Asian fetish C/D

Ok, one of my best, oldest friends is a full on, classic nerdy white guy who only dates Asian women. And I don't mean Asian-American, I mean as recently arrived as possible. He shows all the stereotypical symptoms: controls the relationship, sets the agenda, wants to "show her" artistic and cultural things in America, etc. They can barely talk, due to the language barrier, and so it's dull and sort of uncomfortable being around them. He was married once before to a Japanese woman, and it was EXACTLY the same dynamic, almost like he has a little pet to follow him around. Never having had an ethnic preference, it seems a little weird and, well, racist to me, to only date a certain kind of person. Thoughts?

p sure we did this in the momus era

itt gonna be some momus jokes

it seems a little weird and, well, racist to me, to only date a certain kind of person

serious, Seinfeldian question: is it racism if you like the race?

xpst

Damn, I see the other thread, I tried to search, man!

more momus jokes please

keep this thread just for #threadconnections potential

I should add: my buddy almost only watches Asian movies, and before he had current girl would go to Asia Society lectures and hang out at an Asian bar hopeing to meet one. He also eats almost exclusively with chopsticks, even though he grew up using a knife and fork.

does he eat non east asian food w/ chopsticks?

I have seen him eat spaghetti wtih chopsticks. I kind you not. Also, he slurps the noodles loudly, Chinese-style.

Does he have asperger's

No that I'm aware of.

maybe he's a pre-op transethnic

Thanks for all the insight.

she slurps the ?????? loudly, Chinese-style.

My brother has only ever really dated Anglo-Asian girls and he's definitely not racist. He just fancies girls who look Asian more than ones who don't.

(I should specify East Asian, catch-all Asian tends to refer to people of South Asian descent in the UK)

Also, he slurps the noodles loudly, Chinese-style.

― thirdalternative, Thursday, December 2, 2010 7:26 PM (56 minutes ago) Bookmark

s0 racist

x-post - Whereas in America it's overwhelming used to mean East Asian.

Thanks for all the insight.

― thirdalternative, Thursday, December 2, 2010 2:54 PM (28 minutes ago) Bookmark

What kind of insight do you want? Is this sort of thing esp when taken to the level you describe in the original post creepy as hell. Yep. Does your friend sound like a controlling and probably troubled asshole? Yes.

don't think duder was being sarcastic but this is kind of a trolly thread that we have done before

i dunno

dude shows an interesting mixture of touching naivete ('showing her the sights') and borderline psychopathology

thirdalt - have u ever asked him why he likes girls who can hardly speak english? why he wouldn't rather an asian american who would share some of the 'cultural interests' without being so remote?

I was just wondering if other people had noticed this kind of thing before and if they had any insights into the psychology behind it. I mean, yeah I've seen guys who dig Asian women before but not to this degree. I mean, I've always been attracted to Jewish girls but I don't go hang around Temple hoping to meet one you know? Or J-Date or whatever, because to me that's crossing a line.

@whiney, is it racist that he pretends to be Chinese when he eats or that I'm saying there's a Chinese style to eating? I mean, surely you've been in a Chinese restaurant where the clientelle is mostly Chinese? It's just a fact, there's a slurpy style of eating going on, which I think he consciously imitates in order to be more . . . Asian. Even though he's not Asian.

Not trolling.

xpost: I have not worked up the courage to ask him that. It makes me uncomfortable to think about doing so. But I am forced to wonder what it would be like for him to date a woman who spoke the same language -- not to mention speaks her mind, which is not something that's encouraged of women in China, where it's very impolite to disagree, for example.

omg how can this not be trolling

your friend is a dick

Your friend is an arse

How is this trolling?

xpost: Yes, I'm starting to think so. Or just creepy.

i have noticed a certain pattern of behavior, sometimes among men, and in a different way, among women, who always seem to be dating someone 'foreign'. (this is different from dating interracially within american culture). and my very judgmental and uncompassionate take has been that it is kind of a cut-out valve for social and personal awkwardness -- what if you basically have a "language barrier" with everyone anyway?

eh i'm kind of a jerk i guess

Stop Slurping
By arZan
December 21st, 2007 @ 4:57 PM Food and Drink, Only in New York

This is a classic case of how cultural and social customs in one society can be very annoying in others.

