pro tip

1. if you have a spoon or fork you don't need a butter knife. flip that spoon around and use the handle. #livingalone

2. don't spend money on an expensive cotton terry towel. a cheap beach towel works just as well and serves double duty. #beach

3. if you make coffee and oatmeal in the morning, you don't need a pot and a kettle. fill the pot with water, boil it, use that water for the coffee, then cook your oatmeal. save gas and countertop space. #coffee

4. a desktop computer is heavy, wastes space, and requires a separate monitor. get a laptop instead and enjoy your new desk real estate. #laptop

5. a toothpick makes an ideal "javelin" for a mouse #mousejavelins

6. kebab skewers make excellent drink stirrers

#skewerstirrers

7. if you're buying two oranges, save the environment and forgo plastic bag. a bra makes an excellent carrying case for two oranges. depending on the size of the bra and/or oranges, you may carry up to four oranges. #twooranges

8. if your city's recycling program won't accept compact fluorescent bulbs, you can safely store used bulbs in a glass jar with a tight-fitting lid until a recycling program is implemented. #mercurysafety

9. you really only need to hear about ten Lil B songs. #based

10. there's no need to buy poisonous bug sprays to get rid of fruit flies, just spritz 'em with windex and they'll fall out of the air. #pestcontrol

i've done that.

11. a fingernail brush makes an adequate bollock scratcher when bathing.

12. do one push-up tomorrow. the following day, do two push-ups. continue to increase your push-ups by one with every subsequent day. by 2013 you will be world famous.

13. Every morning, leave a few minutes too late to get where you're going on time and then jog all the way to the subway. You will be tricking yourself into enjoying a few more minutes in your home AND getting exercise. #timesavers

14. hey everybody, stop drying your hands off with paper towels or electric hand dryers. let's let the magic of evaporation do the work instead and save 1 billion trees

15. You're using shampoo, which dries your hair out, and then conditioner to moisturize it again. Save yourself the cash, and the time, and just don't wash your hair. #grooming

yeah,and as Seinfeld noted, not using them will make you get out of the washroom much faster - a target all of us aim to.
xpost

I really need to find more opportunities for using the hashtag #twooranges

16. discarded potato skins can be fashioned into envelopes

17. don't need to wash your legs in the shower, the soaps gets there eventually #gravity

18. if you murder someone, try not to be seen, as its illegal

#murder

19. If the brakes on your car fail, just drive around until the petrol runs out, and the car should gradually come to a halt be itself. #roadsafety

20. Don't calculate the tip on credit card slips, just cross it out and leave a padded total. #drunktipping

21) heroin in itself is not addictive, merely its consumption

22. 90% of things you dream of doing will either never come off or will prove to be not worth the effort. #reality

23. When you start a business, try to come up with a product or service people might want to use more than once #makeaplate

24. walk your dog in the park as a way to meet chicks. #dogchicks

25. If you need to use the restroom, excuse yourself right away – never wait. #tychobrahe'sdeath

#cautionarytale ^^

26. getting up to get water multiple times during the day at work is a great way to stay hydrated and avoid doing work #worksucksiknow

obv not recommended if your job isnt soul sucking remedial busywork

27. trick yourself into exercising by biking places that are downhill, you will need to come back #uphillstrategies

28. create an appropriate hash tag for everything you post onto the internet so that you can easily search for it if you ever need to reference yourself. #internet

25. If you need to use the restroom, excuse yourself right away – never wait. #tychobrahe'sdeath

― 17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Sunday, October 24, 2010 8:22 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

25a. and don't feed your pet alcohol and let it walk down the stairs for it may stumble and die. #tychobrahe'smoosedeath

26. when you masturbate - prepare some toilet paper to be near you in advance

not to mention the hairbrush. how many times have i had to look for that thing under the bed, with my moist wang picking up dust.

Now that's what I call a pro tip...

