panni?) she has encountered. everyone is riveted even as horror dawns on their faces.

good stories aren't annoying

i dont think i am annoying but i like to wind ppl up

btw Dan I am apologized if I interupted you a lot at the last FAP. It was brought to my attention afterwards that I might have and that it might have been annoying and I felt bad. If I did it was only cause the conversation was good and stuff to say!

ftr in similar circumstances I once told a story about a colleague who was hit on by the manager of a client company, which happened to be a sperm bank

I am apologized? wtf. I apologize obv

LL - I'm glad you don't feel lumpy. :)

maybe I am excessively happy? Friendly? Freewheeling? I don't know, because I don't find myself annoying.

ugh how annoying, how can YOU even stand yourself???

I love people who lack social filters, tend to find myself dating women who do. Possibly because I tend to be overly guarded/too filtered (at least w/people I don't know well).

Anyone who told that story as an icebreaker would earn my instant respect and admiration, for the record.

apology accepted, but totally unnecessary because I don't actually remember getting interrupted...? I remember us trying to talk at the same time a lot but that's not really interrupting

also I have this ANNOYING habit of inserting huge pauses into my speech patterns as I search for the perfect word to convey my meaning; I know this is annoying because J tells me, a lot, with great relish (lol)

people who get annoyed easily are more annoying than people who are annoying.

depends on what they're annoyed about, tbh

for example, if it's your wife, and they are annoyed with you because you won't stop tickling them, that is awesome and adorable

Oh yeah, my mom told me that when I was 8 or so -- and I quote, "people who are easily annoyed are usually annoying." Then I proceeded to jump around her in a circle and talk her ear off about my favorite Muppets.

i'm cranky which annoys some ppl and amuses others and either reaction kinda delights me tbn

What a coincidence, I am also cranky! We should probably not hang out without a third party as a buffer.

Maybe someone CHEERFUL and FUN like this girl from Chicago that I know.

i heard she was annoying tbh

DO YOU GUYS WANNA HEAR ABOUT ALL THIS AWESOME STUFF DO YOU DO YOU DO YOU
Y/N

One could bring a Muppets sticker activity book as a bribe/distraction.

i am pretty fun, it's true

haha <3

Amanda you are not annoying. if this is happening on your job people are probably just stressed out and irritable.

I have been feeling annoying lately and I don't think it's because I have changed at all; I think people's tolerance for being annoyed has cratered. My mom told me about a recently situation in OH where a man got impatient in a Taco Bell drive thru and murdered the woman in line in front of him. The US legislature's way of dealing with this was to pass a law requiring that all new drive thrus be built with an escape hatch.

You know, just in case someone literally cannot control themselves and tries to kill you while you wait for your chalupa.