Chinese food is one of my favorite cuisines. However being a food snob that I am I only eat chinese in Chinatown or at some really nice places.Take-out chinese is an absolute no no. And one of my favorite places especially for late night meals is the Great New York Noodle Town on Bowery, south of Canal.

I mostly land up there late at night on my way back from work, and love their soups. However going into a restaurant alone can have its flipside. And that is sharing a round table with other people. And invariably when I land up at one of these round tables, I regret sitting there sooner than later. This restaurant is very popular with chinese customers too, and that for me is a sure sign of the authenticity of food.

However I have noticed that nearly every Chinese person I share the table with slurps while eating their food. The annoying noise while eating is something that really puts me off. I understand that this is probably OK socially in Chinese culture, but to me its really bad table manners. Why would one make such a noise while eating? It has nothing to do with eating with chopsticks or eating a certain kind of dish. I eat the same thing as the guy next to me, but I never slurp.

Last night was the worst ever. The guy sitting next to me was slurping so loud, that the first time he did it, I thought he was snorting ! Of course it goes without saying that I left my meal halfway and paid up and walked out.

As a rule, the next time around, if I don’t get to sit at a table by myself, I will skip the restaurant that time.

I wonder what others think of this. I can understand that if this was happening in China, then I have no basis to be cribbing about this. But then this is New York. How would it feel if after a great meal I passed gas with a loud noise to show contentment of the meal devoured. I could always take umbrage under the guise that in my culture, this is allowed. Who is to question me?

In such situation I firmly believe in following the “….in rome do as romans do….” and hence in New York eat the way NYers do, even if you are eating Chinese food.

As an aside, the food at this restaurant is awesome. Its also one of the few places that is open at 4 am and serves hot, great tasting food. Their casseroles and their soft-shell crabs are fantastic.

I don't think the lure of the exotic is necessarily something only felt by creepy people. OTOH, I would find it boring as shit to date someone with minimal English.

I mean, I've always been attracted to Jewish girls but I don't go hang around Temple hoping to meet one you know? Or J-Date or whatever, because to me that's crossing a line.

the line exists in your own mind, but not in his

some would say we ought to be acceptant of other ppl's ~alternative lifetstyle choices~

my very judgmental and uncompassionate take has been that it is kind of a cut-out valve for social and personal awkwardness -- what if you basically have a "language barrier" with everyone anyway?

this makes sense tho

presumably these azn girls leave him when they realize he's rather atypical for an american -or any other - male?

It's not the "lure of the exotic" that makes it creepy. You said you're brother likes asian looking girls. If that's an attraction thing then OK fine. Some people exclusively (or at least really favor) blondes. Whatever. This is what's creepy:

controls the relationship
sets the agenda
hey can barely talk, due to the language barrier
like he has a little pet to follow him around

errr should have been "your brother" not "you're"

Oh yeah, indisputably.

xpost to content, not grammar mistake

amateur psych diagnostics is ehhh usually to be frowned upon, but srsly u gotta do some wikipeejing about asperger's syndrome and crossreference it w/ this bro

i'd be surprised if he doesn't fit even more of the (rather fluid, admittedly) criteria than those already described here

See that arZan thing is racist -- I'm not asking Chinese people not to eat according to their custom, I'm wishing my buddy wasn't such an Asian poseur!

amateur psych diagnostics is ehhh usually to be frowned upon, but srsly u gotta do some wikipeejing about asperger's syndrome and crossreference it w/ this bro

i'd be surprised if he doesn't fit even more of the (rather fluid, admittedly) criteria than those already described here

― Ectothiorhodospira shaposhnikovii (nakhchivan), Thursday, December 2, 2010 3:48 PM (59 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

There's a connection between Asperger's and Asian fetish?

I did see something interesting researching the other week, which was a study that said that people who come from military families have a higher instance of Asian fetish, which is interesting in a colonial sense. And yes, he comes from a military family.

controls the relationship
sets the agenda
hey can barely talk, due to the language barrier
like he has a little pet to follow him around

― ENBB, Thursday, 2 December 2010 20:45 (7 minutes ago)

this kinda shit

Nakh you're saying those things are symtoms of Asperger's?

not primary symptoms but the weirdly instrumental, non-intuitive understanding of social relations is kinda correlated i'd think

great thread so far

my thoughts on your friend are, he is a dick

i mean it's 'just a label' and i'm not suggesting he needs some psych help, but those things read like they're indicative of a particular kind of inflexible reasoning

Another creepy thing: when they're together they literally don't leave each other's side. Like if he walks to one side of an apartment, she walks right next to him. If they cook, they both cook, side by side. It's freaking me out! In the year they've been together, I've yet to see them on so much as even the opposide ends of a couch.