10. there's no need to buy poisonous bug sprays to get rid of fruit flies, just spritz 'em with windex and they'll fall out of the air. #pestcontrol

10b. there's no need to buy poisonous bug sprays to get rid of fruit flies, just put that last bit of wine in a cup and put one drop of liquid soap in to break the surface tension. the greedy fucks will drown. #pestcontrol

27. If you hate mopping just leave an old towel on the kitchen floor and when you spill wipe it using yr foot.

28. if you hate cleaning just don't clean and die from disentery

29. if you contribute to this thread add hashtags to your tips #smh

30. instead of drinking either expensive good bourbon or cheap nasty bourbon, buy a single bottle of the former and hold it under your nose while sipping the latter #aromas

31. no phone? pay a friend who you see often to act as your designated 'phonesman', pretending to be you and passing along any important information #socialnetworking

32. shit in public toilets, you will need to clean your home toilet less often #freeriderproblem

33. Working on a deadline, need to turn in some work, but too broke to pay for your own internet? cafes will often neglect to turn off their wi-fi, take your laptop and sit on the sidewalk in front. #haveactuallythoughtaboutdoingthis

34. its pretty easy to make pasta, just put it in some boiling water #pasta

lol <3

35. goth 2 boss #goths

idg the ph thing?? every ph i've ever had has a separate setting for 'silent' and 'vibrate'.

iPhone's default is to vibrate when you have the ringer off, Do Not Disturb mode turns that off

you can turn off vibrate on silent (under sounds) so you can just switch between silent and ringer on rather than putting it in do not disturb mode

yeah but I _want_ it to vibrate on silent! just not when I'm trying to sext on the toilet

oh i see why u would to that then

tips for living the life I live

make your hot cocoa on the stove...and then strain it to get all the clumps out

BOOM!

http://i.imgur.com/3ZLA1uA.jpg

pro tip: a taco shell you can stabilize with a fork is an abomination. avoid such taco shells as you would a rabid raccoon.

taco purism is unamerican

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gSKeCvSCpw

pro tip: being stupid and wrong-headed is worse than being unamerican

being stupid and wrong-headed is worse than being unamerican

anyway the original 'merican crispy taco with lettuce and diced tomatoes is from the Mitla Cafe in San Bernardino which is still in business and on my bucket list

purist tacos are delicious but i've been known to enjoy a hard-shell taco too

otm

I have even bought the ridiculous ground beef seasoning mix for comfort food

sniffing at US hard taco shells but acting like taco "shells" exist outside of that context

this whole country is a fucking shell maaaan

fake mexican food is tasty obv

I find it p hard to go back when the real thing is available just down the street. Will never give up nachos though.

waiting for the inevitable modernist/Serious Eats "perfect hard shell taco" recipe tbh

oh totally if it's just down the street the difference between tasty and delicious doesn't need explaining

Xp

hard shell tacos are hard to handle though, I mean, they break, and I'm not sure how to eat them right

you rotate the taco 45 degrees and your head 45 degrees in the opposite direction

just a lil tip from a pro

thread delivers

obviously you take the hard-shell taco and wrap it with a soft tortilla so when it shatters into a thousand shards you don't have to slow down your taco intake at all.

not to cloud up this thread with ~ deep thoughts ~ but isn't the story of american food the story of appropriating/crispifying/salting already decent ethnically identified carbohydrates and selling them in rectangular boxes in a supermarket?

isn't the story of american food the story of appropriating/crispifying/salting already decent ethnically identified carbohydrates and selling them in rectangular boxes in a supermarket?

― remy bean,

the splinters from a hard taco shell present a puncture hazard to one's soft palette. highly dud, unless you are a masochist.

I love it

pro tip: always be a masochist

i prefer cutting my tongue on a glass-sharp fragment of Tootsie Pop

pro tip: scotch tape your taco upside-down to the ceiling. put magnets on the inside of the hanging taco shell. now you can throw other magnets toward the ceiling and see if you can get them to stick. don't forget the hot sauce!!

people have definitely choked to death on hard taco shells. people are dead.

i envy them

https://i.imgur.com/1eaCaMY.gif

Ok lol

O_o

Hot

wow

that truly is a pro tip

I seriously considered purchasing magnetic eyelashes the day

Your phone should be able to fit in your mouth! If it doesn't, bring it back to the phone store for a replacement. #oralfixation #protip

infinite free drinks at fast food places if you just have the restaurant cup - yes this is technically stealing but i have never gotten caught in weeks

easier if there is a back door entrance to slide in through the side

b-b-b-but you shouldn't really drink a lot of soda?

brb, heading to the apple store to attempt to shove each of the demo phones into my mouth

you can use a 3D printer to make prop phones at home and test how those fit in your mouth without leaving the house!

When you say "in my mouth" do you mean the whole thing? Because

and by "in my mouth" do you really mean in my mouth or...