criminally vulgar

Anyway, like I can talk.

I goes something like this. People go to theme parks to scare themselves silly - right? Yet at the same time they know they are perfectly safe. So scare yourself silly by talking to someone - people pay good money for this sensation. After all, you know its perfectly safe.

Another method which worked for me when I was younger was to have one deliberately stupid and lousy conversation a day. That way anything you say after it won't be as foolish. Not only that but you realise that most people don't care how stupid someone else is. (With the girl I would have used your Maths skillZor - tell her how many days it was since you last saw that beauty on a par with her.)

Anyway that's a side issue. I used to be very shy - I still basically think of myself as shy - and Ktee is right! In my case it was getting a job in Tesco's but whatever. My experience also is that large-group situations are much worse than small-group ones - until really quite recently I didn't like parties with more than about 15 people and my ideal down-the-pub crowd is about 7 or 8.

I have absolutely never tried to chat anyone up apart from in a socially-sanctioned chatting-up zone, so I cannot help you with your WAitrose plight?

I didn't think I was too shy at the FAP I went to, but when I met some ILxers at Glastonbury I felt very socially awkward wondering will I bother introducing people etc etc, these sort of things make me squirm a bit.

I must say my first reaction to reading that was relief - that someone else has the same problem as I do. But I realise that's not very helpful advice-wise. I find that my panic attacks about interacting with strangers come and go based on factors to do with my general confidence - ie it was bad recently beause I was feeling undervalued and unchallenged at work and the less I had to do anything difficult, the less I believed I would be capable of it. So it's a vicious circle and there is something to be said for pushing yourself, though NOT I think for creating a fake confident personality. One thing I tried was to just set myself one challenge/goal a day (eg. ONE trip into the outside world, or ONE phone call about a flat in your case) and reward yourself when you achieve it. Then for rest of the day do NOT worry about what you HAVEN'T done, or tell yourself that you are an idiot/pathetic etc as this only contributes to the vicious circle.

And help old ladies getting on buses, obviously :)

I don't seem to have a problem with arguing with customer service employees and such, but can completely freeze up with friends and people that matter. But yeah I do like talking to people, even if I look terrified (attn of: YOU LOT).

That is quite enough hijacking Toby's genuine advice thread with comments about me. Please email me direct if you have any comments about me (oh dear. Oh well can't be worse than the one I got yesterday asking if I ever dress up in school uniform for my boyfriend. Yikes.).

The worst thing is that there was this one girl i met briefly when i was in the third year of my degree. She was incerdibly good looking and quiet as well. wanted to ask her out but i chickened out (aargh...the memory of this hurts)!

i have a few good friends that I can talk over all the time too but this is a problem...

btw the FAP observation wasn't meant to be a criticism of anyone for not talking to me - i was more thinking of earlier ones before i knew ppl (although i guess i do always end up talking to the same ppl and not talking to ppl who i haven't spoken to before; again maybe i shd have a target of talking to another person each time!).

attainable goals are what it's all about, i guess.

a while back i fell in to a relationship that bought out some of the strongest emotions i have ever felt in my life (im still in it and it still feels simply the greatest) but it did provoke a reaction that i didnt want or need - i would have horrific bouts of nrevousness resulting in vomitting, i have had to cut short two dinner engagements with my girlfriend because of this(including our first 'proper' date) i would be sick at the thought that she was coming round (i wanted to see her real bad tho) i got sick when she went on holiday REAL bad and i was sick when she came back and i saw her for the first time.

i think what im trying to say is that i couldnt control my nerves at ther time but after some searching and analysing on the net i found something which helped which was in hindsight very simple - just a couple of questions - 1) do i want to be this way - the answer of course was NO 2) what is it that i am responding to, is it valid - by this i was able to listen to what was going on in my head analyse and evaluate it and decide whether it was appropriate and best for me i.e. "im going to be sick" i could see this had no reason to be happening nor was it helpful.

sorry this isnt the clearest - what im saying i guess is that by confronting and wanting to change these things can def be worked out - you may need a good support network - i was lucky i had people who really wanted to get me through it esp my girlfriend and now i pretty much have it conquered and find i can control my reactions to stressful situations alot more

hope this helps in some small way

Working in public service at a library has certainly increased the 'deal with random people' contingent over the years -- and lord do those people who are obnoxious push my buttons. If anything I'm more short-tempered than shy around them. But in personal interactions, I 'learned,' if you will, to say hi to more people over time, to make friends less by chance and more by action. One of the nicest things anyone ever said about me was when someone at KUCI, who posted a letter explaining why she was leaving due to never feeling included there, thanked me specifically for taking the time to introduce myself and welcome her to the station, because otherwise she might have felt very alone there -- she was an articulate and thoughtful person, but indeed, terribly shy. So there is something to be said for learning to overcome those barriers in yer brain, and that means taking knocks along the way, admittedly.

What does this mean? Are there stickers? Is there a bus?

my dad however is terrible at starting one-on-one conversations AND a genius at stopping them when they start, by saying something unanswerable or giving a one-word answer to a GOOD QUESTION WHICH WOULD BE GOOD IF ANSWERED IN A GOOD WAY!!