I'm glad you're enjoying the thread Max.

a study that said that people who come from military families have a higher instance of Asian fetish, which is interesting in a colonial sense. And yes, he comes from a military family.

― thirdalternative, Thursday, 2 December 2010 20:53 (1 minute ago)

damn u gotta link to that study then

but yeah i'd guess there is a higher than usual incidence of some 'iffy' racial attitudes among the children of the fairly high % of american military personnel who've spent time in east asia in the last few decades [via various disgraces in nam, okinawa etc]

she slurps the ?????? loudly, Chinese-style.

You can't really eat noodles w/chopsticks w/o slurping but I associate this w/Japan since I haven't been to China.

you should have it out with them man

we can't really help

i kind of like that 'fly like a g-6' tune, does that make me an aspie or a racist

u should learn chinese and steal his girlfriend thatll show him

@rip whiney: I know, but it's just too uncomfortable. How do you tell an old friend that they're turning into a creepy old man stereotype of a racist?

@max: sad but true, at one point I thought it'd be funny to date a better-looking Asian woman who speaks even less English just to bug him, but that's fucked up.

there's plenty more where that came from, big boy *flutters epicanthal fold*

uh, "wound would say the same for fetishes attached..."

i don't know that the asian=docile stereotype is really as big a factor in why people "choose" this fetish as people commonly seem to want to make it. a lot of fetishes spring from the attachment of a sexual quality to something that isn't intrinsically sexual, like shoes, rubber, stockings, red hair or whatever. and this might have something to do with the qualities we traditionally associate with those things, but it might be deeper and/or weirder than that, too. wound say the same for fetishes attached to race and/or ethnicity.

liking 'asian' eyes / features would be kinda fetishistic in the literal sense, but harmless enough....most ppl will have those kinda preferences, if not necessarily racially coded

however there is def a pattern of awkward nerd dudes w/ manga etc fixations like thirdalternative's friend, who might avow an attraction based on physical features but upon closer inspection it's usually combined with fantastical notions about subservience etc

you know what this thread needs: a momus joke

also lmao @ the repeated references to 'whiney' itt

it happens, got confused for roxy a few times w/ my short le roux (un)inspired dn

studying in japan i knew a lot of guys who were dating japanese girls - the majority of the GFs were pretty feisty and funny, but the image of 'dude who wants subservient maid type' used to still lurk in the back of my brain. e.g., after noticing that one male friend had a girl waiting for him after class, there was this sinking disappointed feeling of 'oh god, he's one of them--', and it kind of soured my feelings about him? until about a week later when another friend came up to me & went 'oh i just met [blah]'s GF, it's okay, she's korean-australian, she's really funny'. moral of this story: i'm pretty judgey.

just to stir the pot, there are also asian women who only exclusively date white men, what's up with that

Please, point me in that direction.

you have to hang out at dockside bars

gotta say after my friend's wife made a bunch of us dinner the other day i am considering an asian fetish

basically anytime i think i've started to fetishize any lady's ethnicity it's mostly because i'm hungry for the food of her people

nothing skeeves me out more than males i know/work with/whatever saying 'whoa, cool' or something when they find out my girlfriend is vietnamese as if we share something in common.

ugh

true, tho: i win banh mi and pho for life

gotta say after my friend's wife made a bunch of us dinner the other day i am considering an asian fetish

wait is your friends wife a cannibal

yes i'm dead, i died

;_; its realy sad, he was a doctor

lmk when its time to brag abt what race my friends are cause i have a bunch of black friends--some of them date white people too

until you've slept with a black girl, max, i don't wanna hear it.

however there is def a pattern of awkward nerd dudes w/ manga etc fixations like thirdalternative's friend, who might avow an attraction based on physical features but upon closer inspection it's usually combined with fantastical notions about subservience etc

Intrigued by the implied link to manga etc here - like if it's Japanese fiction that they're picking it up from then isn't it demonstrably not just arriving from western stereotypes? Or is it that the selection of manga/games/whatever that they come across is the result of this existing preference filter being applied?

thing is, i get the impression that the "fantastical notions about subservience" are as often projected as they are actually observed. i'm not saying that there aren't a lot of non-asian dudes who get off on some kind of pliable asian lovedoll fantasy. i'm sure there are. but there's also a stigma attached to race & ethnicity fetishes that sometimes causes us to assume the worst about people's motives even when we don't have a solid reason to do so. this knee-jerk suspicion is a product, i imagine, of several decades of (entirely appropriate) collective sensitivity training wr2 issues of gender, race, culture, exploitation, etc.

doesn't apply to the guy thirdalternative is talking about, who seems to take things about 100 steps too far.

For some reason I get an image in my head of these guys wanting these Japanese girls to cosplay and wear Gothic Lolita costumes on a regular basis.

Ok, as a white guy going out with an asian woman who does wear Gothic Lolita on a regular basis, that made me lol.

Contenderizer - I suppose the unspoken third option in my question was that there isn't actually a strong link to notions of subservience at all. And I don't know if it's a US/UK difference but I've never felt like anyone I know automatically assumes white/asian couples are a fetish thing, but maybe they've just all been silently judging without me realising.

a lot of fetishes spring from the attachment of a sexual quality to something that isn't intrinsically sexual, like shoes, rubber, stockings, red hair or whatever

right - fetishizing something means adoring a particular object-like quality it has, i.e. fetishizing an ethnicity is celebrating a certain Thingness of a person, which is pretty condescending and lame and even colonial

oh jesus i just remember getting into this conversation with you on the objectification thread, where you were like "but girls can objectify themselves, and that can be AWESOME!" or something

Was that the old man saying hey check out the ass on that one thread?

What about classic white nerdy types who dress in traditional Asian costume? Oh No, Kimono

http://www.beloblog.com/ProJo_Blogs/shenews/06/vietnam.jpg

that is the greatest picture

http://www.zeppelindiscos.com/public/imagenes/caratulas/0//black%20sabbath,SABOTAGE.jpg

http://www.rocktownhall.com/blogs/media/blogs/rth/Rush2112.jpg

i.e. fetishizing an ethnicity is celebrating a certain Thingness of a person, which is pretty condescending and lame and even colonial

oh jesus i just remember getting into this conversation with you on the objectification thread, where you were like "but girls can objectify themselves, and that can be AWESOME!" or something

― progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Friday, December 3, 2010 5:10 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark

i don't think i said anything like that at all. kind of condescending, really. (ha...) no, what i was saying was that what we often call "objectification" is a fundamental part of human perception and cognition and there's nothing wrong with it in isolation. all of us view thousands of people, events and things in object terms every day, it's the only way we can process the density of information around us.

and fetishes aren't really things we choose. we can work with our sexual desires, push them this way or that, but they don't always square with our polite notions regarding what is or isn't appropriate. and so long as they don't incline us towards criminal behavior, i tend to think that they're mostly okay, so long as we responsibly come to terms with them. if it's okay to fetishize red hair, or high heels, or fatness, or bondage, it should be okay to fetishize white skin (for instance). again, so long as that fetish is handled responsibly.

oh man another thought police argument w/ contenderizer

sometimes, we have thoughts, that might not lead to illegal behavior, but regardless deserve critique or ... concern. do you disagree?

http://pawsru.org/fc/src/fc25336_trap.jpg

sometimes, we have thoughts, that might not lead to illegal behavior, but regardless deserve critique or ... concern. do you disagree?

― lotta diamonds ... but prolly more display names (deej), Saturday, December 4, 2010 8:47 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

so glad deej isn't my therapist

or anyone else's

how do u know he didn't ask the mods of www.therapistfinder.com to g00g1epr00f his name?

It's an old joke, but I'm still hoping that means "therapist finder.com".

was thinking tuomas might have a point tbh

http://www.therapistfinder.com/c_child_behavior.cfm

namely xp

?

http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?showall=true&bookmarkedmessageid=2141235&boardid=77&threadid=78286

that thread went thru the looking glass shortly afterwards

that was rather tryhard tuom

so glad deej isn't my therapist

― BIG MUFFIN (gbx), Saturday, December 4, 2010 9:49 PM (5 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

for real? if you were having idk rape fantasies dont u think it would make sense to interrogate that, regardless of whether or not you would actually act on it?

self-analysis is worthwhile even when its not something that extreme imo

i.e. racial fetishes etc

http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzm64tjVhx1r9yvkoo1_1280.png